DS wants to repeat Year 13

[user20]

Hi,

My 18 y/o DS who is in Year 13 and is due to finish school forever at the end of this year is wanting to go back next year to repeat the year. He is currently out on study leave.

Basically, he is only doing one a level as his attendance was below 80%, not just this year but last year in year 12 too.

He has had no valid reason for this behaviour, he has just been lazy and made excuses and turned up to school whenever and when it suited him.

He is an intelligent guy, he got 4As and 1B and 2Cs in his GCSEs, It has annoyed me and my DH a lot over the last two years that he has wasted his potential like this, he could have done so much better.

I just want him to have a better life and employment opportunities.

He just seemed so distracted over sixth year, he just seems to be always on his phone and listening to music and on social media. he was missing deadlines, not revising for exams, well last year he did but left it to very close to the exams and came out with 2Ds and a C in his AS exams which is impressive for somebody who didn't bother going to school or revising.

The school were meant to Kick him out so many times as they tried working with him but he didn't co operate, the workload got too much and he had to drop down to one a level a few months ago as it was too much work to do in such a short period of time.

He has a btec ict exam in a few days and hes done nothing for it - he can't even be bothered to work for one exam.

He has said often that he regrets his behaviour as he knows he was capable of doing more and maybe going to uni in September, I wouldn't be bothered if he chose not to go to uni but I think he needs his a levels.

Anyway, after a long wasted two years, reality has kicked in as he now wants to have a good career and has found out that if he were to start a two year a level course at an FE College, his education wouldn't be funded from September 2020 onwards.

He now wants the option to go back to school next year and repeat Year 13 - is it likely after all this carry on that they'll have him back?

Thanks titchy. That's helpful extra information, and may explain the very unusual GCSE situation, as the school may well have made appropriate adaptations for someone with that list of SEN.

GCSEs grades are generally higher than O levels so you can't compare your experience and his. Your son might be bright but his results don't suggest he is academic. Did he try for grammar like your other son?

A Head of sixth form has given you the advice that the door to him at school is closed. Forget the others person circumstances as you and your son do not know the facts so not worthwhile 2nd guessing or claiming your son has been treated unfairly.

Also Business and ICT would be seen as softer, less academic subjects at A level and unlikely to get him a law course at Uni, also given Law is very competitive he would need much, much better grades.
He doesn't appear strong in the STEM subjects and has no MFL so that suggests what he may not be suited to. Now you need to work on what he is interested in.Is he practical?

Out of the options given previously what path will you investigate? Could you afford to fund A levels privately?

Btw, I thought every parent looked at their DC exam passes..its a big day as first public exams and usually they happily show you their slips..I recall sitting in the car after collecting DC from school on results day and just looking through them.
Bright DC usually get A or A*, or 8 or 9 mostly, that's not pressure just realistic for academic children who have also applied themselves.

Wow! That's quite an update titchy. The OP would have had a different set of responses if she had told us that in her first post.

Having just read that update I would now say that he should just forget a levels, forget college, forget uni - for now. He needs to focus on his mental health, his interests, finding out what he really likes and enjoys in life. Then look at the academic side if needed.
Look into if there are groups locally run by charities like Mind or Aspergers charities. Groups that could just be social groups or ones that focus on a specific task that gives a goal (not an academic goal but for example being involved in a community event).
Don't tell him to pack his bags - seriously he will end up sofa surfing or on the streets.
He may be entitled to benefits that could ease any financial worries but if you are in a situation that you don't need to charge him rent and can afford to feed him and supply a few basics then do that. Look after him. Get him out of his depression. Get him happy and comfortable with who he is. The obsession over a levels and uni needs to go.

Twitchy, I cross posted and didn't realise there was a backstory

It's been quite a frustrating post, GCSEs inform a levels.

Twitchy's post makes more sense than anything op's written

OP, his mental health is the foundation for any success in life. He is obviously depressed from your March post but I think your focus is exams results rather than his health. Have you ever suffered from depression?

If he gets well he will be able to study to his potential. I can now see why the school have been so obliging and understanding.

Exam success is not everything in life..he needs to learn to be happy from within and then he can move forwards. I appreciate resources are not widely available for help, could you and your H fund private therapy?

Oh dear seems the issues stem right back to the beginning of last year with depression. Agree with everyone else his mental health needs help before anything else but that requires the OP to acknowledge he is genuinely suffering instead of believing he is lazy.

OP I would recommend your DS does a BTEC Extended Diploma. It will be accepted by unis in place of Alevels. Lots of bright kids do them, honestly.

You need to drop the idea of Alevels. They just haven't worked for your DS. Just because he's over 18 doesn't mean you stop parenting him. Tell him staying on at school is not an option (hey, it would be great if we could all just stay at school and in our comfort zone forever) and get him to the FE college. They will have staff who can support his needs and I think it's a better option atm than an apprenticeship or staking shelves

Lynette,

How would the funding for that work for a child who had already taken A-levels? Can they 'start again' and get the necessary funding?

(I thought that they were A-level equivalents and, while accessible to someone who had done 1 year of A-levels and started again, not available to someone who had already taken a Level 3 qualification after 2 years, however disastrously they have done, but I may be wrong?)

Sorry, not clear - I don't mean 'accessible' in terms of 'available for someone to do', I meant accessible AND FREE.

Cant, OP said her DS has a statement, in England (numbered maths/English GCSEs) they should have been transferred by now so I suspect they mean an EHCP, though OP hasn't answered my PP. EHCPs can be until 25.

Im wondering what his predictions were.
I agree with others that gcses would have been inflated by taking fewer subjects than other students.
I think students should be told if say they only get a B at gcse in a sunject they will only get a max of B at alevel if not lower as they are harder. With gcse a being say 70+ but alevel 80+.
However i did go back as a mature student and get an A while working FT despite only getting c-d at alevel it is a lot about taking the right subjects for you.

Apologies for derailing the thread, but one of DD's peers at 6th form went to a 6th form college where she took 3 A levels. She then decided that she wanted to do medicine, so she went to DD's 6th form at 18 (she had been a pupil there until GCSEs). How would this have been funded as she already had 3 very good A levels (but the wrong ones for medicine)?

This at an extremely underfunded school.

I will have to tighten up at home. He will be told to pack his bags if he messes about again.

I don't think this the best response to someone who clearly needs support.

I agree there is a big gap between GCSE and A level which takes some unawares.
Btec
GNVQ
City and Guilds
Apprenticeships

Sounds like one of these might suit your son better at this stage. Apprenticeships can vary widely in quality so research them thoroughly.

There is a reason why I did not mention DS' conditions, this is because I don't think it's relevant right now, not properly.

He can't just hide behind his statement of special needs - he is old enough now to understand that the rules that apply to everybody else also apply to him too. He is not depressed. He is himself, laughing and joking and going out with his friends. Depression is not what caused this total mess, what did cause it was laziness. If he feels depressed it's because he now realises what a mess he's caused

@10brokengreenbottles I'd have to ask his school because they never once sat me down and talked about it

@LynetteScavo so would a uni actually accept a btec extended diploma since it's worth 3 a levels? I thought they'd turn their noses up at it

Of course they are relevant!

How can you not know whether your DS has been transfer from a statement to an EHCP? Do you not attend annual reviews? Do you not have a copy of it?

so would a uni actually accept a btec extended diploma since it's worth 3 a levels? I thought they'd turn their noses up at it

So you, as a super-involved parent, didn't even bother to look at university websites with him.

Fuck me you've been lax.

And your son's MH issues are immensely relevant. They're the reason you're in this place now, along with your lack of involvement.

user20 yes universities accept BTECs as A Level equivalents. All 10 of my current yr 13s have offers for university and all have a BTEC Extended Diploma.

Still doesn’t get round the funding issue though.

@cantkeepawayforever - it wouldn't be free but he could get a government-funded Advanced Learner Loan to help pay tuition fees. It’s available to people over 19 years old, studying courses at Levels 3 to 6. he might only need it for the second year if he fails the exam he's done this summer.

My son's friend did an Engineering BTEC, passed the course then decided he'd rather do another subject. I can't imagine his parents funding the second BTEC, but took it, did well and is now off to uni to study that subject further. I am quite curious as to how he managed to take the second course but don't like to ask!

Good Grief Op.

Of course his SEN are relevant.

All of those are relevant in different ways.

You are very punitive towards your son: angry, talk of packing his bags, but you have not done anything to help him manage his time spent in his phone, and despite the many meetings at school you seem to have delved very little into what is going on and why. For example you could have thought about him repeating yr 12 or looked into options earlier.

You say he is in tears about this and talks of killing himself and yet you say he is not depressed or emotionally disturbed.

@user20 My DS dropped out of Alevels (all As and Bs at GCSE) and then did an Engineering BTEC Extended diploma. He had 3 unconditional offers from unis, (which he turned down and accepted for a conditional offer) They do ask for DDM (distinction distinction merit) so he will have to actually work rather than cruise and pass, but there won't be the pressure of final exams or nothing.

Initially I was nervous about DS attending FE college rather than school, but he loved it. I think it's worth contacting local colleges to ask.