Year 11 Child moved from Scotland to England and content to learn overwhelming - son doesn't want to even try

[Stressbucket1973]

I have a son in Year 11 - we moved from Scotland to England and the difference between National 5's and GCSE seems vast. He has so much content to learn before the exams. He has mocks in November and hasn't got a clue. He is so overwhelmed that he has just given up. He won't talk to us or even try. He is also dyslexic and the amount of work to get through is daunting. The school are trying to help and given us the areas he needs to focus on. but he has set his mind that he will fail so why bother. I can't get him to sit down and concentrate.

I feel like we are constantly harassing him to study or work or do anything... he just won't sit down and focus. He just want to game or go to the skate park and escape. He says he's thick and won't pass so why should he bother. He doesn't like school and is feeling totally overwhelmed.

The school allowed him to drop one subject but the issue is combined science being mandatory. He only had to do Physics in Scotland so he now has to catch up on chemistry and biology topics that others have been studying for over a year.

I'm at my wits end and my husband and I don't know what to do. We are trying to help and support but I feel all we are doing is making our son feel worse. I really don't know how to get him to want to try. There seems to be a lot going on for him and I'm wondering how we help him to try... I'm desperate and stressed out - any advice would be most welcome.

With all due respect, moving into 6th form is very different. A levels in certain subjects (such as Business) are much more self contained and don;t necessarily presume prior knowledge.

Can one of you take him back to Scotland and camp out in a bedsit for a couple of years? Or boarding? Stay with relatives?

I'm going to assume you had no choice but to move countries. As an adult who did GCSEs and has children in the Scottish system currently, you really need to make changes now. You mention triple science and the others having learned this stuff for a year, but in England it really all carries on from the beginning of senior school, so potentially they have been learning for 4 years already.

Even moving back to Y10 may not be enough to get him to pass GCSEs. Especially with dyslexia adding to it. I would seriously look at online learning for the Scottish curriculum if you are unable to let him continue in Scotland,

I really feel for him as honestly he could work his arse off and still fail everything. And it is not his fault.

Do whatever you can to get him back to his old school to finish off year 11. My parents moved me at the same time and I had so much to catch up on it was just impossible. I failed every subject and it effected me for years after both academically and even more so emotionally. Even at the age of 47 it still haunts me!

Moving him into Y10 would be much kinder. How can he possibly do mocks in Nov based on over a year's curriculum he hasn't done?

Or could he do online school just for this year to complete his Scottish exams and then into school or college for English A levels?

Well, he’s not wrong. He is very unlikely to be able to catch up a year’s work in one subject over the next few months, let alone several.

Put him in Year 10 in a different school, then at least there will be some choices.

Poor, poor child. He’s been set up to fail. Even an incredibly bright, able teenager would struggle in this situation. I’m not surprised he isn’t interested in trying - it will get him nowhere.

That's a completely crazy move. The English system is very different, kids start school earlier, exams in different years, different curriculum etc. Your poor son :-(

Can we all just assume that OP didn't do this for shits and giggles?! I'm sure she feels bad enough without all these very unhelpful comments.

I agree move to Yr10 and start with a longer run up.

Your poor, poor son. When is his birthday? I would move him back to year 10. You really should have looked at the year he’d be going into before you moved, none of this is fair on him.

How many 15-16 year olds who are struggling with the social and academic side of a huge move to a different country away from their friends are going to take kindly to being put back a year with children a year younger than them though? As if he hasn’t enough to deal with.

That might not be as bad as it seems because don't forget the age cut off for school years in Scotland is different anyway.

My parents moved when I was halfway through my O levels. The move was from one place in England to another but in many subjects the syllabus was different. So as well as having left my friends behind I had all this to contend with. Do you ever expect your son to forgive you?

I know, I live in Scotland. You can be 16 and doing your Nat 5s here, so if he moves onto Year 10 then is there a possibility he’ll be in with 14 year olds?

Cut off does make a difference - but really only one way that would benefit OP. My DS goes to school in England, his cousin, who is 3 months older than him is in the year below in Scotland. So if DS went to Scotland he’d naturally move down a year, but in reverse his cousin would move up and essentially have missed a full year of school.

Unless this was completely unavoidable you're a heartless heartless person.
If it was unavoidable I'd be looking at online options for a leaving certificate.

Moving end y10 / start y11 is very hard, my DD pulled it off locally and she wanted the change but many cannot do that move and in addition he has loss of friend group, house, special needs, different system. If there's any way to put him back I would do that. Its no wonder he is struggling. I don't think there's many y11s who would want to go back into y10 even if you can get it which isn't that easy though it might be an option.

If that's not an option then would focus on English and Maths - if you can help him or if you can afford it and he would work with one a tutor could help build his confidence and knowledge. Science seems a very big ask, and if he's borderline passing level he might be wasting his time. He might be best to focus on say 5 or so and try and pass those and then not worry about failing the others if school insist on entering him. School may also change if it becomes clear he will fail.

@SirChenjins yes! And if your child didn’t want to work before, they certainly won’t be motivated if they are in a class with kids 2 year younger than them!

I think this is most important thing.

Can you move back?

Rather than combined science ask them if he can do two of the triple science offerings instead of the three sciences - I know this is possible as my daughter's school does this. He then can continue with Physics and pick up another science he prefers prob biology I think. This would also allow him free time during the time he would normally take the third science to study.
I am really struck that you did not think of this before you moved.
Also - he can get by with five GCSEs - check out what he would need to do A levels at your local school. I know this because my daughter was unfort ill and the school offered for her to drop to 5 gcses and the A levels we looked at said min of 5 GCSEs.
So I would push for him to drop more.
The most important thing he does is focus on maths and english as he needs a min of a level 4 in these to progress with most things really. So just tell him to focus on these.
He is not lazy just completely overwhelmed as would anyone - but especially a teen who has just lost all his friends and what he knows and moved to a school where he is so far behind the others. Poor kid!

If it's not possible to continue with the Scottish curriculum somehow or move to year 10 (which I would agree is the best option - but obviously there may be other constraints we don't know about), a couple of other possibilities:

Do the school offer separate sciences? He might be better taking physics to make sure he gets one good science grade, and not worrying about biology/chemistry (or doing them at foundation level only). Even if they don't offer separate sciences, it might still be a better approach, if they can give him a little bit of support with the extra physics (or find a tutor). It is mandatory for schools to teach everyone the combined science curriculum (or separate sciences), but it's not mandatory for every child to actually take the exams.

Start looking now at what is offered in sixth form/FE colleges in your area. (You may need to start doing that now anyway - ours are all having their open evenings soon.) One of ours has a GCSE retake year, which enables them to do/retake English and maths plus about three other GCSE/ level 2BTECs, with a view to moving onto level 3 courses a year later. That can work well for those whose GCSE years have been disrupted.

Poor kid, this was always going to be disastrous for him. And it's really dangerous for his mental health - there's a risk he ends up trapped in downward spiral and then his education will be the least of your worries.

For a while we considered moving with our child (from S3 in Scotland into year 9 in England), but even that felt like too much of a disruption. So we have delayed our relocation plans until he finishes school. I can only assume you had to move and had no choice.

As others have said, dropping back a year or returning him to his old school in Scotland somehow is probably best. I hope things improve for him, good luck.

I would insist the new school drop him down to Y10 citing the dyslexia, curriculum differences. He will then stand a chance at making a reasonable adjustment.

Get him a tutor alongside if necessary as well just to get his confidence back. The age cut-offs for the school year in England are different from Scotland - have you checked whether he is currently young or old in his year in English terms?

I don't think all the comments about sending him back to Scotland will fly as I am sure OP wants her DS at home with her.

Either allow him to move back to finish Year 11, enrol him in an online school that uses the Scottish system, let him go back to Year 10, or get him many many many tutors.

Basically this.

If you focus on English Lan, maths and 3 others - that at least leaves with decent options for post 16 education. Otherwise you need to look at options locally that he could do without these.

It's dauting with out the dyslexia. My Dc have had to do a GCSE in a year - wales different English GCSE - and it's hard and very fast paced for them - and that with lessons geared towards it.

I think it's you that's the heartless on @Foxesandsquirrels