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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Boarding School Help

144 replies

AviatorMama · 02/05/2022 15:56

Hi All,

I would like to ask mum's of boarding school children how they went about choosing a school? And from experience, are there certain questions we should be asking schools when we go to open days? What things should we be looking for/be conscious of?

DH and I went through the state system so this is a completely new ball game to us and we feel rather out of our depth.

DS's prep school suggested looking at Eton, Oundle, Winchester, Fettes and Uppingham. Any feedback on those schools would be greatly appreciated. I've poured through the various threads and seen a substantial amount of conflicting feedback/reviews.

Thank you in advance.

OP posts:
tomatoandherbs · 04/05/2022 16:57

HairyToity · 04/05/2022 13:54

@tomatoandherbs we can kinda afford private school, but it's not loose change for us. It's a heck of a lot of money, and our lifestyle would need to change, which would be a shock. At the moment DC are very happy in their local schools, and we are happy without the financial stress! DH and I have both said if we have any major issues with state (this would be the major change) we would consider private. Couldn't ever afford Eton mind.

That is great
So makes your stance all the more baffling
is it finances or your personal experience that puts you off

so fact your children aren’t in private is because they are happy at their school AND wouldn’t be easy financially

rather than your ghastly experience and the couple of parents you mention

tomatoandherbs · 04/05/2022 17:00

Because given your opening opening post - you’d think you would never consider private in a month of Sundays

tomatoandherbs · 04/05/2022 17:01

ForeverbyJudyBlume · 04/05/2022 16:50

Oxbridge doesn't hold schools like Eton, Winchester, Oundle and Uppingham in much regard either any more ... I honestly would not choose a private education, let alone boarding, on the basis of Oxbridge potential

67% state last year at Oxford

given the ratio of private to school numbers (7% private educated) that’s pretty strong holding by private wouldn’t you say?

Soffit · 04/05/2022 17:17

ForeverbyJudyBlume · 04/05/2022 16:50

Oxbridge doesn't hold schools like Eton, Winchester, Oundle and Uppingham in much regard either any more ... I honestly would not choose a private education, let alone boarding, on the basis of Oxbridge potential

I agree. It is actually very unfair but firmly taboo to raise it openly.

I know lovely kids with a string of A*s who went on to score 100% in their A Levels and made sure their applications were perfect. They were not even offered a first interview.

In the same year, some very average grammar school kids were given rather low offers (which they never met in the end on any case). It is a more imperfect system than ever before.

Engineering the intake has been twenty years in the making (by my count). It has changed the culture of these institutions for the worse as far as I am concerned. Culturally, universities like Edinburgh now feel like the more comfortable progression for public school pupils which is bizarre.

leftandaright · 04/05/2022 17:24

ForeverbyJudyBlume · 04/05/2022 16:50

Oxbridge doesn't hold schools like Eton, Winchester, Oundle and Uppingham in much regard either any more ... I honestly would not choose a private education, let alone boarding, on the basis of Oxbridge potential

I agree. But more fool anyone who chooses any private school on the hope of where their child will be at 18! I can’t believe many people like that exist though. Seems incredibly narrow minded if not downright daft. People choose schools for what happens in the 5 (or 7?) years that they are attending hopefully!

tomatoandherbs · 04/05/2022 17:28

@leftandaright

Many boys start at 13 in the private sector. So only 4 years until applying

AviatorMama · 04/05/2022 17:30

Thank you very much ladies! Some of you have provided utterly invaluable advice! @leftandaright you clearly get where I am and I really appreciate your insight. Similarly @nolanscrack and @Chilmark79 thank you for the advice and list of questions. Absolutely fantastic and what I was looking for.

As for the other comments (e.g. blindly following the whim of a 10 year old 🙄), honestly, if you don’t have anything nice to say and all that.

I think it might be best to end this thread here as I can see it descending - and it’s such a shame.

Thank you again ladies!

OP posts:
LaingsAcidTab · 04/05/2022 17:48

Our son goes to Oundle (day pupil, though). It is highly academic, and pupils need to develop a strong work ethic or staying on for Sixth Form may not be achievable. He absolutely loves it.

The school is spread around the town, much like a mini-Cambridge, and I think kids' ability to go into town on breaks makes a substantial difference to their experience - and the businesses' turnover.

I'd say that the overarching ethos is to encourage pupils to be self-reliant, well-rounded, disciplined human beings, who are given a lot of choice over the subjects they want to study and their non-academic pursuits. The staff are very family-orientated (many of them are married to other staff members), which gives it a particularly close-knit feel (which has its upsides and downsides), and staff and pupils alike are very involved in the school outside lessons.

I would really recommend it, and it's not for everyone. It has to be the right fit.

Innocenta · 04/05/2022 22:37

A higher percentage of state school pupils going to Oxbridge is plainly not unfair no matter how much you may dislike it.

Innocenta · 04/05/2022 22:37

Innocenta · 04/05/2022 22:37

A higher percentage of state school pupils going to Oxbridge is plainly not unfair no matter how much you may dislike it.

@Soffit ^

DeborahALondon · 04/05/2022 23:37

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Lougle · 05/05/2022 12:54

I just want to say that I hope you find the perfect school for your DS @AviatorMama. I can only imagine what it's like to have so much choice in education. Two of my girls go to the only state school that you can get a place at where we live. It's a good school for kids that do ok/thrive at school. My second DD isn't doing ok and is going through the EHCP process. It's overwhelming trying to decide what sort of education I should be pushing for.

You have so much choice. I hope that you find a school that will encourage, support, stretch and inspire your DS.

easternenergizer · 13/05/2022 08:52

Hey,

I left Oundle recentlyish. I have friends from the others besides Fettes.

Don't want to muddy your decision just an honest appraisal.

E and W are great schools. They provide a great education. However, I don't think theyre performing miracles. Take the brightest boys at 13 and put them together without the distraction of the opposite sex for 5 years, then frankly, I think they should produce great results. And they do. Just, as mentioned above, be prepared for them to not accept your child because the entrance procedure is hard and they really do know who they are picking.

Regarding Oundle. The entrance requirement of the school is not high. Please correct me if wrong but I believe it is 55% CE at 13? For a school with that entrance requirement to produce the results it does, was for me why I would recommend it. I hands-down admit I was not an E and W candidate at 13 and could have been left to coast. Oundle did not let me do this, and I got amazing grades and definitely exceeded academic my hopes. There were cases of students in bottoms sets getting into Oxbridge! If I had gone to somewhere else, I am sure I would have much worse grades. It (although have seen experiences of it happening on here to the contrary) takes people with wide potential paths at 13 and gets them to the very top of that path. It has an incredible work ethic that drove me and my friends. We all worked hard. It also is big, and self-reliance and making you work to and find your own schedule was also key. This sort of attitude definitely helped me at university and in the world of work. And it is why I think my friends found the transition at University not too bad (this is anecdotal)

So am not quite sure what other's knowledge of Oundle is on here, but clearly it isn't correct. It is probably top 3 co ed in UK.

There is a tendency to compare Oundle and Uppingham as quite similar because they're close and in a rural market town etc. This might have been the case 30 years ago and while there are similarities the education and energy of both places is definitely quite different now and I would strongly advise, as well as with the other schools, of visiting. When I was there (clearly they have upped entrance requirements form other comments), it was quite a bit less academic, and expectations on the students academically was not that high. I know a few parents who were slightly confused (read frustrated) they sent their child to Uppingham and got the grades they did when their peers from prep school who went to Oundle who were the same academic ability at 13 were getting MUCH higher grades. This might have changed with an entrance requirement but I wouldn't say Oundle's academic acheivements was because of what was being taken in, it was much more about the energy of the place; strong work ethic and ambitious.

Also don't be put off by Oundle's size. People on here mention it is too big and no pastoral care. In fact, I think socially, bigger is better. Year groups aren't dominated by a certain popular group, and actually I think it helps to provide an environment to express yourself in as an individual.

Fettes I don't know.

Would just point out visit all because I cant stress enough the school has to be right, not because it is on paper the best.

QuestionableMouse · 13/05/2022 09:29

A friend has her son at Durham School and he's doing brilliantly. dcsfmvc.tiarc-staging.co.uk/durham-school/welcome

Bit closer to Scotland and you could fly into Newcastle or Teesside Airports

Chilmark79 · 13/05/2022 12:27

@easternenergizer
I read your analysis of the strengths of Oundle and reasons for its success with great interest- thank you for sharing what are surely the most valid insights of all, those of recent, first hand experience. I think one key message to take from this- which is easily overlooked in the MN obsession with Eton vs Winchester- is the importance of ‘value added’. A good school should achieve top results when they cream off a tiny percentage of top performing 13 year olds. But perhaps a great school is one that takes a broader entry and works magic with them. This matters in chosing a school because adult life tends to be mixed ability and the willingness and adaptability to collaborate and make friends up and down the IQ scale is vital.

easternenergizer · 13/05/2022 18:09

Hope useful! I am happy to give you in private message any more info. But I would definitely visit them all.

AviatorMama · 18/05/2022 22:20

@easternenergizer Thank you very much for your personal insight. It was super helpful and makes a lot of sense.

We have in fact visited all the schools and we decided that Oundle would be the right fit for our DS. We all fell in love with the school, it’s ethos, the facilities, etc. on the tour. It was the one tour where our DS seemed to really relax and feel at home.

Am unable to articulate why we weren’t a fan of E+W. I don’t think it was just one thing. I think lots of little things. Ultimately, it was a gut feeling; they just weren’t right for our DS. They’re clearly very good schools, but as you point out, they should be when they cream the top.

We are all super excited now that we have narrowed it down.

Thank you very much wonderful ladies for all of your insight, comments and advice!

OP posts:
easternenergizer · 18/05/2022 23:05

Great! Im glad you found it useful and found it honest. Hope you had a wonderful trip and you son enjoys his time.

leftandaright · 19/05/2022 22:37

Such a lovely feeling when you know you’ve found your fit. Feel free to pm me with any O questions. Dh and I have been really happy with how our dc have blossomed and become diligent workers. It’s made revision in the holidays a doddle as they are entirely self-motivated and never need any cajoling to do their work. A great life skill!

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