Considering independent school. Family very negative about it?

104 replies

WTDAS · 25/09/2022 09:30

Our eldest is in Y6 and so we've started looking secondary schools.

Current favourite is a local independent and for what it offers we think it'll be worth the expense. (Affordable for us with some sacrifices if DC2 ends up there too but nothing we aren't willing to make - fewer holidays, tigger budget etc)

But no one in either side of our family have ever set foot in a private school and are just full of reasons why it's the wrong decision.

Waste of money.

Nice kids will do well anywhere.

Won't learn what real life is like.

Teachers aren't qualified.

Will get bullied.

Etc etc. List goes on.

Honestly I go between being taken in by it and being more determined to send him.

Anyone had the same?

OP posts:

Moglet4 · 23/08/2023 07:58

OrangePumpkinLobelia · 23/08/2023 07:38

''They all moved, tutored, found religion, or rented in other catchments. The last was very common. I could not see why paying is considered a less moral option.''

I always wonder this as well, @Needmoresleep . My cousin is vociferously anti private schooling- but she played catchment monopoly in order to get into a state school she wanted. That is just paying for it, by a different means - while giving her that warm smug feeling that she is somehow better than me who was honest enough to just pay up front.

Also there was one really good state school in our area and it was massively over subscribed. My argument that by paying for private I was opening up a place to the good state school for someone who might not otherwise have gotten into that school so i was performing a public service really made her hit the roof with fury. (I said it to wind her up actually, because she was pissing me off with her self righteous bullshit about how immoral we were to pay for private). )

But I maintain that nobody else has the right to tell you what to do with your own money. We do not have fancy cars or holidays and we downsized our house in order to have much smaller mortgage payments. Private school has been brilliant for my son who has a range of SEN and he is supported brilliantly via the excellent pastoral care he receives.

That made me laugh. We have very similar
cousins it seems!

bananasplitwithcherry · 23/08/2023 08:21

"DS is studious and thrived in a very academic school, where he had a good group of friends with shared interests. (DH is similar and really struggled in a “bog standard” comp where he became isolated and was bullied)"
This was also my experience - no shared interests, isolation and bullying.

"the behaviour of a minority of students in a lot of state secondaries is so appalling and anti social that it would be truly distressing for a child who comes from a functional home where people treat each other with respect and kindness. Experiencing the behaviour of very troubled young people who shout, scream, swear, use physical violence, vape, use racist or sexually aggressive language can be traumatising if your life experience has not inured you to such things."
Again, totally consistent with my experience.

I pay for a school that I can barely afford, not because I want to or because I think I am buying advantage/contacts/an oxbridge place, but because the experience I had at a (not even) bog standard comp was frankly horrific and I can't in good conscience send my (exceptionally bright) child to any of our state catchment schools, which have few high attainers and not very good outcomes.

Nowanextraone · 23/08/2023 08:50

All independent schools are SO different. Yes, there are 100% some private schools that seem to turn kids into brats, but their parents always sound the same, so it's more likely it comes from home!

Our children have all gone through state education but we have an autistic daughter who is going to a little independent school which is set up for autistic children. It's perfect for her. That's why we are paying out for it. Bo state school could provide what they provide.

SmallTreeDeepRoots · 23/08/2023 09:00

IME a lot of these negative comments from family etc come from a defensive position. They feel the need to justify why they haven’t sent their children to private school. And obviously it’s not because of cost or that they don’t care about their children’s education. They churn out a list of tropes instead. Apparently it’s not enough that they made their choice and you made yours. It’s the same in so many areas of parenting.

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