Boarding school - is it normal?

[happylilac]

DS has just started boarding school. He enjoyed the trial and loved every minute of it. I was particularly worried about food but it sounded nutritious, yummy and frequent enough. DS was very happy and didn't feel hungry at all during the stay.

Now two months have passed, he tells me different stories. He says the cafe opens as frequent as before (5 times a day), but not much food/choice for snacking, and meals aren't filling neither. The dinner is at 6.30 pm and light off is 9.30 pm. He feels hungry through a day and absolutely starving by the time he goes to bed. They serve brunch on Sundays and because brunch means late breakfast/early lunch, pupils are allowed to eat only once, then no food until afternoon tea (again not much food/choice). DS also says he often feels cold during night.

Luckily DS is a weekly boarder so he doesn't starve at weekend. I pack a lot of food and snacks but choice is limited as they have to be something that can last without fridge. I've already asked school if he could have an extra duvet or could bring a blanket from home and am waiting for their reply.

Apparently older DCs told DS that the school doesn't have enough money to cater plenty food. But its higher end of fees compared with other boarding schools doesn't back up the claim. DS thinks it's because of the ongoing massive refurbishing projects so it'll be a temporary situation... The education they provide is superb. So their higher fees could be more to do with maintaining the quality teaching staff?

Does it sound normal? Any thoughts? Also, any advice on food from home would be greatly appreciated! I pack biscuits, cereal bars, bread sticks, brioches, but I need more varieties...

I have no idea about any of this and feel very bad for him and you.. I wouldn’t want to be spending so much money on a school and still spending more on extra food for him. But anyway point of my comment was the nuts sugfestion, surely that’s the one thing they’re not allowed to bring? That’s more dangerous than a duvet I mean no school I’ve ever been or worked in has allowed nuts in.

Just send him back with really nutritious tuck every week. Homemade cakes made with ground almonds, soya flour, loads of eggs and butter; oat flapjacks with chunks of nut and dark chocolate in; beef jerky or salami sticks if he'll eat either of them, packets of Bombay mix, pretzels, peanuts and a basket of fruit.

If you can't send extra bedding, can you buy him some thick fleece PJs and bed socks? They'll help keep him warm.

It isn't a problem I've encountered, OP. DS (the only one of my DC who is currently boarding - and he's a full boarder, not a weekly boarder) moans about the food being 'rubbish' (esp. turkey carbonara, apparently). I also get phone calls most Saturdays asking for a bank transfer so he can order in a pizza . But he also says that they are fed five times a day (inc. snacks), and says there is sometimes more food than even he can manage. Brunch on Sundays apparently consists of about a million pains au chocolat, washed down by hot chocolate, as they haven't had enough sugar by then. I largely let this all (including the requests for pizza money: there's a perfectly good dining room) wash over me, and suggest you do the same. Nobody will starve as a result.

malmontar I couldn't agree more about the nuts.
Just send him back with really nutritious tuck every week. Homemade cakes made with ground almonds, Just no.

My DDs never had much tuck from me. They had great food when boarding and always said if was like s restaurant.

Regarding bedding - of course bedding from home is not a fire risk! That is total rubbish. I provided all the bedding for DDs. The school didn’t provide any. Give him a fleece blanket or a quilt and pop it under the duvet. Definitely get fleece pyjamas and wear a dressing gown if he really is cold! No housemaster is going to check the bedding on every bed. Don’t expect them to wash extra bedding. Take it home for washing.

I remember DS told me no nuts to school a while ago, so no, no nuts I'm afraid. A great nutritious idea though... I tried a few home baked cakes but I have to bake them on Sunday so they can last longer but it was quite difficult as I tend to be busier on Sundays. I have time on Fridays though, the cakes will be already 3 days old on Monday...

Onesie is definitely on my shopping list now. I thought about it at the beginning of when he started boarding but at the time he said the house was warm if not too warm! But the weather has changed... He told me about the coldness only a few days ago.

Bedding cannot be brought in without school's permission for safety reason. It was stated very clearly...

Not normal.

Dd was a day student in a relatively underfunded school but she boarded at certain times of the year.

Breakfast was a help yourself affair in the boarding house. Cereals,toast, croissants plus a different hot option each day. Tea coffee hot chocolate.

Then mid morning fruit snack (variable quality). Lunch was standard school
Dinners but there was always a salad bar with bread rolls and a selection fiinnif cheese, tuna, ham etc and home made soups.

Mid afternoon juice & biscuit

Evening meal was the worst, not a huge amount of choice, however back at the boarding house kids were free to make themselves snacks such as toast, noodles, etc.

Yours sound s like one of mine OP wrt the major works going on.
However, before 'works' there was always a cooked breakfast option, with lots of other offerings too, hot lunch, pasta and salad bars, jkt pots and hot and cold puds. Same evening. House Kitchen for making toast or cooking extras and making hot and cold drinks.
Sunday brunch was treat of the week with Hogwarts style lashings of everything! Pancakes and pain au chocolate, cooked options. Also things like eggs and bread and fruit always available in house.
It's wrong to stop you having whatever bed linen you need,so very different there. DC have whatever blanket/s, hot water bottle, duvet, needed to be warm enough, but was always warm enough.

We had ok food (catered by external catering company I think). Decent quality - I mean probably similar to what I had at uni but with more choice. We could have seconds as well - but not at uni.

5 times a day is a lot of times to eat in a day. But I guess teenage boys who do lots of exercise and are growing might have a big requirement. Check his height and weight are normal and if he seems healthy (ie normal energy levels) - if not may need to see a doctor.

Cereal bars might be a good idea - can get these at supermarkets and are dried food. If you haven’t always stayed in UK, sometimes I know relatives who find this country cold - maybe the school temperature is lower than at home. I guess you could wear a jumper to sleep?

Also, cafe

Also...they always say that the food is different/a lot better when parents are invited to the hall for dinner or lunch as part of another activity!

@KarlDilkington we always pass all inspections with flying colours, so I’m very surprised to hear that Home duvets can be a problem.

Hmm. My son never complains about lack of food at school. He calls it 'fuel'. As for being cold at night, i thought schools had to maintain a certain temperature. No complaints here either

Food is one area that can be a cost saving - they're saving here clearly!
I didn't board but s friend did and he said they thankfully had access to toast and marmite and essentially lived off it as food was rubbish and not enough of it.
I'd be raking my child out if they refused more food and another blanket - very basics, if they can't look after a child with food and comfort they're failing abysmally

Malt loaf like the individual Soreen bars
Individual tubs of rice pudding, custard, fruit in jelly
Dried apricots and dates

DD currently a full boarder.
She has lots of choice at breakfast-full cooked breakfast, cereals, fruit, pastries etc.
Mid morning-fruit and left over pastries from bfast.
Lunch and dinner-about 3 choices, heavy on protein and carbs. Fruit /traditional hot pudding eg cake and custard, rice pud etc.

DD has said there is plenty of food but it gets very samey after a while.
In her house there is always bread, butter, and jam for supper.
The girls normally order pizza in as a treat on Sunday nights.
As for the bedding, she is allowed her own (the more childish the better-Disney princess is a fave.)

There is a tuck shop for extras.

I would be discussing this with the school tbh.

”There’s a fridge in the house but there is no privacy and children constantly complain that someone took their food/drink.”
The housemaster should be addressing this one of the lessons children need to understand and learn when living communally like this is that you don’t steal other children’s belongings.

I don’t understand why you can’t provide extra bedding due to “safety reasons” how can a thinker duvet be unsafe, loads of children at boarding school bring in extra blankets duvets and God knows what else I’ve never heard of that just send a warmer duvet and extra blankets end of story.

My DD is a day girl at a boarding school and often stays for tea because she likes the food so much. Lunch is amazing and plentiful with options like soup and salad bar in addition to main meals.
The mini malt loaf bars as someone suggests are great, we also have lots of healthy snacks at home including fruit bars, flavoured rice cakes, DD likes the little packets of pasta you make in a mug with hot water, dried coconut. Hope you get the extra bedding agreed to, it’s miserable being cold at night

Graze boxes sent through the post were very popular when my DS was at boarding school if nuts are forbidden (by the way no boarding school I've ever worked in has ever banned nuts even with children with severe nut allergies living in boarding houses) you can ask to have them not included. Not huge portions but something to nibble on.

OP why are you even asking if this is normal? Your son is telling you he is consistently both hungry and cold.

You need to take this up with the school.

It may be that your son is being fussy, or that his version of events is not accurate. You need to work this out, and make sure the school is addressing his needs.

It is not acceptable for a child at boarding school, (or at home), to be consistently hungry or cold. Children should feel comfortable to bring this up themselves with the school and the school should be falling over themselves to rectify the situation.

I'm not suggesting the school provides extra pizza or new central heating. I'm suggesting they find healthy solutions to address lack of food, and practical ways to keep him warm at night. The weather is pretty mild atm, it's only going to get worse.

Step up OP and parent your son rather than asking if 'this is normal' .

If your child is hungry and cold that sounds as if they are neglecting their duty?

startingafresh1 , why am I asking? Because as the title says I simply wonder if it's a norm. I am not sure why I shouldn't ask and why you think I am not parenting my son just because of this... I'm glad I asked as I have already got some great advice, hear the voice of ex-borders, etc.

I've already addressed to the school about the coldness and I'm waiting for their reply if DS could bring his blanket or they want him to use extra duvet provided at school. Other children don't seem to have extra bedding so it's more likely only DS who is feeling cold.

As with the food issues, I need to find out more details before addressing my concerns to the school - what they are serving, what's available in the house's kitchen, etc. He is young, so quite possibly he isn't aware of what's available or being fussy or simply not eating enough by choice. He used to eat school dinner within a few mins as he was so eager to spend most of his lunch break in the playground. I know he's playing football or table tennis or something after lunch and dinner, so I won't be surprised if he just grabs whatever the quickest and easiest without checking what else is available, in which case, I need to talk to him rather than the school, at least at first.

Still loves to hear choices and ideas for tuck. Malt loaf is a great idea, however he doesn't like heavy on dried fruits types of snack, so I don't think he'll eat it. He likes dried mango, so will pack that next time. Coconuts and tangerines are also on my list.

Have you provided a locked tuck box? Pretty essential for boarders not just to keep non perishable food but anything else you want to keep private.

School provides a locked drawer in the bedroom. DS keeps his wallet and food in there. I advised him to keep all the precious things but I think he tends to leave iPad, headphones, etc out on his desk. He carries his phone and wrist watch with him. All gadgets are collected by the housemaster before bedtime.

Unfortunately the fridge seems to be pretty unsafe. So DS doesn't use it which limits what he can bring from home.