Boarding School Help

[AviatorMama]

Hi All,

I would like to ask mum's of boarding school children how they went about choosing a school? And from experience, are there certain questions we should be asking schools when we go to open days? What things should we be looking for/be conscious of?

DH and I went through the state system so this is a completely new ball game to us and we feel rather out of our depth.

DS's prep school suggested looking at Eton, Oundle, Winchester, Fettes and Uppingham. Any feedback on those schools would be greatly appreciated. I've poured through the various threads and seen a substantial amount of conflicting feedback/reviews.

Thank you in advance.

Not sure about the applying to multiple schools thing with boarding. (Outside London.)

We applied to the two we wanted and the one we liked best accepted first. Really didn’t consider any others. (Though perhaps the possession of a prep school scholarship helped.)

(I mean - if you’re able to discern which schools really want your child, it’s less of a lottery.)

The issue I would have with this list is a really obvious one - the distance between where you live and the schools (apart from Fettes maybe - are you within reasonable driving distance of Edinburgh?)

DC at boarding school, particularly in the younger years, tend to go home every three weeks, so how is that going to work if you're in Scotland and your DS at school in Berkshire or Hampshire? I went to boarding school from 11-18 and my schools were about 60 miles from home, which was plenty both for me and my parents. I would honestly look for a school based on two main criteria - how it suits your DS and also how convenient it is for you to get him there and back.

Some good advice,I must admit the list youve been given does seem a bit odd,you say its been "carefully curated" ,if thats so could you say why your Head has said yes to Uppingham and no to Rugby or yes to Oundle but no to Repton..just trying to understand why hes given the thumbs up to the schools he has in the Midlands..
Regarding short leaves,ie weekends at home ,at least one of the schools on your list lets boys leave early if they live some distance from the school..mind you the boys will be scarred for live going there- what with the ridiculous uniform and having to put it on the cv ,but all the ones Ive known have coped somehow..

Agree with @zafferana. Unless there is something terribly wrong with Fettes, start your search there. Hopefully you will like it and not have to send him to the other end of the country making weekend visits home and trips for you to watch concerts etc difficult.

As an ex-boarder myself, then I suggest finding out what activities etc are on offer at weekends. Nothing worse that being bored at the weekend when you're missing home.

trips for you to watch concerts etc difficult.

Oh god yes - I hadn't even thought about sports, concerts, plays, parents' evenings, prize giving, parent socials, etc. You may look at that list now and think 'I'd welcome an excuse not to go', but honestly your DS will want you to be there at least sometimes if he's a keen sportsman, musician or actor and I wouldn't miss my DS's achievements for the world.

@nolanscrack Rugby, Harrow, Repton were all mentioned in the initial meeting. Head was honest and said DS is the kind of child who will thrive in most settings. In reality, the main driver of where he will eventually go will be what we are most comfortable with. We narrowed it down throughout the meeting as he said it was best to focus on 5-6 schools and start to narrow to 3 by the end this year.

@zafferana in reality Fettes is our preference for proximity. We did say we would keep an open mind though and tour the schools in England; these schools obviously being more widely regarded than options in Scotland… assumedly why many from DS’s prep go to them.

@Wartywart great advice ref what’s on at weekends. I stupidly hadn’t thought to ask that.

@1805 Academically he is very STEM orientated but also loves history and classics. Also loves computer science and is interested in electronics and coding. In terms of sport, he loves rugby, cricket and tennis… he’s good at sport, but he’s not making the A teams. He’s a super outdoorsy child who loves assault courses, camping, kayaking, shooting, etc. not sure if that helps at all?!

Given your list of things he's good at/likes, it sounds like DofE and CCF might be right up his alley. Luckily, most boarding schools will offer those and all will offer rugby, cricket and tennis. They may well have several teams too for each age group, so not just an A team, but a B, C and D as well, so you may find he has sporting fixtures most weekends.

There is indeed CCF at Fettes: combinedcadetforce.org.uk/find-a-ccf]]

How old is your ds and does he want to board?

Just a question for you - does he know what boarding will be like? Can you do a taster weekend or two before the decision needs to be made - one of my DD's boarded at 16, my dp boarded from 11 and hated it (prestigious all boys)

my dp boarded from 11 and hated it (prestigious all boys)

I imagine your partner isn’t currently 13, motogirl - in which case their historic experience will probably bear very little relation to what boarding school is like now, or how it will be for yr 9s starting in the next few years. (Which is not to say that a happy experience is now guaranteed - obviously not. But considerably more care is taken now to address issues that made boarding unpleasant in the past.)

I’ve never heard of taster weekends at E - can’t speak for the other schools.

But you may have missed the fact that the OP’s son is at a prep that clearly sends lots of children on to Public School. So he will know quite a lot about boarding through observing the process as older children apply, take exams and progress to senior schools. And from hearing of the experiences of his friends older siblings once there. And from hearing the conversation of the adults around him as they navigate applications with their children. It’s very, very different to living in a context where no one else at home or school has any connection to the boarding world.

You do know you’re free to Read The Thread? Or even Just The OP’s Posts?

Yes. We saw CCF at Fettes. I was in the ATC and did my DofE so I’m keen for DS to do these. I think he’ll really love them.

How about Gordonstone?

@LemonDrizzleSlice it isn’t academic enough. It’s also a 4.5 hour drive for us! Hilariously Oundle is easier to get to/from and is 3.75 hours on the train!

@motogirl Yes, he does. Please see @TottersBlankly comment which perfectly described his situation.

Right. I was just thinking "Scotland!" 😂

I would have thought that Oundle and Uppingham were fairly second rate, maybe they've got better.

Ok. I think you need to think practicality-wise.

I went to one of the schools on your list (given how few were co-ed when I was at school you can probably work it out).

Most people in my boarding house could be collected by car in 2-3hrs. Most went home for exeats on public transport. I really think proximity to the school matters - popping in to see a match/ play/ concert is good for your kid.

The only kids who travelled long distances were those whose parents lived abroad.

Sorry I did look at the OP - but hadn't seen that.

These are less for WinColl/Eton where my opinion is more like the others here.
but questions you may want to ask about BOARDING.

I ask about him wanting to board because I wanted to be sure that's what was actually wanted.

Fwiw I am an adult who boarded very very happily (interestingly from Scotland to england 30 years ago from young.
My DC are at state day schools and thriving academically and socially though they lack CCF, rowing and weekend trips to museums en masse.

As the DC reach the ages I was at certain points in my school career when I compare my life then to theirs now, they are definitely happier and more secure and less institutionalised than I was. I developed a coping mechanism that was necessary as you had to always be on your guard as you never knew who you may be sharing a dorm with next term.

I have also worked in a non-academic role in a major boarding school in the past 5 years and would still definitely not want my children to board until sixth form.

What responsibilities will they have in the house?

How many other tutors are there responsible for each house as well as the main head of house? How involved are they?

How much free time outside of co-curricular time is there? What do pupils usually do during this time?

How much external use of the facilities is there? This can be a pain as they are
promised so much access to amazing courts/theatre/pool/climbing wall etc and then the commercial team constantly let it out and pupils barely get a look in.

Is there any kind of a buddy system with older pupils when they arrive in y9?

What kind of house activities are there (my friend is house master and prepared an impromptu pre-exeat BBQ last weekend for all 60 of his house) ?

What kind of activities will they be doing which aren't co curricular?

E.g weekend trips are there? _ the geography will impact this to an extent
How much compulsory chapel etc is there?

Hope this helps-

If you look at Oundle then tour Laundimer House. Known as the Scottish house as lots of boys hail from there. Masses go home to Scotland on the train from Peterborough which is 10mins on the school bus that is put on for pupils at all exeats. Oundle v popular for Scots based on excellent train links home.
you need to be an academic type to thrive at Oundle however as it’s academics above all else there - esp STEM which is very popular.
other thoughts -
WinColl transport links not as good as Eton probably as train easier from eton?
rugby Marlborough being other comparable coed boarding schools don’t have such good links from Scotland /Edinburgh . Would make sense to look at schools on the Edin. to London train line.

Those are all good and relevant questions, breakdown19 - but I’d be astonished if they’re not all more than adequately addressed in either the prospectus (which I know can be a touch theoretical) or, in considerably more depth, during the course of an Open Day visit.

In my experience schools really do want parents and children to know exactly what they’re signing up to, down to the last detail, because it’s so incredibly disruptive and time consuming to have to deal with the fallout if a pupil finds they don’t like boarding life.

I am amazed at people describing Oundle as somehow second rate. It’s not an Uber selective hot house but it is very academic with lots of bright children and great results. It’s quite a big school so plenty of opportunities to find your tribe, lots of extra curricular activities and a good contingent of proper full boarders.

We decided on single sex but Oundle would have been first choice if we wanted co-Ed.

Honestly, the best thing to do is visit all of these schools as each one has a different vibe. It’s kind of like buying a house. You just get the feeling that it’s the right place.

What about Wellington? I’ve just been around it and thought it was amazing; child has however decided not to board. Excellent academics and masses of sports of every type you can imagine. Astonishing facilities (though same for Eton, the only other one on your list I’ve been to), really impressive and very nice kids who showed us around.

Probably people who don’t actually know it.

We looked at a lot of boarding schools in the midlands. I struggle to think of a more academic proper full boarding school north of the M40.
Uppingham used to be less academic but three years ago they upped their entry requirements. Rugby is comparable to Oundle on many levels. Oakham not much of a boarding school these days and definitely less academic. They offer btec’s for a start whereas every person at Oundle must do at least 11 GCSE’s and select 4 a levels (but one can be dropped down the line).
stowe used to be full boarding but I believe they’ve just chosen to go weekly and it’s also much lower academic entry requirements.
repton in the midlands not a proper full boarding school and hot houses hockey and cricket with many on full scholarships for sport (leaving fee paying pupils to fill the B teams!)