Considering independent school. Family very negative about it?

[WTDAS]

Our eldest is in Y6 and so we've started looking secondary schools.

Current favourite is a local independent and for what it offers we think it'll be worth the expense. (Affordable for us with some sacrifices if DC2 ends up there too but nothing we aren't willing to make - fewer holidays, tigger budget etc)

But no one in either side of our family have ever set foot in a private school and are just full of reasons why it's the wrong decision.

Waste of money.

Nice kids will do well anywhere.

Won't learn what real life is like.

Teachers aren't qualified.

Will get bullied.

Etc etc. List goes on.

Honestly I go between being taken in by it and being more determined to send him.

Anyone had the same?

Well, personally I think they're probably right that it's a waste of money, unless your state options are truly awful, but ultimately, you're the parents so it's your choice.

Just tell them that you've made your decision, that you understand their perspective but you don't share it, and you'd be grateful if you could respect the choices that you're making as a parent.

You won't be able to persuade them that you're right, so just agree to differ and do what you believe is the best thing for your dc.

Oh, and fwiw, I have set foot in plenty of private schools, but I still share their views.

All of those objections are possibilities not certainties and are not exclusive to Private’s schools.
Also, given that the people with those objections have no experience of Private schools at all how are their opinions valid?

The choice is yours and there are certainly pros and cons but don’t base it on the views people who have no idea what they are talking about

Like any other school, not all private schools are the same. If it's one of the more affordable ones they will likely have a mix of students from different backgrounds. No more chance of being bullied than in a state school. And I very much doubt there would be unqualified teachers.

What are the state options like? I have put two children through private schools- yes they are lovely but I honestly am not sure I would do it again.

I agree with this. Tend to agree with your family’s views, but it’s up to you so stand your ground if you actually believe you are right.

Yes, MIL was very opposed. I paid no attention and neither did DH. It was inverted snobbery from a former primary deputy head. We lived in London and the local schools were dire.

Do your family know anything about the school you’re considering? Or are they just working off stereotypes and their own prejudices? If the latter, then smile and ignore. If they do have some inside knowledge, I’d listen and add it to whatever else I had found out about the school, and make a judgement based on all the information.

FWIW, I have two DC at private secondary after state primary. So I’ve experienced both systems. And it’s a lot more complicated than private=bad, state=good, or even the other way around!

It is very reductive to use 'private' as a catch all term for independent schools. They are all very different!

It totally depends on the options for you locally and what you think would work for your dc.

FWIW we have gone private and for the sports opportunities alone (esp primary) I think we made the right decision but our local state primaries are not proactive on sports and post covid have in fact gone even tighter on sports provision.

I think it depends on the school and what they have to offer. So I would be looking at the facilities have to offer in all schools.
I was dragged out of my local school after two years and put into a little private school.

It had no facilities and was falling apart. I was creative but they didn’t do any art or anything like that in the school I was put in. The class sizes were tiny. I was bullied awfully through my whole time there as I didn’t have the amount of money the others did. My parents spent all their money on the school and there want anything else left. So I couldn’t go on the trips. Or all the fancy clothes etc the others had.

My life would have been very different if I had been left were I was. So U have to look at the entire picture including the social aspect of it. Children can be extremely cruel when ur different from them.

Private schools should be abolished. Your children will always grow up thinking they are better than their state school counter parts. If you have the money either home educate or pump it in to extracurricular and holiday experiences.

Very rude you can spend your money as you wish.

Having been through private and grammar schools, I would back your decision because You can afford it. We were the other end of this scale with our own children and opted to home educate due to an inability to afford private school for our children. We had no backing from family who openly called us on our decision. Now our children are older teens and young adults these same family members are firmly for the decision we made.
My point being that if we had listened to them instead of doing right by our own children then our children would not have had what they have.
Your children your choice.

Some kids will just do well and others even when pushed hard won't it is a fact of life

Some state schools have good results and some dont just like some private schools.

Education is even more important these days and especially early years when kids lear a lot more re basiscs.

You family have their points vaild points as do you

The last thing you want is to send your child there and then find out you cant afford it as prices of everything are ging up and money spent there is negatively impacting on the household

Bottom line, if you can afford it, put your foot down and go for it and be aware of extra expenses as some do big trips etc
Good luck

This also extends to the school uniform. I would check those out as well. My friend has children in private school. The new uniform every year costs her so much money that she wears old clothes with holes in.

I would look at my child and at the schools available and assuming you can afford it choose the best fit for my child. You then have to be comfortable with your choice because , whatever choice you make it doesn't always work out and you can't buy grades imo.

We completely ignore our families when it comes to this sort of stuff. How can you advise on something you know nothing about?

Not their monkeys, not their circus

Imagine how good state schools could be if every parent who could afford to paid some thing to support them

Is this the same parents who already pay 45%+ of their income in tax? No thank you.

Do they know what they are talking about? If not, ignore them.

The decisions you make about schooling and how you spend your own disposable income is none of their business.

And it sounds like they are working off prejudices and inverted snobbery as others have said.

if they are not paying they don't get to have a vote.

Your child, your money, your life and nobody else's business! Which school does your child like? Everyone assumes they are experts on schools and education just because they went to school once upon a time! A good school is a good school and the right school for your child is not for other people to decide. There are good and bad schools whether independent or state and if you feel the inde school is right for your child, then go for it!

This decision has nothing to with them. If you both think this school is the best one for your child and your child is also happy with it, that’s all that matters.

home education sessions, fee paying education, state education are all very individual. No two places the same. However State education is often a one size fits all machine, unable to offer much more then typical state education. It’s not holistic or able to be truly child centred due to external pressures.

They do! We give a significant amount of money to our son’s state school every year and it’s still significantly worse than either of the other two children private school.

having experienced state and private at all levels, the private options have been considerably better in every respect. Apart from the crap teaching, State schools seem to have absolutely no accountability - basically like it or lump it.