Shit. Moved my dd to private school and she hates it.

[Manontry]

Yes, I know. It's been literally one day. But she doesn't like the fact its single sex, hates the house system (her house has a large proportion of overseas students, not sure why its just her house thst has this) and wants to go back to her old state school.

I'm gutted for her - she was desperate to go, has a scholarship, went for two taster days. We have a bursary and she has a scholarship (sport).

I'm not one to overreact but I have a gut feeling that we've made the wrong decision.

I can see where the OP is coming from. I was a day pupil at a mixed boarding-day prep, and then boarded at secondary level.

In a house based boarding school:

• there might not be tutor/form time at the start of the day
• meals are eaten in houses / on house tables
• the equivalent of tutor time could be house time at lunch, thus meaning no socialising time within houses at lunchtime
• lockers in houses
• free study periods, but also spent in houses
• lots more school specific language which 'separates' boarding from day and old from new

But 1 day is far far too early to judge any school. She needs to give it a term at least really.
She also has to remember that on the first day back the pupils will be catching up on summer holiday news, probably not having seen each other for 6 weeks. Their focus won't have been on getting to know the new girls.

Honestly, give it time

DC - Day pupil at an 85% boarding school. She was looking forward to the change of schools (indie to indie, but very different). She went on Sunday (yes Sunday🙄) & came out disappointed as the staff had been quite negative

I was worried we’d made the wrong decision, I needn’t have worried - she cane out yesterday absolutely buzzing!!

She’s Year9 as well - it doesn’t take much for things to be ‘terrible’ Or ‘amazing’

Our new school does it differently & I’m not sure if it’s better or worse, but her whole house is made up of day pupils only.

@FenellaMaxwell. You clearly don’t understand, sobtry asking instead of accusing! In our schools your ‘house’ is very important. It’s like your tutor/form group and it’s very much the children’s socialising group. It’s not just a ‘sports day’/house points type thing at all.

@Manontry I’d give it a month and see how it goes. If your two aren’t bothered about being in the same house it shouldn’t be too difficult for her to move house as a day pupil when the day pupils are distributed across the houses (it was one thing that concerned us about the new school - only one house for day pupils means there’s no alternative if there are any problems)

It’s quite a change for them not having ‘a class’ & only having the ‘house’ So house friendships are important, but hopefully she’ll make a friend and settle in 🌷

Lessons are mixed! They start today properly so I am hoping and praying that she comes home grudgingly accepting that she met someone thst she liked!

@IncrediblySadToo that hasn’t been the case in any of the boarding schools that I, my siblings or friends have attended, nor of the majority of posters on this thread.

OP, you know it’s too soon to make a snap judgement but don’t ignore your gut. Get her through one day at a time and book a “review”’with her at the end of every week to discuss how she’s finding it socially, academically and sportily (?) as that’s what her rationale for going there was, right?

As for the MN pile on re the Chinese students, it’s totally normal to feel you’ve got nothing in common with folk from another country and/or culture. That’s not racism or xenophobia. Acting on it negatively is.

It's far too early to make any judgements or decisions, imo. I think you both have to give it a chance. See how it goes for a term or two. If she's still miserable and hasn't settled by the February half term, then maybe consider moving her.

whilst I agree that it's only been one day, having been to a school like this (mixed day and boarding with the majority boarding) I wouldn't send DD there as a day girl. Most of my friends were boarders but I wasn't allowed in the dormitories so when they disappeared up there I was alone. And I had no local friends at all (most lived overseas), so the long summer holidays weren't great.

Interesting that your other DD loved it. I take it she had more day girls in her class.

They mix the boarders and day girls really well. There is no segregation at all. Dds can stay all day if they want. I picked dd2 up at 10pm yesterday and they both went in for breakfast today. They have a room just like the boarders. They just can't sleep there

fenella to be fair it is an unusual way to do things.

OP I assume they have this system as it is predominantly boarding with a few day pupils to fill the gaps. Whereas DS's school is predominantly day with a few boarders (mainly Chinese/HK). I suppose if the pupils eat in their respective houses then the day pupils have to be allocated a house too.

I hope your DD has a better day today and can catch up with her friends. Are they allowed to invite friends from other houses to their rooms after meals and prep?

Mantory oh, that sounds much better than the set up at my school, that's good to hear.

Well, hopefully she can ride through this initial period and settle down soon.

Sounds like they've prioritised the wishes of the group of overseas Chinese students.

Let the housemistress know the (valid) concerns. She may have them herself and be glad someone has brought them up quickly.

Just a reminder that negative, sweeping generalisations are likely to be deleted. If we keep having to remove posts then we'll end up having to remove the whole thread, which we never like to do.

Do hit report if there are any comments causing you concern and we'll take a look. Thanks to those who have already got in touch.

You've emailed HM after one day? Please, please try and relax a bit!

She's replied and been very reassuring.

To thise whose comments were deleted, I read them and they were helpful.

I notice threads set up purely to bash private school kids are left up for entertainment though.

It’s only her second day, hundreds if not thousands of children and parents are feeling this way, this week. Whether it’s about an independent, State or Special Educational Needs School. Firm friendships are not going to be made on day one, they will take a little time.

Ds year 10, went to the school he wanted, it’s the best school around here by far in our county. I couldn’t get him to go on day 2, I ended up taking him at lunchtime. He hated it!! Now he says he’s so glad he went, he’s got a fab group of friends, is in all top sets and his recent scores were all way above average. If I had told him this on that second day he would have never believed me.

But on the other end, we moved ds1 from the same school, 5 years prior due to bullying. Because he wasn’t the boy who messed about, he done his homework and didn’t like getting into trouble. It was the best thing we done. In his new school he left with brilliant GCSE and A Level results.

It also shows that what is a perfect fit for your one child, may not be for another.

This 100% sounds like an issue the school needs to tackle.

They need to mix the kids up more and help them integrate.

Lumping lots of girls with a shared background and language into one house together is not helping anyone. The school needs to be proactive in dealing with this.

I am just sensitive to this kind of talk, as I got told to fuck off back to my home country last week. I am English but have lived abroad and have an accent from that country.

I do think there is a tendency in England to instil a fear and suspicion of other cultures in children from a young age, and an "English is best" attitude.

It causes alot of pain to people.

angel I am very sorry for what happened to you but I don't think it's in the least bit relevant to this thread.

I'm sorry angel

I can only assure you that at dds new school there are girls from many different countries and dd2 is very tolerant as a result.

At dd3s comp of 1600 kids there were no kids in her teaching group that weren't white and from the immediate area.

I do think there is a tendency in England to instil a fear and suspicion of other cultures in children from a young age, and an "English is best" attitude

I don't think so. I think there is a generation - probably aged between 50 and 65, who grew up with WW2 war films and need to get out more.

Sweeping deletions here Mumsnet.
How ridiculous .
Can you actually recognise the difference between casual racism or actual knowledge?

Yes its pathetic. Meanwhile the thread having a swipe at kids who wear private school hoodies continues apace, with horrible comments from the OP.

It's clear mumsnet know bugger all about my situation, but I'm grateful to the posters who shared their experiences.

angel again, this has nothing to do with what the OP is talking about. Nothing in her posts has indicated such a thing.