DS wants to repeat Year 13

[user20]

Hi,

My 18 y/o DS who is in Year 13 and is due to finish school forever at the end of this year is wanting to go back next year to repeat the year. He is currently out on study leave.

Basically, he is only doing one a level as his attendance was below 80%, not just this year but last year in year 12 too.

He has had no valid reason for this behaviour, he has just been lazy and made excuses and turned up to school whenever and when it suited him.

He is an intelligent guy, he got 4As and 1B and 2Cs in his GCSEs, It has annoyed me and my DH a lot over the last two years that he has wasted his potential like this, he could have done so much better.

I just want him to have a better life and employment opportunities.

He just seemed so distracted over sixth year, he just seems to be always on his phone and listening to music and on social media. he was missing deadlines, not revising for exams, well last year he did but left it to very close to the exams and came out with 2Ds and a C in his AS exams which is impressive for somebody who didn't bother going to school or revising.

The school were meant to Kick him out so many times as they tried working with him but he didn't co operate, the workload got too much and he had to drop down to one a level a few months ago as it was too much work to do in such a short period of time.

He has a btec ict exam in a few days and hes done nothing for it - he can't even be bothered to work for one exam.

He has said often that he regrets his behaviour as he knows he was capable of doing more and maybe going to uni in September, I wouldn't be bothered if he chose not to go to uni but I think he needs his a levels.

Anyway, after a long wasted two years, reality has kicked in as he now wants to have a good career and has found out that if he were to start a two year a level course at an FE College, his education wouldn't be funded from September 2020 onwards.

He now wants the option to go back to school next year and repeat Year 13 - is it likely after all this carry on that they'll have him back?

My second dd has dyslexia and her first year at sixth form was looking quite dodgy. I intervened, we made a plan and she changed her subjects and did fabulously. Some children need you to parent them for them to achieve.

Possibly the schools just take the funding hit if the child has proven to get good results. Ie in the case of med student? Because the school can then claim the results.
I imagine £4000 vs a student capable of A's. And effectively the student extra actually costs £0 almost as they are paying for the teacher anyway etc. So just photocopying and paper etc.
The adult education for Alevelsused to be really cheap but went up dramatically. Not only that round here the choices are very limited for evenings etc.

I think DS is just annoyed and upset with himself that he has messed about and he knows that he's not getting his a levels at the same time as all his peers hence why his remarks, I don't think he means it literally. It's just him feeling down but I'm sure he'll be fine soon.

you can tell him he can use this experience for a better one.
btec is a good choice i think with grades equivalent to a levels.
and he will have new peers there.
the system there could be more suitable for him, eg, regular tests, assignments, not leaving them to the end of terms like in a levels, etc.

i told my dc next year will be the last year we are trying, if dc fails in first year of btec, then we have to look for apprentices, etc.

OP apart from the tantrums about failing is there any evidence what so ever that given another 1 or 2 years to do A-Levels he would actually knuckle down and study his ass off?

Having read the whole thread there seems to be no evidence of this what so ever. He wants to doss about for another year or two then go to uni and doss around for another 3/4 years.

He didn't get great GCSEs, he has failed relatively easy A-level subjects, he is not academically bright and needs a reality check not molly coddling.

Funding aside the school would be mad to allow him to repeat A-levels. His failed grades will hit their performance stats, why would they let that happen twice?

@mummabear1967 I'd rather you didn't speak to me like that!! Very rude and cheeky.

I know my son, nobody on here does. If I say he is smart then he is. He is struggling because he's realised what an idiot he's been, not because he's not intelligent, he is.

I do care for my DS' so I'd rather you didn't come on here and suggest otherwise.

@Walkingdeadfangirl I understand that he shouldn't be allowed back due to this - he's completely and totally blown it but his school have allowed others with similar circumstances back so therefore DS should be given a thought. Not fair if others are given consideration and he isn't.

And may I tell you his GCSEs weren't exceptional but they were good in my opinion - he is intelligent

in my opinion - he is intelligent

What does that mean?

In academic terms intelligence is a factor of how much you have learned and it doesn't sound like he has learned very much academically.

Maybe you are holding onto dreams of what he was like when he was younger, or what you hoped for him in the future. But things wont get better until you start dealing with reality!

A few years working will be invaluable for him and he will have time to mature and work out what he is really willing to do to achieve any goals. Maybe support that?

People can be intelligent just not good at alevels. It is very specific only 3 subjects in a lot of boring detail, if you are not great at learning /remembering so much. Or dealing with the freedom of free lessons.
The fact he dropped the harder sciences etc suggests he doesnt like to work that hard. Possibly stressful. Easier to think, well i didnt try/go to the lessons.
Each stage of education is very different and people are not always equally good at each. (My dc is goid at learning to read but may not be good at comprehension or writing creatively. The alevel skills are specific to subjects.
A friend got 8As and aB but still only got ABC alevels. When picking subjects you cannot understand the work needed as you havent covered it.
I think that's why 5AS was a good idea as you can drop them after a term or two keeping what you prefer.
Personality is probably a huge factor in achievement and i wpuldnt underestimate the difference sen make. As someone could be really averse to the classroom or easier to become addicted to the phone. Or orgsnise themselves.
It is easier to misread how hard alevels will be if you did get some As at gcse.
Olevels were actually for maths like ASlevel so we have to get to that level and that AS level would have given a better idea of aptitude.
Making gcse so easy isnt helping really as it leads to wrong choices/overconfidence etc.

User20 : I am sure he is intelligent.

The problem is he doesn’t or isn’t able to manage himself well enough wrt getting to school and revising.

His SEN and mental health cannot be dismissed as irrelevant in this.

Non stop phone use by a child with OCD and ASD? He needed effective support and guidance.

What about doing a foundation year (if he can get onto one with one a level)?

Or something like a bteq etc? He might just pull the same stunt again. Or perhaps let him work for a year and see if he grows up a bit. He sounds immature.

I would listen to what he is saying - I have never heard a teen say they might as well hang themselves. I'm not saying he's necessarily going to do it, but it sounds like he's feeling really uncertain and worried. I definitely wouldn't be thinking about chucking him out. Is he still getting CAMHS input? Even if you don't think he needs it now, he may really struggle come September when his friends go off to uni.

Being engaged in something useful is good, whether that is work or study. Personally I don't think trying to repeat A levels is the right thing for him, not now in any case. I think there is more to his poor performance than laziness, whether that is being unsuited to A levels, anxiety, fear of failure, something else. The Cs and D's he received at AS level could have been due to pure laziness, but the final A level outcomes I think are more than that. Repeating (if allowed) risks him being in stasis for a year and receiving similar results again. Pulling up to a good grade within a year would be really hard.

I'd try to let go of what you think could have been and focus on what is now. Getting an A in GCSE doesn't mean you are capable of an A in A level in that subject, A levels are set to be harder to achieve. I don't think he has missed out on 3 As here, even if he had worked hard. The people I know who got 3As at A level got straight A*/As at GCSE without loads of work. Of course he would have done better if he'd worked, but I think having the idea that he could have got 3As will probably make both of you feel worse.

I would research if any employers nearby who offer entry-level jobs with promotion prospects, even if the entry-level job doesn't sound that interesting. A friend who is clever but less good at applying herself to academic study (good GCSEs but less good A levels) joined the civil service in an admin role, minimum wage. She worked hard, showed ability and has been promoted a long way, and now has a really interesting role with responsibility and good pay and conditions. The civil service will support her getting a degree if she wants to pursue that. I'm sure there are other similar employers. McDonalds is one that often gets mentioned as having lots of entry-level roles, but opportunity to progress far. I agree that "shelf stacking in Tesco with no chance of progression" type jobs won't help his self-esteem, but it doesn't have to be that way.

If he does continue study, PLEASE address the phone addiction behaviour. Adults struggle to curb smartphone use, it's not surprising that a teen won't be able to control themselves, esp with autism and mental health difficulties. My approach would be to give a £10 very basic phone for texting/ phoning only (the ones with grey screen) and the smartphone is temporarily returned in short bursts if he studies, eg for a few hours at weekend when finished homework.

but they were good in my opinion

Let's be honest - your opinion counts for fuck all. Teachers opinions count, college and university admission opinions count, employers opinions count. Yours dont.

And you have let him down, and see intent on continuing to do so.

The GCSEs were better than average by grade, but a lower than normal number taken. e.g. Norm at DD's comp is 9.

However people who get Bs & Cs often don't attempt A levels at all.

The reasons for him only taking 7 GCSEs will probably also be reasons that impact ability to succeed in A levels.

The GCSE grades are probably below average for those taking A levels, if you take into account that some of the A grades were effectively achieved at the expense of dropping 2 other subjects.

Surely the low number of GCSE subjects was to do with his MH issues?

In which case he has done really well.

I find it baffling, OP, that you are so vague about the reasons for 7 GCSEs.

I am sorry you are having a hard time on this thread. However you need to think and guide your DS to positive plans for his future now.

Can you and your son think laterally so rather than just think of repeating something that hasn't worked (school sixth form) consider other options at local colleges such as a vocational course

https://qualifications.pearson.com/en/about-us/qualification-brands/btec/btec-works.html?utmsource=google&utmmmedium=cpc&utmcampaign=GBVOGP0418BW19&utmmterm=%2Bvocational&utmcontent=343910792594&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIpqiw-rfe4gIVhrrtCh05Tgr4EAAYASAAEgI1hDDBwE

What about the Open University access course?
http://www.open.ac.uk/courses/do-it/access?ns_clid=google&gclid=CLCF9duz3uICFcT2UQodZzEHvA

Do you live in or near a town that has a more vocational technology college to look at other courses. Our local one has an apprenticeship open day next week. Attending this would show you both the range of companies.

Another idea- Is your DS interested in the police? Could he look at becoming a special constable?

Here's another college that does agricultural and animal courses and has accommodation.
https://www.sparsholt.ac.uk/

If he has a confirmed mental heath diagnosis he may get disability student allowance and extra help.

Can I just make a few things clearer here,

DS does not have diagnosed depression. He has felt down over this. camhs / GP have never once diagnosed him with depression because he is not depressed long term. He does exaggerate sometimes to make it sound worse than what it is. I can assure you there's no depression

DS does have diagnosed Asperger's and OCD, he's got therapy in the past for both.

@titchy my opinion counts for a lot actually considering I am his mother!!! I don't need a teacher to tell me that my own son is smart because I know he is and all his teachers have said it!!!

my opinion counts for a lot actually considering I am his mother!!!

Do you really think that'll help his UCAS applications? Or maybe you think if you attach a letter with his cv when he's applying for jobs it'll help?

User20 I have not read all the thread but can share my experience of my DS repeating year 13.

My DS was diagnosed at 15 with a lifelong illness/disability that effects him daily. He survived GCSES (excellent grades) but struggled at A level.

His struggle at A level was a combination of factors, he had started with Four A levels, one was maths and the jump was too much. He focused heavily on the maths in the first year to the detriment of other subjects (got B's and C's at AS level).

He started Year 13 with three A levels but by the Easter it was clear he was not managing. Again a combination of factors including his emotional well-being (impact of managing and coming to terms with his disability). My DS is also a bright lad, his attendance was almost 100% (only time off was for medical appointments) and teachers knew his potential.

I went into school and we agreed my DS would not sit any exams that year. He would remain at school for the remainder of the year and joined the year 12 classes when his year group left on exam leave.

It was the best decision for us. He had time to sort himself out and mature. He has just sat his A levels and is on target to achieve his predicted grades for university. It is not costing us anything because he didn't sit any of his exams last year.

Some others from his year group have also returned but they have to pay to resit the exams (school will only pay once).

All the DC that have returned had excellent attendance and were engaged with the school. That had missed their predicted grades by one or two marks.

I was talking to my DS when his exams finished and he admitted he wasn't ready last year for the pressure of exams and this year he is in a much better place and ready to go to university.

I will add it's not been easy. He has needed to revise all the year 12 work (as this was done two years ago), his friendship group has been smaller, he had a lesson clash so couldn't attend all the lessons for two subjects. He has needed to be self motivated and wanting to work. He has spent hours working independently over the holidays and evenings.

In your situation I would advise you meet with school. You also need to be honest and ask yourself do you really think he will put the hours in that are needed. My DS has had an almost zero social life this year and certainly over the exam period.

Good luck

I think getting a min wage job may be a good thing because it will broaden his experience and give him extra motivation to improve himself. Perhaps he could do this part-time once his IT exam is over. OP - you seem reluctant to let him do this?

Another thing would be to enroll in a course with him. So you can understand all the demands on young people and so he can feel that he is not the only one having to study. It could be an edx online course on coding, law, whatever. If you can, pay for the verified version and you get a certificate that can go on his cv. He can then feel he has achieved something over the summer.

I’m trying to change career and working shift work, long commute. It is tough, but start with small things.

In all honesty I would suggest he leaves school and works, McDonald's maybe, somewhere he will have to work hard and see how little you earn despite a 45 hour week (dd worked there) he can apply to university via a foundation course without a levels (check prerequisites as they vary) once he realises how hard the working world is. It worked for us (dd did have a levels though)