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Secondary education

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Original poster

DD has got a detention for using racist language

294 replies

SaveTheMockingBird · 18/11/2021 09:38

My DD who is 11and in year 7 has been in trouble at school for using racist language. She is serving a 60min detention after school today.

She has used a racist word that she probably didn't know had racial connotations, but pretty abhorrent. The other child had called her a midget during an argument (she is small in stature, only turned 11 in Aug) and she retaliated by saying a word which related to an animal considered very offensive to this boy's heritage.

The school hasn't communicated with us, just a notification from class charts, saying that she has been given a detention and a brief statement about what it's for. There has been other incidences with this boy too verging on the bullying and I fully support the school in giving her a detention.

It wasn't just her, these incidences involved her best friend too.

My question is, do I contact the school regarding this? Or just let them deal with this? I hate to see her labelled like this so early into high school and it makes me so sad. She thoroughly deserves to be punished for the bullying behaviour, but I don't think she meant to be racist.
She hadn't even had a time out in primary school and always had very positive reports with regards to behaviour, so this is very untypical of her. She is normally a very quiet well behaved child. And now the school must think she is a troublemaker.

Do I let this be or try and explain the situation to school?

Thanks

OP posts:
daisypond · 18/11/2021 11:39

[quote PinkWednesdays]@daisypond Where have you got the word “pig” from?[/quote]
It’s the only word I can think of that relates to culture, and the OP said it was word relating to the child’s culture - I assume Jewish or Muslim. A word like monkey or gorilla relates to ethnicity.

dustandfluf · 18/11/2021 11:40

At the age of 11 she's old enough to know that what she said, in that context, was racist. That's why she said it! Does she call her white friends monkeyface?

LittleGwyneth · 18/11/2021 11:40

Ah, your update does sort of change things OP. Saying 'monkeyface' is really strongly not okay, and I can't imagine she didn't know that was an unacceptable thing to say, even if she didn't know quite the depth to which it was racist, or the history of it.

Glad she's been over to apologise, and the school has dealt with it. I think you can draw a line under it now.

Daisy03 · 18/11/2021 11:40

I don't believe for a moment she didn't know what she was saying.

But I also think of you believe she was naive enough not to know this thing would be insulting, then maybe you should have educated her a bit more before she reached this age?

BananaPB · 18/11/2021 11:41

She was lucky to have such a minimal punishment. I guess the lesson here is to use an insult that is more universal. Racist insults are treated more harshly than misogynistic or homophobic insults ime.

Do you really believe that she didn't know she was being racist ? And out of all the animals she picked the right combination of animal and race? Hmm

BeyondOurReef · 18/11/2021 11:41

I find it hard to believe that anyone doesn’t immediately grasp the difference between a (white British) parent calling their own child a (cheeky) monkey and using the same term to refer to a black British child. Even more so when it’s overtly being used as a slur.

It’s obviously not the same thing at all. Nor is it at all ambiguous.

I’d err on the side of using some other term even affectionately/playfully towards a child whose race makes ‘monkey’ an inherently loaded term. There are plenty of alternatives.

TeeBee · 18/11/2021 11:42

Sounds like both kids deserved detention. Your daughter shouldn't be name-calling and neither should that boy, whether racist, disablist or otherwise. They both need to learn that is not acceptable in school. Racial slurs hurt and so do comments about people's personal appearance. They both need pulling up.

DumplingsAndStew · 18/11/2021 11:42

If the kid was

ColinTheKoala · 18/11/2021 11:43

She is 11. Whether or not she knew the phrase was racist when she used it, she knows it now, and she'll have learnt a lesson. Schools also have to report racist incidents to the local authority I think?

Leave it there.

And yes, the boy should also be punished for using disablist language. Heightism seems to be the last acceptable bastion of prejudice (and you see it a lot on MN - a lot of the people anxious to parade their anti-racist credentials on here have no issue with going on about "small man syndrome").

However, racism is worse, and schools have to report racist incidents (or at least used to when I was a school governor).

DoggerelBank · 18/11/2021 11:43

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Original poster
SaveTheMockingBird · 18/11/2021 11:43

Asking for the boy to be punished for calling her a midget seems petty (not to be diablist) with her having called him what she did. It might come across being "tit for tat".

OP posts:
dustandfluf · 18/11/2021 11:44

@Dontfuckingsaycheese

This is a genuine question and I’m sorry for being so uninformed- when did it actually become racist to call someone a monkey? I feel ridiculously old and out of touch here but in my day we said things like ‘cheeky monkey’. I might even have said it recently. I will try to ensure I don’t. But - when did it take on racist connotations?
Have you spent your life living under a rock? It's been racist to refer to black people using the name for decades! We were even depicted in the media, books, illustrations and magazines as apes for 100's of years!
ErickBroch · 18/11/2021 11:44

You seem to be taking it seriously OP, and by posting here what she said I think that says a lot as you know it is explicitly racist, where you could easily have lied to make her sound better. I would definitely talk about the history and background of using that language and why it is so harmful. I definitely said stupid things I didn't understand when I was 11, learning is the best solution.

girlmom21 · 18/11/2021 11:47

@Greenmarmalade

** girlmom21

Your daughter is a racist bully. It doesn't matter that she wasn't a racist bully when she was in primary school.**

This isn’t right or helpful. She’s a child. She may have been racist or teased/bullied someone, which should be dealt with appropriately, but she shouldn’t just be labelled as a racist bully. Children make mistakes. It’s the job of adults to nurture and guide them.

She's been racist and is bullying other children. She is a racist bully. I don't understand you trying to deny that.
CatsArePeople · 18/11/2021 11:48

Both kids misbehaved and either both deserve to be punished, or neither of them does.

DumplingsAndStew · 18/11/2021 11:49

@ColinTheKoala

And yes, the boy should also be punished for using disablist language. Heightism seems to be the last acceptable bastion of prejudice (and you see it a lot on MN - a lot of the people anxious to parade their anti-racist credentials on here have no issue with going on about "small man syndrome").

Being short isn't a disability. The OP has given no indication that her daughter has dwarfism.
Height isn't a protected characteristic in law Confused

SickAndTiredAgain · 18/11/2021 11:52

yes, it was monkeyface to be exact

No way did she not know this was racist. And it doesn’t sound like she has said she didn’t, it sounds like you have naively thought this when you said she “probably didn’t know” it had racial connotations. This is a completely unrealistic thing for you to think

CatsArePeople · 18/11/2021 11:52

Being short isn't a disability. The OP has given no indication that her daughter has dwarfism. Height isn't a protected characteristic in law

Its still an insult. The boy started it. The girl just didn't know any better.

iloveeverykindofcat · 18/11/2021 11:54

She's 11 and doesn't know the racist connotatons of animalistic language? Come off it OP. She knows.

TeeBee · 18/11/2021 11:54

@SaveTheMockingBird

Asking for the boy to be punished for calling her a midget seems petty (not to be diablist) with her having called him what she did. It might come across being "tit for tat".
I don't agree. I'd rather my children not be taught that being racist is worse than being misogynistic, disabilist, or whatever. Being vile to another human being is still being vile and upsets people, and they both need to learn that. I don't think there should be levels of crapness that can escape correction. I'd be mortified to hear that my child had been bullying another child in any capacity and would prefer the school to deal with that as I would at home.
ElvisPresleyHadABaby · 18/11/2021 11:54

She absolutely knew Monkeyface was racist, or at the very least specifically hurtful to this black kid, it's ridiculous to assert otherwise. Poor kid, only 11.

Lampzade · 18/11/2021 11:55

@SaveTheMockingBird

I will email the head of year 7 regarding this who is the person she is having a detention with today. To emphaise that we are disappointed with her and we fully support the school in the action taken.
That is the correct thing to do Op
Kikkomam · 18/11/2021 11:55

Of course she knows. And it's irrelevant if midget was as bad or not (it's not), two wrongs don't make a right.

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 18/11/2021 11:55

@Dontfuckingsaycheese

This is a genuine question and I’m sorry for being so uninformed- when did it actually become racist to call someone a monkey? I feel ridiculously old and out of touch here but in my day we said things like ‘cheeky monkey’. I might even have said it recently. I will try to ensure I don’t. But - when did it take on racist connotations?
I grew up in the 70s and it had racist connotations then.
ElvisPresleyHadABaby · 18/11/2021 11:55

@CatsArePeople

Being short isn't a disability. The OP has given no indication that her daughter has dwarfism. Height isn't a protected characteristic in law

Its still an insult. The boy started it. The girl just didn't know any better.

She definitely knew better and said the most hurtful thing she could think of, racially harassing him.
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