Why do people openly criticise decisions to send your kids to a private school?

[scotmum1977]

I sent my Son to a private school (Glasgow) last year for various reasons and it's working out really well. There is the cost but we just do without expensive holidays etc. I can't think of a better gift for my children than a good education. I was so surprised at how offended people get when they ask which school he attends. They think it's ok to criticise you openly and make bitchy comments here and there. Surely how you spend your own money is your own business. Anyone else have this experience?

happy the problem is that people with privilege don’t want to admit they have privilege. If you - and indeed, me - or anyone, is in a position where we can buy ourselves any kind of advantage in life, we are benefiting from a system that actively keeps others poor. The richer you get, the more options become available to you that are detrimental to society - buying up loads of properties, evading tax etc. It might not be pleasant to insult better-off people but u think it’s completely understandable where comments like that come from, similarly to how it might come across as unpleasant to hear black people say things about ‘all white people’ - but it’s coming from a place of oppression. It’s understandable. It’s avlht power, and lack of, and the fact so many people can’t, or don’t want to, understand that, is exactly why society remains unequal

There are plenty of other ways of fuelling social division; your values, where you choose to live, what sort of home you live in, your occupation what hobbies you do and even what news paper you read. Your individual aspirations for your children will inevitably fuel social division and how much importance you place on education regardless of what sector your child is being educated in even where you choose to holiday.

Yes but there is something particularly divisive about choosing to educate your child away from the other 92% of the country.

I thought Private healthcare was seen as helping ease the NHS?

YANBU to be offended if people are rude to your face about your choice in school.

YABU to say people could choose whether to spend their money on private school or a holiday, etc. Most people I know can't afford a holiday at all. There is no choosing what to spend money on when the choice is food or heating. If you are using this opinion in public about your schooling choices, that may explain why you get the comments you do.

We all want the best for our children. It isn't fair that some children have better opportunities than others but that's life.

You have chosen to send your child to private school. If you're happy with that choice why be bothered what anyone thinks?

You could always try the MN response 'Did you mean to be so rude' if it bothers you?

*about

scotmum1977

"Wow so it's acceptable for you to say that but probably not if a parent at a private school said "I would worry my child would become a chav and a parent themselves aged 16 as a result of attending a state school."

Strange that a lot of people that privately educate say pretty much that or similar.

I am not against private education (its your money do what you like with it) but don't be fooled into believing the myths that its going to guarantee your DC good grades, good friends, that there will be no bullying, and that any SEND will be provided for.

And if your DC do get kicked out, don't get shirty with the teachers at the state school, remember that the private teachers couldn't make him work with classes of half the size.

I dont think you can make any comparison between private health care and independent education. The majority of private health care is only for routine procedures waiting list stuff, hips knees tonsils etc. When you're breathing your last the NHS is the place to be (and no asks you who you are or how much NI you've paid), the medical care in most private hospitals is notoriously poor in emergency situations as it lacks the back up and facilities of even a DGH let alone a large tertiary hospital, hence if you suddenly become unwell your transferred ASAP back in the NHS. Most importantly private paediatricians (who I work with on a daily basis) particularly for sick children are few and far between outside the big Harley Street/Portland hospitals etc because most paediatricians won don't believe in it and the private sector cant staff it appropriately 24/7. Health insurers are also reluctant to take on non routine paediatrics because the bill is very unpredictable.

OK scotmum fine, those people are hypocrites. I would argue that private healthcare doesn't offer the same social privilege private education does but I guess it may allow you to live longer to enjoy the privileges you do have if you can afford it. The difference is really immaterial to the majority of people in the UK quite honestly.

I'm going to be honest with you on this forum where I would never dream of criticising you in real life, and only because you asked: your wide eyed refusal to accept you have advantages is very irritating. No one in this thread has become angry with you because you send your kid to private school (even though you keep telling them they are). A refusal to accept you're giving your kids social advantage is what is angering. I suggest if the item criticism bothered you so much you ask yourself if you're doing this in real life too.

SnoutandAbout what? "buying up loads of properties, evading tax etc." I have one house and don't evade tax. It's these preconceptions that aid a divide in our society! I work very hard and came from nothing. You shouldn't judge those you assume are"privileged" just like I dont look at people I think aren't and assume they are stealing cars

But surely if you come from nothing you can understand why the peers you have left behind would be upset??

Tw1nsetAndPearls IMO for what it worth I think suddenly finding God, or deliberately renting in a better catchment to get into a better school is more than divisive its simply dishonest and divisive. Least IM upfront about it!!
"the problem is that people with privilege don’t want to admit they have privilege"
As someone who has worked with some of the most under privileged in society those who are right on the bottom of the heap the homeless; drug addicts alcoholics illegal immigrants refugees etc I have no problem admitting how privileged I am in fact how privileged many of us whether we choose to pay for education or not.

What’s so often laughable is that middle class parents with ‘principles’ that oppose private education move into the catchment of a good state secondary. They do spend money on their children’s schooling, they just do it in a different - and actually more selfish - way.

Not to mention the private tutors...

And they aren’t judging you per se, they are pointing out an inequality. It isn’t specifically about you.

Flossietot it's not those I grew up with who have an issue with it. They understand it. It's friends of friends, neighbours, colleagues etc.

scotmum nowhere did I say you were doing any of those things. I said the richer you get, the more of those kind of opportunities open themselves up to you (that’s a general ‘you’, not you personally). Society as it is keeps the rich getting richer and the poor poor, so I was explaining why it’s understandable there is resentment from people who will never have those opportunities towards those that do, because every step makes it easier to climb that greasy ladder. For someone on a council estate with few prospects, there probably won’t be much distinction between a tax evading landlord and someone who can afford to send their kids to private school. They might not be correct in that assumption or justified in making generalisations but I think in a lot of cases it’s directing powerlessness and frustration at individuals rather than the system as a whole.

I stick to my original point though that I don’t think it’s only ever about jealousy. It is an ideological position

Ruffina yes thankyou. A lot of people in Glasgow move to east Renfrewshire where the house prices double - to attend the brilliant state schools! It's hypocritical

Your friends you grew up will be thinking it too- they just won’t be saying it to your face. Look at the end of the day- it is an unfair system. Yours and my own children are being given an advantage purely on the basis we can pay for it. People who aren’t in that position may well be upset on their children’s behalf. The bitchy comments come from a point of hurt and unfairness (and rightly so). Let it go, don’t rub it in people’s faces that your child is in a class of ten, and that they are getting to play lacrosse or fencing or their uniform cost £500 or any other nonsense like that and just get on with it.

Private isn't always better. Where we live now, state schools are some of the best in the country. No idea why anyone would spend the money to go private (avoiding riff raff?).

Where we lived before, not so much. Had we stayed private would have had to be an option.

I never once said the local state school wasn't good enough

... but you clearly think that or you would be sending your child there. That's what gets people's backs up.

Flossietot Lacrosse? Fencing? What? Hahahahaha What kind of preconceived ideas do you have about independent schools? He plays football, swimming and hockey the same as the state schools!

I realise that this is a huge sweeping generalisation
It certainly is, Arabella.

RedSkyLastNight no the local state school wasn't meeting my sons needs hence why I've moved him. Not because it wasn't good enough. It was a lovely school with caring teachers and a brilliant head teacher however the head teacher admitted herself they were struggling to teach such large class sizes and I was making the right decision.

Because it's a system that perpetuates class divisions
^
This.^

Sorry just to make it clear I work with NHS paediatricians on a daily basis not private ones.

Ruffina yes thankyou. A lot of people in Glasgow move to east Renfrewshire where the house prices double - to attend the brilliant state schools! It's hypocritical

Have you not considered the fact OP that if we abolished private schools then ALL state schools would be better & people wouldn't feel that they have to move to the good ones?

Yes but equally if state schools were properly funded by tax people wouldn't bother to send their kids to private schools (except they would... For the 'club')