Considering independent school. Family very negative about it?

[WTDAS]

Our eldest is in Y6 and so we've started looking secondary schools.

Current favourite is a local independent and for what it offers we think it'll be worth the expense. (Affordable for us with some sacrifices if DC2 ends up there too but nothing we aren't willing to make - fewer holidays, tigger budget etc)

But no one in either side of our family have ever set foot in a private school and are just full of reasons why it's the wrong decision.

Waste of money.

Nice kids will do well anywhere.

Won't learn what real life is like.

Teachers aren't qualified.

Will get bullied.

Etc etc. List goes on.

Honestly I go between being taken in by it and being more determined to send him.

Anyone had the same?

Absolute rubbish!

personally I would not be interested in a private hot house school but something nurturing and holistic school would tempt me

@Changeismine

It wouldn't be a MN thread about private education if someone didn't jump on to insist it was abolished within the first dozen or so posts.

As others have said it’s about the right school for a child - mine have been to one excellent and one unimpressive primary, one state and one independent, and I’m looking at both options for secondary to see where they will be most comfortable; both options have their advantages and drawbacks…making any decision based on uninformed opinions/prejudices such as your family are starting with is unhelpful!

They don’t get a say, simple as that. I didn’t even discuss it with my family.

I privately educated all three DC as to me it seemed the right choice at the time. I honestly can’t say for sure that the secondary school was a good idea. The primary school was, for sure. Meh.

It cost a fortune and my marriage but I’d started so I finished.

Stop discussing it with them. Simples.

Can I present an alternative view on uniform as it's often brought up as a possible issue.

All three of the private schools my kids have attended have had brilliant second hand uniform shops. Parents donating the uniform receive a cut, as does the school and you can buy the uniform for a very low price.

My kids have been at private schools for a combined total of 28 years and, in that time, I've bought one blazer new. And only then because there wasn't one in the second hand shop and he had to wear it for an interview. There's no looking down on kids wearing second hand uniform, if anything, it's a badge of honour amongst the parents.

I'd ignore the comments of your family. As state schools differ widely, so do private schools and most of their observations are lazy generalisations. I believe there are different rules about teacher qualifications at private schools though.

I'm not sure what they are but (at secondary) quite a few of my kids' teachers have degrees in their subject from Oxford and Cambridge so I don't have any doubts about their competence to teach. (Granted that teaching requires more than just subject knowledge).

BIL is that you?

It's nothing to do with any of your family & they have no say in it. Just stop discussing it with them and make your own decision.

Yes, let’s imagine that
And while we are waiting for it to happen I will send my DC Private rather to our local failing Comprehensive. I am not chucking my DC under the bus in the name of idealism

Parents impact children far more than a school does. But sure, pass down selfish views. Fantastic.

Even the cheapest senior schools are now 3-5k a term, I do find it hilarious when people describe ‘cutting back a bit’ to mean making a 15-30k saving! We have such inequality now. It’s desperately sad.

So imagine a child who is getting a great education, brilliant overall school experience AND has engaged parents.
Thats the aim for my DC and as it’s possible for us why wouldn’t we?

Absolutely, I agree that's the ideal. I just don't agree that it's necessary to go private to get that. My dc has had a fantastic education and a great overall school experience in the state system.

I accept that there are a few areas in the country where this genuinely isn't an option, and I don't judge anyone for deciding to go private if they think that's best. We just decided for us that it would have been a complete waste of money... and now we're nearly at the end of our school journey, I stand by that view.

My mom moaned about this at the start- she was very worried that they would lose touch with reality and not be able to interact with ‘normal’ people ever again.

in a sense she is right - there is such a strong shared sense of values and effort to incorporate good citizenship into the curriculum that they are now accustomed to being treated with kindness and respect by teachers and classmates. The ‘real world’ might be a bit of an adjustment

at the end of the day you do what is best for your child, whether that is a a super academic independent, a less academic but very nurturing independent, or the local state school. Kids and schools are unique, there’s no one ‘best’ that suits everyone

I think this is the crux of it. You can only do what you feel is the very best for your children if you have enough money.

Waste of money.
Nice kids will do well anywhere.
Won't learn what real life is like.
Teachers aren't qualified.
Will get bullied

• waste of money - that's subjective
• nice kids will do well anywhere - nonsense. yes they will do ok, but small class sizes, happier teachers, good pastoral care and access to loads of extra curriculars is always going to help
• real life - again, nonsense. funnily enough kids at private school have medical issue, parents who get divorced, some have financial problems (bursaries/changes in circumstances)
• unqualified teachers - most are, but they have the option to use some staff who are inspirational in their subject but happen not to have a PGCE
• bullying happens at any school

If you can afford it, go for it. best decision we ever made.

Thanks everyone for your views.

It comes down to ultimately that all I have ever wanted is to do the very best I'm able to for my children.

To me with schooling that is somewhere that I feel they will be seen as individuals, encouraged in their passions and to be helped to grow academically and in themselves.

Our state options are below the national average for results, huge schools with classes of 33 and limits on GCSE options.

The independent we love (DC included in this love) has a real focus on their passion as well as amazing academic results - although not selective or a Hot House and from what we've heard and seen amazing pastoral care and happy kids. Plus it's a shorter commute than 3 of our 4 state schools.

In my opinion it's the best option. I can't think of how a school could be better suited (other than my preference would have been mixed that's the only negative) to my DC and I feel it is worth financial sacrifices.

I understand it's hugely unfair that a school like that is behind a paywall. In a dream world all children would have access to facilities like it.

But if I can offer it to mine then denying them just because others can't have it seems the wrong decision?

@Sherrystrull yes, money = choices in all aspects of life, including education. It drives choices around catchment areas, tutoring, extracurriculars, sacrificing work to provide 1:1 support, and yes, even whether to send to private (or not!). Ever has it been, ever will it be.

Happily amend my statement to: you do the best you can for your child based on the options available to you

If your child is in Year 6 already you need to urgently check the deadlines gor applications/assessments as they are usually in the beginning of Year 6. The independent school assessments are usually between December- January but the deadlines to sign up may be now.

OP, if you can afford private and genuinely feel that the independent school is the best option for your dc, then it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Send him to the school you love. You are the parent here and it is for you to make that decision.

We have made different choices for our dc. We could have afforded private but we were confident that dd would get an equally good education in the local state schools. Actually, I believe that the state primary was significantly better than any of the local indies. The state secondaries were not better - there were definitely pros and cons on either side - but ultimately, we felt that the pros offered by the private school weren't really worth the investment (for us) and that we could easily replicate those opportunities outside school. Thankfully, dd has thrived in the state sector, and I actually think she has learned a great deal from being in a more socioeconomically diverse environment - her primary school was very middle class. But I'm sure she would have thrived in the independent school as well.

Just go with your gut. If you love the independent school and have the resources to pay for it, then go for it.

@WTDAS it sounds lovely- hope your dc thrives!

you are correct that forgoing an excellent option for your child right now, isn’t going to improve options for everyone else.

As for your question, it all depends on the child and on the school. My brother's private school was the making of him. He ended up going to Cambridge then Harvard and at the age of 26 has been earning six figures for several years now. He is still very close friends with his school mates who also all ended up achieving huge success (one is an engineer in Hamilton's F1 team, several work for huge tech giants/banks etc).

However, my daughter has been in private education since Reception (she is now in Year 8) and I see it as a huge waste of money for her. She's not a academic and I see no benefits from her private education. Although she likes her school and has nice friends, but it would have probably been the same at the local state school.

Most of our indie schools have application deadlines of end Nov/early Dec. Slightly later than state deadline of 31 October.

Thanks I'm aware. Just been to the open day (second visit as also went in Y5)