DS wants to repeat Year 13

[user20]

Hi,

My 18 y/o DS who is in Year 13 and is due to finish school forever at the end of this year is wanting to go back next year to repeat the year. He is currently out on study leave.

Basically, he is only doing one a level as his attendance was below 80%, not just this year but last year in year 12 too.

He has had no valid reason for this behaviour, he has just been lazy and made excuses and turned up to school whenever and when it suited him.

He is an intelligent guy, he got 4As and 1B and 2Cs in his GCSEs, It has annoyed me and my DH a lot over the last two years that he has wasted his potential like this, he could have done so much better.

I just want him to have a better life and employment opportunities.

He just seemed so distracted over sixth year, he just seems to be always on his phone and listening to music and on social media. he was missing deadlines, not revising for exams, well last year he did but left it to very close to the exams and came out with 2Ds and a C in his AS exams which is impressive for somebody who didn't bother going to school or revising.

The school were meant to Kick him out so many times as they tried working with him but he didn't co operate, the workload got too much and he had to drop down to one a level a few months ago as it was too much work to do in such a short period of time.

He has a btec ict exam in a few days and hes done nothing for it - he can't even be bothered to work for one exam.

He has said often that he regrets his behaviour as he knows he was capable of doing more and maybe going to uni in September, I wouldn't be bothered if he chose not to go to uni but I think he needs his a levels.

Anyway, after a long wasted two years, reality has kicked in as he now wants to have a good career and has found out that if he were to start a two year a level course at an FE College, his education wouldn't be funded from September 2020 onwards.

He now wants the option to go back to school next year and repeat Year 13 - is it likely after all this carry on that they'll have him back?

He still has the rest of his life ahead of him and this is a stumbling block he needs to make into a stepping stone. Life is full of disappointment and your success comes from how you choose to deal with it. As the saying goes, calm waters don’t make a skilled sailor. Does the school have a careers officer or maybe even a teacher he really likes. Would he open up to someone outside of the family. From what you have told us it doesn’t sound like he communicates to easily with his family.

It's won't have been school policy to only enter fro one science, or not enter for Lit. He's failed three GCSEs whether you want to hear that or not.

Does he realise that you can't just 'repeat' Year 13? He really needs to know that simply isn't a thing. The fact that he is still saying that suggests he still doesn't quite understand.

If your DS got number grades for maths and English GCSE's I take in you are in England, and therefore your DS' statement should have been transferred to an EHCP, has it? EHCPs don't have to end at 19. They can make provision until 25, not usually at mainstream schools but elsewhere, unless they go to university/start work (but not apprenticeship) etc.

Did you really not discuss any of this in the annual reviews? When was the last one?

@titchy I will ring the school tomorrow morning then! He did not fail three GCSEs. I would have been told by the school at the time

@titchy as far as I'm aware he dropped physics in Year 10 because he hated it.

I can't remember, I'm not a perfect parent, but eh who is?

I don't have my head in the sand actually - yous have all got this so so wrong. He is an academic person, he Is my son and his teachers know and have said the exact same.

I cannot emphasise this enough, he hasn't succeeded at a level because he thought that due to him being over compulsory school age, he could just go in and out when he wanted, he got stuck in a circle of it and long story short he became lazy and didn't do any work hence why he has failed - who the hell is going to get 3As with crap attendance? I'd be interested to know.

No I haven't restarted his gym membership - if he wants it he can get a job and pay it himself. And please don't say he needs it to keep fit, he doesn't. If he wants to go fit he has his own running gear so he can go out running and there's plenty of fruit and veg here that he can eat

What is the course he wants to do at college? His a level choices seem bit random - especially if he is interested in law and criminology (although did that interest come later). What made him pick his choices for gcse and a level. When I look back I realise I chose mine by what my mates were doing and teachers I liked. Not a good method.

“It worries me that you say he keeps crying and saying he wants to die. I would say that means he is feeling very lost and scared.”

Could he be depressed? Being depressed is a serious demotivator

“1. Have a look at his GCSE results. My guess is he took triple science and isn't telling you the grades he got in Physics and Chemistry.”

I think this must be the case. State schools offer double or triple science, not single sciences. How did you not know this?. Did you not go to the options evening? As far as I know only private schools offer single sciences. If you were as interested in your son’s education as you say you are you would have seen the paper with his results on and seen his GCSE certificate. Did the school not do a certificate presentation evening? I am surprised that you never took the trouble to understand the new number grading system.

As far as I know, unless there is a particular problem, year 11s take 9 or 10 GCSEs, so I feel that your son has been less than honest with you

The next year will be tough when all of his friends go off to university. DD took a gap year and found the first few months hard going until she found a job.

The comments from the teachers here are spot on. A levels are way harder than GCSEs. Your son did OK, not brilliantly, but has a respectable set of GCSEs. DD took A levels in subjects that she achieved A*s in, but still found them hard going. Yes she did get all As at A level but it was nose to the grindstone all the way.

Going forward, all is not lost. It sounds like your son isn’t university material – yet. There is no reason why he can’t get a job, and then do an access course when he feels ready, then go to university.

I am older than you. I sat my O levels in 1975, but I still took the troubles to understand the current education system so that I could support my daughter.

User, the thing is that him having 7, you not giving number grades, the subjects not being combinations that are usually possible are all unusual....as was you first saying his absences were coded C, then saying O. It all seems to imply either a lack of understanding, or a lack of transparency, about what has really gone on.

Others will know better than me whether Us are shown on certificates or only on results slips.

@EvilTwins I'm aware that he can be arrogant regarding his school, I have said the exact same a lot.

I don't think his school should allow him back but if they can magic up funding for somebody else who couldn't be arsed attending or doing exams then I'm sorry but I think it's so unfair that DS doesn't get a look in, if the other person wasn't allowed back then I'd have a completely different viewpoint.

I don't think it's a good idea that he goes back to school - I think he should try something new. But if he wants his a levels and is sure he will work and not mess about then I will support it and back him.

I will have to tighten up at home. He will be told to pack his bags if he messes about again.

Hes not the first teenager to make a very bad decision - if he now realises this then he should be given consideration

I don't know if repeating year 13 is still a thing, it certainly was at my grammar school.

However, I think the blithe comments on here about getting a job and then doing an access course are unrealistic. Adult education options are getting more and more squeezed and it is getting to the point that if you don't get your A levels at 18 you can forget it for the rest of your life which is ludicrous. If you are going to work until 67, why do you have to have everything sorted at such a young age? The Open University isn't really an option anymore as it has become so expensive, although there are online options for A level which are not ridiculously expensive.

Further education really needs sorting out - urgently.

@cantkeepawayforever he didn't any Us at gcse, he passed all his GCSEs. I have been to all parent meetings and seen his reports so I know what subjects he did.

7 GCSEs is unusual.

Only Eng Lang is unusual.

Only Biology is VERY unusual.

Parents not knowing genuine GCSE results is EXTREMELY unusual.

Hence people's questions.

he dropped physics in Year 10 because he hated it.

Sorry that's bull. Open your eyes OP. You say you've been involved but so much has slipped through that you're seemingly unaware of. He has failed three GCSEs.

But you know, let him keep the phone which has caused all of this, carry on telling him he's great academically when he's not, don't bother addressing the issues which led to this attitude, let him go to college to do A levels because a miracle will magically happen and he'll get three As. You do know the definition of madness - doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome.

See you on here next summer!

Us won't appear on certificates. OP need the results slip. Which OP's ds wont have....

@fairweathercyclist thanks. Yeah I agree about the job. I don't want him stuck in a dead end job, he needs his exams. I'd rather he didn't go back to school but if he's willing to change then I support it.

He's made a mistake, and a very bad one albeit, but he now realises the chaos he has caused and is prepared to fix it which isn't a bad thing.

I just don't see why people are assuming DS Isn't "bright" or "smart" - he is my son and I know him, let me tell you he has a good brain, he is very intelligent. His common sense regarding school might not have been "intelligent" but him himself is intelligent and he could have done very well

I don't believe the school allowed him to drop physics. DD's school doesn't allow students to drop subjects they hate, and I doubt that any other good school would allow it either.

user

Nobody is saying that your DS isn't decently bright, or adequately intelligent.

Just that those GCSEs he has told you about are typical of those who MAY go on to be OK at A-level, but equally MAY lead to being overwhelmed as A-levels are so much harder than GCSEs. Not being able to get stellar A-levels isn't a sign of 'not being bright', just not being academic and diligent in the particular way required by A-level studies.

I suggest you pay for a full educational psychologist's report to see how bright he really is (and perhaps reveal has some hidden learning difficulties affecting his ability).

My other suggestion is a year at what used to be called a crammer's. A college where they specialise in getting kids' grades up in their A levels, often to get into medicine/Oxbridge.

Both expensive options but you are giving him a chance to make the best of himself.

If he really 'wants a levels' then he simply needs to accept that school is off the table and college is where he has to go. College however is much less strict - they don't do detentions and registration groups and all that school stuff. He just has to go to the classes and then he will be left to his own devices. If he couldn't do that in a school environment then he will really struggle in the college environment.
Why is he so obsessed with a levels. They aren't the only way to get a qualification.
Btec
GNVQ
City and Guilds
Apprenticeships
You haven't said what the course he has applied to do at college.

OP, could you, completely unwittingly, be putting pressure on him that he can’t live up to and therefore prefers to fail on his own terms?

I only say this as you said he has fantastic GCSE results (when they are OK) and he could get a A in a-level easily if he put the work in (which very very few can and even fewer with OK GCSEs). It would be silly to lie about his GCSEs but teenagers do silly things and there is something off about his results.

He needs to think where he wants his life to go, what type of job/lifestyle does he want to aim for and then plan how to get there. Could he use his interest in Karting to get into being a mechanic, could his gym lead to being an instructor. How about a trade? Would an apprenticeship in the armed forces be something he would consider.

Lots and lots of options, but he needs to be the driver of it all now.

Did he get A's in geography ict and business studies

OP

I'm not sure why you are getting such a battering about your DS GCSEs, he has the subjects he has told you and shown you the certificates.

Phoning the school is not a good idea, as he is over 18 they should not tell you anything without his permission.

I can totally understand him not having any idea what he wants to do, he doesn't have to go to uni, he can also go to uni later, he can do a college course orhe can get a job.

I have a feeling a job might be a good idea, that way he can't bunk off, or if he does he will be out of a job.

His A Level choices are not great for law.

Maybe a year or even two out of education would be best allround.

My sister got a U in maths A level. She got a private tutor and retook. She then got an A after 6 months of study and then went study at LSE.
If one is very bright and committed,** one can improve dramatically.

I've just advance searched OP. There have been issues for months. Kid has Asperger, depression, OCD and sees CAMHS. He is unhygienic and talks about being severely depressed. OP has utterly failed to acknowledge any of this, putting it all down to excuses, or laziness.

He desperately needs his parents to step in with a plan that doesn't involve more pressure academically. At least to give him some breathing space and to address his multitude of issues.

I'm feeling quite sorry for him now, and quite angry towards OP who despite saying she's an involved and supportive parent does not appear to be at all from her actions.