Looking for a good boarding school with superb pastoral care with experience of mental health issues for y13 DC

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My challenge – finding a good mixed boarding school with superb pastoral support and decent academically for Y13 with ADHD and MH issues to retake her A levels - ideally SE but could be anywhere

Just that really … she’s bright but has had suicidal thoughts since she was 9, which have meant she’s had chunks of time off and often finds motivation difficult. She’s been diagnosed with ADHD, which her psychiatrist is clear is a significant part of this.

Having missed over 25% of year 13 pre-Covid, her predicted A*AA won’t be happening.

We see this as potentially a great opportunity for her to rebalance her life, develop her self-esteem together with the skills that would help at Uni. She says that she feels that she is “just beginning to find reasons to live” and she is genuinely excited about the future.

She’s gently outgoing, kind, funny with a real talent for friendship, with wide-ranging groups of friends, both boys and girls.

And a bit more ....So we think she would enjoy the social side of boarding school, with the structure helping her focus on studying where she studies best (at school rather than home) and – hopefully – learning to sleep at night, a real challenge with her ADHD, mind racing and dark thoughts keeping her awake until the early hours.

Clearly the pastoral support is key – having teachers that understand and support her, ideally with coaching for ADHD and encouragement/coaching to help her develop her thinking about what she wants from life.

Discovering that life can be fun, that she is worth something and has the power to make powerful choices about how she lives is more important than anything else.

And the school does also need to be reasonably academic – think 2-7% Oxbridge rather than 30% - She’s aiming for AAA in a mix of arts and sciences to get into the Uni of her dreams, with her teachers clear that if she didn’t have mental health issues she would easily be a AAA pupil. We don’t want to put any pressure on her – she’s achieved great grades with surprisingly little work in the past – now we are keen that she has the scope to “sort herself out” as she sees it, so that she can thrive at university and beyond.

Is sending her away the best idea in the whole wide world? She sounds vulnerable and kids usually like to be grounded in their homes.

There would be no way I would be sending her away.

If you’re wanting her to build on her self esteem etc, how do you think that will help?

Isn’t there anywhere local?

Yeah sorry, I suspect the replies aren’t going to go how you want. Sending a vulnerable child away to boarding school in this manner seems like an accident waiting to happen.

Why would you send a teenager like that away?

She needs to be supported by her family at times like this. Sending her away is just cutting her off from a support network

Dark thoughts racing through her head at night and you don’t want her at home? Yikes

Both my kids board, so I’m really not against boarding - but in these circumstances I wouldn’t be looking for a boarding school for your dd. It just won’t provide the level of pastoral care and guidance that is needed here.

And if her mental health difficulties are preventing her obtaining A* then she should get special consideration.

And how would someone with mental health difficulties survive in Oxford? From the bit l know, students are under immense and constant pressure.

Nowhere near the se, but St Davids college, Llandudno has a really good reputation locally for supporting SEN. They do a lot of outdoor education, so if this is something that would be a benefit to your DD it might be worth looking at.

do you write up job descriptions for a living OP? honestly your request for help reads a bit too much like a job posting than a sincere request for help.
no boarding and mh problems are not a good mix.

You want to send a child who has suicidal thoughts away to boarding school? Has she boarded before?

Will there be on site support for her dark thoughts in the middle of the night?

Are boarding school staff on call all night?

Hmmm.... she is longing to go away and is very excited by idea of uni. She flourishes in an environment with other teens, but not isolated at home without structure or companionship so lockdown has been very tough. Although she hasn't boarded, she has frequently stayed away from home for two weeks or so. Thank you Cwyd - absolutely, she loves doing outdoors things so I'll take a look at that, this is the kind of feedback I find very helpful

She is unusual in her MH issues, so no we would not be concerned about that. She hasn't acted on these thoughts but they are there. My understanding from our ADHD specialist is that this is very common in girls with ADHD. She is longing to take a big step forward and in the right environment we believe she could. However we think this is very unlikely to happen if she remains at home. Yes she is vulnerable but that doesn't mean home is best, especially as this isn't what she wants at this stage of her life.

The Emoji we aren't sending her to Oxford - we were really pleased when she removed herself from the Oxbridge stream of her school for precisely those reasons - we think she would be far happier at a less pressurised uni where she can choose whether to fly academically or not, and have plenty of opportunity to explore her other interests - of which there are many. The Uni of her dreams that she has chosen is exactly that and would suit her down to the ground. We are just keen to help her get there, having learnt a little more about how to look after herself: however vulnerable she is, she is now an adult and we need to support and recognise her as one. However much I want to keep her home and cherish her, this isn't what she wants.

"she is now an adult and we need to support and recognise her as one".
she's a 13 year old child. where do you get the idea that she is an adult?

Year 13, not age 13... She'll be 18.

got it :)

I don't think it would be fair or wise to entrust the care of this very vulnerable troubled girl to a boarding school.

Not sure boarding school for repeat Y13 would be a good idea for someone with MH problems.
I think it's probably time to draw the line under school and look at adult education.

Dd is going into y12 and has mental health problems. No way would I consider boarding for her even if she wanted that. You still need to parent.

Is this following the advice of her psychiatrist?
Might be worth looking at whether there is a cife college near you.

Governor at a British international school which offers boarding here (mixed). Her age will be an issue in terms of safeguarding, especially true of a mixed boarding environment. Given she will be out of mainstream school age, she wouldn’t be able to board at our school for example.

There may well be alternative schooling options that facilitate this, but I would guess that they will have majority SEN students. That doesn’t seem to be what you’re looking for, and likely wouldn’t be a great environment for her.

I don’t necessarily agree that boarding is a poor option for those students with MH issues. It simply means you need a school that is well resources, equipped and sufficiently educated on these issues to create a bespoke pastoral environment. Important to note that this will be expensive though!

I used to work in a boarding school as was very involved in the pastoral care side. Im not saying it wont work but I would be very cautious if I was you. Many schools may be justifiably reluctant to take her on. A child with suicidal ideation requires lots of support and careful observation this is a huge responsibility for the staff. Most boarding house have 60+ pupils and at times maybe 3 staff on duty, younger boarders are obviously more time consuming, older boarders generally require less supervision. And I'm going to be blunt here the school has a duty to protect your DD but all the other boarders as well a suicide in boarding house will have massive and permanent repercussions on all the staff in the house and the other boarders this. Its different if your DD had been there from yr 9 and had developed suicidal ideation but I just don't think you can drop her into a school in yr12/13 and expect the school to cope.
Secondly you think boarding will resolve her sleep patterns I very much doubt that, many who start boarding in yr 12 find the change a struggle, communal living isn't for everyone, its noisy chaotic and at times, there is little privacy and not much peace they get exhausted by this change in life style but this doesn't mean that you automatically sleep better. Lastly you say she is year 13 are you wanting her to start in yr 12 or yr 13 if she starts in yr 12 then she will be 20 by the time she leaves surely too old for boarding and inappropriate.

I’m afraid you’ll struggle to find a school willing to take a Y13 resit student who hasn’t been through their school, especially with the additional pastoral needs you describe. If you want her to do just one more year, you would presumably need a school that used the same exam boards too, or they might be covering different material. From a social point of view, I think that’s quite a hard time to join an established year group as the only new person.

I don't think it would be fair to put the risk of a suicide onto a school's duty of care. sorry.
What does her MH support person think?

| think you will struggle to find a boarding school that will accept her due to her age plus additional MH issues. The school would also need to teach the same exam board as her previous school. Would you consider one of the specialist retake colleges so she can stay at home and commute? If she can get to London or Cambridge MPW are good. As an aside, did she have access arrangements for her exams and is she taking medication for the ADHD?