DS wants to repeat Year 13

[user20]

Hi,

My 18 y/o DS who is in Year 13 and is due to finish school forever at the end of this year is wanting to go back next year to repeat the year. He is currently out on study leave.

Basically, he is only doing one a level as his attendance was below 80%, not just this year but last year in year 12 too.

He has had no valid reason for this behaviour, he has just been lazy and made excuses and turned up to school whenever and when it suited him.

He is an intelligent guy, he got 4As and 1B and 2Cs in his GCSEs, It has annoyed me and my DH a lot over the last two years that he has wasted his potential like this, he could have done so much better.

I just want him to have a better life and employment opportunities.

He just seemed so distracted over sixth year, he just seems to be always on his phone and listening to music and on social media. he was missing deadlines, not revising for exams, well last year he did but left it to very close to the exams and came out with 2Ds and a C in his AS exams which is impressive for somebody who didn't bother going to school or revising.

The school were meant to Kick him out so many times as they tried working with him but he didn't co operate, the workload got too much and he had to drop down to one a level a few months ago as it was too much work to do in such a short period of time.

He has a btec ict exam in a few days and hes done nothing for it - he can't even be bothered to work for one exam.

He has said often that he regrets his behaviour as he knows he was capable of doing more and maybe going to uni in September, I wouldn't be bothered if he chose not to go to uni but I think he needs his a levels.

Anyway, after a long wasted two years, reality has kicked in as he now wants to have a good career and has found out that if he were to start a two year a level course at an FE College, his education wouldn't be funded from September 2020 onwards.

He now wants the option to go back to school next year and repeat Year 13 - is it likely after all this carry on that they'll have him back?

Why is there still the obsession with going to uni? Has that come from you? His school? His peers?
There are other routes to 'good' jobs. You said he was interested in criminology. Last year I saw an add in my parents local paper for an apprenticeship finger print expert at Thames Valley Police. An apprenticeship - no university needed. He needs to look at the wider world. And you do as well.

@Namenic what he does regarding his career / education is up to him, he's an adult, I can't decide for him.

I will support him if he remains in education in some way, even if that's an apprenticeship then so be it. I, personally, do not think that it's appropriate to come out of education with no level 3 qualifications, he should try to get those at least then then go and get a job

@user20 - I suppose it is chicken and egg. Maybe he won’t have as much motivation to study if he has not experienced work?

A few months of min wage employment whilst looking at courses for FE is hardly the end of education. Is there a reason you think that you should do a certain level of studying before starting to work? In the past/other countries children worked while they studied (eg harvesting crops).

I suppose maybe SEN issues may affect how he performs in a job and perhaps more has to be put into thinking about what he might manage?

@Namenic I just don't want DS working in the likes of McDonald's the rest of his life.

I know that makes me sound like a snob but he can do so much more.

Who wants to be working all the hours under the sun when he can have a better career with reasonable hours and better pay? He's worth so much more than that so he needs level 3 qualifications no matter what, his GCSEs won't give him a good career and he needs a levels or similar.

Who said he was limited to McDs for the rest of his life? A year working could be the making of him.

Has he ever had a part time job? His current future is 2 years of repeated A Levels at college. This will inevitably lead to failure because you refuse point blank to acknowledge let alone address the issues. So he leaves at the age of 20, with no qualifications and no work experience, his MH shot to pieces because his issues have not been addressed and his confidence is at rock bottom.

Is that the sort of future you're imagining - cos that's reality unless you take your head out of the sand and quit the 'Oh I'm his mother I know him better than anyone else' bullshit.

A year or two away from the pressure of education to get his shit together, learn some life skills, get some employment experience, then think about what he wants from life and how he can achieve will do him far more good that anything you're suggesting.

@user20 - 1 year is hardly a lifetime. It is1 year because often courses start in sept.

But if you find a book keeping (he sounds better at the maths than English side) course or welding or life-guard course in the meantime, then there’s no reason why he shouldn’t go for that. He might need to learn some skills to be independent eg cooking and budgeting which can be taught in this year so he doesn’t end up getting into debt when he decides on a further education option.

You sound very reluctant at all for him to work. Plenty of teens do and some people work during uni/in summer hols to avoid too much debt.

@titchy @Namenic DS has never had a part time job before so yes I would absolutely welcome a job during the summer and then alongside his studies in September. I see nothing wrong with him working in McDonald's or Tesco etc part time while he works for his exams. Absolutely nothing wrong with that.

What I don't want to happen is for him to leave education altogether now with no a levels or only one anyway and then end up in McDonalds or Tesco as a shelf stacker until retirement. His GCSEs alone are not enough to have a good well paid career that he can get with a bit of work.

If he wants to be a defence barrister then he needs to get working and get his a levels or level 3 exams and get to uni and do just that. I'm sorry but DS will not be able to afford the life he wants if he works in a shop on min wage the rest of his life. No nice house, nice car or family holidays. Just the basics and essentials such as food, water and clothes

Does he know that User20?
By the way most people I know that own houses and cars and have holidays etc have jobs in things like Plumbing or Admin or Accounting and - this might shock you - working in the retail industry.
Qualifications needed yes.
University needed no.

@user20 - I suggest that you do your research on becoming a barrister. It’s very competitive. Perhaps becoming a solicitor is more realistic? Paralegal/secretarial work may be a stepping stone? A relative did a law conversion in his 30s and is a solicitor in London.

The problem with jumping into a course in sept is that he would already have to have a plan and chosen subjects etc... why not take a year working and figure out what he really wants? He can then go and do some work shadowing and get proper careers advice (eg what a levels are beneficial for law degree - if you do one then you have to do 1 less year of professional training after to be a solicitor compared to a non-law degree).

Perhaps learning to touch type and doing a course for legal secretarial work may be beneficial? Any lawyers around?

www.ucas.com/ucas/after-gcses/find-career-ideas/explore-jobs/job-profile/legal-secretary

www.allaboutlaw.co.uk/stage/becoming-a-lawyer/how-to-become-a-legal-secretary

If it was my ds i’d rather him do this first rather than a degree because I would be able to gauge how committed he is and whether he has the maturity to go through a 3 yeardegree (which will incur a significant amount of debt).

he needs level 3 qualifications no matter what
Maybe its that belief of yours that is putting a lot of pressure on him and he cant cope with it.

Are level 3 qualifications worth his mental health?

what he does regarding his career / education is up to him, he's an adult, I can't decide for him.
But it sounds like you are deciding, by saying he has to get level three qualifications, "no matter what".

It really sounds like he is just not capable (right now) of doing the work required to pass 3 A-levels. And as for going to university to become a defence barrister, that is just for the birds. Have you read how many students commit suicide at university because of their mental health.

@Walkingdeadfangirl I'm not deciding his career for him. As you quoted what I said in An earlier post, it's up to him to decide.

I'm just advising him. Would you really recommend going through life without a levels or similar? You wouldn't get very far. I wouldn't recommend it unless you had a well paid career that didn't require level 3's.

And it's not me that forcing him to go to uni and be a barrister / lawyer, he's the one that says he wants a career in law. So I'm only saying if he wants that he needs his a levels / Btecs whatever he decides to do and then he needs to go to uni. I'm not forcing anything upon him. I'm just advising

@user20 - are you sure this is a considered decision on his part rather than a reflex reaction to not going to uni like many of his peers?

Does he know the process of being a defence barrister and what a levels are good for law? Has he considered other options? If he picks inappropriate a levels or doesn’t work next year would he be in a worse position regarding funding?(if not there is less risk to try this path and see; but if it is he could be in a worse position next year).

But you're not saying 'A levels or similar' you're saying A levels, and now. He needs something other than A levels. A legal apprenticeship for example. Or an Access course in a year or so. He'll fail A levels and have nothing to show for his one or two years trying.

I think the main advantage of him looking for a job is he might start to understand how competitive it is and realise he may struggle even to get into Tesco etc. (I did at 17 with just ok gcses).
I also honestly didnt realise how hard it would be to get a job even after uni. Loads of selection centres, teamwork interviews. Actually graduate jobs are not for everyone and even when you get the job there can be a lack of training.
Would he interview well?
Maybe look into how many barristers there are as a percentage of lawyers

Yes, but I don't think your advice is realistic.

If he has had his funding this time round, he is very unlikely to get Level 3 funding for a second shot. Maybe, given his diagnoses, he might be able to make a case - though it won't help if you announce that he's just a very naughty boy.

He is very unlikely to be able to cope with the workload for law at present, and telling him to get on with it won't make that happen.

We are coming at this from somewhat the opposite direction. DS also has Asperger's, OCD and depression. He is painfully dragging himself through university running on half-empty, despite fairly frequent advice to put his mental health first. He is nearer 'well' when outside, in company, doing something practical - so your son's laughing and joking with friends while burying his head in the sand about his school work sounded rather familiar.

He sounds like he needs to grow up a bit. Let him get a job for a year and see if he actually does change his ways. If he really wants to he can then try to get onto an access/foundation course and get a university place via that route.

@titchy and if he wants to do an access course then so be it, I'm not standing in his way.

If he wants to go to college and do his a levels again then he can do so but he can pay for it. And I'm sorry but just because he hasn't pulled his weight this time around and failed his a levels who are you to say he wouldn't be able to move on and get a levels elsewhere? Do you have any evidence to support your statement that he would supposedly fail if he tried again? That's completely untrue.

If he started again with a completely different mindset then how would you know if he'd pass or fail? That's a bit flippant. You can't judge whether he'd pass or fail based on what's happened during school. People do charge you know. He's not the first to mess up his exams and he won't be the last. Not saying that makes it okay because it's not, he'll get there in the end though.

@titchy I meant people do change not people do charge

@Lancelottie yes that's true. we could use his diagnosis to try and get them to fund him another year or two years - I'm not defending his behaviour but for goodness sake the government would happily pay for and fund isis murderers in this country and then they hesitate paying a young persons a levels for another two years when they made a bad decision!! Something not right

Worth looking into whether having an ECHP makes a difference.
''Funding for young people age 19+
From age 19, young people who are starting a new study programme may have to pay tuition fees.

However, if they:

Are under 25 and have an Education, Health and Care (EHC) plan
Have not achieved English or maths at GCSE grade C / grade 4 or higher
Are 19-23-years-old and want to enrol on a study programme to achieve their first full qualification at Level 2 or Level 3 (see what qualification levels mean)
they will continue to receive free education and their study programme will be funded by the Adult Education Budget (AEB).

(N.B. A few educational settings may not receive ESFA or AEB funding to cover the costs of tuition fees. It is always advisable to check if tuition fees are charged, before enrolling on any study programme.)''

Maybe if he had a more realistic goal he might get his head down/feel motivated?
Sorry but do you have any idea how competitive law is? And as for Barrister?! Has he not had any guidance from school at all?
Also where did the Geography, Business, ICT choices come from ?

User, you seem to be swithering between cracking down on him (make him pay his way, throw him out) and asking everyone else to make allowances for his one mistake.

I think you are reacting somewhat at random here (not really a criticism, I do it myself). ‘I’ll do this - tough love is what he needs and he’ll be fine. But he’s struggling, make allowances and he’ll be fine.’

I think you (and his father if in the picture) need a clearer idea of how his Aspergers affects him, plus the OCD. I think that having found the courses hard, he has simply hidden from them because he isn’t good at assessing long term effects of his actions. He may do the same if he tries again.

I suspect your boy would need substantial help to get through A levels and that a law degree would be an appalling struggle for him.