Why do people openly criticise decisions to send your kids to a private school?

[scotmum1977]

I sent my Son to a private school (Glasgow) last year for various reasons and it's working out really well. There is the cost but we just do without expensive holidays etc. I can't think of a better gift for my children than a good education. I was so surprised at how offended people get when they ask which school he attends. They think it's ok to criticise you openly and make bitchy comments here and there. Surely how you spend your own money is your own business. Anyone else have this experience?

Your privately educating your children isn't maddening scotmum. Claiming it isn't buying social privilege is, however.

Literally nobody has ever criticised us for this to our faces
And if they’ve done it behind our backs I don’t know anything about it so don’t care.

ArabelaUmbrella you are making huge generalisations. I work with children from both sectors I see the entitled and arrogant in both sectors as a good friend once said "arrogant parent = arrogant children".
I also see children with good bad and indifferent communication skills /ability to interact with all in children from both sectors.
Of course I meet children from independent sector who cant or wont communicate with those from less privileged homes but I also meet children from less privileged homes who have incorrect and often hostile views about children from privileged homes.

it's not buying social privilege it's buying an opportunity for an education with smaller class sizes. That has nothing to do with social privilege
The local school down the road has small class sizes, it's free, would you still send your child there?
People should be honest about their reasons. You want the best for your child, and you perceive that you need to pay good money for that. I know many people who had a private education but do the same job as me for the same money. I also know many who don't work but think they are better than me because their partner earns loads and they mix with other rich people. On the other hand, my two children had state education all the way. Both are very wealthy because they work hard.
Privilege is a mixed beast!

Oh, ok, I’ve changed my mind about people not being rude. It absolutely IS buying social privilege (and by extension perpetuating the class system and gap between rich and poor) and if you don’t recognise this I can see why people get pissed off. It is literally the definition of your kids having opportunities others won’t, not just in terms of education but the connections they’ll make, because you have money. That, to a lot of people, is a moral and ideological issue, not simply about how you choose to spend your money, because most decisions we make as individuals have a knock on effect on wider society

"Wow so it's acceptable for you to say that but probably not if a parent at a private school said "I would worry my child would become a chav and a parent themselves aged 16 as a result of attending a state school."
^^This is my experience of MN (and other places) it's fine to critisise and make nasty comments and generalise about those who pay for education but not the other way round.

My parents could afford to send us to private school (also Glasgow area) but chose not to, because in their opinion, it would make us no smarter and the money is better spent on other things .

I know people who live in small flats and do weekend caravan holidays (rather than 2 weeks abroad and nice houses with gardens) just so they can send their child to a private school. Its ridiculous.

Then there's the cost of uniforms, cost of trips to south africa or wherever as part of their 'education', after school activities and travel because there won't be a free school bus and private schools are rarely close by.

We could probably afford to send DD to private school and we did look into it. But its £10,000 a term minimum, going up each year. We'd be paying about £30,000 a year. FFS, there are so many things I could do with that money that would be of greater benefit to my child.

It would be cheaper long term to move to an area with a top ranked state school.

I had a friend who went to a private school. She dropped out of university before finally training as a teacher. Her brother also went to private school but hated it due to bullying and they sent him to a state school for his last school years. The youngest went to a state school and he's the one who earns the most (and didn't go to university).

I also know a family who cut back on holidays, nice house, trips out and ate own brand foods so their son could go to a private school. He's now in prison.

Soontobe60 my child was in the school down the road with a class size of 33. That's why he's now in a private school with a class size of 10 so yes if the first school had the same size of class yes he'd be there.

'If you're happy with your choice stick by it and, well, suck it up really."
Scotsmum I think Mookatron is right just ignore people as long as they're not making nasty personal comments about you or your DC.

soontobe60 I suppose it doesn't buy you a lifelong guaranteed privilege. But it does make it more likely you will do well and will have better opportunities than state educated people - in general, of course, not every time. And it also gives you a better chance of knowing how to fit in with other privileged members of society.

happygardening speaking on a society-wide level, it is generally the actions and decisions of the more well-off and rich that contribute to inequality and widening the wage and opportunity gap, rather than the other way around, which is where the resentment comes from when comments directed at the privileged are made. It’s a false equivalence to say ‘but it’s not acceptable for a posh person to say they won’t send their kids to state school in case they become chavs’ because the posh person is not the underprivileged or oppressed party in that situation. That’s not to say generalisations or insults about anyone from a particular class are acceptable, but there is a power dynamic at play

sunshineNdaisies those who are paying because they believe it will guarantee that their children will be "smarter", not drop out of university, get better paid or more prestigious jobs are at risk of being disappointed.
With regard to prison I'm afraid the stats speak for themselves poverty crime and prison are all intrinsically linked. Inevitably they're will be few a few old Etonians etc lounging in cells at her majesties pleasure but a "few" is the operative word.

Because you are actively choosing to fuel social division.

Those who have private healthcare are equally promoting social division then so I'm assuming those who oppose private education on here also don't accept the "private healthcare package" that comes with their employer?? I think not.

My children are privately educated. Not in Glasgow, but I do know that Glasgow has some of the worst social deprivation in the UK, and unlike Edinburgh, private schooling isn’t the norm. I also fully recognise that I am buying social advantage and educational advantage. It isn’t right and it isn’t fair. Grow up and have some humility- people have the right to be pissed off that your child is getting opportunity’s that theirs isn’t by a fluke of birth that your child was born into a family that could afford it, or is an only child so not under the same financial pressure.

snout Im sorry I just don't think its acceptable for anyone to insult anyone the under privileged and oppressed don't do themselves any favours by coming out with these sort of comments. However much they may resent it makes them look judgmental chippy narrow minded and dareI say it uneducated. Not a way to win any kind of argument.
Its the same with the many tedious generalisation that often come out of these debates those of us who do pay find it harder to sympathise or accept your arguments if we have to read endless untrue generalisations. Every time someone says those who are privately educated are arrogant and unable to communicate with those from different backgrounds or something similar I look at my own DS's and their friends my back goes up and the first thing I want to shout out "you're wrong wrong wrong".

scotmum1977 that is a group of massive assumptions you're making. How universal do you think a private healthcare package is in the UK?? Clue: not very. Choosing whether or not to take up that privilege is a problem for very few people I should imagine.

Having studied for an MA in Education I ...was going to write a big long piece about the detrimental effects of private education in this country and then I thought...what’s the point? If you are having to ask the question on mumsnet then anything I say is not going to make a damn difference. If you merely think it’s to do with jealousy then you carry on believing that!

I think Scotmum has a point - it's not OK to say that you have chosen state because you want your child to be in the real world, as it's implying that people who choose private aren't in the real world. It's really rude.

I am with you Scotmum - it's totally up to you how you want to spend your money. Nobody would dream of having a pop if you were spending it on holidays, a flash car, expensive home improvements or anything else. We personally chose not to pay for private - but instead we choose to buy in an expensive Glasgow suburb where the state provision is top notch. We got stick for that too - local kids are apparently "stuck up" and not grounded, don't know how to relate to people from other parts of the city, "talk funny", have posh names and swimming pools in the back garden. Just a few comments I've had when I say where we live.

“I'm not "being smug". This is exactly the type of remarks I'm referring too!”

You’re not getting it. Your way of taking about this comes across as smug.

The vast majority of parents whose kids do not go private do not spend enough in cars or holidays to afford private school.
Most families simply cannot afford it whatever they give up.
“The most important gift” in your opinion means that as far as you are concerned the non-private educating parents are denying their child that ‘gift’.
You have declared the state school, where the majority of kids go, as not good enough for your child because of class numbers.
It’s funny, it’s arguable that private school has the most impact in supporting average kids to do a bit better, that top kids will do well anywhere, but no one ever says “I chose private because my kid isn’t clever enough to do well at state school”. Or only an honest handful.

I don't have private healthcare and when private surgery was suggested when my cancer op was delayed for the second time - I refused that too

Mookatron 11% of the population have private healthcare. I know lots of people who happily use it, skip the waiting lists but will criticise private education because it's for the privileged - whilst spending money on flash cars, holidays, big houses which I don't criticise!

"Because you are actively choosing to fuel social division."
There are plenty of other ways of fuelling social division; your values, where you choose to live, what sort of home you live in, your occupation what hobbies you do and even what news paper you read. Your individual aspirations for your children will inevitably fuel social division and how much importance you place on education regardless of what sector your child is being educated in even where you choose to holiday.

JillScarlet don't be angry. It's a personal choice. I never once said the local state school wasn't good enough but I do have s choice and my choice is to help my so. With a school with smaller class sizes- which is paying off.

But people are simply being protective of their children. You live in Glasgow for goodness sake- have a think about what the culture is like there and wise up. By all means spend your money as you like but have some empathy and understanding of those around you.