11+ panic - HELP! Ds wasn’t called for any interviews :(

[mummy2aPrince09]

Hi All, me again!

It has been a horrendous week! We’ve had too many “no’s” from most of the schools ds sat for!

We sat an extensive list of schools due to bursary application.

Ds sat Highgate (no interview)
Hampton (no interview)
Habs (no interview)
Merchant Taylors (still waiting but lost hope)
At Albans (no 2nd interview call back)
Latymer upper (still waiting)
Epsom
Reeds

Ds has had 4 rejections already. He was sure he got in for St Albans but just received a no from them too! They said apparently in the past years his score would’ve been fine but this year there a higher number of more academic applicants! When we got a no from Hamptons, Highgate and habs we were upset but knew deep down it was a push... but St Albans has come as a shock!
So basically After no from St Albans I’m quite sure merchants and Latymer is impossible... so what now?

We didn’t want to go to Epsom or reeds to be honest as it’s in the south and my sister lives in Hertfordshire and being a single disable mother I need her support.

But now I don’t know what will be... where will ds go? What should I do? All the exams have been taken! Please help. My tenancy is ending here in Acton and I don’t want ds to go to independent as he’s been in prep and being a young Carer things are already a bit stressful on him.

Please can someone advise me.. what can I do? Can I appeal? What’s the next process is nowhere is offered?

[clevud]

Offer and bursary are separate. You may get an offer but not the bursary you requested. If the offer was dependent on bursary availability that'd be discrimination.

[Clymene]

Yes but @glittercats, most of those people putting their children through countless tests have a better chance than the OP does because they're going to pay. And the bar is lower if you're paying.

@Afrigginggoat has the best advice. Move close to your sister and find a school near there. You should be able to find out which were oversubscribed last year. And ring the LEA, explain your predicament and throw yourself on their mercy.

[Lordfrontpaw]

I remember chatting to a woman at a school who was the bursary officer. She told me that they’d never given one but did get applications (so god knows what her job was then).

[OVienna]

Also consider doing exactly what Afriggingoat advised. Herts has excellent schools.

[flowery]

”Yes but the comment made was general not specific to the OP wasn’t it?“

“Wasn’t it?” How am I supposed to know?! You were responding to a comment made to the OP.

Fair enough some people are tied to an area where schools aren’t good and have funds for private education. Neither of those are the OP, whose thread this is, so while I feel for her, my advice would be to just stop this ridiculous and unrealistic situation and focus on finding her son, who has been through enough, a state school place.

[flowery]

(My own children are in private school as we weren’t happy with local state provision so my views are not reflective of a bias against the concept.)

[OVienna]

Sometimes there is a box to tick on applications which asks whether you also want to be considered for a fee playing place if you dont qualify for a scholarship of bursary. OP may have ticked that?

[memberofseven]

For god sake whatever you do don't tell him he was rejected. That will stay with him for life. My dd got offers from the 3 schools she sat for but I decided before results were out to tell her she got in even if she didn't. Tell him that they aren't offering a free place this year and you can't afford it. Even if you have already told him he is rejected you now need to make something up and say that you have spoken to them and he has only been rejected because of the need for a bursary.

My dd was stressed out just sitting for 3 schools. It's unbelievable you made him sit 8. Poor boy. You have been badly advised by the prep as well as they surely told you that was a huge load on his shoulders.

I'm totally confused as to why you didn't make a state application but as offers aren't out yet it's not too late. Get on it straight away and speak to the admissions officer. You will get offered something in the second round. You need to accept you can't afford private school instead of assuming it will be offered to you. A full bursary is rare and very competitive. He may be able to apply again at 13 plus but private education is not the holy grail (and I say that as someone choosing to privately educated).

[Wobbles21]

I feel sorry for you and your son. 8 exams is too much. 3-4 is normal . We did 3. Normally one aspirational one expected and one fall back if it all goes pear-shaped.
If you need a bursary you really need a state back -up and you can stil get into state school for September. If you are dead-set on private-I understand that fully but realistically you need to apply to schools we’re you would be targeting scholarships. Generally these schools are only prepared to shell out for you if they really want you for some reason or other.
Was your son expected to passHampton well for example? If yes then down grade academically speaking and try to excel. A step down would be Ewell castle for example . I have no knowledge of schools in the North of London however

[PineappleDanish]

Poor wee lad.

This is all so completely alien to me I don't know where to start with it. We don't have grammar for a start in Scotland, but there just isn't this immense pressure on very small children either.

I cannot believe you haven't applied for a state place OP, even as a back up. Decide where you want to live and then apply for places. And stop pressurising that poor child. Let him kick a ball about or play Minecraft or something.

[drawntothedeepend]

This poor child, I'm horrified at what parents will willingly put their children through to get them into a school. Just send him to a bloody state school and stop putting so much pressure on him.

[thegreylady]

I don’t know much about it but Dr Challoners and Watford Boys should fit requirements and he could have another year at prep.

[smallsausagedog]

OP you need to apply for a state school ASAP. I understand your aspirations for your son but the bar is set so high especially for bursary places that a funded private place looks like it's not going to happen for you.
If he's in yr6 now, you really need to focus on finding a new home so you know which area you will be living, then your DS can settle in, and you can look at what schools are available.
I'm coming from the POV of a parent who's DC's have been state educated so far and will continue to be until 18.

[MGMidget]

Ibstock has small 12+ entry.
Not sure about bursary situation though.
Maybe Kew House?
You may be finding it tougher because you are aiming for a bursary and pupils may have to be scholarship standard to have a chance of a bursary in some schools.

[GracefulHippo]

I agree with Lordfrontpaw, can we stop trying to kick OP when she is down. Yes, she made bad mistakes. She was also very badly advised. She is very upset about it and looking for solutions.

OP needs to look at options for both independent and state schools at this stage, for independents, the head master needs to step up. For state schools SHE needs to step up, do her research and start begging the LAs. This is scary and an awful position to be in, but it is solvable. Her DS will have a school (state or independent) in autumn.

I think advice specific how to research state schools and approach LAs would be very helpful to OP.

[Findumdum1]

You need to accept you can't afford private school instead of assuming it will be offered to you

This is the crux of it for me and tbh I've seen a few people fall foul of this before. I think you have been misled. The reality is that private secondary schools are an option for 2 sets of families. Primarily they are open to people with money to put aside for their child's education, so at least one adult in the household working as a higher rate tax payer, and that's a stretch, or people that have independent wealth, inheritance or grandparents willing to pay the fees. The second group of famillies it is open to are those with no spare money to pay the fees but with extremely (unusually) clever /musically/sporting gifted children.

To pretend otherwise is just not living in the real world. The vast majority of people fall in neither of those categories and just get on with state schools, many of which are very good. You were very naive to think that your lovely, caring, clever boy, but not scholarship level (as you knew going in, as most children including mine arent), would be offered a full bursary at the schools you applied to. And you were naive to not have a backup plan given that paying full or partial fees isn't an option for you. You should have realised that before but you still have time to fix this for your son.

[flowery]

^^

Exactly this. Private secondary school is unrealistic so stop pursuing it, for your son’s sake.

[Frazzledmumofboys]

Go and look around state schools in your area. If you look at your council’s website it will explain how to make a late application and get yourself on a waiting list. A place will definitely come up. You could ring the council who will explain how it works. Look at each school’s website and they will explain how their application criteria rank - each are different eg. Faith schools put faith before distance from school, but for non faith schools it’s about distance. If your son is a carer you might get to the top of the waiting list under ‘exceptional circumstances’. There are lots of v good state schools where he will thrive. Good luck

[rocketleagueboy]

Most schools only offer bursaries to new pupils at 11+ and very few if any at 13+ or 16+. So if he doesn't get a place in any of the 8 schools it will need to be state school.

It took 10mins to fill out the state school form online, I did it and DS is very unlikely to go to state school but you never know what is going to happen.

If he is your carer Reeds and Epsom have very long school days finishing at 5.15/6pm each day plus travel time. A state school that finishes at 3/3.30 may be better for you both.

[Clymene]

No, she doesn't need to look at independents @GracefulHippo. She cannot afford it without a full bursary and her son isn't going to get one.

It's much unkinder to keep dangling the potential of a fee-paying school for her son frankly. That dream is over. The OP needs to get realistic and fast. Her son is going to go to state school like 99% of children in the UK. And he will thrive I'm sure.

[PatienceVirtue]

Ok, OP knows she hasn't pursed an ideal course for her son.

BUT I think you're actually in quite a good position, OP, or at least better than gloomy. Because you rent, you've got something lots of ambitious parents don't have: the ability to get yourself right next door to an excellent state School.

Yes you'll be a late applicant, but move close and you'll be the top of any waiting list and you'll leapfrog over those who did get their applications in on time once the first round of offers are out (but who didn't get a place). Narrow it down a bit as to where might be good to move near your sister and posters can tell you of the best secondaries. They usually have between 180-221 kids per year so there's loads of movement post offers day, especially since a lot of parents who are intending to go private apply as a backup.

[Findumdum1]

I agree, there is no point trying to get into an independent school outside of this round if the remaining 2 arent successful. 100% bursaries are offered to the top couple of candidates in round 1. Nobody is offered a 10% bursary off wait list or head phoning round in these types of schools. The only type of place that will be achieved now is a full fees place, or at best, a small discount (again, like the majority of people going down this road). It's better to be realistic and make plans accordingly.

Do you have any way of paying half fees OP? Family members, his father? If not, please move on and sort out a good state school for your son. That is still achievable by the sounds of it.

I hope you are feeling a bit better today OP and not feeling so bleak. There are plenty of options. A place in one of those schools is not the be all and end all for your son. They also come with a lot of extra pressure like a commute on public transport, getting to school on a Saturday, longer days. Most of these kids dont get home until after 6pm most days as it is expected that you will take part in after school activities, concerts, matches etc. If he has caring responsibilities as well, wouldn't it be kinder to find a school that he can walk to and be home at 4pm with time to help you and do his homework and have some free time.

[glittercats]

The thing with somewhere like Epsom College is that bursaries may be even less likely as it’s a flexi-boarding school and, as such, day pupils pay higher fees than at London day schools due to the longer, boarding-style day, ie they do prep at school after 4pm and also sport most afternoons. Plus they have to be there Saturday mornings and there are sport fixtures Saturday afternoon! A friend’s DS goes there and they live in Putney. He gets on the coach at 7am and off at 7pm. Plus he’s up early on Saturdays too. It’s exhausting and not for everyone! Reeds is the same re- the longer day.

What did your current school advise about the likelihood of bursaries at various schools OP? Did they or you look into this at all?

[happycamper11]

I'm not sure what a prep school even is. Private primary school? How was that being funded? Imagine they still come with significant costs even though im sure secondary is more expensive?

[maddy68]

Honestly, having out both mine through the private school system, some kids really struggle with the academic rigour. He has failed them, time to take the pressure off him.

He will be fine in state school