11+ panic - HELP! Ds wasn’t called for any interviews :(

[mummy2aPrince09]

Hi All, me again!

It has been a horrendous week! We’ve had too many “no’s” from most of the schools ds sat for!

We sat an extensive list of schools due to bursary application.

Ds sat Highgate (no interview)
Hampton (no interview)
Habs (no interview)
Merchant Taylors (still waiting but lost hope)
At Albans (no 2nd interview call back)
Latymer upper (still waiting)
Epsom
Reeds

Ds has had 4 rejections already. He was sure he got in for St Albans but just received a no from them too! They said apparently in the past years his score would’ve been fine but this year there a higher number of more academic applicants! When we got a no from Hamptons, Highgate and habs we were upset but knew deep down it was a push... but St Albans has come as a shock!
So basically After no from St Albans I’m quite sure merchants and Latymer is impossible... so what now?

We didn’t want to go to Epsom or reeds to be honest as it’s in the south and my sister lives in Hertfordshire and being a single disable mother I need her support.

But now I don’t know what will be... where will ds go? What should I do? All the exams have been taken! Please help. My tenancy is ending here in Acton and I don’t want ds to go to independent as he’s been in prep and being a young Carer things are already a bit stressful on him.

Please can someone advise me.. what can I do? Can I appeal? What’s the next process is nowhere is offered?

[Prufrockspeach]

OP - wait until you get the results back from Reeds in Cobham. With his scores he should definitely be offered a place there and they have a very generous bursary fund - the fees are so high there to support the 20% or so of "foundationers". Originally used to be for military widows but your circumstances should apply. Its also a great school. Good luck!

[AtomicRabbit]

Yes as Prufrock writes all is not lost. Fingers crossed for Reeds and Cobham and the area is a lovely part of the world. Do let us know how you get on. Many of us rooting for you and wishing you all the best.

[champagneandfromage50]

Sadly you have set your expectations to high for your DS and placed far too much pressure on him. People assume sending a DC to a prep school will somehow ensure there DC slips into a highly selective school. My DS is at a prep primary and I am not sure he will reach the standard expected for the junior school but I will be told when he is in yr 1. I have always ensured the secondary choices are doable for my DC. If your DS hasn't been called back for any interviews then I would suggest you send him to state. He may do better and have less pressure to perform to keep his bursary. Time for a little reflection on your part in his current situation

[AtomicRabbit]

Can't stand the smug posters who come on here telling OP how what she's done is all wrong and she should have done it how Ms Smug has already done it.

The poor lady is on her own and disabled and her son looks after her on a daily basis. She's on benefits and I would imagine life is a struggle at the best of times and at other times really really awful. We can only imagine how hard things have been for her to reach this point, trying her hardest for her son only to have random posters pop up telling her how badly she's done this whole and should have applied to state school. I think she's already been told that only 67 times so far....

FFS, give her a break.

[Paribus]

What AtomicRabbit just said 👍👍. Give OP a break, not everyone is as clever as you lot.

[paw1]

Agree! Jeez there's a lot of smug people on this thread! Give the OP a break.

[flowery]

The trouble is a lot of the posters saying give her a break are also encouraging her to keep pursuing the private school route, which it seems clear is completely unrealistic. We all make mistakes but the OP should be encouraged to move on from that and focus on resolving this in a realistic way for her son’s sake, and her own. People telling her to expend valuable time and energy pursuing even more private schools than have already been approached, or marching in to the HT at her son’s school demanding he do something, are being the opposite of helpful and supportive, IMO.

Private school just simply isn’t available for everyone.

[memberofseven]

I agree with flowery. The problem is that demand has exploded over the last 5 years and some people have very outdated views on "banker" schools. It's not about being smug, given he was at a prep she has been badly advised. I hope reeds works out.

[Findumdum1]

Totally agree with Flowery. You have to be realistic and live in the real world. If it was easy to put your child in a private secondary school when you have a budget of zero then there would be no state schools or private schools would be state schools. Same with private hospitals vs NHS hospitals. That's the reality of the world. There are plenty of options for reduced fees for somone in the OPs situation. There are very few for free which is what she needs, and these will be taken by the absolutely exceptionaly academic children who are happy to spend every evening in their bedrooms studying, That would not be suitable or fair for this boy who already has caring responsibilities on top of school, even if he was in the top 1% of boys in his yeargroup, which he's not.

Same with boarding schools. What is the point of recommending state baording schools for a child who is his mum's primary carer?

[thehorseandhisboy]

To be fair, posters are also encouraging OP to get an application into the state system asap.

[Mumto2two]

I don’t think people are being smug..I think it’s a case of being realistic. And sometimes, a healthy dose of realism, is what’s required. Lord knows I’ve needed it myself a few times! I think the OP and her son, have a huge amount to deal with it as it is. Best interests aside, this whole process can’t be easy on a young boy. I do hope it all works out well in the end. Good luck.

[OVienna]

His scores would get him in somewhere re the: "Private school isn't for everyone" comment, if that is intended to mean the child isn't capable of getting in anywhere. It was not at all unreasonable to try for private school in principle to try and I agree there is still a chance the remaining schools he's applied to may say yes. The mistake was no bankers and all stretch schools.

Securing the bursary is another matter.

[coffeebeanchocolate]

Well... I feel sorry to post too strict message in the past. I was a bit upset as I know from my DS, receiving rejection is hard for a young boy. But it was my problem.

It is fine that you have a hope to other remaining schools, but please apply for state secondary schools for him. There are plenty of outstanding state schools which pupils perform well and it is definitely better to apply ASAP. Also, please think carefully about the case if your DS is offered a bursary place at Reeds or Epsom because you said you didn't want to send him there.

Also, 13+ can be an option but I would not go for it if I were in your situation. Additional two years of stressful time for uncertain place doesn't make sense for me.

[flowery]

”His scores would get him in somewhere re the: "Private school isn't for everyone" comment, if that is intended to mean the child isn't capable of getting in anywhere.“

It was intended to mean that the OP can’t afford it and the chances of her securing the level of bursary she should need are so vanishingly small that she should divert her attention away from pursuing that avenue any further. I’m sure her son is very able, and would be able to secure a place somewhere on that basis, but if bursaries of that level were available to children with a similar level of academic ability as she describes, there would be thousands of state school children streaming into the private system.

[Findumdum1]

His scores would get him in somewhere re the: "Private school isn't for everyone" comment, I really don't think anybody has said that they wouldn't! His scores are more that good enough to get him into pretty much all private secondary schools I know about round here (S London) (though it's getting more competitive every year) - for a full fees place or possibly a small bursary or maybe even via waitlist. My son got into one a few years ago with similar scores - for a full fees place. The schools always quoted above 75% in all exams to stand a chance (Maths/English/VR/NVR) as a minimum. Above 90% for scholarships. My feeling is this year it was more like 80%. My other son got 98% in English, high 70s in Maths and VR and was "only" offered a full fees place last year. For which I was very grateful and work full time in a demanding job to fund. Also, bear in mind, the OP quoted scores he was achieving in practice papers - I don't think she knows what actual scores he got? He may have suffered from exam stress (or fatigue) and got a lot lower. I also know of kids that have deliberately thrown the exams on the day, for whatever reason. The parents have no way of knowing what scores they actually got unless they ask (if the school will tell them).

There is no "bursary is another matter". OPs son and my sons are not academically exceptional enough (at this age - a lot can change) for a 100% bursary place (or a scholarship) - it really is as simple as that, If you can't manage reduced fees or any fees at all, they can't go.

Even if the 2 remaining schools did offer 100% bursary (because he did particularly well in those exams), the OP indicated she didnt want to move to Surrey.

[OVienna]

Yes, hence my remark: "Securing the bursary is another matter." Meaning, that is incredibly difficult.

[GinUnicorn]

Hi @mummy2aPrince09

Sorry if this has already been said but it’s along thread.

If your sister is in Hertfordshire have you looked at Hitchin? There is a fantastic boys school there - state school and if you were able to move nearby you would jump to the top of the queue. If you need to be on Hertfordshire there is a great selection of really good state schools (St Albans, Hitchin, Letchworth, Sawbridgeworth, Bishop’s Stortford to name but a few) - if you are worried go and visit but he might be happier in state than dealing with the pressure of private.

There are still options so don’t panic. I’d maybe now have a day to regroup. Make sure your son knows that he has not done anything wrong - these schools were just not the right fit.

Wishing you and your son a better week.

[Frostyskies1223]

Dear all on this thread.
Op has an update with good news on the Reeds 11plus thread. She says she isn't reading this thread.

[3luckystars]

Yay!
Please tell her that I said well done to her son. That's great news.

[ScarlettBlaize]

She says she isn't reading this thread.

Fuck me. Is it her or her son that's in Year 6?

[Dearover]

Apparently she didn't like the advice she was given. She still doesn't seem to know the full details of her DS's offer and is relying on what her prep school head has told her.

[Clymene]

Well I very much hope things work out for her.

I have to say that this thread has been an absolute eye opener in terms of what some people think of as normal. Even in the South East private education isn't normal.

And quite a lot of posters seem to have used this thread as an opportunity to reel off all the names of the private schools they know and their inside track. It's really weird

[BooRadley7]

“You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view. Until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.” - a dad’s advice to his young daughter in To Kill a Mockingbird... a MUST READ to all these vitriolic posters! Where’s your compassion? Are we so prejudiced these days?

[ConstantlyCooking]

You could look at some of the international schools in central London. They are more flexible on entrance dates and may have rolling admissions. Whilst not as academically selective many offer the IB which stretches able students. Also try Northbridge House, Mill Hill (Belmont) and Portland Place.