GCSE 2019 support thread 6

[DeRigueurMortis]

Hello All,

Welcome to thread 6 - results...

Last thread here:

Gcses 2019 support thread 5 http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/secondary/3610608-gcses-2019-support-thread-5

It's been a fantastically supportive set of threads to date with a diverse set of expectations and challenges (for both parents and children).

I expect this thread may be the most emotive for us all (crikey how did the time fly!!)

Good luck everyone

A little saddened by the pp’s saying their mums have a been a bit underwhelmed by their dc results.
I cried on Thursday thinking about how proud my mum would have been.

@summermadsession I would agree with that - I was a 'high achiever' at GCSEs, no revision (literally a read through the night before) As all round. (this was actually the last year of O levels so in the days before A stars). This did me no good at all when it came to A levels because I had no work ethic, no idea how to do it. Not used to trying I guess, and didn't like not being instantly good at everything and so didn't bother. I did scrape a place at university but same happened there. IMO DCs who have to work at this stage are much more likely to do well later on!

@singstones - I keep trying to tell my DS that. My DS worked like a trojan - as I think I mentioned at one point, on one occasion I read one of the whatsapp groups he was on with DC from his school, as there were some allegations of cheating in the mocks, and I wanted to check he wasn't involved in it, and he had gone to bed. And there were all these DC up at nearly midnight the night before another mock joking on whatsapp about how hard my DS worked. And he did very, very well, and was really pleased. But then he started hearing about some of the results from some of the kids who put much less work in, and in the afternoon he was feeling a bit down, because some of them had also done spectacularly, even better than he had, with a fraction of the work he had put in (I suspect many of them hadn't done so well, but he was learning about the ones who had). And I did say to him that a lot of those kinds of kids struggle with A Levels, because they don't have the work ethic, and don't know how to study, all the things that he has been working so hard on, particularly this last year. I am not sure he believed me. So in this ridiculous system even when you slog your guts out and do amazingly well you can also have this sense of not quite being good enough. Which is completely bizzarre.

sorry @singingstones

@ihopeyourcakeisshit - your poor DD! Not sure it is my place to criticise but that is so awful of your DM, makes me feel so cross on your DDs behalf. Is there something special you could do for your DD to tell her that you are proud of her results - they are really a fine set of results, and it is just so inapproprate of your DM. Is there something your DD really loves and you don't normally do that you could do for her?

@Bimkom it might not feel that way now, but your DS is in a much better position than anyone who didn't have to work. That connection he has discovered between hard work and achievement is something that will power him through life. I say this to my DS too - he worked hard but admitted he wasn't telling his friends how much revision he was doing for fear of being made fun of. One friend in particular, has been comparing marks and trying to 'beat' DS since primary school
Anyway your DS's friends may also have been working harder than they let on but it's a shame that these boys don't feel it's ok to say, I really want to do well, I'm going to work my arse off!

@singingstones Yes I agree with you, but it is hard for DS to see. Some of his friends might have been working harder than they let on - but they certainly were not in bed the night before a mock, which he was careful to do, to enable him to be as ready as possible.
I think he is hoping that at his new sixth form, working will be more acceptable. I am not sure if that is going to be the case - there might just be more of this posturing about how they can achieve without working, but here's hoping.

Dd worked so very hard and like your son Bimkom, she had some negative comments from kids in her year.
Dd is also moving on to a new place. It’s massive and not so selective as your sons 6th form but hopefully the culture will be one in that working hard is good and -above all-normal ( Dd sometimes made to feel ‘weird’ for wanting to work hard). If not, I’m hoping it’s big enough for her to find a small group of fellow students who DO feel the same way.

Bimkom you need to encourage your DS to stop comparing himself to other people because there will always be those who struggle to achieve and those who it comes naturally to. He will experience different ability and learning types throughout life so best to get over feeling upset about it early on.

binkom this happened to dd who worked so hard but still didn't get as high grades as some of her classmates and nowhere near your sons grades! For example her friend hated RS, moaned about it constantly,
boasted that she did no revision then got a 9, whereas dd loved rs, wants to do for A level and 'only' got a 7! Its annoying but a life lesson!

I agree with others Bimkom looking at what others have never leads to happiness. I can assure you that both my kids had to work for hard for every mark they got - and ds in particularly had 2 friends who do not need to work and couldn't understand why he was starting so early - but ds was very realistic about what he needed to do. I think what's always frustrated me about this situation is that the kids who find it all so easy are often the kids who receive the rewards and the kids who work hard rarely get acknowledged.
DS went from a estimated grade 5 in his French, to a grade 9 result in his GCSE - it was only very recently that the teacher even acknowledged his progress and I think that mostly came from his desire to take A level - it was like every time he did well in an exam the teacher assumed it was a one off - he found that very frustrating and it wasn't a deliberate move on her part to motivate him - she genuinely didn't think he could do it.

I wonder if I could ask you all some advice? My son is about to go into year 11. He is a lovely, funny and bright boy but while he contributes well in class reports often state that he doesn't put enough work in to get the grades he should get.
He got 3s, 4s and one 5 in the end of year 10 mocks.
So...how can I help him to be ready for the real GCSEs? When/how should he start revising? How can I support him without nagging him?
He's quite laid back and I think next summer feels forever away to him but I know despite his cool that he will be gutted if he fails exams.
We've been shopping today and bought a nice new desk for his room and some other stuff so he can we his work space organised
Thanks for any wisdom, it's much needed x

@Ligresa My dd got a 9 after doing no work for RS - I was appalled she wasn't doing any - but she said it wasn't an important subject as it wasn't an A Level choice...she had too much ground to make up in her other subjects - I have no idea how she got the 9 - it was her only 9 too and she has no interest in it - I found it very amusing that the dd of two atheists would score so highly.
But my dd has not boasted about any of her results (her best friend knows and that's it) - very few of her classmates have shared numbers, even the very clever ones - they have all just said "I got accepted into the courses I wanted to do and I'm really happy" - they felt talking number just made people feel bad - I have only shared numbers on MN (and to my mother who just had to know) - I use the same phrase as dd - she got into her courses....we're really happy! It's just another stepping stone.

@goldface I was pretty much the facilitator - if you need something I'll get it for you but I can't do the work for you! Telling them if they are upstairs and on Netflix rather than revising they are cheating themselves and they'd be better just to take a break. At times I helped them by suggesting to remove their phones - sometimes they agreed. They asked for tutors, they asked for dh's help with science - I couldn't help with explaining subjects I was too close to them it was too explosive - dh is away all week, so they see getting time with him as precious and they don't mess around.
Ask him what he needs from you, how you can help him - expect that to change, what ask him what he wants out of this process - is there a course he wants to get into? If he doesn't care, it's going to be hard to force him to work without it taking its toll on your relationship.

Goldface, my DS managed to convert a few 3s and 4s in mocks to 6s

He used the online revision tool Seneca, as that suited him more than book learning, and watching youtube (what's the name of the "boring" looking man, mr ... the science guy. Sorry, can't remember, too early!

Anyway, he used online resources and whilst I was unsure, it seems to have worked (and saying yes to all revision classes the school organised)

I don't believe anyone can get a 9 in RS without working for it.

I did point out to dd that when I was at school there were plenty of kids who loved to pretend they'd done no work at all then 'miraculously' get top grades.

Clearly at GCSE level some kids can sail through, but A levels are a different matter.

I don't believe anyone can get a 9 in RS without working for it. No doubt dd did all the homework she was asked to do throughout the year but she did not work for her RS as she said she felt she knew enough to get a 6 or a 7 anyway and she'd be happy with that, she felt she needed to work on the subjects she wanted to take to A level and believe me she did work for them (and she didn't get a 9 in those). I find her getting a 9 with no final effort incredible - possibly some totted her score up wrong, who knows?

Ok, so if she was confident enough that she'd get an A without doing any revision she must be rather academic!

I do wonder if RS is possible quite easy to get if you’re okay at writing because my dd put in the laziest effort all year with class work and homework, did the revision classes at school but no independent work and got a 5. I thought she’d get a 1. There’s something odd about getting a 9 though if you’ve not revised at all.

Maybe, just maybe , she had an amazing RS teacher??

Was that RS an actual option choice, or did all the students do it based on a lesson a week? RS is a subject that some schools offer as an option and where some school enter everyone. This does affect that way it is marked a little ime. My school offers it as an option, so the students are interested and they have 5 lessons a fortnight form specialised teachers , leading to many 9s. It is an essay based subject which values debate so, often, once the content is mastered (and that does need to be learnt or taught), a student who has excellent essay writing skills will fare very well. The A Level, however, is far more demanding.

@goldface depending on your dc it’s really tricky to try and help them at this stage without them taking offence or shutting you out!
Dd organised all her folders in August before starting back to highlight any missing sheets / notes and x checking the curriculum V what she already in her file so that at Christmas she could just revise for mocks without worry her notes were a mess!
What worked for her was the traffic light system.
She printed each exam curriculum which is already broken into sections and highlighted the sections green, yellow, red. From that was able to organise which sections to revise first, ie Red first! We worked on the principle of approx 20 hours per subject and divided down to create a revision schedule of course give and take depending on where it is needed.
For Dd that was all the help she needed as it was the knowing where to start that she found overwhelming.
Seneca for sciences raised her grades from 7 to 9s.
Using past maths papers consistently really helped. We used audio guides for English Lit. And mfl languages used the website that tests your vocabulary, can’t recall the name! and past papers for other subjects.
Flash cards, mind maps cgp books were not her thing!
She started revising slowly after mocks at the end of Jan. which she found took the pressure off later with no last minute melt downs.

DD's RS was an option choice - she loved her RS teacher, they had a really nice class - they started the course in Year 9 - so that they could have in depth debates - something the RS dept is very keen on - teaching the dc's to debate properly. We have never taken her to church - we are atheist. Taking a full RS GCSE option just made sense rather than taking a pretty useless compulsory half GCSE in RS - it gave her an extra class in her weakest subject. She told me as long as you could back up your argument with a vague reference to the Bible/Koran you were fine - she does not generally make flippant statements like this about other subjects and she is not taking it for A level - she really doesn't like the subject.

My DS got a couple of 8s and a string of 6s and 5s. Solid but not brilliant results, he can do what he wants for A level, but it’s left me feeling very flat as he could have done so much more had he applied himself over his secondary years. It’s my problem not his, he’s happy, and the results are as predicted by his excellent secondary but he’s extremely bright. Heh ho, my DS is himself and not the hard working academic kid I want. But nonetheless I feel I’ve failed somehow, for not getting him to want to work. Which I also know is ridiculous. I haven’t told him this , I don’t intend to, I have done lots of congratulating. But underneath I’m feeling a bit let down.

Re RE DS got a 5 with zero work at all apart from turning up to sit the exam and absorbing stuff during lessons. And he said he couldn’t even start some questions so must have scored highly on the ones he did. I was surprised he passed that one.

@goldface

I would start by having a chat now before he starts Year 11. Ask him simply - what does he want to achieve, his ambitions, what does he want from his GCSE year.
( Rather than your ambitions for his grades.)

Another simple question - how does he see himself ? You have described him as a ‘lovely, funny and bright boy’ (which I’m not saying he isn’t btw ) and school reports say he doesn’t put enough work in but how does he feel ?
Let him express that, you may find (as was the case with my Ds1) he didn’t see himself/ability/potential the same as you do.
It’s about finding his motivation and building on that - rather than you wanting him to get motivated IYKWIM ?
My own Ds did not have confidence in his abilities . If he was told he was bright he would deny it as he himself couldn’t see it. It became a stick he would beat himself with.

He didn’t ‘flourish’ or get his self worth in time for his GCSE’s but he has now after his further education and higher.

Once they find their self worth , exam technique, working hard, revision, reward will all follow.

(Acceptance & patience are what I had to give him and faith that it would all work out in the end )

@goldface - I wouldn't praise him for being bright and clever - praise him for hard work - that is the thing he has control over - that is the only thing he can change - the more work he puts in the better he will do - he is in charge of his future.