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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Upset child after induction day.

111 replies

Sweetie1980 · 27/06/2023 21:28

My ds is the only one going from his primary to his new secondary school. There are kids coming from the junior school and a feeder school so there are a lot of kids that already have friends . He was in tears just now saying he will never make friends and how lots of kids already had friends . He was on his own at break time so a teacher chatted to him . I am so upset for him , have I made a mistake sending him to a school where lots of kids know each other ? I think he will now worry all summer. Any suggestions on how I can help him ? It seems quite a caring school so maybe I should email them .

OP posts:
UndercoverCop · 27/06/2023 21:31

I didn't know anyone at my secondary school, made friends fast, also met my now DH on the school bus. Does he have any specific interests or hobbies? Sports/music etc common interests helps at that age

Original poster
Sweetie1980 · 27/06/2023 21:36

Thanks , he got in with a music place so maybe that will help . I have told him that he will have a better chance of meeting friends when he is in his class .

OP posts:
Iamkitty · 27/06/2023 21:40

Both my dcs were overwhelmed at their induction days, particularly my eldest who came home saying the school was full of gangsters.

Actual school is very different. Old friendship groups breakdown quickly, they sit with different people in each lesson.

Original poster
Sweetie1980 · 27/06/2023 21:44

Thank you . It is so overwhelming for them . I was really hoping he would have a good day . They also did CATs test which didn’t help !

OP posts:
AuntieBacterial · 27/06/2023 21:48

We went through this with DD this academic year. She went to a secondary school without anyone else from her primary school. Neither she nor I knew any children or parents of children at the school. Lots of the other kids came in big groups from feeder schools.

I was really worried, but it was her first choice of school and she didn’t seem fazed so I did my best to not let her see how I felt. I am amazed at how quickly she settled. she has done brilliantly and made a good set of friends pretty much straightaway. I think a lot of that is down to the atmosphere set up by the school.

Is there a whatsapp group for the school year or your son’s new class? I really worked hard at parent induction evenings to get to know other parents and get myself added to the whatsapp group. It might help if you suggested an informal meet up in a park or somewhere over the summer - whatsapp groups are great for this. I am sure he won’t be the only one on his own.

It’s a worrying time.

loulouljh · 27/06/2023 21:48

My daughter had an induction day today...there were loads of kids in tears! Its a tough old day...when they get started in September it will be easier ...

emmylousings · 27/06/2023 21:56

I had this with my DS. I felt awful about it, but felt I had to be positive about it, for him. The 1st week in September was a bit tricky, but quickly got better. Speak to his new form tutor about your concerns. They seem to keep an eye on kids in this situation. The music will help him make connections. Try to let him be honest about the initial awkwardness, without showing your upset too much. Remember that these are really key life skills he's practicing here. Its probably an informative experience overall.
Also, true what others said- the old friendship groups are reformed fast- i noticed that with my older DS who moved with his old year group.

DanceMumTaxi · 27/06/2023 22:02

I work in a school with at least 20 feeder primaries, so quite a few kids come on their own. Taster day can be very overwhelming, but I’m almost certain he’ll be absolutely fine after the first week. Lots of friendship groups change in year 7 and the ones who come on their own always make friends once they’re properly in lessons together.

Original poster
Sweetie1980 · 27/06/2023 22:05

Thank you for all the replies , which are very helpful . Did your children make friends during the induction or when they got into their classes ? I may ask the school if there are any children in the same position . It’s the thought of seeing him on his own at break time that makes me so sad.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sweetie1980 · 27/06/2023 22:07

@DanceMumTaxi that is reassuring , thank you

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LakeTiticaca · 27/06/2023 22:08

Lots of pupils from my primary went to the same secondary as me but the best friend I made was from a different primary, and 50 years on we are still besties.

Friendships will form naturally so tell your DS not to worry too much, there will be plenty of other kids feeling overwhelmed and friendless at the beginning x

Missedmytoe · 27/06/2023 22:11

Sweetie1980 · 27/06/2023 22:05

Thank you for all the replies , which are very helpful . Did your children make friends during the induction or when they got into their classes ? I may ask the school if there are any children in the same position . It’s the thought of seeing him on his own at break time that makes me so sad.

Mine was one of 2 from their primary to go to a particular secondary (the year group seemed to scatter across a number of secondaries with a number of friendship groups staying together - DC's friendship group didn't).
On the induction day they found a large amount of children from the 'feeder' school were already quite matey, but the school had set up groups so that those who didn't know anyone were all in a group - which meant that they were all in the same situation and could relate to each other.
DC made 2 friends during the induction but has since moved on from them and found a new friendship group at senior school. Still in touch with old friends from original primary friendship group too, so it's panned out well.
The first fortnight was a bit 'wobbly' with really feeling how they were "on their own" at this particular secondary, but they've made good progress, and it's worked out well.

HikerMum · 27/06/2023 22:14

My son went to secondary school on his own last September. Spent the first day eating lunch on his own then made loads of friends. Heaps came from local schools and hardly any on their own. Don’t worry OP he will be fine. I worried all summer and there was no need

Hoppingmad231 · 27/06/2023 22:19

My ds doesn't speak to one primary school friend, they all made new friends and just parted ways.

AuntMarch · 27/06/2023 22:19

I hated my induction day. We were promised we would all have a friend from primary in our forms. We each had to write down 3 names and they'd match us up.
My group of friends made sure we could all at least be put in pairs from the way we wrote our lists.
I was the only one with nobody. I wasnt even in the same half of the year as the rest (so even when we were split up from forms for lessons I wouldnt be with any of them).
There were two boys from my primary class in my form (they'd written each other down!) But we were not friends and I was gutted.

Turned out not automatically having someone to sit with in form meant I made a new friend in the first week of term, and then quickly made friends with his other friends too. He's still one of my best friends now. That was in 1997. Awful feeling at the start, but a fantastic outcome!

RaininSummer · 27/06/2023 22:22

My daughter went up with one girl she knew and was friendly with but within a week they had found a new tribe.

HappiDaze · 27/06/2023 22:47

So many DC who know each other from primary school make new friends and drop each other in Yr 7 so he'll be fine and make friends in class and via their Tutor group. Especially as their parents no longer have control over their social lives

It all changes usually for the better

They chop and change friends quite often between 7-9 then settle

The football boys tend to hunt each other out at break times from all different schools so that brings them together that way

HappiDaze · 27/06/2023 22:49

*They chop and change friends quite often between Yr 7-9 then settle

Original poster
Sweetie1980 · 27/06/2023 23:01

Thank you , he doesn’t play football so that’s tricky

OP posts:
Pepperama · 27/06/2023 23:02

Same experience here last week and I wish they didn’t have these induction days and then leave the kids to worry all summer. Would have been so much better for my son to just get on with it when they actually start.

Trumpetpants · 27/06/2023 23:06

Wow just one day, here it's a week! Not sure which is best....

PandaG · 27/06/2023 23:23

When I was a Y7 form tutor I certainly saw friendship groups reform fairly quickly - lots of children who came with noone they knew made friendships - and as teachers we definitely did some social engineering and sat students with a likely mate if that was seen as helpful.

Are there lunchtime clubs at his school? At my kids secondary there were so many clubs to meet all sorts of interests - and if there wasn't a club to scratch your itch if you wanted to you could start your own - my son set up and ran an airfix club for a couple of years, as well as joining chess, robot club, various stem related clubs including building and driving go-karts, and orchestra and wind band. Hopefully your child will find a club or two he is interested in and meet like minded friends there too, as well as in his form.

Foxesandsquirrels · 27/06/2023 23:28

My DD didn't go to the induction day. She is the only person from her primary school in her year, and this was a secondary school with 2 large feeder primaries so almost everyone had someone. I didn't send her to the induction for that reason in all honesty. She was very very nervous and hated it the first 2 weeks I won't lie. She begged to move to the school all her friends went to for the first half term, but loved it after. Shes Y10 now and she really appreciates I didn't send her to the school everyone from her primary school went to.

Foxesandsquirrels · 27/06/2023 23:28

Trumpetpants · 27/06/2023 23:06

Wow just one day, here it's a week! Not sure which is best....

A week?! What do they do.

bluechameleon · 28/06/2023 06:38

Most of my best friends at Secondary School were made through the music department. I think he'll soon meet people through joining different ensembles.