Horrible phone call with school😭

[ArseInTheCoOpWindow]

My dd has bad anxiety and severe stress migraines. She’s struggled in through all her exams with blinding headaches. She was diagnosed 5 days before her first exam and medications are a bit hit and miss. She’s hardworking and diligent.

Last night she started with the worst one ever. Was very upset about her history GCSE today. She was not in a fit state to go. All of her problems have been supported by lots of GP evidence. I sent the last letter in yesterday.

Conersation with school 1/2 an hour ago.

’It’s only an hour, can’t she come in’
’Can’t she take medication’
’Not sure what the exam board will do’
’You’ll need a doctors note’
”Can’t you just encourage her’

Like l was fucking lying!!!
She’s so upset, l was upset by the call. It’s all documented and this is what you get. Gilt tripping when your poor 15 year old is too ill to think clearly ‘Can’t she just come in for the hour?’🤬🤬🤬🤬

School needs educated on migraines as do some of the people on here. They need to be more supportive but I'd be complaining at length to them. She'll be ok once the relevant documentation has got to the right people. Just keep telling her that.

Even the day after one I'd be in no fit state to do an exam. DS often gets them 2 days in a row. I'm pretty sure when DS gets to exam stage we are going to have to deal with this. His are infrequent, unpredictable but can be stress induced.

This is why the whole GCSE system in England is absolutely ridiculous with far too many exams in it. You don't need two or three per subject, one of my friend's daughters had 30 exams this year. Of course people get sick, get Covid (and anecdotally are going in with Covid, spreading it around to the others in the exam hall), get migraines and so forth. At university, we have resits in August for this reason. In GCSE's you don't until the following year, if they are allowed which messes up plans for the next year.

There's no need to make 15/16 year olds take 20-30 exams at this time. Proper teacher assessment, or externally marked reports/projects could be used for 50% of the grade, with the other assessed by exams if necessary.

Exams (in their current form) are pretty pointless and most people's heads empty the second they leave the exam hall.

Our employers are constantly complaining that the school leavers and the university students aren't what they want and don't have the skills we need. We are also short on manual/tradespeople.

The current system is absolutely not fit for purpose, as exemplified by all those people who think a 16 year old should just get up off her bed with a severe migraine and splurt out a lot of useless knowledge about geography instead of getting better, submitting a report/reassessed later in the year.

I hate the educational system in England so much, it's caused so much stress to my children, who have thrived despite and not because of it. They do not love learning, they do not have the skills they need, they are little exam machines because that's what they've been taught. I actually feel guilty at times I've put them through it.

Soon it will all move online anyway, and the Op's daughter could get better and sit home and do a different paper a week later to 'prove' her abilities and we'll look back on this time and think: what was it all for?

Well obviously they are going to explore all avenues. Stop overreacting.

Topirimate was the worst one I had. Eased the migraines a lot but the side affects were so horrendous I had to come off it. I had to sit every one of my GCSEs with blinding migraines after a severe head injury. I'd missed loads of school from hospital appointments so I didn't even have coursework marks to help me. Would they let her sit the exam on a different date at home via zoom? I've just done a few exams that way for my NVQ it's all done to proper exam conditions with no one else being allowed in the room and you can't leave to go to the toilet but it's between the person sitting the exam and the invigilator(s) and that's it. Being in a home surrounding might be less stressful for her

I haven’t rtwt but I think a fair number of people, and the school, think a migraine is like a headache. Take a painkiller, bob’s your uncle. It is not like a headache, except that one of the symptoms is pain in the head. That’s only one of the symptoms.

Has she been prescribed triptans? When they work they abort the migraine.

unfortunately it is nowhere near as simple as that. Neurologists, psychologists and doctors still haven't disentangled cause and effect of the high co-morbidity rate, so you really can't just state it as fact.

The Migraine-Anxiety Comorbidity Among Migraineurs: A Systematic Review
www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fneur.2020.613372/full

Anxiety and depression symptoms and migraine: a symptom-based approach research
J Headache Pain. 2017; 18(1): 37.
Published online 2017 Mar 21. doi: 10.1186/s10194-017-0742-1

If she is too ill then she is too ill- it doesn’t matter why she is too ill. You have Drs notes and evidence so don’t worry, there are procedures in place for things like this. Just concentrate on your daughter and try not to worry. 💐

@bronzepig apologies... I don't really know much about what causes migraines.

Depends on the head of year IME - some know the child and remember work ethic and medical issues others seem to have no idea who my child is even with prior cause to.

I'd e-mail the exam officer - lay out the situation in writing.

Make very clear it's a recently diagnosed condition so medication isn't stable yet and hampered by her age and prescribing conditions it's a migraine not headache or stress related condition but debilitating neurological condition and see what if anything thing else they think you need for evidence.

Possibly cc the head of school in as well.

It was OP who stated that the migraines are stress-related and that the issue is specifically linked to exams. No need to lecture pp who are responding directly to that.

I just want to extend my sympathies to you and your daughter @ArseInTheCoOpWindow

I used to suffer severe migraines (eased only since menopause) and there is no way on earth I could have gone anywhere 'just for an hour'.

I was once bullied into going to work with an impending migraine - they soon sent me back home when I was violently sick within 5 minutes of arriving (and no, I didn't make it to the loo!)

All I can offer is the suggestion that gcses are re-sittable, and your daughter isn't putting her entire future at risk by missing this one. Even though the school will likely say otherwise. One of mine missed all her exams for very valid reasons, was accepted into college where she did 5 gcses on the side (mostly working at home) and still made it to Uni via an access course. A year or two late, but it doesn't impact her in the least.

I also had a bad experience on Topiramate, it's an epilepsy drug and had a lot of side effects for me, they are now understanding that there's a strong connection between epilepsy and migraines (or rather they show similar 'brain storm' patterning hours before symptoms appear).

As for 'anxiety' I know when I am experiencing stress over the long term, my migraines get worse, but it really isn't as simply as calm down and they go away, long-term things like meditation and relaxation can help reset the pathways, but once a cluster has started, they seem to have a life of their own. It's like saying just relax to treat high blood pressure, yes, there's a relationship but there's no simple connection, plus having migraines makes you depressed and anxious as they end up ruining parts of your life! If you haven't tried the Curable app, that's one way forward for after the exam period for your daughter, alongside medication.

I am stating it as a fact, because it is a fact @1000pieces

I am a research scientist, I work in this area.

Have you read the systematic review you linked (and indeed all the studies that are used in it)? Asessed them for quality, risk of bias etc?

Or did you just do a quick google for a study title that fitted your post?

It was the GP who diagnosed stress related migraines. And as they usually respond to migraine medication she must be right.

She never gets headaches in the holidays.

Plus Boris is making this exam pressure worse by saying that students that don't pass their GCSE Maths and English won't get loans for uni- surely students who can't sit first time around for some reason (bereavement, illness, school refusal) and go back to college and resit are exactly the type of young people we want to be well educated! Just like @Solosunrise 's daughter. More pressure on the young for absolutely no reason (to save money obviously but not for the young people's wellbeing).

Sorry you're going through this. I would keep her home, its what I did with one of mine. I have triplets going through gcses - they have all been unwell and all on antibiotics. One actually missed an exam. He couldn't open his eyes for the pain and couldn't stand steadily. Took a bit of getting to but we finally got a diagnosis and supporting evidence. They have all got to all other exams, definitely has impacted on last minute revision (sleeping instead) and high temps and headaches aren't ideal for revision or exams. What the exam board will do regarding the missed exam I can't say. But if he fails its not the end of the world. He was in no state to go in and that was that. I have done my best to support him and all of them and that is all I can do. I understand your stress totally though, in the end it was my decision to keep him home on the day so I felt responsible. Honestly though I can't see he'd have even written his name on the paper. Equally felt bad dosing up a child with a temp of 39 and sending them into an exam then bringing them home to sleep for the rest of the day. Which I have done repeatedly through the 3 of them. Hope History isn't one she wanted to do for A levels and she improves. The one my son missed isn't one he wanted to continue with. Just this week left to get through.

I'm speaking as a migraine sufferer and I am baffled you would continue to say "it is a fact" when I've just posted two systematic reviews that say the cause-effect between migraine and anxiety is not fully understood. Weird.

Leaving aside that the OP herself has repeatedly explained that her daughter's migraines ARE brought on by stress and anxiety.

OP, I'm so sorry for your daughter. This will all be adding to her stress now too. Hoping the school/exam board do the right thing and it all gets resolved.

If she's aware these migraines are brought on by stress, can I suggest getting her to download an app called Curable? I've used it to help with chronic back pain, but there are loads of success stories within the app from people who have adopted some of the strategies for migraines.

No worries! The reason I always reply to posts like that is because these kind of repeated myths have real world consequences for people with migraine that disproportinately affect women.

I.e., passed over for a promotion, not given the same opportunities at work as others ("wouldn't want to stress X out, she gets migraine you know"), your xyz symptoms must just be because you get migraine, don't need to investigate them etc.

People not getting proper support and treatment because they're told relaxing and stress relief will make an underlying genetic disorder go away.

Top tip is that if you wouldn't say it about type 1 diabetes (for example), don't say it about migraine. OF COURSE managing anxiety and stress will help any chronic disease, but it won't make it disappear

In the circumstances, school sounds pretty shitty

I'm a secondary school teacher too. I find that some schools have a culture of "exam blinkers" around this time of year. All senior staff can think about is bums on seats in the exam hall and churning out the grades.

I expect a combination of that and the way some people claim to have a migraine when they have a bit of a headache has led to the school's response. I had migraines as a teenager, including ones which caused hemiplegia. I looked like I'd had a stroke but some people still liked to recommend a paracetamol! Luckily I gradually grew out of them in my 20s.

You are seeing the situation from your point of view and the school is seeing it from theirs. They were only outlining the various options.

They won't be keen for your daughter to miss an exam after all the years of studying for it.

A history exam isn't seen as being as vital as maths and English, so she would be fine without it.

Hi OP, it sounds like you are doing everything you can for your DD and as pp said, if she is too ill, she is too ill. So now its a question of waiting to see what happens and trying not to worry too much about worst-case scenarios. The best thing you can do for her now is stay as calm as possible, reassure her that you will sort it out and all will be well, even if you have to bite your tongue.

You didn't say who you spoke to at school and whether they were actually in a position to advise. It sounded to me like they didn't have enough authority or knowledge to advise you and were just towing the general party line.

Her History teacher will know it's her favourite subject and that she wanted to do A level.
Even if the exam board doesn't take this into consideration which is unlikely as you do have evidence, her sixth form will.
Many people have injury/illness that affects their exam day performance. (two of my DC had sporting injuries - metal plate in wrist GCSE and broken finger A Level) and these were taken into consideration.
You've reported it all to the GP who already has records of seeing her and will have records today.
Don't forget schools have had to make exam predictions based on attendance and previous performance and they can do this now, and they will have had to keep records to allow them to do this in case there's another emergency.

Is she staying at that school or looking for a sixth form college. If all her other GCSEs are reasonable, that is also a predictor for her ability to do history A level, for example if she's done ok in other essay writing subjects. All she has to do is to be allowed to get onto the A Level course and with support from her school records and other exams so making an appointment to talk to them

In my experience, sixth forms are eager to recruit high-performing students and woo them away from other schools and if a blip on her history GCSE due to proven illness makes her existing school turn her down, there will be others more than ready to take her on. It's worth making some calls before the end of term.

Pizotifen is quite an outdated med - I was on that in the 90s and my migraine specialist (who is one of the best in the country) has been very sniffy about it. If you possibly can manage it, take her to see a private specialist ASAP.

I have chronic migraine, daily pain from childhood and have been on all sorts of meds for it. Now doing medical Botox as well as the 'ordinary' meds. It is a treatable condition but better to be as aggressive as possible and not lose time to pain.

Contrary to what some are saying on the thread, it is sometimes possible to push through migraine. Not as black and white as people are claiming! But I completely agree you did the right thing; only stating this for clarity x

@curlyLJ that's a good call - a friend of mine uses Curable for dealing with trigeminal neuralgia, and I understand it's helped enormously.
Thank you for the reminder!