11+ panic - HELP! Ds wasn’t called for any interviews :(

[mummy2aPrince09]

Hi All, me again!

It has been a horrendous week! We’ve had too many “no’s” from most of the schools ds sat for!

We sat an extensive list of schools due to bursary application.

Ds sat Highgate (no interview)
Hampton (no interview)
Habs (no interview)
Merchant Taylors (still waiting but lost hope)
At Albans (no 2nd interview call back)
Latymer upper (still waiting)
Epsom
Reeds

Ds has had 4 rejections already. He was sure he got in for St Albans but just received a no from them too! They said apparently in the past years his score would’ve been fine but this year there a higher number of more academic applicants! When we got a no from Hamptons, Highgate and habs we were upset but knew deep down it was a push... but St Albans has come as a shock!
So basically After no from St Albans I’m quite sure merchants and Latymer is impossible... so what now?

We didn’t want to go to Epsom or reeds to be honest as it’s in the south and my sister lives in Hertfordshire and being a single disable mother I need her support.

But now I don’t know what will be... where will ds go? What should I do? All the exams have been taken! Please help. My tenancy is ending here in Acton and I don’t want ds to go to independent as he’s been in prep and being a young Carer things are already a bit stressful on him.

Please can someone advise me.. what can I do? Can I appeal? What’s the next process is nowhere is offered?

[Longdistance]

I work in a Prep school and the amount of schools you have listed is excessive. Your poor son

[OnceUponACat]

Something is screaming at you and you are not listening.

[OnceUponACat]

I am feeling the pressure and anxiety building up just by reading your post, I cannot imagine what this is doing to your son.

[Clymene]

Did he sit separate exams for each school?! Good grief.

And really you should have put his name down for a state school too because pinning all your hopes on bursaries is insane.

[coffeebeanchocolate]

I am sorry for your DS. It is clearly too much for him to cope with it. My DS also received no from Hampton. Even from one school, he dropped tears as it was his first choice and couldn't sleep on that night.

I do not know if bursary application impact the result but I do not think it has a huge impact at this stage although I think his performance at the exam may impact the decision to get bursary at the end.

I know some successful bursary applicants. Most of them are strong at particular field such as chess, music or sports and they also apply for those scholarship in addition to academic scholarship. I heard that bursary applications are less competitive at rich boarding schools as they have a plenty of funding. Probably you can discuss with the headteacher about these option at 13+? But I don't think that it is a good option for him as bursary is uncertain and it is just too much for him after this.

Anyway, if I were you, I will look for houses where good state secondary schools are located and search affordable non selective private schools...

[Findumdum1]

I cant believe you didnt do a state school application backup, and i say that as someone with 2 dc in a private school. That was a very strange and foolhardy decision. It is nothing to do with the bursary. I know plenty of children refused for bursary and offered a normal place. Its more likely that you spread him too thin doing 8 exams in what a couple of weeks and that affected his performance. I think you need to give him a break now. How awful for him being refused by potentially 8 schools. What will that do to his confidence entering secondary school?

Has he been offered a wait list place at any of the schools?

[Clymene]

The OP is reliant on benefits. I do t think there is such a thing as affordable private schools

[Findumdum1]

How are you paying for his prep school if you dont work, does his father pay? This all sounds unachievable OP, I'm sorry. Everyone I know with children at private secondary is able to work fulltime, even the single parents and people recieving bursaries. Even then, many sacrifices are made. I think you were very ill advised that this was achievable or a good idea. With everything else going on why would you put you and him under so much pressure.

[willothewispa]

OP we were recommended to seek a bursary for my youngest by his primary school, he was adamant he didn't want to and said he'd write his name on the paper and stare out if the window if he had to. He went to the local comprehensive where he's happy and thriving socially and academically.

Please don't do this to your son.

[mummy2aPrince09]

Hi everyone,
I am a single parent and I have a disability. When ds was younger in nursery his social worker told me I could try to apply to preps and might get bursary, at that time he got in the first one we applied to and so didn’t think secondary would be such a turn around!
Ds was scoring very high in mocks and car score was 127 so I was confident he will secure a place, little I knew that this would happen. I applied to many just so I had wider choices of where to live affordably
I’m the one run. I haven’t done To my son purposely, I just wanted the best for him And the headteacher never mentioned the bursary could be an issue. I am also broke to see my sons sadness it’s heartbreaking!

[Findumdum1]

100% bursaries at secondary are very few and far between. Surely you knew that? I think you have been given very bad advice. I am very sorry for the position you are in and for how your son must be feeling. Its up to you now to be strong. Play it down and say oh never mind those schools weren't that great anyway. Then find him a great state school in an affordable area. You can do this. You are his mum. You can make him feel better about the whole thing. Make up something, I would, say it was because of the bursary application, even if it isnt true. Anything so he doesn't think he isnt good enough. He clearly is. You chose top tier, extremely competitive schools, which was also a strange choice. But you can fix this and get him excited about a new place to live and a new school to go to in September. Plenty of kids from my dc prep went to state secondary as their parents couldn't afford the fees. Its not at all unusual. Good Luck.

[Cynthie]

My dd went to a prep school, and then transitioned to state at 11.

The adjustment was fine. She'd had a brilliant formative education and that stood her in excellent stead for secondary - the building blocks were already there.

Plus, given that you're moving area, none of your son's new classmates need to know that he went to prep school - he can just lie and say he went to state, as it's unlikely there'll be other pupils from Acton starting at a Herts secondary.

[rocketleagueboy]

Many schools do bursaries blind to the exam results, so they are entirely separate decisions. Have you had home visits for the bursaries, they will need medical proof you are unable to work? I don't think all is lost Reeds has a very strong Foundation plus may offer boarding so that may help. 100% bursaries do exist it depends on need and the size of the bursary pot.

I can't believe you didn't do a state school application but you will have to do a late one if needs must.

You were ill advised by the head of your prep, 8 is too many to sit and it probably impacted his performance. The CAT score indicates a mid range school but this year these are incredibly popular.

I hope you get some good news. I think you've been ill advised but you are trying your best for your DS.

[ticking]

I think Reeds sounds like a better choice for your Ds, but please be aware my DS has CAT scores not dissimilar to yours (av 124) and we weren't even contemplating Hampton or LU. Habs is too far out for us but would have been a no also.

I think you may have been mislead by your prep somewhat, Hampton is looking for a minimum of 136, and given the sheer numbers are going to be offering higher than that. Claremont - which theoretically has lower entrance criteria than Reeds has just rejected my DS.

We had the same with my elder DS - some odd results.

You may also be in a situation where you have applied for too many schools - each school is also looking at the probability of you joining so they are looking at your other choices and declining on that?

In any respect - don't panic. Contact your prep head and get his help.

[CustardT]

What about St Colombo in St Albans?

Bucks grammars do a 12+.

Not sure if there’s anyway you can get into them for Y7 seeing as he didn’t sit their 11+ but possibly worth finding out if any of them have places.

There are loads of great state schools (grammars and comprehensives) if you’re prepared to move.

[HollyBollyBooBoo]

I think you've had some shocking advice Op.

I think you need to stop, draw a breath and find a good state school. Your DS will need some support with a) this experience of basically being told he's a failure and b)adjusting to state but I'm sure between you you'll overcome it.

[ticking]

Oh and for the love of god stop telling your DS the results - he doesn't need to know, this is your panic not his.

My DS will know nothing about the results, beyond maybe being asked his opinion at the end if we get a choice. I'm not holding out much hope - but we have gone for Reeds as a Stretch and 3 much lower entry schools.

I'm actually amazed you were advised to go for the schools you have with 127 CAT.... I would have been looking at Reeds/Radnor House/ Halliford level of schools - i.e. middling to lower entry requirements. You seem to have gone for very high to middling schools - I don't think the results are a surprise to be honest.

Oh and get a late entry state school application in.

[GeorgiaGirl52]

All school websites claim "equal opportunity" but when my son was applying to schools we were advised to apply and get an acceptance first and only THEN apply for financial aid.

[Equanimitas]

You can still apply for state schools and the council will have to find a place, but obviously you won't have the same amount of choice as if you'd applied before the deadline.

[BillywigSting]

I'm so sorry to hear that, but if it's any consolidation he's dodged a bullet with
Merchant Taylors. Good academically etc but I went to a school geographically very close to there and witnessed lovely first years transform into entitled snobs.

[lifeisnotagame]

First thing first, apply for a state school NOW. You and your DS don't need that pressure. You have ended up in a prep, in a bubble and now can't see the wood through the trees. Secondary is tougher. There are some excellent state schools in London - you need to get your head out of the sand. State schools are filled with people who want the best for their children, like you. Fingers crossed things work out for the other exams, but start putting in strategies now, so you feel you have some sort of control. Please, the most important thing is for your son to be happy. Your expectations may be damaging him (I'm sorry to say). Listen to the advice others have given.

[eaglejulesk]

Your poor son. What terrible pressure to be put under at such a young age.

I can't help but agree. What is so wrong with a state school? I believe a child who wants to do well will do so whatever school they attend.

[GracefulHippo]

OP, please take a deep breath, make yourself a cup of tea and try to calm down. I completely understand, we hare going through 11+ for DD and the process is awful.

1. You need to book a meeting with the headmaster. Getting your son into a secondary school is his/her job! Our headmaster keeps re-iterating that “everyone gets a school”. He knows the registrars, he will keep calling for the waitlisted pupils and should be able to advice you on other potential schools. You will need to discuss the best options at 11+ and 13+ given that you need a bursary. Several boarding schools start at 13+, the usually also have day places. You may look at a short transition period.
   
   
2. this weekend start research state schools. As a PP said, you should be offered A school, even if it not is what you want. You need to be ready to go and call state schools on Monday as well.
   
   
3. I would talk to my child. His situation is a combination of very poor advice from the school, the need for a bursary and a certain naivety on your behalf. But he is doing an amazing job and the situation will be fixed. He is amazing and you are going to work like crazy to sort this out quickly.
   
   
4. Hug DS, watch a really good film this evening and make some chocolate chip cookies or popcorn.

[Hercwasonaroll]

Wow I can't believe he's done this many exams, poor kid.

Get applying for state schools ASAP.

[FagAsh]

Wtf is this how everybody lives in the south of England? This is dreadful, I had no idea children were exposed to this scale of rejection and stress at so young an age.

8 exams?!

I live in a grammar school area and have never heard of anything like this.