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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Upset child after induction day.

111 replies

Sweetie1980 · 27/06/2023 21:28

My ds is the only one going from his primary to his new secondary school. There are kids coming from the junior school and a feeder school so there are a lot of kids that already have friends . He was in tears just now saying he will never make friends and how lots of kids already had friends . He was on his own at break time so a teacher chatted to him . I am so upset for him , have I made a mistake sending him to a school where lots of kids know each other ? I think he will now worry all summer. Any suggestions on how I can help him ? It seems quite a caring school so maybe I should email them .

OP posts:
Teenagehorrorbag · 29/06/2023 23:23

DD went to secondary with her bestie from primary, and several other school 'friends'. They were put in the same class to help them settle. All was great for a month or two, but then her best friend found another one, and they were all mean to DD, and everything went pear shaped.

DD was used to being a popular and happy kid at primary, and spent a few weeks being devastated after finally realising life wasn't always as easy as she had experienced until then. Luckily she then found a new friendship group - and while there have been the usual teenage issues - she has really had little to do with any of her primary school 'friends' since. She is now year 10.

I know that thinking you will have your friends with you is bound to be a comfort for Year 6 kids - but in reality I think most of them move on and find their real people. How you explain that to them though, I'm not sure......

Hope your DS is fine!

Stopsnowing · 29/06/2023 23:54

one School I visited had two induction events - one for children who were the only ones from their primary and one regular one. Obviously that is too late now but you could ask the school whether or not there will be other only children in the form

TizerorFizz · 30/06/2023 00:06

DD1 boarded and knew no one. A few knew each other but she was the only one from a state school. So everyone was quite interested in that. DD2 only knew her sister. They definitely didn’t struggle to make friends. I guess it seems daunting but y7 is a massive shakedown of friendships. New children do find they have similar interests and surely he will find a music crowd! There’s often so much to do, finding like minded dc isn’t an issue.

Original poster
Sweetie1980 · 30/06/2023 14:03

Thank you all so much for your help . Reading all the positive posts have really helped . Just to answer some questions. The music scholar is at a state school but an outstanding one outside of our catchment , he would never have got in otherwise. It’s know for how nurturing it is ( but also strict ) so I am hoping he will settle . He isn’t really anxious generally but sensitive , he is popular in his class as he is kind and accepting of others and I have never heard him being unkind about a child . It may not be linked but his appetite has reduced a little so I really hope he is ok. Thanks again to everyone for your posts .

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TizerorFizz · 30/06/2023 14:41

Good luck to him. I think the excitement of success can be tempered by reality! He’s probably looking at his friends going off together and realising he’s not going with them. It will be tough for a bit but I am assuming he did want this scholarship and this school? Was the local school awful?

T1Dmama · 30/06/2023 15:41

The transition to seniors is REALLY hard! Especially if your son is going up without friends!…
And they did CATS on induction day?? What?!? That doesn’t sound like a very thoughtful school! I thought my DD’s school was bad enough doing them in the first couple of weeks there!
My DD has suffered lots of anxiety since starting seniors. Get him as much support as possible,

Original poster
Sweetie1980 · 30/06/2023 18:10

I was surprised about the CATs but it’s a very caring school which is why I liked it , and people say very good things about pastoral care at the school . They use the tests to sort out classes so that’s probably why , to be ready for September .

OP posts:
TizerorFizz · 30/06/2023 18:54

My DDs had no anxiety snd they boarded. It’s a natural progression to go to secondary. Just have a plan B if it really doesn’t work out. Caring and strict do not go together for me. Doing tests is a bit much. Did parents/Dc know in advance?

Original poster
Sweetie1980 · 30/06/2023 19:39

They did do lots of fun things too , once the tests were done . Tbh the tests didn’t really bother him, it was just not having a familiar face from his primary and worrying that he won’t find any friends .

OP posts:
RavenofEngland · 30/06/2023 19:42

This was my son two years ago. He went to a Catholic primary. Most of his friends went to the Catholic secondary. He was the only one from his school who came up to his current secondary school. I was worried about him, but it turned out to be much better than I even imagined. He was able to reinvent himself. He’s got so many friends now, and he’s just expanding his friends group by doing stuff outside of school like scouting and raf cadets. He’s so happy. Don’t worry about your son. I’m sure he will make loads of friends in the first few days.

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