Shit. Moved my dd to private school and she hates it.

[Manontry]

Yes, I know. It's been literally one day. But she doesn't like the fact its single sex, hates the house system (her house has a large proportion of overseas students, not sure why its just her house thst has this) and wants to go back to her old state school.

I'm gutted for her - she was desperate to go, has a scholarship, went for two taster days. We have a bursary and she has a scholarship (sport).

I'm not one to overreact but I have a gut feeling that we've made the wrong decision.

MsTSwift

You can still disagree as much as you like, unless you are calling us liars you clearly know nothing about it and are making yourself sound silly, but continue if you want.

CassianAndor

Yes, very similar sounding school, no academic tests, but 2 auditions for this one. Not dependant on being able to pay fees, but of course most pay something, some pay all the fees.

Not in my experience- personally never come across a private school that operates a genuine open door policy but great to hear that there are private schools that don’t charge and will take any pupil even if not talented or academic. State schools have to accept whoever lives in their catchment.

MsTSwift

They are talented at my dc school, nobody said anything about being open to everyone. The OP was talking about diversity and overseas students, nothing to do with academic or talent.

DS's private school is non-selective, gives generous bursaries and is much more culturally diverse than the local state schools eg the local state schools range from 0.5% - 2.5% pupils with English as an additional language (EAL) whereas DS's school it is closer to 20%.

I think whilst DS was at his state Primary school there was only pupil that was not white working class/middle class.

My DS changed school for sixth form. He won a scholarship and it was something he really wanted to do. The first week he absolutely hated it and said that maybe he had taken for granted his old school and friends and under estimated how different it would be. There were parts of the culture he really didn't like - like the church but and stricter rules. He couldn't see people who he thought were his kind of people.

Within a couple of weeks all that had changed. He found his gang, people to travel home with and was invited to parties etc. Now he thinks it's the best thing he ever did and is really glad he was brave enough to move.

She has made some friends and had a good day. I feel ridiculous emailing the housemistrrss now. I might buy her a bottle of wine.

MsTSwift you sound ignorant to be honest.

Good news OP.

Good news OP, please don't feel bad for contacting house, it's what they are there for and they'd rather you call than your child be suffering.
Give her a few weeks and she'll be asking to board, you may have to prepare yourself for that.
We only live 40 mins away, but mine needs to be dragged away from the place, as do her peers.
Wishing your dd well, it will take some time, usually a term. Boarders are usually expected to take up to a year.

Glad she had a good day, OP. I’m sure her housemistress has had anxious parents in touch before!

Good news. Don't worry about the HM. It's no bad thing to make her aware of possible issues.

Great to hear this OP. Sounds very similar to the set up at the school we are considering for our youngest next year. Having looked around the houses, I did ponder potential issues like this at the time. Our eldest attended a day school only, and absolutely hated her first week. Missed her old school friends, felt alien to the new school, and came home wailing they had nothing in common. By week 2 that first week was a distant memory, and she had the happiest 7 years she could have wished for. I hope it all works out well for your daughter.

And just to add to the ‘diversity’ comments, there is far more diversity in the local private schools around here, than there ever was at either of my children’s state schools. The state primary my first daughter attended, had a large proportion of kids from the local housing association estates, and no EAL whatsoever in her year, and this was a large primary. Her secondary was a breath of fresh air, diverse in every regard.

My daughter had a terrible first few weeks at private school - the transition is huge and for that first year we wondered if it was the right decision.
She is now in upper sixth and absolutely adores the school and has so for the last few years.

Glad it all sounds better.

I would try and ask for her to be moved to another house. They are all new and it is scary but from experience (went to a similar school and also teach in a school like this), integration between groups of pupils from different countries can be difficult. That shouldn't be the case but it does happen. The house/house mistress should be doing more to get them to socialise together e.g. running getting to know you events etc.

Just seen your update, that's great. 😊

@Manontry I’m sorry your thread took the direction it did. However I’m glad to hear she had a good day. Each day will now get easier and better. Now you can also breath. As I said in my post I went through it with Ds and I honestly think it affected me way more than him, through worrying. Good luck to her for the remainder of her time there.

Thank you. She said just knowing that there are friendly, funny girls in other houses (that she meets in her classes) makes her own house bearable. I think all the new girls in her house are quiet and shy and dd is not. But hopefully they will become more confident and dd will learn that its worth spending time getting to know people. She's also done really well in the sports lessons and I realised that she was worried about that aspect as she's a sports scholar.

They are also covering the same thing in English that she spent 3 months on at her old school so she's well ahead there. So all in all feeling better.

Thank you again for the posters who have shared experiences, it's been so helpful, despite attempts to derail - mumsnet, I'm looking at you

That’s good news.
dd will learn that its worth spending time getting to know people.
IME that is one of the enduring life lessons from being at a boarding schools. Otherwise pupils spend most of their time with people they have most in common with superficially.
Did your older DD get an answer as to why there are so many international pupils in one house compared to the others?

No - party line is that there are lots in other houses too. This is obviously not the case.

Just on the diversity issue- DC local state primary was not very diverse at all, only a small handful of children from minority ethnic groups in the whole school.

They are now at a private school which is extremely diverse in terms of ethnicity, nationality and religion. I think less than half the children in DS2’s class are white and there are children from several different countries and actively practicing several religions. It’s fantastic. They can learn about other cultures, religions and countries first-hand from children who are from those cultures religions and countries.

Hope your DD has a great day today. Just a thought, the overseas students may be a little shy of their English, which could account for lack of conversation. Does you DD have any interest in learning Chinese? It's a good conversation starter.

Does you DD have any interest in learning Chinese? she does actually as she's good at languages. There's a club i think or its an option at gcse level.

DS's best friend in Y7 was from Hong Kong and she knew very little English, they conversed using Google Translate