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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Why do people openly criticise decisions to send your kids to a private school?

999 replies

scotmum1977 · 26/12/2018 16:01

I sent my Son to a private school (Glasgow) last year for various reasons and it's working out really well. There is the cost but we just do without expensive holidays etc. I can't think of a better gift for my children than a good education. I was so surprised at how offended people get when they ask which school he attends. They think it's ok to criticise you openly and make bitchy comments here and there. Surely how you spend your own money is your own business. Anyone else have this experience?

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Cherries101 · 26/12/2018 16:05

Yes but the people who tend to criticise me do so because they would also like to send their kids to private school but can’t. Private school here costs 12-20k per year so for parents with more than 2 kids it’s out of reach unless both parents have fairly well paid jobs.

MummyDummyNow · 26/12/2018 16:11

I have no problem at all with people sending their children to private school. However I do have a problem when people send their sons to private but their daughters to state school. I know several families that do this and am appalled at how sexist and outdated they are.

WrithingHomeForChristmas · 26/12/2018 16:20

Because it's a system that perpetuates class divisions.

snoutandab0ut · 26/12/2018 16:22

Some people are morally opposed to buying privilege. Some people wouldn’t consider private schooling even if they were millionaires for this reason. They shouldn’t be being openly rude to you though

GoodHeavensNoImAChicken · 26/12/2018 16:23

Often because they’re jealous and can’t do it themselves. Or have strong political views against them that they just love to voice. I went to a private school. My parents got a lot of this and I still occasionally get it now. I find it outrageously rude and none of their business. Mostly from those who wanted to send their kids there. FWIW I did extremely well, far far better than expected and work my bum off now so my children will have the same opportunity if I can at all afford it

Cauliflowersqueeze · 26/12/2018 16:23

They hate the thought your child might be getting an advantage that they either cannot pay for or will not pay for. That’s it.

GoodHeavensNoImAChicken · 26/12/2018 16:24

Also that argument just isn’t true about if they had infinite amounts of money some people still wouldn’t do it. Those people either suck it up and do (lots of celebrities) or live in the most exclusive area and access the best education the state system can provide. I’d send my children to those schools too if I could afford the house prices

W0rriedMum · 26/12/2018 16:27

I can't think of a better gift for my children than a good education.
I think this is why you're getting the reaction you are. It is possible to get a good education in both sectors, but a lot of people say things like the above which winds people up.
My other favourite is "I want the best for my children".. News flash - most people do!

I've no particular view on this - I've done both at various times but have never been smug about it.

sydenhamhiller · 26/12/2018 16:27

Yup. My friend Betty bumped into a fellow school gate parent Fred (not real names) on the train into work. Youngest kids are in y6 so the talk naturally turned to secondary school choices.

The Fred asked where Betty’s older child is: independent school. Fred goes on to say he went to independent school in North London, very elitist, massive waste of money, and how proud he is his son is going to Kingsdale (local academy with Byzantine admissions code) on a sports scholarship.

It’s this kind of hypocrisy that is so infuriating: selection by exams or money is wrong, but music or sporting ability is fine Hmm...

Original poster
scotmum1977 · 26/12/2018 16:35

WOrriedmum I'm not "being smug". This is exactly the type of remarks I'm referring too!

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mishgs · 26/12/2018 16:56

It's the assumption that only a private education can provide a 'good' education that I find offensive. Hardworking kids with a will to succeed will undoubtedly do well wherever they go.

Mookatron · 26/12/2018 17:03

It's the fact that people don't recognise it as buying their kids social privilege. 'missing out on fancy holidays' doesn't mean the ability to buy a private education for most people. And as someone upthread said it perpetuates the class system. I personally wouldn't say that to your face but you did ask.

Original poster
scotmum1977 · 26/12/2018 17:03

mishgs no-one said you can't get a good education unless you go private. How good state education is really depends on the area you live In and options available. Surely it's a personal choice and shouldn't be offensive to others.

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Original poster
scotmum1977 · 26/12/2018 17:07

Mookatron but it's not buying social privilege it's buying an opportunity for an education with smaller class sizes. That has nothing to do with social privilege!

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Jsmith99 · 26/12/2018 17:08

Envy.

Babygrey7 · 26/12/2018 17:12

"We just do without expensive holidays" you say

Aha, so that is the secret Grin

Bit like "let them eat cake"

Mookatron · 26/12/2018 17:12

I don't doubt the smaller class sizes. But the fact you will not admit it gives you a social privilege is maddening quite honestly. More likely to go to university. More likely to go to oxbridge. More likely to mix with people whose families are successful and therefore more connections to help with career etc. The expectation that you will and can be successful that is not necessarily connected to your ability but who you know, who else went to your school, and how much money your parents have. To say that stuff is untrue is itself an untruth.

UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 26/12/2018 17:16

Jealousy
Inequality of opportunity (perceived and sadly often real)
Competitive parenting
Too much time on their hands

Honestly I wouldn't care what other people think, if you want and can send your children to private school then go ahead.

ArabellaUmbrella · 26/12/2018 17:18

Your child, your money, your choice. However not everyone agrees that private education = better education. I would choose a (good) state school education over private every time because I think it equips young people to communicate and interact with a wider range of people from a variety of backgrounds. I would worry that my child would become an arrogant entitled person as a result of attending private school. I realise that this is a huge sweeping generalisation but that would be my rationale behind criticising private education.

happygardening · 26/12/2018 17:19

"It's the fact that people don't recognise it as buying their kids social privilege."
Of course people recognise that they might or hope that they're buying social privilege or better exam results (in some cases) or better opportunities in general (again in most cases), or smaller cases or even believe they're children will mix with "nicer" children or better behaved children. You're Mookartron it probably does perpetuate the class system and I find it hard to believe that most who pay aren't aware of this as well. All this over the years has been said to my face.
I totally agree for the vast majority "missing out on a few fancy holidays' doesn't put independent education within the reach of most people. I was always very aware that I was able to buy an education for my children that most could only dream of and it's unfair agree morally questionable. But I still did it and if I had my time over agin would do it again!
OP you should try paying for a boarding school over the years Ive had numerous bitchy negative unpleasant comments. People who know absolutely nothing about my DS's and I can't wait to jump in and make unpleasant judgemental comments in particular criticising the relationship between my DS's and I and hat sort of personalities they must have.

Original poster
scotmum1977 · 26/12/2018 17:20

Mookatron please don't be mad. It's a personal choice. Some people spend their money on cars, holidays, large houses - I choose to spend my salary on education. That is all. It shouldn't offend you but it does - hence the original post,

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Kikipost · 26/12/2018 17:22

If ever there were grounds to feel jealous, this is one.

Your child’s education.

So whilst it’s certainkt wrong to criticise, surely you can appreciate why it me be a sore point

RedSkyLastNight · 26/12/2018 17:23

I am ideally opposed to private education. However if others choose to send their DC to one that's up to them. It's when it's presented as "of course we had to send DC to private school because local school wasn't good enough for them" it's very hard not to get defensive. Particularly if your own DC go to said school.

Mookatron · 26/12/2018 17:23

Quite, happygardening, and I'm not sure I wouldn't do it if I could afford it but I think the criticism is fairly inevitable. If you're happy with your choice stick by it and, well, suck it up really.

Original poster
scotmum1977 · 26/12/2018 17:24

"I would worry that my child would become an arrogant entitled person as a result of attending private school". Wow so it's acceptable for you to say that but probably not if a parent at a private school said "I would worry my child would become a chav and a parent themselves aged 16 as a result of attending a state school." My point is that people think it's acceptable to make these comments. I would never dream of criticising someone's decision on education.

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