Boarding school - is it normal?

[happylilac]

DS has just started boarding school. He enjoyed the trial and loved every minute of it. I was particularly worried about food but it sounded nutritious, yummy and frequent enough. DS was very happy and didn't feel hungry at all during the stay.

Now two months have passed, he tells me different stories. He says the cafe opens as frequent as before (5 times a day), but not much food/choice for snacking, and meals aren't filling neither. The dinner is at 6.30 pm and light off is 9.30 pm. He feels hungry through a day and absolutely starving by the time he goes to bed. They serve brunch on Sundays and because brunch means late breakfast/early lunch, pupils are allowed to eat only once, then no food until afternoon tea (again not much food/choice). DS also says he often feels cold during night.

Luckily DS is a weekly boarder so he doesn't starve at weekend. I pack a lot of food and snacks but choice is limited as they have to be something that can last without fridge. I've already asked school if he could have an extra duvet or could bring a blanket from home and am waiting for their reply.

Apparently older DCs told DS that the school doesn't have enough money to cater plenty food. But its higher end of fees compared with other boarding schools doesn't back up the claim. DS thinks it's because of the ongoing massive refurbishing projects so it'll be a temporary situation... The education they provide is superb. So their higher fees could be more to do with maintaining the quality teaching staff?

Does it sound normal? Any thoughts? Also, any advice on food from home would be greatly appreciated! I pack biscuits, cereal bars, bread sticks, brioches, but I need more varieties...

Hi think you need to speak to his housemaster and get to the bottom of this- it does not sound normal

If he’s a weekly boarder then surely he’s not there for Sunday brunch?
Also could he be having a growth spurt? Having had 2 DS fo through the teenage years I know there are times that it felt impossible to fill them up! Especially in colder weather and they are out playing sports,
But I agree you should contact the house parents and ask for their take on the food, and I would definitely pack an extra blanket or duvet for his bed.

No, food for ours was freely available with snacks in house and main meals seemingly every hour from a variety of outlets. They then had pizza vans and takeaway options too. Sunday was brunch but it was vast and went on from around 9am until midday.
Ours took favourite food back to school with them as they didn’t always want carbohydrate based breakfast in house or to go for scran. There was a huge fridge for juice, smoothies, berries, yoghurt etc in the house.
They took their own duvets and electric blankets but house was usually very warm.

When our son started military train8ng he was consuming 7,000 + calories a day and losing weight due to the amount of exercise they were doing. It could be your son is doing more sport than previously and isn’t consuming enough to make up for that.

I’ve worked in boarding schools assuming it’s communual eating rather than in house IME the norm is breakfast a variety of choices hot and cold eat as much as you like in dinning hall, mid morning break at the very least toast spread cereal fresh fruit lunch hot meal a variety of choices from healthy to less healthy unlimited bread/rolls help yourself to salad/soup, minimum meat/protein portion was 6oz, unlimited puddings again from healthy fruit to stodgy e.g choc sponge and custard etc mid afternoon biscuits sometimes doughnuts provided in house and then a hot dimmer as lunch in the evening. Toast with usual spreads and breakfast cereals again available in house all the time and biscuits etc often around 9pm. Food was mass catering so not exactly La Gavroche but for most meals only the most fussy struggled to find something to eat.

Have you stocked your son's locker full of tuck? Because that is what happens at my DS's school. Just asked DS. He says it's "crisps and chocolate and stuff". In a vair!expensive school. HTH.

My boarding school was exactly like this, but that was in the 80s. I thought they'd be better nowadays!

You just starved on Sundays. Chapel, boredom, loneliness, hunger and polony are my main memories of Sunday boarding :D

The rule in education is: the more you pay, the less you get.

You are right, DS isn't affected by Sunday brunch but I was simply surprised by the limitation and felt sorry for the full boarders. The cafe opens from 9.30 am to noon for brunch but you are allowed to go in only once, so if you had one at 9.30 am there is no food till afternoon tea.

CherryPavlova, you mean food was available through a day without any gap? DS's school's cafe opens 5 times a day and that's it. There is a fridge in the house but there is no privacy and children constantly complain someone took their food/drinks! So DS doesn't want to use it and takes only dry food from home.

There is no change in his apatite when he's at home - in fact he seems to eat less (getting used to the school's diet???), so I don't think it's something to do with growth spurt.

I can't pack any bedding without school's permission due to safety reasons - so they said in their 'what to bring' list. So I am waiting for their reply on this.

Never had a complaint about hunger at boarding school before from my lot.Is he going up for seconds? Or even thirds as I know one of my sons does most days!

Sounds suspiciously like my son's boarding school

I was gobsmacked when I found out what the portions were. Wouldn't feed a small child never mind 6ft tall rugby lads

We send plenty of tuck in for DS and he is allowed out most nights to town where he buys a sandwich or something to top up his evening meal

@iwantasofa same here. Mid 90s for me, but Sundays meant long chapel, crappy "brunch", long, long hours of nothing to do and being cold and hungry a lot.

I worked at a very exclusive and well-regarded girls' boarding school for a short period in 1998-9 (I couldn't stick it, all the homesick miserable kids). The situation there was no better. The cheapest, shittest food, not enough of it and long periods of boring nothingness at the weekends.

I wouldn't let my children within 50 yards of a boarding school. The parents have no idea.

Chat to the school

What height/weight is your don?

I’d pack nuts, seeds, crackers, dried fruit,

Tangerines

Not my experience nor my daughters.
All had experience of breakfast with cooked options every day, break with fruit or cake, lunch, tea with cake or toast, supper.
Then boarding houses had kitchenette where toast and hot drinks were available.
We also had tuck

How much food do you think your child needs? If they were at day school they would not be able to continually go get food all day.
At home do you expect then to eat at any time or do you have meal times?
I'd take it all with pinch of salt.. What actually happens and what teens say happens may not be the same

It sounds absolutely normal for my DC boarding school (mixed, year 6 to year 13). They seemed surprised when I sent him in with a snack box (based on helpful advice from here); they struggled to have enough milk available for hot drinks in the afternoon/evening so hot chocolate became an issue. When I sent it in in a labelled jar it disappeared.

Portion sizes seem small for both lunch (school catered) and the boarding tea. Choice is very limited. Seem to serve a lot of curries (about the only thing DC doesnt eat) and the veggie choice - another curry. The boarders are only allowed out on a Thursday to the local shop. I am actually laughing at the idea of takeway pizza or other.

3 years in - no amount of complaining from me (very politely) - has made a jot of difference.

Not the main refectory but the in school coffee bar did paninins etc throughout the day. They had breakfast - cooked in refectory or toast/cereal/croissants/yoghurt in house.
Mid morning hot or cold drinks and snacks from coffee shop, in house, refectory.
Lunch in refectory with several choices plus salad bar, baked potatoes as well as the coffee shop offerings. They could cook for themselves in house too but few did.
Afternoon tea - sandwiches, cakes, sausage in a bun, fruit etc.
Supper in refectory. Three courses with plenty of choice. Pizza van doing wood fired pizza. Take away delivery permitted.
Late Brew in house - toast, biscuits and cheese, beans on toast.
Then special events and meals regularly. Included cheese and wine club, Indian restaurant trips etc.

I just can’t imagine anyone was ever hungry - except by choice.

Pizza delivery is available and food container was on their 'what to bring' list. Evening shopping trip is allowed once a week
and could do more for full boarders at weekends. So you can stock up plenty tuck if you want.

DS is very happy apart from food and coldness issues so I'm fine with filling him with food from home if it solves the problem of his hunger. I just wonder if it's a norm... Also I am running out of ideas of healthy snack from home. I don't want to pack crisps and chocolates... Labradoodliedoodoo , thanks for the idea. I'll pack dried mango. Not sure if DS eats nuts and seeds but will try. Tangerines are a great idea.

DS loves their breakfast though. They often use home-grown ingredients picked on the day and meals are cooked by a team run by a lovely french head chef. But the volume seems to be a problem, and one day DS couldn't have breakfast as he was a bit late and got in the cafe at 7.40 am and no much food was left and they told DS the kitchen was now closed (so can't serve anything new). The breakfast is supposed to run till 7.45... Since then I pack brioche and bread sticks in case he couldn't eat any.

What actually happens and what teens say happens may not be the same

This may be the case and it may be DS being a fussy eater. He isn't that fussy at home but he loves my cooking and he says he misses my meals. I don't really cook English meals at home...

I work in a boarding school and portion sizes are huge. Lunch is always a generous main, option to have soup starter, huge salad bar, range of desserts, bread. Pasta bar everyday for those who don't like the main. Cafe open at various times for burgers and chocolate type food. If anything, boarding houses are too hot, as heating seems to be full on or full off type set up. Brunch is similar to what you describe but huge range of hot and cold options that would keep most going for hours, can go up for seconds,etc.
I'd definitely try to get to the bottom of this as your son shouldn't be cold or hungry when at school.

do they not have access to a small kitchen in the boarding house for toast / cereal etc? Could he take noodles and cous cous or rice that only needs hot water adding to it?
my dc's schools serve plenty of food but ds still orders a pizza in at the weekend!
I would tell the school you're sending an extra duvet in as ds is cold and let them sort it out. Dd has just taken an extra duvet back with her.
And mention to the matron and/or housemaster about the food.
Good luck!

Why do you have to ask about a second duvet? Just send him back with one. I work in a boarding house and couldn’t care less how many duvets/blankets a kid piles on their bed. Totally their choice.
The food situation doesn’t sound good; letting children go hungry is horrendous. Our boys pile their plates up with several chicken breasts and large amounts of carbs and vegetables - as much as they need.

That's interesting @BareBum as my kids schools have always been against taking extra blankets in as it's a fire risk.

DS and DD both went to large boarding school and food was always nutrias and plentiful as well as extra in house if they needed it after training and activities.
I would definitely speak to the houseparents and the school.

Re warmth, can you send him in with a onesie rather than pyjamas? He may have to choose it, but my 6'2" 15 year old regularly goes to bed in a giant bunnie onesie at home! Other onesies are available . . . .!