Looking for a good boarding school with superb pastoral care with experience of mental health issues for y13 DC

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My challenge – finding a good mixed boarding school with superb pastoral support and decent academically for Y13 with ADHD and MH issues to retake her A levels - ideally SE but could be anywhere

Just that really … she’s bright but has had suicidal thoughts since she was 9, which have meant she’s had chunks of time off and often finds motivation difficult. She’s been diagnosed with ADHD, which her psychiatrist is clear is a significant part of this.

Having missed over 25% of year 13 pre-Covid, her predicted A*AA won’t be happening.

We see this as potentially a great opportunity for her to rebalance her life, develop her self-esteem together with the skills that would help at Uni. She says that she feels that she is “just beginning to find reasons to live” and she is genuinely excited about the future.

She’s gently outgoing, kind, funny with a real talent for friendship, with wide-ranging groups of friends, both boys and girls.

Many thanks for the more recent thoughtful replies - much appreciated. I was a bit surprised by the earlier replies as in a non-Covid world, DD would have been going to university this autumn.as she is longing to do.

Yes she is on meds for ADHD which have really helped - as did getting the diagnosis - and has extra time, and would have had special consideration if A levels had gone ahead as normal.

Her MH specialists have supported her doing some quite unusual things and regard her as very tuned in to her own risk and how to manage it. They also believe she is at a key turning point and ready for it.

Although I hear that many boarding schools would be concerned about her history I suspect the reality is that we know about this because she has spoken to us (and professionals) about it. As we all know, there are many others in similar situations - I have been very saddened to hear from her about the self-harming and other behaviours of her peers, including blake thoughts, which their parents are totally unawares of. This isn't to minimise what she is going through - it is very tough - but she is definitely not alone.

Any other ideas along the St David's lines? There must be others out there?

Just to confirm, by "the reality is that we know about this because she has spoken to us (and professionals) about it", you aren't planning on withholding information about her mental health concerns? It would be critical to disclose all information, for both liability issues and the fact that a qualified institution will not be able to account for what they don't know. You could find yourself in court if you don't disclose these. You seem responsible and caring, so I'm sure you wouldn't hide this, but just in case!

Bishop's Stortford takes over 18s I believe for sixth form, at least for international admissions. They've got an incoming new head, so unclear who would be involved in the decisions though as it's quite late in the day. Do you still want to consider entry for September? It may be a 2021 entry is more viable, but at that point she's significantly older than the other Y12s.

Hi ... its y13 we are looking for - so yes late in the day but equally not possible to put in motion until after receiving results. So would be one years study to redo A levels, having missed so much of year 13 (actually for physical health reasons, rather than mental)

And absolutely we would expect to share full information - we have always worked collaboratively with her health professionals and school and believe they are always more effective if they have the best information they can.

I think you are expecting too much from pastoral care and I worry it will be impossible to find pastoral care to the level you expect and for it to be adequate to your dd's needs.
Colleges no1 priority is academia.

I think the MPW suggestion is a much better idea. It would be a better ‘bridge’ between school and university, too.

I hear everything you are saying ... but know there are colleges out there - like the welsh one mentioned earlier - or are they really the only one??? Surely not??

We are looking for great support for the ADHD, and not anything specific for the MH beyond knowing it is there. With academia following the Special Need rather than the reverse.

Although places like MPW can be great for the right people they are definitely not what we are looking for - so really hoping for some other ideas, especially for boarding schools.

Somewhere that prioritises the person over the grades and really gets to know its students.

I agree there are children In all schools in both sector day and boarding who self harm and have dark thoughts whose parents and the school may kNor nothing about, but that doesn’t mean that it’s appropriate to send a child who has suicidal ideation to a boarding school particularly for one year.
I’m not anti boarding my son boarded, I worked I a boarding school but I am not convinced that your DD will benefit. For a start she will only be there 1 year, in a relatively short period of time she has to adapt to a totally new school boarding schools ate totally different from day schools, make friends, adapt to communal living, and start studying for A levels all this when you have significant ADHD and suicidal ideation. Yes she’s been taught coping strategies but in a environment she’s.not familiar in with lots of pressures including the pressure of getting good grades I just can’t see it working att could have a significant negative effect on her mental health.
Whenever I’m asked what sort of child thrives in a boarding school I always say you have to have a high degree of resilience, it’s not an environment for the super sensitive, you have to be adaptable, be able to happily live along side people you don’t like people who irritate you, people who are untidy when your a neat freak or vice versa live successfully, you have to be very good at reading situation and know when to leave people alone and when not too, boarders have little privacy they need to be comfortable with this but also be able to find privacy in a busy environment. Some take to it like a duck yo water many of those will have had siblings/close friends etc who board so know something about boarding and how it works others will take a good term to settle other two terms a few to really struggle to adapt to it and settle. You are asking you’re vulnerable DD to move to an environment and type of schooling she’s not familiar with and study for A levels and improve her grades and successfully utilise then coping skills she’s being taught. Your asking for a school with good pastoral care, what sort of support do you think they can provide. If she struggles to cope and they become concerned about her and feel she is a risk to herself they will send her home because no boarding school is able to keep her safe and as I said above they also have the welfare of their staff and other pupils to think of. A suicide in a boarding house is a terrible event that will permanently scar both staff and other pupils. But being sent home will obviously have a detrimental effect on her and her studies and placing more pressure on her.

I personally think you would be nuts to even consider it. You make the comparison between university and boarding but it is not the same environment boarding is good preparation for uni but because it does teach many life skills that are useful when you go to uni but by no stretch of the imagination is it similar.
Finally I would be very wary of any boarding school that takes her. Ask yourself why would you take a troubled girl for 1 year. Many boarding schools are struggling to fill their vacancies, what ever their website say, lots have a bums on seats ethos, but can they genuinely support your DD, do they have the necessary knowledge? Most house staff are teachers, matrons don’t require formal qualifications and increasingly gap year students are also employed especially in less schools (Who might be more keen to offer your DD a place) the older staff will have experience of your DDs age group and may have attended courses on pastoral care etc but they are not trained to deal correctly with significant MH problems. Do house staff have the time? Your DD could easily be one of 60, at the beginning of the year house staff spend considerable time and energy settling in younger new boarders. How many staff are there in the boarding house especially at weekends and at night? If your DD goes at hates it after three weeks and leaves you're likely to be liable for the next terms fees can you afford that?
My advise please think it over very carefully.

If she is only going to be there for less than a year it won't give the staff a lot of time to get to know her. I can't believe you are even considering this. Sorry but it's total madness going off the information you have given here.

I’m also not sure that boarding school is the right place, but if you’re set on it then take a look at www.stchris.co.uk. It’s a good fit ethos-wise, I think.

"Somewhere that prioritises the person over the grades and really gets to know its students."
Your looking for a school not a nice cosy holiday camp.The bottom line is that good grades = bums on seats.The overwhelming vast majority or parents are paying schools fees and in the case of boarding we're talking £40K+ PA because they hope and believe that their DC will get better grades there than they would have done in the state sector. Schools know this, it doesn't matter if your DD attends a super selective or a non selective the schools wants your DD to get the good grades over everything else.Yes they tell you about the pastoral care and the extra curricular activities etc and all these things exist but a school where these things matter more than good grades will struggle to survive. You may be in the minority and not be interested in grades but unless you attends. a school for children with signifiant special needs most parents will have a different agenda and the school will do what the majority want. Anyway you do care about grades because your wanting her to resit them to improve on the grades she's gong to get in the summer.

Firstly, I’m a big fan of boarding. I did it. My children do it.
And for these reasons, I wouldn’t even look to place a y13 girl with zero MH issues into a boarding school for one year let alone one with. The main reason is settling in as she will be joining a tight knit group of girls who have lived and boarded and grown up together. It’s like turning up at a party at 1am. Sober.
She will struggle to really fit in and break into such developed friendship bonds. That will only lead to feelings of isolation especially if boarding.
Avoid - and find somewhere we’re she is one of many joining not the only one and stands a chance of carving her own path with like minded friends to share her journey with.

I agree completely agree with leftandright she has 8-9 months max to break into a what is often a tight knit community. She will be in an environment she's not familiar with, new teachers different ways of working and be trying to make new friends and study all this could seriously impact on her ability to cope.

As a mental health professional I think you are asking way to much of a school, and your DD isn’t able to make an informed decision about committing to boarding school ....
It seems ludicrous that you want a boarding school to support her with her sleep difficulties, get to know the student as a priority over grades in the final year of A levels !!!!
A major transition into a boarding environment whilst retaking A levels sounds a big ask for any 18 year old, and yours has significant vulnerabilities ....
Ludicrous!!!!!

If you must do boarding -Gordonstoun. Small, outdoorsy, good pastoral support.

The OP says she prefers the south east, I think few would support the idea of sending a vulnerable young adult miles away from their parents to a school in the back of the beyond! Over the years I've known quite a few children at Gordonstoun, you either love the outdoors life or hate it but even its most ardent admirers have never been overly full-some in their praise of its pastoral care. On the other hand the few I knew who weren't happy there were very quick to criticise its lack pastoral care.

Here’s a thought, unless I’ve read this wrong and she’s about to get awful grades why are you pushing her to do another year of retakes to get all A’s? Part of life is learning flexibility and adapting as things don’t work out and learning that sometimes things won’t be quite as we imagined but can still be good. No way would I be encouraging a young person with mental health issues to go away and try and improve on decent grades. The pressure is manufactured by you and her, and you need to help her see it’s not the be all. If anything I would be encouraging her to have a year out and try to relax rather than press on with more pressure and study.

Im not sure the pressure of retaking yr 13 is a good idea. Especially joining an established community.

Had she been given some grades? Can she access clearing? The first year of uninwould be much less pressured and she'd be in with her peers. She could always do a masters at the favoured uni.

Or a uni with a foundation year given her circumstances.

I used to teach 6th form and its not as simple as retaking. Its unlikely to be exactly the same exam boards and she'd have to hit the ground running. It would be really hard for someone mentally and physically well.

Agree with what has been said previously about friendships and joining in the last year. It will be very isolating if she is unable to make friends.
However, I was going to suggest St Chris in Letchworth as well. I don’t have children there but have visited and know others with children there and it sounds like it might fit.

We were in similar situation with you. My stepson had mental health issue and he was not academically able because of that. My husband pushed him so much mentally and stepson tried to get in my husband's desired uni. Although he said he wanted to get in, it was clear that he wanted to make his dad happy. Then, he got in and moved away at 18. At first, he looked settled well but soon he developed severe mental issue. He also had trouble with his roommate and finally couldn't go out anywhere and cut all social contacts including us. He dropped out from uni and now still not able to go out. He is in mid 20s. But even though we think we are lucky because he is still alive.
This is our story but I have doubt to send your DC to a boarding school. Settling in new environment is tough, chasing good grade is tough and retaking exam is also tough. Isn't it too much for her? Only mentally super strong person can achieve all of them at the same time.
It would be better to prioritise things. As someone has already said, she still has a chance to go to her desired uni for master.

In my opinion, no school will accept for a single year resit on a different spec. They may facilitate the examinations for you, but won’t take her on in terms of teaching. This would have to be a Y12 entry, and I think it’s going to be difficult to be admitted and design an appropriate pastoral network by September.

Please do not consider Gordonstoun for your daughter, as a PP alluded to, their pastoral care is near enough non existent. This, combined with how remote it is, could be a recipe for disaster.

What is the situation with the school she finished Y13 at? Is there a way of integrating that alongside a more intensive residential experience, like humanitarian work (thinking WC or DoE, or designing something from scratch?)

We see this as potentially a great opportunity for her to rebalance her life, develop her self-esteem together with the skills that would help at Uni. She says that she feels that she is “just beginning to find reasons to live” and she is genuinely excited about the future.

She’s aiming for AAA in a mix of arts and sciences to get into the Uni of her dreams,*

The Uni of her dreams that she has chosen is exactly that and would suit her down to the ground.

This all reads extremely oddly - as if you were a recruitment agency trying to sell a candidate for a job.

Firstly there is the unsuitability of placing this young woman in a new boarding environment for one year (and, trust me, being a year older than her classmates would be a huge thing at that age) - But that's already been covered.

Secondly there is your emphasis on her choosing the university of her dreams. This phraseology is all wrong. What if she doesn't get in? What if she does and the experience falls short of her "dreams"? Going to university is about adapting to new circumstances - not walking into a ready made fantasy.

As I said, your posts read ... oddly.

Rochester independent college and Chelsea independent college both offer Y14 boarding places. The set up is slightly different at each but may be a good fit for your DD. I think one of the things that may be missing is the additional supervision and enforcing of routine that your posts suggest she will need.

OP it might be helpful if you could clarify what relationship you have to the yr 13 in question.

(I'm aware that you have written "DD" - are you her parent?)