Boarding school - is it normal?

[happylilac]

DS has just started boarding school. He enjoyed the trial and loved every minute of it. I was particularly worried about food but it sounded nutritious, yummy and frequent enough. DS was very happy and didn't feel hungry at all during the stay.

Now two months have passed, he tells me different stories. He says the cafe opens as frequent as before (5 times a day), but not much food/choice for snacking, and meals aren't filling neither. The dinner is at 6.30 pm and light off is 9.30 pm. He feels hungry through a day and absolutely starving by the time he goes to bed. They serve brunch on Sundays and because brunch means late breakfast/early lunch, pupils are allowed to eat only once, then no food until afternoon tea (again not much food/choice). DS also says he often feels cold during night.

Luckily DS is a weekly boarder so he doesn't starve at weekend. I pack a lot of food and snacks but choice is limited as they have to be something that can last without fridge. I've already asked school if he could have an extra duvet or could bring a blanket from home and am waiting for their reply.

Apparently older DCs told DS that the school doesn't have enough money to cater plenty food. But its higher end of fees compared with other boarding schools doesn't back up the claim. DS thinks it's because of the ongoing massive refurbishing projects so it'll be a temporary situation... The education they provide is superb. So their higher fees could be more to do with maintaining the quality teaching staff?

Does it sound normal? Any thoughts? Also, any advice on food from home would be greatly appreciated! I pack biscuits, cereal bars, bread sticks, brioches, but I need more varieties...

This is dreadful! As PP have said, it is not all right for your DC to be consistently hungry and cold at boarding school. It’s also not all right for a response to hunger to be more bread/biscuits/sweets.

As I wrote earlier, it may be DS rather than the school for him being hungry. The school may be doing a perfect job - I know at least two boys so happy with their food. In fact the school comes across quite proud of their catering. I'm trying to get the bottom of it and tackle it.

@dumbledora
That is both my own and my dds experience of various boarding schools.
I asked my brother yesterday and two of my cousins.. We all boarded, asked dd2 who is in last Yr and full boarding.. And none of us can ever remember there not being enough food.
Far from it...

Happylilac.. You sound very sensible about all this and ignore people saying you must pull him out etc.
Over the years I found that it was worth doing a bit of digging into what the kids said before I went in all guns blazing.
It sounds like there is enough food it maybe for various reasons your ds is just not eating enough of it or doesn't like it much.
Nowadays most schools I know are very watchful of who is eating or not and very quick to take action if someone is not eating well.
Maybe the moans about food are just teen grumbles.. My dd2 is currently furiously whatsapping me about the fact there is "literally no WiFi at school, it's rubbish"... I know it is fine albeit a bit slow... Suck it up dd2!

I'm all for getting to the bottom of things before going into school with all guns blazing. However, you shouldn't be afraid of discussing your child's worries with them. He is after all boarding, not just there for lunchtime- so this needs addressing immediately.

They should be happy to help with any concerns that you may have.

Being warm at night and adequately fed are basic requirements. Even if 100 posters replied to the title of this thread to say it was 'normal' for boarding children to be hungry and cold that wouldn't make it ok. This wouldn't happen though, because it's not normal and it's not ok.

theredjellybean
Yes lots of food available. May not be haute cuisine but I don't think anyone goes hungry!

IME private schools are strapped for cash. They might look the business but they cut costs wherever they can. My relative works at one and they cheapened the catering, they have textbooks that are filthy and falling apart and the exercise books and other stationery got cheapened as well.

So I would say it’s normal and I would pack as much food as you can.

I’d send double lots of pyjamas so he can layer them up and bed socks as well.

No not normal, food may be basic but it's plentiful.

My dd also has access to a small kitchen with kettle, toaster and microwave and they are provided with bread, spread, cheese and milk daily. They have access to fresh fruit throughout the day but only three meals 7 days a week - most skip Sunday breakfast and turn up at 12.30 on the dot for lunch or they go offsite to Nando's being older. Some of the boys do finish off the girls meals I hear, but dd says it's too much food for her.

Absolutely not normal.
DD is at 6th form boarding school where everyone compulsorily does huge amounts of exercise.
She does send me a list of food she wants at home every exeat because she can’t get it at school - but I’m not going to complain that they don’t supply sushi or mango.

She is v happy with portion sizes, and has said the exercise regime is making her eat loads. They have a kitchen per floor in boarding house which is kept fully stocked with bread and cheese and Chocolate spread so most kids make themselves a sandwich for supper as well. And they have a toaster kettle and microwave so she takes instant noodles and non perishable snack boxes with her in case she fancies variety

Def bring up with housemaster - these complaints about “safer” things could be indicative of more deep seated unhappiness that he needs you to help get over

at my boarding school we had:
Breakfast in the morning - always a hot option along with cereals and toast and fruit etc
lunch was always several options along with jacket potato and salad bar and bread plus various puddings.
Afterschool the boarding houses opened (everyone was affiliated to one of the houses) and theres was never ending toast and fruit.
Then dinner was again similar to lunch.
Toast and fruit was always available in the boarding houses and there was a tuck shop in each one. We also used to stock up on things like pasta and sauces packets and cup a soups from the supermarket.
Sunday we had breakfast, then a full sunday roast and pudding after church and then tea in the evening.

The foreign students (we had lots from honk kong ) used to have loads of things like noodles etc and i am sure some had things like slow cookers in thier rooms!!!)

Snacks you could send -
Chocolate raisins
rice cakes
various fruit/veg sticks
pots of jelly
cup a soups (i assume there is access to a kettle???)
instant noodles
tuna salad tin things (the ones with other stuff already in them)
if he has access to a toaster - crumpets and ready made pancakes
if access to a microwave - soups and bread rolls
popcorn
dried banana chips

We send pot noodles, jelly tubs, protein bars, nuts and seeds (no ban thankfully), cereal bars etc.

At DC’s various schools everything in the fridge got stolen and laptops and phones were never touched, so the food always got locked away in drawers. Just the way it is and always will be.
OP I suggest you ask for a meeting with housemaster to chat about DS and arrange for something at around 12.00. That way, you can simply aske to be taken to dining room to see for yourself and to bedroom to see for yourself. It’s the only way you will know for sure.
Pot noodles were always the food of choice for my kids in the winter, and instant hot choc, too. Neither very healthy but with the amount of sport they alll did I felt I could let it go.

I doubt the amount of food has changed, but he might be a bit bored of it. The menu in our school is on a 3 week rota, but there is a choice of main, salad, soup, bread, fruit & pudding. But I imagine the novelty has worn off.
With regards to bedding, my DS used to have a thick blanket. It will also be worth him flagging up the temperature as maybe the radiator in his room has broken/ been turned down. But unless he mentions it no-one will know! I am a great believer that the pupils should bring these problems up with house staff before you go bowling in

As a parent without a child in boarding school this all sounds fucking bonkers. You have a cold, hungry child, you are still the parent, step up and do something about it

DS has comfy night socks and fluffy dressing gown already. But they always come back as clean as before. I've got to tell him to use what he's provided if he really feels so cold... I am going to pack onesie too. Extra duvet or blanket on top, then the coldness should be sorted. It's only nighttime he feels cold.

I am thinking to ask school if I could come to see their lunch/dinner. I've started to think DS may have not described the real situation correctly.

Great suggestions on food from home! Pancakes and waffles will go down very well with DS. He also asked me to pack cucumbers next time. He loves cucumbers and can't have enough of them...

I am a great believer that the pupils should bring these problems up with house staff before you go bowling in
I agree. I was thinking to chase up on the extra bedding issue as still haven't heard back. But instead I told DS to go and talk about it with the headmaster. Hopefully he manages to sort it out.

Are you sure he's happy there?
Or that you've provided things he is comfortable to wear, that he's not getting bullied?
Unless the school is in financial trouble, this isn't ringing quite true.
You say there are other boys not cold and hungry. V weird about the bedding, but their heating must be on now. Ask to call by in the evening, in house, to see house parent/temperature and dinner offering for yourself. Do you have a good relationship with HP? Explain whats going on and you are worried that something is going on with him.

I have nothing against boarding schools but I feel incredibly sad for a young boy who tells his mum he is regularly hungry at is cold at night, and who is told to sort it out himself the first instance.

Yes, maybe ideally he would sort this himself but he is struggling with it and a helping hand would be a nice thing to offer.

You should feel very comfortable about nicely raising this with the school.

It's also not very supportive to counter his concerns with the fact that other boys aren't cold or hungry.

Please do listen to shrek and look into this.

There is a chance he is unhappy for some reason. He should feel you will fight his corner and that he can come to you with concerns.

Looks like you have loads of advice and I don’t have a child a boarding school but one suggestion, Merino PJs of just merino base layers as PJs. I wear them and always send my DC with them on camps. They never remember to wear additional layers. I hope that you get to the bottom of it. It must be miserable for you and him.

The fact that he's not wearing the same layers that you send tell me there's no point in just sending in yet more layers.
Or more food.
He's sounds like he's complaining about things that might make you take him out.

The other approach could be to ask him how he would feel about you taking him out of there because you are not happy about things. If he's desperate to stay, that's different....

Scrub *same (don't know how that snuck in there!)

Sometimes children find something to complain about whether it’s justified or not. Sometimes feeling cold once can be blown up to being repeatedly cold. Girls at my DDs school said they couldn’t find anything to eat that they liked. Obviously with a salad bar, jacket potatoes every day plus various toppings and three choices of hot jeans, there was something available but not for the fussy eaters. If children find aspects to boarding life not for them, then they are not really suitable as boarders. Children that have the odd whinge are different and it’s more a letting off steam.

Talking usually sorts it out. Those who want to board adjust. If he’s still complaining between now and Christmas then you might have to think if this is the right eduvstionbfor him at this stage of his life. Also, ask the school for menus and second helpings.

The bedding rule is stupid. I’m all for breaking that one! What could young people possibly do with extra bedding that would be against health and safety good practice?

I will look for Merino PJs, thanks Raaaaaah.

BubblesBuddy, I see what you mean. Children's 'everybody' has XXX and YYY always turns out only few has them, for instance.

I honestly appreciate all the posts. You are all lovely and kind. I also understand it's hard to see the full picture from just exchanging a few posts. But I can confidently assure you that his cold/food issues are rooted from practical reason rather than something deeper and sad behind them. And both are on the process to sort out, I think.

Extra bedding is no problem, but bringing them from home is, according to their safety rule. So DS will eventually get extra something either from school or home. I asked HM if DS could bring a blanket, which he may say no. Then he will probably hand DS extra school duvet when DS chases up today (if he can remember that he's supposed to chase up). Anyway, DS is coming home next few nights so we still have time to sort it out.

.but you have given him warm layers that he doesn't wear? Don't you find that odd?
If you're actually cold you will wear anything and everything in bed, including jogging pants and jumpers, gloves and hats.
I don't get it.
Does he share his room, is he in a dorm?