Boarding School Help

[AviatorMama]

Hi All,

I would like to ask mum's of boarding school children how they went about choosing a school? And from experience, are there certain questions we should be asking schools when we go to open days? What things should we be looking for/be conscious of?

DH and I went through the state system so this is a completely new ball game to us and we feel rather out of our depth.

DS's prep school suggested looking at Eton, Oundle, Winchester, Fettes and Uppingham. Any feedback on those schools would be greatly appreciated. I've poured through the various threads and seen a substantial amount of conflicting feedback/reviews.

Thank you in advance.

Agree with others who said it is a weird grouping.

From my prep school days (as a teacher), I would say that Winchester is for the quirky student. Eton - you can't go wrong.

I've never warmed to Fettes from my school days in Edinburgh, but that is 40 years ago. I would say you can't go wrong with Merchiston Castle or Loretto.

Is your DS in a prep school now? Does the headteacher have a good knowledge of boarding schools?

Agree that Oundle isn't second rate.It isn't on the map so much in the south east b cause there are options that are easier logistically but people I know in east anglia and the midlands rate it very highly and my DD has a group of friends who went there who are a very sparky and academic crowd.

Any reason you've not mentioned Strathallan?

Strange collection of schools!

Distance is one of the most important criteria I think. I would narrow it down by thinking mixed or single sex, and then visit the schools that are left. It all becomes quite clear once you have visited them as some you will love and some you will not like.

It is absolutely right that your DS is the one to drive this, assuming you can afford it.

Obviously, there are lots of factors to consider such as academics vs pastoral.

But for screening, look at:

Single sex vs co-ed
Boarding vs day (ie which drives the culture of the school).
Town vs Country
Exeats and ease of getting home.
Rugby vs Soccer
Religious ethos
Sports on offer
SQA vs GCE qualifications, and vocational
CCF
etc etc.

I was looking at Bedales school today. Just being nosy, really. £27,000 per year before you add music, etc. The educational timetable is worlds away from my girls' state offering. School for day pupils finishes at 6.30pm and the boarders keep going until 8.30pm.

One thing stuck out for me, though, about your post. You said that your DS is nearly 10, so it's not hard to imagine him as 13. My girls were all completely different children at 13 than at 10. They go through so much brain development and hormonal shifting during that time.

Wow, £27k is cheap!

One thing that is quite important is that students get a taste of boarding in prep school, gradually ramping up between Y3 and Y8.

I think a bit of boarding in year 8 is nice to do but nothing more. Boarding year 7 and 8 will make the transition at senior full boarding a breeze but children arriving at senior are 13, approaching 14 and adapt very quickly. They become very sociable at that stage and many needs start to be met by friends rather than mummy and daddy at that age (day or boarding!). I think experienced senior schools combined with prep heads can get a handle on whether a child is cut out for senior boarding before offering a place. That’s how Oundle offer places anyway - subject to entry exams.

Other boarding things to consider are ratio of overseas to uk nationals (higher in proper boarding schools for obvious reason), whether houses are eat in or central canteen (pros and cons to each), frequency of exeats and how they fit with your expectations. If you choose a school that is not convenient for you to drive to every Saturday and Sunday (weekly) then make sure no pupils are allowed out at weekends on flexi exeats as the boarding houses will empty (no matter what the head says!!) and weekend activities fall apart if pupils can head home as there’s no one left to take part. I cannot stress this enough .

get shown round the schools by pupils on a normal school day and see how you find the school vibe

meet the housemasters of prospective boarding houses. See who you think would gel with your child the best .

If you are in Scotland what about Glenalmond ? My friend’s DGS is there and loves it . Or Gordonstoun ?

Seems odd you've given no consideration to any of the Scottish boarding schools other than Fettes. Trekking up and down the country at the start and end of each term, plus exeat weekends sounds dreadful.

Have a look at Dollar Academy, excellent CCF, music and other extra curricular as well as academic.

Back to your original quest for questions…. How many in the boarding house? How many resident staff in the boarding house? How many hours are these staff expected to teach etc in addition to their pastoral responsibilities? Do you think the remaining time they have left is adequate to be loco parentis to that many teens? Do you trust them adequately that you are happy for them to take your place for about 60% of the year? Do you think they’ll do as good a job as you will in supporting your child? Your child’s peers will actually most likely have more influence on their experience than anything else but sadly you can’t interview them!!

OP might be looking for something that Scottish full boarding schools cannot provide which is surely why all of us choosing boarding schools opt for something further away. Perhaps the academics elsewhere are better suited to the OP’s child (G’stoun certainly not known for academic excellence but a more holistic approach …) or maybe just offering a broader experience outside of Scotland.

Fettes has a bad drug reputation I think. The kids I know from Dollar and Loretto are all lovely!

Our son is Academic and he wants us to consider the likes of Eton/Winchester but he is equally conscious of the fact that we are a little uncomfortable with such schools

What a shame if your being ‘a little uncomfortable with such schools’ prevents your son from going to schools that he would like to consider.
On the other hand, were he to attend either of those schools, then it wouldn’t be much fun for him if you were complaining about his choice throughout his school career.

There’s so much money available to households that use public schools that it’s inevitable that drugs (particularly coke) will be very present….

Sorry - was responding above to @FinnRussell

I’m curious as to why your HM has come up with such an England-heavy list. Fettes isn’t the only excellent school in Scotland- Merchiston, Glenalmond, Loretto should all be worth considering and (depending on where in Scotland you are) might reduce the logistical challenges others have identified. Don’t underestimate the benefits of being reasonably close at hand; I’ve done it both ways and promise you both parents and DC are happier if you are able to pop down for matches, concerts and the odd tea. If you are set on the HM’s list the best thing to do is visit as many schools as you can. As one teacher said to me “all these schools are much better than they need to be”- there’s no bad choice here, it’s a question of which school community you want to be part of. The two on your list I know reasonably well are Eton and Winchester. Of course these are both great schools but highly flavoured, so only pursue them if you are clear they are what your DS and you really want in terms of ethos and culture as well as academic prestige. Oundle and Uppingham by reputation are really strong at present but less quirky and self-referential than E and W, and might feel more ‘normal’ as co-Educational. Good luck with your choice, @AviatorMama

Strathallan might be worth a visit.

It isn't an odd list at all. You have a selected of strong, all-rounder, academic schools. Saying that, it sounds like your DC is pretty academically able - in which case I would switch Uppingham for Rugby, which has the edge on academics. Note that Rugby, Oundle and the other Midlands schools are popular with Scotland-based families. I'd add Harrow to the list, too.

There are other excellent academic boys' schools - Tonbridge and Sevenoaks - but probably not geographically easy for you.

Size is a big consideration - Oundle and Eton are huge. If your DC likes sports but doesn't excel, he will likely make a higher team at a slightly smaller school such as Rugby.

Yes all of this.
The in loco parentis part is the bit I would be most worried about

@breakdown19 Interesting that you are ex-boarding and sent your children to state… yet, I sent go state and based on my experiences (especially when I got to university), I would like to send mine private. I guess all we can do is base our decisions on our experiences. Your list of questions is absolutely fantastic! This is exactly what I was looking for.

@leftandaright Yes, I know there is a big Scottish cohort at Oundle which is why I’m surprised my list has greater such a level of incredulity. We are touring in a couple of weeks and will be getting the train. It’s super simple, quicker/easier than potentially other Scottish boarding schools to get to, and many kids get on that train.

@BookwormButNoTime It is very much my understanding that Oundle is academic. I’m honestly perplexed at some of these comments.

Have you looked at Merchiston? I know several boys who attended and the parents rave about it.

@CraftyGin We have considered other Scottish schools but shortlisted Fettes. Merchiston is a lovely school but it’s academics aren’t strong enough. Loretto isn’t a full boarding school, it’s academics aren’t strong enough and it really isn’t particularly well regarded.

@Perfectlystill Yes, I’m very aware that it’s a strange collection of schools. I think everyone has made their thoughts on that clear. Geographically, these are all easy to access for us though via train or short flight. That’s why we are considering them.

@leftandaright excellent questions. Thank you. We toured with a student at Fettes and that definitely helped. Although I’m sure they pick the nicest child possible to do tours ha

@Chatwin We have given consideration to other Scottish boarding schools but others don’t fit the bill and/or are awkward for us to get to. Dollar doesn’t have strong the academics that we are looking for.

@FinnRussell EVERY school has a drug problem… I hear this comment about ever single school, even the state schools. Dollar and Loretto don’t have strong academics, we have considered them but they didn’t make the shortlist.

@Chilmark79 thank you. We have considered other Scottish boarding but decided to discount for various reasons.

@nixon1976 hallelujah! Someone who hasn’t judged my list 🤣 appreciate the advice ref Rugby.

@Blinkingbatshit This is amazing!!! Thank you so much and exactly what I was looking for!

Yes, looked at Merchiston. It’s a lovely school with great facilities but the academics aren’t strong enough. I also preferred the vibe at Fettes. If we stayed close by, I would prefer Fettes over merchiston.

Anyone got a boarder at Eastbourne?