Child not enjoying St Albans school what should I do?

[Logicalwannabemother]

My son entered St Albans a week or two ago. He is doing well with three tutor commendations already. He doesn’t feel like he fits in and isn’t very happy. Doesn’t think it’s very challenging although I think it got 14th this year for GCSE. We don’t really know his academic position because the sets are jumbled up. But he has realised that he is the only one that enjoys things like advanced philosophy like Marx for example, watches intellectual debates/lectures and has much more of a “sophisticated general knowledge”. He isn’t very sporty so is called a nerd, but I’m sure that’s fairly normal. He has said that the teachers are overqualified, some parts of the campus are extraordinarily amazing but some are substandard. There are some opportunities like the Stephen Hawking society that invites famous scientists to give lectures as well. But the pupil body and just the overall feeling isn’t very appealing to him. He said that it seemed much better on the open day.

He has also been discussing about moving schools. What can he do? Are there any options like St Paul’s, UCS, Habs and possibly Westminster that could let him join at the end of the term or somewhere in the year? If they don’t are there any other options or do you think it foolish of him and me to think about moving? Please help.

He sounds like his social skills are poor. Moving schools won't fix this.

Have you thought about home schooling? 😳

My son asked for it but that would diminish his social skills even further.

Advanced philosophy, huh?
In what way?

Or he could try for a state grammar like QE.

On a practical note, assuming you don't mean the one in Lincs or the one in Cumbria (or any other 'QE' in the country), unfortunately the OP can skip that idea, since QE, Barnet, is the only 11-18 state school I am aware of that does not allow external entrants into its sixth form.

Sorry if it’s been said, but a grammar may be better? They all out perform the private schools around here in terms of exam results. More academic for your son? I went to a grammar and we accepted people in all years.

Home education wouldn't necessarily be worse for his social skills - if he's less unhappy he's more likely to be able to make friends. It's a big step and I've never done it myself but it might be a decent choice for him.

Sorry if it’s been said, but a grammar may be better? They all out perform the private schools around here in terms of exam results. More academic for your son? I went to a grammar and we accepted people in all years.

I also went to a grammar but this isn't the case in our area. For 2022 GCSE results, St A achieved 93% grade 7-9 and Watford Grammar 59%.

Watford Grammar isn't technically a grammar school as it accepts a large proportion of pupils on distance without any exam element, although is highly regarded.

Bucks has a full grammar system and Dr Challoner's also has an excellent reputation for being highly academic. It achieved 77% which is impressive but still below St Albans.

St As is an academic school so I don't think that's where the problem lies but the social aspect of starting secondary and the time it can take to find your 'tribe''.

@Logicalwannabemother I, like other posters, have to say, immediately assumed your DS is autistic. As his Mother you need to work on his soft skills immediately. Your child is arrogant by your own admission, and alienated himself at his previous school. You have to start teaching him some humility and social skills - because as bright as he is, he’s going to have a very lonely future otherwise.

Um... a diagnosis might be useful for an unhappy ND child because his teachers might understand him better and he might gain a greater understanding of his own needs. It doesn't necessarily mean his mother has to do loads of work on his social skills.

You’ve given a hell of a lot of personal information out on this thread. Let’s hope nobody from school sees it

If your DS is as intelligent as you claim and needs some additional intellectual stimulation, perhaps he could teach you the differences between their/there/they're and are/our.

They'll keep him occupied for a while, no doubt.

I'm not sure this is for real. In your 2 June thread in your son being bullied at cricket (in his nihilistic Nietzsche phase) he was your only child. But in a further thread the next day you had 3 children (one at St Paul's and another at Cambridge). I hope this is fake because the reality is obviously a difficult position for a child to be in. If this is real, my advice would be to speak to Mr Burger.

Eton might have done. Missed that boat!

Do you think Boris was discussing Kant at break time? 😅

I have girls, so no particular axe to grind - but I’ve been involved with that school (sixth form) in a volunteering capacity. There are some very bright, very engaged kids there. And they’re an eclectic bunch with a wide range of interests and experience. As someone with an Oxbridge degree myself, I felt I learned a lot from listening to and chatting to them. I can’t believe that your son - however bright - wouldn’t find something or someone to learn from in that environment.

It sounds like your son needs some coaching in how to have normal conversations. I presume he’s an only child and I wonder if he’s used to getting all the attention - easy to do, he is your child and they are obviously fabulous, but you are not helping his social skills if you are allowing his ‘arrogance’ to continue.
Two of my children have needed specific help with not correcting people when they are wrong unless someone will get hurt, for example. They were about nine, but I think the point still stands. We went through a few examples of scenarios and responses and what would be good and what wouldn’t.

I am not allowing his arrogance to continue. Every weekend me and my husband try and invite someone new to improve his social skills and to be a better human.

For the past three years we have been doing this. I also have to give him a break, he has suffered a lot because of medical issues that I’d rather not talk about.

Every weekend me and my husband try and invite someone new to improve his social skills and to be a better human.

I mean this in a nice way but I'm not sure those type of comments are helping. It's an odd way to describe having a friend (?) over and, though I'm pretty laidback, I wouldn't be that keen for my kids to used in the way you describe.

I didn’t want any biases. I didn’t want comments like you’re neglecting him. Ig it’s my fault to an extent.

I didn’t want any biases. I didn’t want comments like you’re neglecting him. Ig it’s my fault to an extent.

@XelaM
I was thinking more along the lines of supreme arrogance!

OP: Most schools won’t meet these very specific requirements. It is a case of having a grown up conversation about how to get on with others and joining in happily. Don’t sneer at others. Whatever your parenting style, you don’t want this to continue. So be honest and get knee some home truths. One would be: philosophy stays at home. When he’s ready, run the new philosophy club!

OP you’re not the poster who used to be dolphin50, are you?

Oh no. Initially Harrow was our first choice, but DS later realised that boarding would be absolute hell for him! I don’t really know much about Eton, I imagine it’s fairly similar, more academic, probably oriented around one particular sport like St Albans and St. Paul’s. But I doubt he’ll want to go there. Plus, would he get in?

@Logicalwannabemother, Eton will be full and it's totally the wrong environment for your ds. Yes they play their own game called the wall game that the whole school plays it in the Spring term.
You need to set up a meeting with your ds's teacher this week. I expect you have a parent info meeting coming up shortly for all the parents in the year.