11+ panic - HELP! Ds wasn’t called for any interviews :(

[mummy2aPrince09]

Hi All, me again!

It has been a horrendous week! We’ve had too many “no’s” from most of the schools ds sat for!

We sat an extensive list of schools due to bursary application.

Ds sat Highgate (no interview)
Hampton (no interview)
Habs (no interview)
Merchant Taylors (still waiting but lost hope)
At Albans (no 2nd interview call back)
Latymer upper (still waiting)
Epsom
Reeds

Ds has had 4 rejections already. He was sure he got in for St Albans but just received a no from them too! They said apparently in the past years his score would’ve been fine but this year there a higher number of more academic applicants! When we got a no from Hamptons, Highgate and habs we were upset but knew deep down it was a push... but St Albans has come as a shock!
So basically After no from St Albans I’m quite sure merchants and Latymer is impossible... so what now?

We didn’t want to go to Epsom or reeds to be honest as it’s in the south and my sister lives in Hertfordshire and being a single disable mother I need her support.

But now I don’t know what will be... where will ds go? What should I do? All the exams have been taken! Please help. My tenancy is ending here in Acton and I don’t want ds to go to independent as he’s been in prep and being a young Carer things are already a bit stressful on him.

Please can someone advise me.. what can I do? Can I appeal? What’s the next process is nowhere is offered?

Bucks do a 12+ but it is VERY hard to get in unless you are living a stones throw from the school. But (for example in Marlow) there is an excellent state school as well as the grammar school. So maybe that is worth considering. However, bear in mind that housing there (because of the good schools) is significantly higher than other places.

I’m afraid the influence Prep schools have with the Registrars at Private Secondaries is mostly exaggerated. All the London Private schools want the most Academic pupils possible so they can get great GCSE and A level results. They won’t take a pupil just because a Prep school asks them to.

Stop take a breath , like others have said your DS doesn’t need to know the ‘results’

Like others have advised look for a good state school. My DD moved from prep to state at 11 as it was a good school and she has done more than fine. The private school are selective near me some are very selective and competitive- I didn’t want my daughter to be at the bottom of the class as I thought that would be a negative on her long term mental health. And when I looked at the state school pastoral care and results it felt it would be a good place for her. We did let her sit exams at 2 schools only (that aren’t highly selective) but that was just so she had a choice if she didn’t get the state place.

The state school was the right place for her she is now at a good sixth form college and is confident in herself - I don’t think she would be the same near the bottom of the class at a super selective school.

Have a good look around I’m sure you will find the right place for him.

”Wtf is this how everybody lives in the south of England? This is dreadful, I had no idea children were exposed to this scale of rejection and stress at so young an age.”

Not at all. The vast majority of children attend their local state secondary school, usually involving no exams or pressure. There are still a few areas with grammar schools, such as Kent, so obviously exams there.

If people want their children to go to very selective private schools, this can happen. And occasionally people are insane enough to not even bother with a back-up state school application, piling the pressure on even more.

But no, that’s not how “everybody” lives.

You mention your DS has a social worker & is your carer.

Have you disclosed this to any of the senior schools?
Has your HT disclosed this - he/she would have written a reference.

The HT should be going back to each school and asking why not and if they can reconsider ie if DS fits into any inclusion criteria re social worker/young carer.
The head can also ask for copies of the test papers & ask where in the cohort DS ranks. Just in case DS was having more of a problem than you realise.

Other options are 13+
Christ’s Hospital. They have a true needs based bursary system. It’s boarding however.
How reliant are you on DS? Perhaps boarding would be better for DS?

"Ds has been in prep so I’m not sure how he’d adjust in state"

He would be absolutely fine. Schools are schools. Good state schools are better than most private schools.

"and I’ve missed state deadlines"

All local authorities will take late applications. You can be put on the waiting list after allocations at any school. You place on the list relates to your eligibility not when you applied. Get on with it.

Received knowledge but I think a LOT of parents in the indie sector also apply for state schools. I think your kids' prep has been really irresponsible.

Good luck op, and total sympathy on how stressful it must be.

Oh don't start looking at 12 and 13+ entries. That's putting him through all this stress and potential rejection all over again in another 1 and 2 years. This is all alien to me living in Scotland and makes me sad for a boy who already has a lot going on. At 13 my dc will never have sat a single exam let alone many high pressure ones ending in disappointment. In your situation I'd move to a nice area of Herts near your sister and put DS in a state school. Surely there will be less extra curricular pressure at these schools too? I'd imagine that on top of caring duties would be a lot.

Poor kid.

He is changing schools anyway, so he would adjust just like every other child adjusts to going to a new school.

Please could people stop shouting at the OP when she’s already down.

Most DC going for independents in London will be sitting 5 exams minimum. She has only done what everyone else in the prep will be doing.

The difference is OP, that if you’re applying for a bursary place somewhere like LU, they really need to be stellar.

What the hell are the prep doing??? Why have they let you do this? They should have told you what the odds of a bursary are in these schools ffs. This is utterly ridiculous.

Yes Epsom and Reeds would indeed be safer bets for a paid place, but god knows what their bursary programme looks like.

The whole point and purpose of a prep is that they match your child to the right senior school and, funnily enough, this means taking into account your location and financial circumstances going forward. Did you not have a meeting with the head before you made all the applications?

The odds of a paying place at some her like LU are 13-1. God knows what it is for a bursary. The prep should have spelt this out to you and advised a plan B - ie state school application.

The prep will have to sort it out for you now. Just go and sit there first thing Monday morning and insist they get on the phones.

The problem is unfortunately, they can usually find DC a paying place somewhere, but it’s another matter persuading a school to offer a full bursary.

What prep is this? Do they know you haven’t made a state application?

It's alien to me too, I have no understanding of this system.
What's the adjustment anyway? He is sitting in a class with a teacher do you mean adjusting to the people around him not being rich? I doubt he will care about that. I hope you find somewhere for him and good luck to you both.

@flowery
Ha, no, I thought it was a list of grammar schools they were applying to initially hence my horror 😁

I’m in a grammar school area but it seems comparatively low stress. My children are at a prep and their peers who are sitting 11+ don’t seem to be under massive stress.

Just so much pressure.

@ZebrABC

I don’t this a prep head can get a child into a school they shouldn’t be in. What they should do is advice the parents based on the knowledge of the child as to which child is suitable for which school. If the child has other, non academic strengths that may play into it.

If the child then has a bad exam day, the head can show academic records indicating how the child did compared to peers over the years to support that it was a bad day. Some schools are also looking for a “certain type of child” and the reference will be in addition to the interview.

The head will not try to get a non-academic child into an academic school. If that child then underperforms, the relationship is damaged and no chance of helping for example an academic child who sat the exam whilst sick or just had a super rubbish day.

Op in your shoes I'd be focusing on his mental health & self esteem. Most adults would be struggling with 8 and counting rejections, poor boy!
Start look for decent state schools asap and make sure you're super positive about this choice with your son.
Both my teens have thrived at state secondaries, dd is at uni and ds is on his way.

The school should be advising the parents on which schools to try for and help them with the process.

Did the OP let the school know of their home circumstances and were the schools informed? The boy is working with extra stresses and complications in his life.

OP - start looking at local statue schools. Check out the local council schools website and the school websites and reports (google them too for any local news about them and the SMT).

Do you know anyone with kids at local schools? This is an option - keep them all open and try to think what’s they best way ahead. Speak to the school on Monday - ask them what they suggest and how the can help. Think about what your best case scenario is and what the next best option is.

Keep your head up - it’s not the end of the world. Try to think of it as the schools not being the right place form your son. You want the best for him so need a calm head right now.

What's wrong with state school? "Panic" FFS

Tell him the only reason he didn't get in was because there was no full funding available. That's the truth.

Please tell him this ^^

fessmess - we don’t all live in areas where there are decent or even good state schools.

The reality of private education is that it is for the wealthy, and I'm sorry OP but you clearly can't afford it.
Stop putting your child under unreasonable pressure and apply to state schools now, while making it absolutely clear to him that this is not a 'second-best' option.

OP, I switched around a lot between state and private, between the ages of five and fourteen. I am happy to report it is totally survivable!

My favourite school was a state school in south London. One of the best teachers I've ever had too.

Oh dear op this is a mess.
I think you need to look at state schools near your sister, work out the best option close to her. Move house. Then put in a late application for a place. I'm not sure if you can appeal for a place if a late application but if you can your grounds would then be that ds is your carer, you need support from your sister and so this school is the only one that can work. I would try and move to their doorstep too because then you may get a place on proximity.
You need to let independent schools go, you can't afford it and should have been advised that.

@FagAsh I also thought this was a list of grammar schools - as I said the whole thing is alien to me.. are they smaller selective private schools? I understand it might be the norm in some areas and im in no way shouting at OP, but from what I've understood from this thread most of the dc sitting 5 exams as a pp has said can be normal would be - at or above the required academic level and able to pay the fees. Neither seems to apply to OP's DS, and that there needs to be some exceptional talent or academic ability for a bursary place. Seems the school has given incorrect advice as well as OP possibly not doing her homework.

I have had two children go through this process in London. The number of exams is a lot but not necessarily unusual if they are scattered over several months, which they can be. However, it sounds like your son's exams were all around the same sort of time (within a 6 week period.)

It's hard to say whether the bursary affected it but certainly the journey times may have. That is a huge geographic spead of schools. Schools seem to be taking a greater look at that because of his hard a long commute is.

The prep environment can be insane and it is true that there is not a lot heads can do when parents insist that they want to apply for certain schools. There are some that just wont take advice. You don't have to answer this OP but what did your prep advise about where was suitable? Did they say this was too many exams in one period? Did they remind parents to apply for a state school? All of these things should be standard.

We needed scholarships too and tbh with DD1 because the money was so important we applied for more "bankers" than we might otherwise have done. That list of schools is a challenge for even the highest performing child, setting aside the financial considerations.

”fessmess - we don’t all live in areas where there are decent or even good state schools.”

OP has been clear she is able to (and planning to) move house within a very wide area.

Yes but the comment made was general not specific to the OP wasn’t it?

The OP is down - so don’t kick her! Her plans have gone to pot and she is considering Plan B which is scary enough.