Child not enjoying St Albans school what should I do?

[Logicalwannabemother]

My son entered St Albans a week or two ago. He is doing well with three tutor commendations already. He doesn’t feel like he fits in and isn’t very happy. Doesn’t think it’s very challenging although I think it got 14th this year for GCSE. We don’t really know his academic position because the sets are jumbled up. But he has realised that he is the only one that enjoys things like advanced philosophy like Marx for example, watches intellectual debates/lectures and has much more of a “sophisticated general knowledge”. He isn’t very sporty so is called a nerd, but I’m sure that’s fairly normal. He has said that the teachers are overqualified, some parts of the campus are extraordinarily amazing but some are substandard. There are some opportunities like the Stephen Hawking society that invites famous scientists to give lectures as well. But the pupil body and just the overall feeling isn’t very appealing to him. He said that it seemed much better on the open day.

He has also been discussing about moving schools. What can he do? Are there any options like St Paul’s, UCS, Habs and possibly Westminster that could let him join at the end of the term or somewhere in the year? If they don’t are there any other options or do you think it foolish of him and me to think about moving? Please help.

How old is he?? He’s only been there a week and a half! I’m not sure many schools have a lot of teenagers that are interested in advanced philosophy.
What IS available for him to try, see if he can find some new interests??
Personally there’s no way I’d be considering moving my child after 1 week for the reasons you give.
He needs to settle, get to know his peers and try to find his tribe.

I think I would give it a bit longer. He still wont have got to know most of the boys, many of them may well be interested in philosophy. Isn't there a philosophy club? MOst private schools have one.

I think he needs to give it more of a chance. Maybe a few more months will give him an opportunity to meet his ‘tribe’ in clubs and activities that he enjoys.

I think my son has involved himself very much. He has a hobby every lunch time and every day after school. He comes home at around 19:15, tired and still manages to do homework to a great level. He has received tutor commendations for his work in school and homework.

Unfortunately, there is no philosophy club.

Sorry but you sound so OTT. Is this Year 7? Commendations for homework, advanced philosophy, Marx, o one as intelligent as him... after 1 week of school?! Did he apply to Westminster, St Pauls and Habs? Even in the event that those extremely popular schools have a place for him, he will need to pass the entrance exam and interview before he could move. I wouldn't judge a school after 1 week though, especially not one that gets excellent results when academics are so important to you.

no one*

St Albans is one of the top schools in the country (outside London) and extremely academic. Only the very brightest boys are successful in getting places but they will also almost certainly have offers from Habs and Merchant Taylors too. There honestly isn't that much difference between the three apart from the "feel" of the schools and at our prep the parents are told to stop looking at tiny differences in academic results and choose the one from the three where you feel most at home.

If he's gone into Y7 then also be aware that there is a period of adjustment and "catch up" mainly between those coming from state schools and private prep. It happens at every school and is not unique to St Albans. Y7 is about getting everyone to the same level, getting to know your child and letting them find their tribe.

I would say it is far too early to be making decisions on moving schools. It would be a useful exercise to really try and pin point what the main issues are though. Not having a philosophy club could be remedied by asking for one. I mean, no guarantees, but if you don't ask then you don't get. Is he struggling to make friends? Is the journey long and arduous? Are his expectations on facilities realistic (I mean some of their facilities are in gorgeous listed buildings which just weren't meant to be modern day classrooms)?

Your comments seem quite vague and also almost like he thinks he is too good for the school. If that is his or your mindset then fitting in will always be hard. Apologies if not, it's just the way your posts come across.

🤣🤣🤣

He's been in yr7 five minutes and he's already dismissed all other 150 odd kids in his year as intellectually inferior?!!

Habs would have been a better bet, but it's too late now. They do have a 13+ entry point though. Merchant Taylors is on a parr with St A.

Ps are you the same poster who was agonising over whether St A would be academic enough before he'd even started, but you hadn't bothered to even sit him for Habs?

This can't be for real. No one considers pulling their child after a week and a half. Have reported.

This can't be for real. No one considers pulling their child after a week and a half. Have reported.

Secondary teacher and Head of Year at comparable school. You need to chill! It takes ages to find your tribe in y7. He needs to get to know the other boys and find out their interests. There will be lots of interested, thoughtful kids who I'm sure will be more than happy to discuss philosophy etc with your son. There will also probably be a debating club and it'll be discussed in their RS lessons.
He should take his time with the extra curricular, do one or two clubs and spend the rest of the lunchtimes socialising with others. He may need to learn some social skills about how to engage with others and this is very normal. Definitely don't even think about moving him until he's been there for a year. Make sure you're not fuelling his anxiety any way but are gently encouraging and supportive.

Nope everyone he’s in year 9

Ditto y9 @Logicalwannabemother

Honestly op, if he's really as obnoxious as you make him sound, then he is going to struggle to find his tribe anywhere.

I'd tell him to give it till Xmas and ye can review at that stage.

@PotatoHammock i am not the poster who has apparently done that. You’ll probably be able to see all my posts which are, I think, 3 before this.

How does he know / in what way does he think the teachers are "over-qualified"????

Because he took the 12+, there were activists that they could partake in, in November. He met one friend, and then in the scholarship exams, him and his friend met another two boys. One of them isn’t in their class but they have since added one more to their group. These kids are academic but aren’t interested in things like philosophy, extracurricular science etc. The one kid who was separated through the classes is quite clever in terms of my son’s definition.

I should point out hat my son can get quite arrogant, but in his old school we made a lot mistakes which led to teachers having biases etc. He didn’t have a good time at all whatsoever. We just want to ensure that this doesn’t happen again. At the end of the day, he should be happy.

Rightly or wrongly, he thinks that because 70% of teachers have doctorates from places like oxbridge.

This thread is peak Mumsnet! 😂

My kid has just started secondary and my main priorities are: can I get him to and from school safely and on time with the change of routine, is he making friends or getting on with the friends from his old school, is he getting to grips with lunchtime/homework/the online learning platforms, is he happy?

I think advanced philosophy might be a little further down the line, perhaps after half term, but we shall see!

teachers with doctorates is not necessarily rare - there is a decent population of people who get a PhD & like teaching but can't get a university teaching job so move to secondary teaching instead. should be great teachers.

And don't move him after 2 weeks. he needs at least a term to settle down and learn some humility.

My dad, my brother and my grandfather were those "wonder kids" in school who between them ended up in Cambridge/Harvard/STEM PhDs etc... My dad has a photographic memory and used to be able to memorise encyclopaedias and history books word for word just by reading them. Crazy stuff like that. But none if them bragged about that stuff and always enjoyed the social side of life, making friends, going out etc. Just because your son is great academically doesn't mean he can't enjoy the simpler things in life. It's not all about academics. Plus, if he really is that superior to everyone else, he will breeze through his exams regardless of the school he attends.

From where has he got this idea? (That doctorates mean they're unsuited for teaching)?

When you say he's arrogant, what exactly do you mean? Surely this is the most pressing issue. Why should a year 9 boy be arrogant? Where has that come from?

It sounds like no school will ever meet his expectations.