Horrible phone call with school😭

[ArseInTheCoOpWindow]

My dd has bad anxiety and severe stress migraines. She’s struggled in through all her exams with blinding headaches. She was diagnosed 5 days before her first exam and medications are a bit hit and miss. She’s hardworking and diligent.

Last night she started with the worst one ever. Was very upset about her history GCSE today. She was not in a fit state to go. All of her problems have been supported by lots of GP evidence. I sent the last letter in yesterday.

Conersation with school 1/2 an hour ago.

’It’s only an hour, can’t she come in’
’Can’t she take medication’
’Not sure what the exam board will do’
’You’ll need a doctors note’
”Can’t you just encourage her’

Like l was fucking lying!!!
She’s so upset, l was upset by the call. It’s all documented and this is what you get. Gilt tripping when your poor 15 year old is too ill to think clearly ‘Can’t she just come in for the hour?’🤬🤬🤬🤬

Migraines are grim, the ''Blinding'' part tends to last a relatively short time,{under 40 mins} as the vision is absolutely obscured with the scintillations and shimmering of the 'Aura'.
One can still ''See'' these visuals with closed eyes.

When the Aura clears, the pain begins.

The pain and nausea/vomiting can be stalled or ameliorated in some cases by taking meds the second the first tiny ''Dazzle'' appears.

I have done two exams with a migraine..Was physically sick afterwards though.
Passed one, not the Maths paper though, had to redo that.

Best to show up, but I sympathise.

Finding the right drugs is difficult. Very hit and miss.

Stress is a massive trigger for some people.

I do sympathise very much with your Daughter.
As a child, I'd often be prostrated at school with sick headaches, lying in the medical room , under a scratchy grey blanket.

{Even at Junior school}

We had a lovely young man student teacher come in, and he too had sick headaches, bless him.
He too was in the medical room with the sick bucket..

Stress/excitement plays a huge part in my migraines, even a ''Fun'' thing like a party or a riding holiday could set them off.

I never found effective drugs, and once the ''B@stard'' has bedded in, {EG, if you wake up with one} no drugs shift it, even morphine.

Maybe yoga or relaxation might help your DD as well as eating enough.
Hunger can be a trigger for some people, too.

Best wishes.

My {Female} GP says for her an anti~nauseant {Prescribed} and ''The cheapest Tesco soluble aspirin'' are her ''Go~to'' treatment for her migraines.

She swears by them.
But taking them at first sign of the Aura is crucial, as the digestive tract doesn't absorb as well once the migraine is under way with it's ''Boom Boom Boom'' pain that gallops in like a thundering Cavalry.

I think you're being very unfair to the school, especially as you understand the system. They have done what they are supposed to do and will make application for Special Consideration in the usual way, all their messages mean is that they are making sure all avenues have been addressed, they don't seem to suggest that SC will not be applied.

Migraine as a diagnosis refers to the mechanism and the syndrome rather than just the intensity of the pain, which is part of the reason why it doesn't only refer to absolutely excruciatingly awful headache pain. (There are other causes of very severe headache pain, too.)

As someone with a diagnosis of severe chronic migraine, I've been told that it is specifically the same basic causality giving me the day to day headache pain, which isn't always as bad as the excruciating pain most commonly associated with the 'migraine' label. The doctor who told me this is a world renowned expert and researcher, working at one of the foremost hospitals with a speciality in these issues, so I do believe him! Hence why I have taken exams with ongoing migraine: I had chronic migraine symptoms as a constant background. I was never free of them. For some chronic migraine patients that is how it presents, and it's not the same as people who have migraines from time to time where the pain is incredibly severe, and different from any other pain they suffer.

@oakleaffy absolutely correct about the absorption issues related to migraine! It's another reason why some people do better with non traditional forms of administering their triptan (eg nasal spray or subcutaneous injection).

I have gastroparesis too, which is a complicating factor.

GCSE’s are such a waste of time. Universities don’t even look at them. Don’t worry about it. Her mental health and stress levels are far more important. She will feel the love and support from you - that will last a lifetime.

Agree totally.

I envy people so much who say ''I never get headaches!''

They absolutely cannot begin to understand that under the grip of a really bad pounding Migraine, it's hard to even walk a couple of steps.

Migraine sufferers are also more likely to suffer motion sickness.

Lots of lucky people have never experienced a migraine here!

Hi, OP -

I have only read your posts so I hope I am not repeating anyone. But I know a lot about three things going on here.

1. Migraines are hell and I am so sorry for what your DD is going through. I have migraines, and Topiramate changed my life. I know it approved for children for seizures. I simply don’t know about migraines. To minimise side effects, I worked up to my current (large) dose very slowly, I think at about one quarter of the recommended speed. And I split my daily dose into three rather than two. But I am not a large person, and the only side effect I have is that fizzy drinks have a funny, unappealing taste. Well worth it! I was also referred to a Migraine Centre at a large NHS Hospital and put on a second med with the T for a couple of years. At the first appointment the consultant bedazzled me with the treatment arsenal. Perhaps your DD needs such a referral?
2. I have sat on a number of University Mitigating Circumstances Panels and while I would hope that with proper documentation your DD will be excused - it is the only civilised outcome - one can never guarantee what will happen. I don’t mean to alarm you, because it should all work out, but I think that phone call was likely an attempt to look out for your DD. I don’t see it as a reason for anger.
3. I hope you can start planning ahead now, because I think you will be needing to establish habits to help your DD through her A levels and, if she chooses to go, through the university years. Migraine is a misunderstood condition. We need to be proactive in doing the best we can for ourselves. That is especially difficult when you are first away from home so the next two years are really important. Best wishes

The school and people on here saying she should go in clearly have no idea of how Ill a migraine can make you feel.

Op I don't think it's ASD, every one automatically assumes ASD but it's likely to be a stress disorder about any little thing.

Schools to make such a massive deal out of GCSEs and it puts a huge amount of stress on students. They make out its the be all and end all when actually lots of students will re take them again during A levels any way.

I know your DD at the moment won't beable to see it that way. Get tough with the school if you have to. Your doing the best thing for your daughter.

That’s the response I’d expect tbh.
of course they’re going to try and encourage you to bring her in for her exam.
my daughter has complex disabilities and even when she can barely walk on some days she still has to attend school by law.
I know it’s frustrating but there’s no free passes for people who have illness or disability.
schools will always exhaust every method to get your child in to learn or test that’s just the way it is.

Can she take Naproxen? My ed is on day 8 of the worse migraine she has ever had and her gp prescribed that for her as the Sumatriptan wasn't helping at all. The Naproxen really has helped relieve the pressure and the past couple of days have been a bit better.

OP, I wonder if the rise in anxiety among students over these kind of exams is due to the stress laid upon them. When I listen to posters here, you'd think that these exams would make or break a life. That if they can't take them or do poorly, their lives with be ruined.

Well, they are still children with only a little bit of life-experience of their own. How are they to know that not being able to take an exam or failing them is not the end of the world? It's only a brief moment in time, yet their whole career depends on the outcome of these exams?

There has got to be a better way to go about this. These attitudes and stress-levels put on children and young adults are unsustainable.

Everyone's experiences are valid; schools, when put on the spot, will probably react in a way that would attempt to minimize the departure from their norm; and the recommendations about specialists will be helpful for the girl's condition down the line, but...

I don't think any amount of magnesium, painkillers, vitamin B, beta blockers, meditation, cold flannels, whatever, can help sufficiently quickly, in this particular situation, in a time window of a week or 2. The DD is taking medication and the OP has said it's not that straightforward, as she is under 16, so too much experimentation with different things won't be possible. She has several letters regarding mitigating circumstances from her doctor, which the school has been given ahead of the exams with clear alerts that there is a problem.

There is only so much the school can do for helping with the environment of exam conditions, but it won't stop the girl being too ill to come into school, even for an hour, as it's nothing at all to do with her condition as it presents itself this week and that day. If she could have done something to get to 'functional' (as she'd had to for the other exams), then I'm sure she would have. There's no deception here, it's a pain to go to the exam board and have to try an alternative plan that probably won't be offered to you very supportively (if there is one), but give your energies to that, to start with, and be prepared to consider things like this instead if she is set on going through an exam - but in a different year: online-learning-college.com/knowledge-hub/gcses/booking-gcses-as-a-private-candidate/

The exams are extra spread out because of covid. If a pupil gets covid on the day of an exam it gives them a chance to at least take one of the papers in the subject and their grade will be based on the one they took.

I do think she has ASD. She has lots of sensory issues and food issues. She won’t talk to certain people in authority, and she has very high anxiety levels. She never played as a child much either.

Pzitofen makes her so sleepy. She tried doubling the dose but couldn’t keep awake.
I wonder if it’s an ASD thing? She has really intense anxiety and is ultra ultra sensitive to anything. So even minor stresses can top her over.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow this was another reason DD stopped taking the pizotifen (and the melatonin that we also tried). When on them, she slept better at night, but was still so groggy in the morning it was very difficult to wake her and she still ended up missing school, or being very, very late.

The intense anxiety also sounds very familiar, with 'minor' things absolutely causing so much anxiety/panic that she doesn't sleep which then brings on a headache, which means she misses school. We need something to break that cycle, hence having spoken to the GP about anti-anxiety meds. Hopefully we won't have to wait till she is 16 for those.

I really hope your DD starts to feel better, and that the exam board are understanding.

This is very interesting. I’m on the spectrum, suffer migraines and also really struggle with anxiety. It’s been debilitating at times. I really hope your dd can get some proper help and find something that sorts out her issues long term.

Exams are a reflection of the school so of course they will say all you’ve stated. Your daughter’s health comes first and therefore do what’s best for her because an unwell and unhappy child with good grades is useless. Wish you both the best, X

There are plenty of students who would try and get out of an exam and parents who would support them. Unless the person you were speaking to knows your daughter well, what do you expect?

If the person being spoken to didn't know the student then they should have listened to the mother, said they would check on processes and getr back to mother. Then they should have spoken to relevant person who does know the student and procedures should have been followed accordingly! Fatuous remarks about coming in without full knowledge are not appropriate!

I am so sorry to hear this. I had migraines from the age of eight and my school teachers were a nightmare not understanding. Now 54, still having them daily, I cannot cope with the pain and had to give up my business as some days I can barely move with the pain. Long story short, Rapid Response had to be called when I had sepsis last year and the paramedic was shocked I hadn’t been given oxygen for home use. She also told my GP that she is sure that I suffer from cluster headaches too. I hate the CH term as the pain is worse than migraines. Now on a waiting list for oxygen. I hope that my experience helps in some way and that your GP will refer her to a neurologist as that’s where I am hoping to go to soon (a private one as I cannot wait for another year like this). Apologies if half of that doesn’t make sense as I have a nightmare migraine right now and no meds work. I will check in again tomorrow if possible. Wishing both of you all the best!

That's awful, OP. They need retraining. They are minimising a serious condition as if she's making a fuss over a little headache. I would be making a complaint over this.

I used to suffer so badly with migraines for years all through school and college and about 5 year ago I got a daith piercing and honestly it’s the best thing I ever did.

It used to affect me when working I was always having time off I went from having around 5/6 migraines a month to about 2 a year!

Just something to consider and to be honest I think a lot of people who’ve never had a migraine play them down saying it’s only a headache.. I couldn’t even get out of bed at times needed a dark room and no sound and would literally be sick until there was nothing left in my stomach and I would need to sleep it off. None of the medication from doctors worked, only thing that would take the edge off was nurofen after I’d finished throwing up and it would shift.

I would get a sick note from the doctors and see if your able to reschedule her exam.

good luck x