Boarding school - is it normal?

[happylilac]

DS has just started boarding school. He enjoyed the trial and loved every minute of it. I was particularly worried about food but it sounded nutritious, yummy and frequent enough. DS was very happy and didn't feel hungry at all during the stay.

Now two months have passed, he tells me different stories. He says the cafe opens as frequent as before (5 times a day), but not much food/choice for snacking, and meals aren't filling neither. The dinner is at 6.30 pm and light off is 9.30 pm. He feels hungry through a day and absolutely starving by the time he goes to bed. They serve brunch on Sundays and because brunch means late breakfast/early lunch, pupils are allowed to eat only once, then no food until afternoon tea (again not much food/choice). DS also says he often feels cold during night.

Luckily DS is a weekly boarder so he doesn't starve at weekend. I pack a lot of food and snacks but choice is limited as they have to be something that can last without fridge. I've already asked school if he could have an extra duvet or could bring a blanket from home and am waiting for their reply.

Apparently older DCs told DS that the school doesn't have enough money to cater plenty food. But its higher end of fees compared with other boarding schools doesn't back up the claim. DS thinks it's because of the ongoing massive refurbishing projects so it'll be a temporary situation... The education they provide is superb. So their higher fees could be more to do with maintaining the quality teaching staff?

Does it sound normal? Any thoughts? Also, any advice on food from home would be greatly appreciated! I pack biscuits, cereal bars, bread sticks, brioches, but I need more varieties...

Happygardening: my DDs boarded and there was never a matron in the house. Not all schools have them. The Housemistress was our contact. There were assistant HMs but the HMs knew everything. That was their job! What else would they be doing that was more important than the welfare of the boarders?

We were new to boarding and it takes a while to get into the swing of it. I would try and get the main menus from the school and many schools do salad bars all year. Not all children want winter stodge! I am surprised there is only one hot option and then it was spicy. My DDs school had dishes available from all over the globe so a maybe a curry, noodles, and a choice of dishes for the foreign girls were made available and always jacket potatoes with a meat/fish/cheese filling with vegetarian options too. I think one hot option is limited.

Where my DD2 went for 6th form, the food was a lot more basic than her previous school so they do vary. DD had to cook for herself in y13! The boarding house had a full kitchen. Now that is a challenge!

"I don't think DCs at day school will be watched what they eat through a day no matter how long their day is"
But that because at a day school they are not acting in loco parentis, and they know that children in day schools go home in the evening/weekends and their parents will (hopefully) be providing regain meals that they know their children will eat and that school is only providing 1 meal a day.

"What else would they be doing that was more important than the welfare of the boarders?"
I'm not denying that for HM'S should pupils welfare is of prime importance or that HM aren't aware of concerns e.g. X isn't eating well but when it comes down to day to day management in my experience of working in and having a DS at large full boarding schools tasks like organising duvets, distributing loaves of bread around the house divying out biscuits/donuts fairly and ensuring that X is eating regularly etc were done by matrons they have the time as this is what they are paid to do. Matrons also often have a different relationship with pupils than HMs, and many have undertaken various training courses to enable them to undertake this kind of work.

BubblesBuddy, I realised that I wrote 'dish' but actually I meant 'dishes'. They also have vegetarian/vegan menus. Getting their menus is a great idea.

happygardening , I meant, senior school pupils are usually expected to be more independent (or at least trying to learn to be more independent) and should be able to make sensible meal choices, like they manage their homework, their belongings, etc. So they don't need to be closely watched what they eat for lunch. DCs at boarding school aren't any different in my view. They would be watched more closely as you say they don't go home every night, but it's our job to make sure our DCs know how to look after themselves rather than expecting school to monitor every minute of their action including what and how much they are eating. Appropriate support from school is much appreciated, especially for those who have just started boarding, but, after I've gathered more precise information such as their menus etc, I would go back to DS and help him gain necessary skills accordingly, rather than expecting school to sort it out. I know you don't mean school have to sort all out. But I just wanted to make it clear my why I brought up DCs at day schools. School is sub and parents are main boarding or not.

Sunday tea, chicken noodle soup, cheese n crackers.

@BubblesBuddy There were assistant HMs but the HMs knew everything. That was their job! What else would they be doing that was more important than the welfare of the boarders?

At my DS's school, the HM is also a teacher. He is superb. He knows the boys inside out. He has the unenviable task of getting my DC1 out of bed in the morning. His deputy is excellent, too. However, all the 'domestic' stuff (and I may be slated for sexism here) is done by women: the matron and her deputy (DC1's school has different names for these roles, but this is for ease of explanation). Both women are marvellous. They look after the boys in every conceivable way from feeding to laundry to shoe-cleaning to bedroom-tidying to problem-solving to train-ticket muddles. They are the 'mum' people, and the boys (all full boarders, so there is no let-up) rely on them completely. DS's matron is absolutely wonderful (all the more so, as she was willing to take him on ).

The school evidently puts a huge amount of money and effort into making sure the boys (again: not sexism - it's a boys' school) are looked after in every possible way.

That said, it would probably be fair to say that it's not a school with any kind of funding problem.

ignore the side track about matrons
At my school no-one was called matron. There was House Mistress, who was not a member of teaching staff, and was the first point of contact and was responsible for all the sort of details you mention.
There were also assistant house mistresses about 3 per boarding house (60 in a house) as I recall. But you as a parent would have contacted the house mistress not the assistants.

No-one was called matron. There was a Sick bay in each house, and one of the assistant house mistresses was in charge.

We were so hungry at school and used to dream of big lunches together and watch as the day children had their morning break food.
But not sure it’s normal today.

Just read what’s available. That sounds frequent so better than the olden days.

steppemum 's description sounds very similar to how DS's school works. There are assistants to HM, and children know them all, but I don't have the contact details of the assistants but HM. HM seems to do all sorts of caring jobs. He comes around to each room to say 'good morning'and switches the light on the bedroom in the mornings he's on duty, apparently.

DS went back to school today. I packed a few filling snacks for the days he missed breakfast (happened once or twice), and didn't like their meals. I don't want him to be hungry. But we also discussed his eating issues thoroughly and he agreed to try new foods and not to rely on food from home as his main fuel as much as he can. He took manuka honey too. He said he would have a spoonful of it every morning.

I went years ago and I've got to say food was probably the best thing about it. Breakfast was cooked with options of having as much cereal and toast as you liked, there were biscuits and drinks served at first break, lunch was the main meal and seconds of main and dessert were always offered, tea was a cake/pastry and options of bread and jam on top of this, dinner was also a cooked meal but instead of pudding there was fruit. There was always plenty of veg , salad and fruit offered. I blame my large appetite on always having seconds at school! I was very thin then due to the huge amount of sport I did!!!

We were not allowed snack or sweets at prep school but could spend about 20p a week in the tuck shop on Sunday!

Can't help but be amused that he tops up on cucumber. Difficult because they seem healthy but not exactly filling.

Also, the food being too spicy is annoying because, surely, they should make it milder and those who prefer it hotter can add extra spicy table sauce.

I'm sure he'll work out his priorities soon. I think it's, on the whole, a good thing he's wanting to dash out to play. Sounds like he's enjoying it!

The days of a sick bay in boarding houses is probably over, sick children are usually now supervised/cared for by trained nurses rather than matrons (two difffrent jobs although similar titles). In fact I believeIve read somewhere the requirement for sick children to be looked supervised/after by trained nurses is a requirement under some sort of boarding school regulations especially as there are issues around confidentiality etc amongst those over 13 who would be generally considered to be Gillick competent.

Definately no nurses at Dds school. Minor illnesses are dealt with within the biardingvhouse usually with the ill child sleeping in the sick room. Anything more or contagious then parents are asked to collect and take them home until recovered.

Sorry, have missed some comments, so might well have been mentioned, but at my ds school food was an issue, too, and so the parents formed a food committee that now advises on the menu and quality and quantity of offerings. They hold regular food tastings etc. Maybe talk to the parent organisation and get something started up? Or get Tatler to write in their guide that the food is horrible, that usually leads to a yum up

Interesting.
How many full boarders?
Does your DD’s school have a visiting GP?
IME of a variety of large primarily full boarding schools both professionally and as a parent they have a separate health centre maned by registered nurses with a regular often daily GP surgery, and beds for unwell children including an isolation area. Many children unless seriously unwell are often encouraged to stay in school as 1. few are ill for more than a few days 2. parents aren’t always able to drop everything to pick up a child, many of course have work commitments, or are travelling for work or pleasure and 3. often once at home parents also don’t always have the time to bring them back as soon as they’re better for the same reasons they can’t pick them up.

Just found your comment about what your ds likes. DH introduced sushi after parents complained that food was a bit behind the times. Is he at a boys or co-ed school? If there is sufficient demand for a change in menus, I would be surprised if school is not listening. If everyone else prefers lasagne and chips, then poor him.

Approx 100 boarders & 35ish day students plus Prep School (boarding not generally available in Prep)

All boarders register with the local GP whose surgery is within walking distance.

Agree with HappyGardening re the medical set up.
DD is at a vocational school with ~ 200 boarders plus 140 day students.
They have a separate med centre staffed by nurses with day and overnight sick dorm, 2 GP surgeries each week at the school, and a school physio with physio suite. Plus an independent counsellor who’s freely available.
Instead of house mistress/master, each boarding area has 2 house mothers & they’re role is purely looking after the students.
I’ve been very impressed at the importance placed on both physical and mental health by the school.

The physio at Dds school is nearby but independent of the school.

Alexander I thinking of 700+ boarders the vast majority if not all full boarding.
I’m pretty sure the boarding school association recommends a separate medical centre staffed by trained nurses. It’s pretty standard stuff now for the staff at these health centres to do all the usual treating of minor injuries/illnesses and run asthma clinics spirts injury clinics do travel vaccinations smoking cessation clinics and contraceptive advise and support.
I think the role of the matron should not be underestaimted they are often mother figures and organise pupils ensuring clothes are being put out for washing reminding kids to change their duvets ironing shirts for those going for an interview and most importantly the dreaded labelling of clothes. They also accompany children to hospital appointments etc. Its a team effort caring for pupils, in most boarding house there’s an HM (whose usually a senior teacher) and his family, deputy HM at least one resident tutor and his family if he has them and then numerous tutors attached to a boarding houses, a matron usually resident and often a named trained nurse with a particular responsibility for that house plus others cleaners etc also play a big role. I agree HM’s are the first port of call for most things but they also are relying on all the team to assist in the support of the children in their house and would not have been my first port of call for a thicker duvet or labelling new clothes that I’ve sent in the post!

At Dds school the boarding staff are not teaching staff. Indeed boarding is off site which Dd says a lot of her friends preferred it as it gave them a sense of going home from school each night.

@errorofjudgement Agree re the value placed on physical and mental health by any decent boarding school. My DS has a counsellor in addition to the house set-up. The counsellor has helped him navigate our divorce. Our DC at day schools have fared less well.

The boarder's san. is in yet another building (DS's school is spread across a small town). There is also a GP service, which DS has used (he is now a temporary resident at home, as he is 'resident' at school 250 miles away). DS has not had cause to visit the san., thankfully, but I gather it's excellent.

I can't begin to say how happy I am with the set-up at his school. There are about 1,500 boys there, all full boarding.

&BoardingSchoolMater - 1500 full boarders?! Wow - DDs school is tiny!