Shit. Moved my dd to private school and she hates it.

[Manontry]

Yes, I know. It's been literally one day. But she doesn't like the fact its single sex, hates the house system (her house has a large proportion of overseas students, not sure why its just her house thst has this) and wants to go back to her old state school.

I'm gutted for her - she was desperate to go, has a scholarship, went for two taster days. We have a bursary and she has a scholarship (sport).

I'm not one to overreact but I have a gut feeling that we've made the wrong decision.

Also she's quite streetwise, came from a big state comprehensive. The two girls either side of her room in her house from prep schools haven't been allowed to have phones yet and one isn't allowed to listen to pop music She's struggling with that a bit.

She's 13, this is year 9.

I do think you need to speak to them about the house arrangement sooner rather than later. It seems a bit unfair that they've put a large group of chinese students together - unless there are similar numbers in the other houses - as it limits DDs chance of making friends and it limits the Chinese girls chances of integrating successfully into the school.

Perhaps it's more about raising the house mistresses awareness at this point, rather than demanding she be moved. I would also be very interested in the make up of the other houses - it's possible that they are similar and there may not be a big benefit in moving.

Apparently dd2 has already raised concerns with dd3s tutor! She is a prefect and is aggrieved that they've been allocated the majority of overseas students. Two of the other houses have no Chinese students at all.

I’d ask to moved house. At uni (when much more equipped to cope) I was in a flat with mostly overseas students and they never visited the communal areas. I was really lonely until I made friends elsewhere and pretty much moved out of my flat.

I’m sure lots of the girls are new too and/or feeling sad to be back at school/missing parents etc. I would have thought that the school would have set up some ‘mixer’ events early in the term.

She will be fine. As a sportswoman she will resilience and drive. She knows about winning and training hard - and goals. I’m glad she had good experience with the sports teachers - they can be a good lot in my experience (esp with talented students).

She will be fine! Listen to her but challenge any negative thoughts. I’m reading a good book on changing mindsets just now (will check the title and get back) and it’s actually very good at explaining reframing thoughts.

Thank you so much. I truly appreciate the advice.

You need to adress the house situation with the school, not leave it to Dd1 to raise.
Theschool need to shake up the house system, spreading the students more evenly. Overseas, day students and boarders all split more fairly to allow more integration.
They may have thought they were doing the Chinese students a favour keeping them together. But they are stopping them from mixing and learning better English.
Ds 1 went to a Uni where it was something like 40% Asian students, they mixed them all in the dorms, one more local or US student with one Asian/non US student per shared dorm room. It worked very well. Ds made friends with a few Chinese students and some Dutch students over his time there.

I do think she's scared as well. I know she's nervous about the lessons, and I am as sure as i can be that she will like her teachers and that will help a lot. I'm sure there will be one teacher that she doesn't click with as that's life, but they seem a really good bunch. I am relieved the sports dept have been supportive.

Sounds like the first day they were kept within their "house". Are the normal lessons a mix of girls from different houses? If so I'm sure she can meet some friends once real lessons start. Also presumably they're allowed to socialise with others during break times.
One day off timetable is not enough to make a decision, she needs to give it at least a few weeks.
Out of interest, any reason why you decided to move her halfway through secondary rather than in year 7?

OP, my DD is a weekly boarder in a school that sounds similar. Big mix of overseas students. It's co-ed, but the boarding house is just girls obviously.
She hated the first half term. Her Chinese roommate barely spoke and was on Skype to home at all hours.

She now loves it. Her best friends are Russian and Nigerian (we've had them both home for the weekend)
She says the Asian girls do tend to stick together a bit exactly like the European girls did when she was at an international school in Asia. It's natural. But as they get used to the school and gain confidence they will come out of themselves a bit.

My DD was very unhappy in the first half term. The house mistress was a huge support, unless you are unlucky, these teachers REALLY know how to manage this sort of thing. I would speak to them, just to let them know your dd is struggling a bit.

I've emailed the housemistrrss. Just mentioned it. To be honest, dd2 isn't helping by telling dd3 how fantastic her year was and what a shame it is dd3s year isn't as good she thinks she's helping but she has a bunch of 'cool girl' friends who have taken dd3 under their wing and this may not be helping the situation long term!

Out of interest, any reason why you decided to move her halfway through secondary rather than in year 7?

Money!!

Also the biggest intake is in year 9.

So is DD2 in the same house? Do they only socialise either own year in the house?

They socialise mainly in house for the first term. Yes dd2 is in the same house and loves it, she's a big fan generally. But she had a completely different social group - yes some overseas students but lots of fun, sporty girls that she really clicked with.

I would ask for her to be moved to another house. The boarders will naturally stick together. The Chinese students are fairly cliquey if mainland Chinese rather than HK students. I speak as the mother of mixed chinese/ English heritage kids with lots of Chinese friends.
She will be very isolated otherwise and this will really impact on her happiness.

Sounds a rubbish set up

Can you put her on waiting list for a nice comp, as back-up?

As others have said if your DD is on a sports scholarship she will be busy doing sports and will hopefully make friends there.

Are siblings usually allocated the same house? I know they are for DS’s school but their house system is just for team points, they don’t socialise in houses and all eat together.

To be fair, I was put in a flat with all Chinese students at uni and they did only socialise with each other. Luckily I made other friends! Can you asked for her to be moved to a different house?

Can you put her on waiting list for a nice comp, as back-up? Yes I could but that would be an absolute last resort. The school itself is amazing, dd2 went from average and just below average Cat score things in year 7 to 8s and 9s at gcse. The sport is fabulous.

But obviously there's no point in all that if she's miserable!

Yes dd2's year had Russians, French, Nigerian girls. All really good friends to dd2. I don't want this to become a racist sounding thread though

It's only been a day! I don't think it's reasonable to be asking the school to change the house after one day. It takes time to adjust to change. Give it more time.

I don't think it's racist to state a fact. My dd has many hk friends at her school but she reports the mainline Chinese girls are perfectly friendly but do prefer to stick to their own group. The HK strife will probably have exacerbated this due to antagonism between the two over the summer. I don't know yet as DD hasn't yet gone back.