Opportunity to send DD to prestigious private school. Should I?

[Llamapalma]

Just that really please.

DD (Y6) has the opportunity to attend a very well regarded, high achieving private girls school a few miles from us.

It's not something. We could have imagined would be possible. No one in our family has ever attended a private school, but she's very bright and it's quite an academic school and I do think it could benefit her in many ways.

I'm torn what to do.

It really feels like turning the chance down could be like I'm limiting her future prospects.

But would accepting the place cause other potential issues?

I guess I'm suffering imposter syndrome on her behalf. Worrying she'll be picked on (although doesn't seem that kind of place) as we just live in a normal house with normal cars etc.

I guess it's the standard parental worry of needing to make these big decisions and worrying I'll mess her life up somehow.

For the record she is in LOVE with the school. And I've been open with her that there are a lot of girls there who have very different lives to her. At 11 she is adamant that's fine and she gets it but at 14 it could feel very different I know.

If she loves the school and it's a good fit for her, why would you deny her the opportunity?

Sure some people will have lots of money, but some will be very average. She will find her tribe within that.

Don't stop her going because of your worries.

Thank you.

That's my gut feeling too.

I guess maybe I've been on MN too long and am believing family who are chipping in saying how she'll be bullied and won't get to learn what life is like in the real world etc.

What is the opportunity? Sudden access to money? If so, is the money ringfenced purely for that purpose? If not then presumably you have lots of things you could do with the money. Or is it a different type of opportunity?

If you really think SHE won’t fit in then don’t let her go but if it’s just that you think YOU won’t fit in then let her go.
Ignore your family there will be a range of families I imagine and most kids don’t really care about that sort of thing

Has she got a bursary, do finances come into the decision? If they do it’s a huge commitment, but if you can afford it and want her to go, don’t let imposter syndrome stop you. Your daughter has as much right to be there as anyone else.

Money doesn't change who you are, if anything, from what I have noticed it amplifies your character and your values; if you are rich you can do more with whatever money you have and that's the amplifying effect.

So you get good rich people and bad rich people, just like you get good poor people and bad poor people.

Don't focus on the money. There will be good and bad people there, just like everywhere.

If your DD likes it, allow her to go. It's not like it's permanent. She can leave if she doesn't like it at a later date. Perhaps you are overthinking it?

A different type of opportunity (looking likely she will be granted a very handsome scholarship) which would make it affordable.

It will still involve spending out approx £7k/year we wouldn't otherwise but we would be able to manage and are happy to invest that in her future if it makes her happy and helps her reach her potential.

Yes I would send her in your shoes.

Yes yes yes. You’ll never forgive yourself (or she won’t) why come this far with it and not go ahead. Just take the plunge. You’re over thinking the money status thing- it won’t be like that at all.

I would let her go. My dd attended a private school and the other pupils gave from a very wide range of backgrounds. They ranged from families who were extremely wealthy to those on average incomes who lived in 'normal' sized houses. I never remember any problems arising or my daughter mentioning any unkind comments. When we went to an open day, we saw some Y7 essays about what they had done over the summer holidays and they ranged from holidays abroad to Haven holiday camps.

Are there any other siblings, and is there the potential for the scholarship amount to change during her time there?

Yes

If she has a chance at a scholarship that suggests you/she have already put some ground work in for this? I imagine you did need to apply? On that basis, I think it would be unreasonable to now deny her the opportunity - the horse has somewhat bolted.

Have you other children?

Yes I would

I think it’d be hard to say no and she might not appreciate that lost opportunity as she grows up

@Llamapalma give it a good chance, worse case, you have to switch, but in the mean time, give your dd the best opportunity you can

What does she want to do??
Maybe see if she can speak to some older students maybe?

Also are there any extra commitments for the scholarship?

In most private schools there will be a few parents who have sent their children with a lot of financial sacrifice, so don't worry about that. If she is solid about herself and is not bothered about her background, which I am sure is absolutely fine then send her. If she's the type who has wobble when xxxx goes skiing, or another one flies first class then it might not be the right place.

I would definitely send her. Amazing opportunity and she is clearly very bright if she's being offered a scholarship at that value. Most independent schools have children who attend with big variances in family income. Between scholarships, grandparent funding, parents who will move heaven and earth and forego everything else to make it happen; to those who are "comfortable to the downright wealthy.
Time enough to live in the "real world"

So presumably she’s won a scholarship? (Plus bursary?)

I know just what a long and stressful process it can be to successfully apply to such a school - you surely can’t have let her go through all of that only to snatch away the prize at the last moment?

There’s nothing better than a child loving their school - it makes the whole household happy. And if a school is capable of making her feel welcome before she’s even started, I think it’s unlikely to be the sort of place that encourages or tolerates bad behaviour.

Are you secretly worrying about how you will find this new experience? That would be natural, but you need to concentrate on the reasons why you applied.

(Gosh I type slowly! Missed your update, OP. Point still stands.)

Oh I'm 100% overthinking it. Haha.

That's my issue in most aspects of life.

I guess it is as simple perhaps as if she wants to go there and we can make it happen then that's what we should do.

We have a couple more open evenings over the next fortnight before we decide. And of course then wait for offers etc.

I'm probably being a few months too early in my post but currently when she talks about the school I'm sort of stopping myself from sharing her excitement and I don't want to rain on her parade.

Thanks all. She absolutely deserves this opportunity if she does in fact get the chance, she works so hard and I guess this could be the start of her truly benefitting from the effort she puts into things.

I would be over the moon if this presented itself for one of my children. I would never deny them access to this opportunity due to a fear they might not fit in.
this would be an easy decision. State school is always there if for some reason it doesn’t work out.

the only thing that would make me hesitate is if DD has siblings who would not get this opportunity and would resent it.

If that is not the case, then definitely go for it.

OP they bribe clever kids to go to get their exam results up. 7k a year is a huge amount. She will be fine at your local school if her attitude to learning is positive!

And before anyone starts..... my husband works abroad and both my kids could have had their education fully paid for, in private schools. They didn't go. They've both ended up in top universities with great grades and they know how the actual world works