Shit. Moved my dd to private school and she hates it.

[Manontry]

Yes, I know. It's been literally one day. But she doesn't like the fact its single sex, hates the house system (her house has a large proportion of overseas students, not sure why its just her house thst has this) and wants to go back to her old state school.

I'm gutted for her - she was desperate to go, has a scholarship, went for two taster days. We have a bursary and she has a scholarship (sport).

I'm not one to overreact but I have a gut feeling that we've made the wrong decision.

Of course it hasn't. But her need to make it all about her has called a really helpful thread into question.

I went to private school as a day girl. It gets better, the boarders will eventually begin so socialise with the day students. It’s just how it is, it’s all new, they’re spending 24/7 together, they’re going to be close but I’d be very surprised if this is still the case in a few weeks!
They used to do event nights where day girls were invited to cinema nights ect at my school, do they have anything like this she could go to?

The overseas students may all be clinging together if they are new too ? That might change

This kind of issue occurs in pretty much all senior/secondary schools in some form: the need to integrate kids from different junior schools into one big mixed, fairly cohesive school.

The usual approach is to split up the pre-existing groups and mix them up as much as possible. My DD's school is day, not boarding, so the primary social unit is the form rather than the house. The forms are made as mixed as possible (in terms of previous school, interests, particular talents, etc). The school also actively works at mixing the students up again for classes, sports, extracurricular stuff and house activities. Otherwise it's far too easy for a school to get cliquey.

It's hard to see why the school in this thread isn't doing this. Obviously the overseas intake don't all come from the same school, but if large numbers of them share a particular language and cultural background then it seems crazy to put them all into the same house. Of course they will tend to socialise together, because it's easier. It's what expats tend to do. I spent some years as an expat in the Far East and most of my socialising was with other British expats, because it was easy. There was no language barrier and we had a culture in common. But it's not what makes for a good, well-integrated school.

OP, speak to house, they do lots of bonding during the first week, so things may look up.
At least she'll get to learn some foreign languages, my dd loves it for this reason.
It's early days yet, but if you call with your concerns I'm sure they'll address them.

Mamontry, I hope things are settling down for your daughter.

Angel, I feel ashamed at the racism you experienced. Maybe it's different where I live - SE London/Kent borders, quite multicultural. It's unusual for any pupils to even notice much about different races (their mum and dad might). I've known Chinese people from Hong Kong and Malaysia all my adult life and my child went to school and made friends with people from everywhere or their parents did.

I love the diversity at my dd private school, and the staff do work hard to make sure the children integrate well.
That could be two children from the same country not seeing eye to eye, so needn't be a racial issue.
my dd said friends were teaching her Japanese and turkish. I said what are you teaching them, she said Lancky (lancashire) and Mancunian. The first phrase "How ye fettlin, me old mate"

Maybe it's different where I live - SE London/Kent borders, quite multicultural

Presumably these are kids who live locally though.

I’m sorry but a private school cannot be “diverse”. 7%of children in England are privately educated. You mean the wealthy pupils are from lots of different countries.

I’m sorry but a private school cannot be “diverse”. 7%of children in England are privately educated. You mean the wealthy pupils are from lots of different countries.

Surely there are different types of diversity and ethnic diversity is one of them?

A diverse private school. Oxymoron surely. A diverse section of the 7% of the people that can afford private schools...

I’m sorry but a private school cannot be “diverse”
Says who?
At my dd there are multi millionaires and sink estate kids with everything in between. All coming from different countries in Western and Eastern Europe, China, Russia, America, SE Asia, would you like me to continue with the diversity?

A diverse private school. Oxymoron surely

Only if you're a bit confused about the meaning of the word diverse.

There’s more than one criteria for diversity. But sure, just bash the private school kids. Seems to be a common MN theme.

OP I’m glad the HM was reassuring. I’m with the others who say to give it a few weeks at least. :)

It's far more diverse than the comp! Comp = white working class, white middle class. Literally a handful of other races.

DDs private school is WAY more diverse than her primary state where you had to live in a £1m house to be in catchment.
Her private school has 1/3 on some sort of fee reduction.

Yes, to lack of diversity in many state schools.
Ours were all white wc families, most even worked at the same level in the council, or at same level in local factories.
No diversity at all.

my private leafy school was more ethnically diverse than some of the inner city schools near me.

I remember my first day at secondary. We had a taster day which was a couple of hours shorter than the usual school day and only us and the 6th form.
I came home with a migraine and feeling I wasn't going to cope. I remember saying to myself "If I can't cope with this, how will I cope tomorrow".

And after that it was fine. I won't say school was my favourite place ever, but I generally enjoyed it and I have very fond memories of it.

MNHQ I don't know why you made all those deletions. There was absolutely nothing whatsoever offensive about my comment or many of the others. I see other comments saying similar still stand. Perhaps you could clarify what was offensive in case there is language we need to be careful to avoid.

Ps. I did not make a 'sweeping generalisation'.

Still disagree. Barrier to entry is so high in this country that a private school cannot be diverse. Can have lots of children from high income international families. They will have more in common with each other than with the rest of society.

Give her 2-3 weeks , a term - things will improve .

MsTSwift what rubbish. There were huge cultural, religious, social differences within my private school. And yes, financial status too - it was a charitable trust and a fair number of girls paid no fees at all. Because of that they were not as academically pushy as other privates because those girls didn't have to pass an exam to attend.

@MsTSwift

I know several people who attended British boarding schools as international students from a range of African and Asian countries and they almost all firmly identify with their (very diverse) countries and cultures of origin.

They may not have much in common with the average white working class brit but they will share an entire culture with working class brits who share the same background and country of origin.

It's a bit small-minded to erase and ignore a hugely important part of someone's identity to suit your own narrow politics.