Horrible phone call with school😭

[ArseInTheCoOpWindow]

My dd has bad anxiety and severe stress migraines. She’s struggled in through all her exams with blinding headaches. She was diagnosed 5 days before her first exam and medications are a bit hit and miss. She’s hardworking and diligent.

Last night she started with the worst one ever. Was very upset about her history GCSE today. She was not in a fit state to go. All of her problems have been supported by lots of GP evidence. I sent the last letter in yesterday.

Conersation with school 1/2 an hour ago.

’It’s only an hour, can’t she come in’
’Can’t she take medication’
’Not sure what the exam board will do’
’You’ll need a doctors note’
”Can’t you just encourage her’

Like l was fucking lying!!!
She’s so upset, l was upset by the call. It’s all documented and this is what you get. Gilt tripping when your poor 15 year old is too ill to think clearly ‘Can’t she just come in for the hour?’🤬🤬🤬🤬

Pzitofen makes her so sleepy. She tried doubling the dose but couldn’t keep awake.

@TriceratopsRocks I wonder if it’s an ASD thing? She has really intense anxiety and is ultra ultra sensitive to anything. So even minor stresses can top her over.

@Artwodeetoo after 3 decades surely you must realise some dc do struggle with stress related health problems.

OP your dd is only 16, reassure her that she has plenty of opportunities ahead to do her exams.
An extra year will not matter.

@TriceratopsRocks it did nothing for me either. While I'm wary of listing my full protocol here because what is right for me as an adult probably wouldn't be for any of the children mentioned on the thread, I can say I now take two preventers for migraine, and rizatriptan as my main reliever (having tried multiple others). I have other conditions so my situation is unusually complicated, but seeing a proper specialist has been life changing for me in terms of reduced pain and is what I would now recommend to anyone with more than occasional migraine x

Can l just thank all the lovely kind posters on here? I’ve calmed down a bit, but this year has been shit.

The exams have stretched over 6 weeks and it’s just too much for some of the students. She’s not even 16 yet.

Poor girl. I was very poorly during my GCSEs and still remember both how much it sucked, and the kindness of my parents. You are doing a great thing for her

I forgot to mention what worked. I had horrible visual migraines where I would see zig zag lines and then later the migraine came on fully.

CBT, meditation, therapy, journaling, venlafaxine, telmisartan Got rid of the anxiety and migraines.

I'm old though. The GP might have something that works in the same way for teens.

My son was held by a knife to his throat in a robbery at our house immediately before his gcses. He took all of his exams. He passed 5. He is super bright bur was clearly badly affected and sadly, I realised too late he missed his gcse English by 3 points otherwise I'd have appealed. The school did nothing. That's one of the UKs top Outstanding schools for you!

Your daughter, OP will probably need to resit unless you find an alternative way for her to gain qualifications like Get Skilled. I would strongly recommend hypnosis and CBT. Medication is not the way to go, illnesses of the mind typically need mind work not chemicals. Good luck to her x

Sadly this is true. I’ve seen a student who was in a car accident (quite a significant one) didn’t attend exam and they still refused her reason and evidence. Though usually they are understanding and will accept other evidence

it’s a horrid situation. I understand op why she can’t do it but I think the school was just concerned because they can’t overrule an exam board either

@Dibbydoos

I would strongly recommend hypnosis and CBT. Medication is not the way to go, illnesses of the mind typically need mind work not chemicals.

Gosh.

Medications can be lifechanging and lifesaving for "illnesses of the mind" like depression, schizophrenia, anxiety, OCD, anorexia nervosa etc.

Migraine is not a psychiatric condition. It is a neurological and vascualar disorder. There is no robust evidence CBT nor hyponotherapy are effective. Would you be suggesting this for epilepsy?

This thread is like going back about 30 years!

So sorry to hear this OP. I hope your DD feels better soon. If she is looking to do A levels I'd get an EHCP in place first, then she is legally entitled to special exam concessions like a small room, breaks etc, which may lessen her anxiety. My DD suffers from severe anxiety too, she ended up having a breakdown at A levels & was subsequently diagnosed ASD. Too little too late for her, but you can get your DD assessed ASAP privately & exam concessions in place. Tbh I'd probably be steering her towards something other than A levels though as the daily pressure ramps up tenfold in comparison to GCSEs.

There are much much easier ways of getting exam access arrangements in place than an EHCP. Not saying it isn't appropriate for the OP's daughter but there are easier routes to try first.

She already has a separate room. She was referred in March and the waiting list is 18 months so not much chance of an EHCP.

I had my first migraine during a GCSE exam many years ago. I remember it vividly, I put my hand up to go to the loo because I couldn’t see properly, horrendous aura, stood up and immediately threw up everywhere.

Your daughter has my understanding and sympathy. Migraines are a bastard and if you’ve never experienced one it’s hard to understand it isn’t ‘like a headache”.

Obviously she can't go in for any exams at the moment. Anyone who has suffered severe migraine will know this. Unfortunately some people still compare a bad migraine with a headache and think a couple of paracetamol and you can carry on. Some of her teachers might think this.I used to get migraines and going to bed with medication and waiting for it to subside was the best thing I could do. If I couldn't, the migraine would get worse until I had to go to bed. Afterwards I felt like a wrung out rag. I hope your daughter gets good medical help. For today, tell her you love her and reassure her that the exam situation will be sorted out later. I was a teacher and know that exams are not the be all and end all.

Anyone here who is saying can you just get her to go in has obviously never had a severe migraine.
The pain in your head is so intense It feels like your brain could actually explode and you are so beside yourself with pain that you don’t know what to do.
You can hardly move or speak or think.
The absolute best you can hope for us sleep but imagine trying to get to sleep whilst someone slowly drills into your skull. It’s that bad.
OP the school are just trying to get her in as I imagine they have had other instances of kids not going in for an exam for not a good reason so they just have to check.
You can get this sorted for your daughter with CBT for anxiety and there are some very strong but good medications to take to help too but it is sometimes a long road to get the good medications supplied.

Some 20 years ago I took my A level German as an adult after 7 years of evening classes.

Worst migraine of my entire life and I’m now in my 50s with some real stinkers along the way. They’re so debilitating. Your daughter has my absolute sympathy OP. I used to drag myself to exams with horrendous hay fever but the migraine was on a whole other level.

As my username implies, I’m deaf, so it was a lot of hard work and the exam board weren’t very willing to make adjustments which made for a stressful situation all round (I think it’s easier if you have a school behind you as they’re more able to advocate and put a plan in place).

The most they would agree to was my tutor, with whom I was most familiar, doing the oral and comprehension elements so at least I could lipread someone familiar, with an invigilator supervising. (Otherwise, it would’ve been a test of how well I could lipread German, not how well I understood and interpret the actual words and respond accordingly - with an unfamiliar speaker I might not have lipread them at all or very well even though I might actually have understood the words spoken if I could lipread them!)

The stress contributed to the most horrendous migraine ever on the day, which got progressively worse. I was so ill I had to ask for a time out to be sick and then complete the exam. I could barely even see as my vision goes grainy when it’s as bad as that.

I think I did bloody well to get a B in the circumstances - I’d been slated for an A. I don’t think I got any adjustments for the illness on the day, but the adult education college gave me the prize that year for the star languages pupil as they recognised the sheer effort I’d put in!

You’d think the school would be more accommodating in this day and age. ‘Can’t she come in for the hour?’ forsooth!

Only migraine sufferers or those witness to it will understand how absolutely impossible an exam would be during an attack.
I lose 40/50% of my vision. Couldn’t see the paper for a start. I once had to wait 3 hours for someone to collect me from a motorway service station because I had an attack mid journey.

The GCSE belongs to your DD not the school so I’m sure you would do anything possible to get her there were she able.
This is about them & their stats which is why I also would be upset. Not an ounce of sympathy.

Sorry to your DD.

You mentioned earlier that she takes propranolol for anxiety, is that a regular dose or something she just takes as needed? It can be used as a migraine preventative, although generally in a higher dose than for anxiety, so that potentially may be another option?

Ive mercifully only had one migraine. I was out of action and spend 3 days lying in a dark room. Its horrendous.

Theres apparently different levels of migrains.

I got ones as a kid (sound like what OP is discribing) where crippling and rendered me complely non functional. My mam had to adapt the house to be sesnsory deprivation because even an led standby light had me screaming in pain like a drill through the eye and into the brain.

I then laughed a few years ago when a friend was discribing her migraine, Im like 'thats not a migraine just a standard headache, I get them all the time' (nothing like I had as a kid). They got out the doctors note (bit excessive honestly) and pulled up the NHS migrains info and it turns out they also class as 'migraine' which is in sane because apart from the vision interferance they are nothing like the crippling agony I had as a kid, just a mild irratation really.

So migrains can run the gauntle from completely debilitating to just a mild headache with vision issues.

Turns out I had an undiagnosed eye sight problem (eyes dont focus together) due to my brain damage and thats why I get them.

I used to get horrific migraines (plus nosebleeds) so you have my full sympathy. Please don't panic! In the big scheme of things, how important is this particular GCSE?Is your DD planning on taking History at A-level? Does the school insist that pupils have the subject GCSE before they can progress? If yes, can she resit in school or elsewhere?
Your only job right now is to look after her and tell her it'll work out, because it will. It might need some creative thinking but her school will have dealt with exam-time medical issues and emergencies.
My saving grace was being referred to a paediatric neorologist. The Migraine Trust or the National Migraine Centre [https://www.nationalmigrainecentre.org.uk] may be able to help, if you're not already in contact with them.

Sorry the school handled the call badly. She couldn't go in, clearly.

I can't remember my own name during migraines. I don't get pain but get visual auras, complete confusion and pins and needles travelling from one side of my body to another. There's no way on earth I could do an exam in the middle of a migraine.

I love the idea that schizophrenics just need CBT not medication... we would have a lot of dead scizopherenic if they took that advice.

Anti-pychotic medications are absoloutly needed and deamed a critical and emergancy supply medication in the UK meaning a person can present to A&E or other drug carrying medical facilities and get an emergency refill immediately (pretty much the only other drug deamed as highly important is Insulin).

Migraines are horrific things.

I just want to correct something which keeps being repeated on here. You can't resit GCSES - only English and maths in November. Other subjects can, theoretically, be 'resat' but only in the next wave of GCSE exams a full year later.

A lot of students and parents do seem oblivious to tis.

OP you have the GP note now and therefore school will process the absence and medical evidence and the exam board will apply this year's absence policies.

Going forward, there needs to be proper discussion with a range of professionals about how she manages anxiety, and her migraines : it seems that her anxiety is worse surrounding the subjects she treasures most? If she is to do A Levels, that needs strategies and mitigations in place to help her.