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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Are the girls in girls' schools very bitchy?

172 replies

PhilomenaButterfly · 07/09/2018 12:59

DD's 1st choice for secondary's a girls' school, but my friend tells me that the girls can be really bitchy, and it might be better if she went to a mixed school.

What are your experiences?

OP posts:
gnushoes · 07/09/2018 13:32

I believe the stats show that boys do best in co-ed schools and girls in single-sex.
There are some horrible assumption in the question about "bitchiness" - why on earth would girls be worse that boys?
My son had a much worse time than his sisters did in the early years of secondary with other kids being unpleasant and all the perps were boys.

ReggieKrayDoYouKnowMyName · 07/09/2018 13:34

Not my experience at all. I loved being at a girls school and would encourage my daughters to do the same. Very freeing and positive to spend your school days in an all female experience, I feel.

Original poster
PhilomenaButterfly · 07/09/2018 13:36

That's interesting Windbeneath. Does it make a difference whether they have brothers or not? DD has 2.

OP posts:
museumum · 07/09/2018 13:37

I think it depends on the school environment. I’d be wary of a girls school with very “pink and sparkly” fashions on show. I’d check the science and sport facilities and staff.

I think single sec schools can avoid gender stereotypes OR they can buy into them full-scale. It depends on the school.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/09/2018 13:40

Today is the 25th Anniversary of my first day at school. Later this month I'm going out with 5 friends I made in that very first year, and who I've always stayed in touch with. Weddings, babies, moves, parents deaths. No divorces yet.

Yes it can be bitchy, but girls in mixed schools can be bitches too

Windbeneathmybingowings · 07/09/2018 13:40

No I don’t think so. My closest childhood friend went to an all girls school and I believe it has affected her relationships with men ever since. She had 2 brothers. Because of how close to me she was, I also see similarities in other friends at all girls schools. A lot of them are very jaded about men and yet still strive for their attention all the time. Not all to the same degree obviously, some are worse than others.

Windbeneathmybingowings · 07/09/2018 13:42

Having a boyfriend while going to an all girls school was quite a prize. I think that’s what started it for my friend.

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 07/09/2018 13:44

I used to work in a girls’ school and they were very supportive of each other.

ErrolTheDragon · 07/09/2018 13:44

None of my grown up all girls school friends have male friends and question why I and other friends do, as if there is always an alterior motive when a man is involved.

DH reckoned he could tell which women in his company had been to one specific private girls' school, which we heard had a problem with bullying. The GS and the more academic private girls school didn't seem to cause the same sort of effect.

At all events, Now DD is at uni she seems to have a load of male friends. They appear to treat each other primarily as, er, interesting people.

Original poster
PhilomenaButterfly · 07/09/2018 13:47

They have very good science and sports facilities, the staff seem very dedicated, one gripe is that the only traditionally male sport played is cricket.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 07/09/2018 13:49

What sports do they do OP?

SleepingStandingUp · 07/09/2018 13:53

None of my grown up all girls school friends have male friends and question why I and other friends do, as if there is always an alterior motive when a man is involved
Most bizarre comment. All of my friends and I went off to Uni and make male friends, got jobs and made male friends. Surely by 16 or 18 when they get a job, go to Uni etc they're into mixed sex environments? And of the 6 of us, only half of us have brothers and all younger brothers so it's not even that influence

steppemum · 07/09/2018 14:10

I have noticed that even as an adult, you can always tell who went to an all girls school. There is something different about the way they act around other women. Almost competitive.

Really? not something I've noticed.

Original poster
PhilomenaButterfly · 07/09/2018 14:14

Hockey, netball, dance, rowing machine, health and stamina building, rounders, cricket.

OP posts:
RiverTam · 07/09/2018 14:18

I attended a girls' school from age 7 and often struggle with male friendships, all my close friends are women.

DH attended a boys' school from age 9, all his closest friends are women.

Make of that what you will!

DwangelaForever · 07/09/2018 14:22

I went to an all girls school and although it could be bitchy I felt it was a better environment for learning. Compared to my sister who went to a mixed school - the girls were bitchier in the mixed school playing it up for the boys, especially as they got older. I'll be sending my daughter and my son to single sex schools! (pretty normal here in NI for schools to be single sex anyway)

SleepingStandingUp · 07/09/2018 14:24

PhilomenaButterfly it's still a good mix. I don't think it needs to have rugby or football just too make a point.

maz99 · 07/09/2018 14:26

..which gender stereotypes seem to inhibit in coed.

This is the point I was trying to make... that gender stereotypes are not necessarily down to the school.

As long as the school isn’t presenting one option for girls over another for boys.

For example, 2 girls could go to a co-ed school and 1 might not choose a male dominated subject as a GCSE option, and the other may feel not interested in it - possibly because there are only boys there, but that choice would be down to the girl’s personality.

I wouldn’t have said my DD is particularly independent - i’ve just pointed out that just because she is a girl it doesn’t mean she can’t like building things, electronics,electric cars, gadgets, etc.

In fact, her favourite pastime is watching gamers on YouTube...!!! Confused

Only each parent knows their daughter and what environment suits them best.

Windbeneathmybingowings · 07/09/2018 14:28

Surely by 16 or 18 when they get a job, go to Uni etc they're into mixed sex environments?

And in all of those environments, the girls that had been at same sex schools act slightly differently when a man is in the conversation/group/team/class. It’s subtle in a lot of cases, but I have found I can always tell from people watching. It’s not even flirting or vying for attention sometimes, it can be as small as a fluster or a blush or a little shuffle in their seat. Maybe it’s from not being around boys as contemporaries, who knows. Brothers aren’t the same either, because that’s a boy you don’t have to figure out how to act around.

mariniere · 07/09/2018 14:32

I went to a mixed school and was mocked mercilessly by a large group of boys about my appearance, voice and weight. They also had a real problem with high achieving girls. The girls were all fine - a few of the usual teen friendship issues but supportive and nice. I have chosen single sex schools for my own children.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/09/2018 14:38

the girls that had been at same sex schools act slightly differently when a man is in the conversation/group/team/class at that age maybe, but I find it hard to believe that at 35, having worked for over a decade, that that average woman who attended an all girls school still doesn't know how to be around men just because she didn't know any from 11-16/8

Rebecca36 · 07/09/2018 14:46

No more bitchy than girls at co-ed schools - boys can be (male word needed) 'bitchy' too. You can't win, that's life.

Ooforfoxsakeridesagain · 07/09/2018 15:00

I went to an all girls school.

Some of the girls could be unpleasant, always the same ones. More down to the specific individuals than their sex.

I don’t think this would be any different in a co-ed School. I can imagine some girls might behave badly to get attention from boys so I don’t imagine either way is ideal.

I’d also consider the family set up. My DCs go to a co-ed school. I didn’t want them to go to a single sex school simply because that’s not the real world. I didn’t have an awful time but i’d Have been happy knowing how to interact with boys (only females in my family growing up), and stand up for myself. I have boys and girls so they’re used to each other’s company and that of friends who are around regardless.

I’m still more comfortable in the company of women, and I certainly don’t get competitive around men. At pushing 50 I can still take them or leave them. 🤣

BubblesBuddy · 07/09/2018 15:04

Can I say that girls in single sex schools really do get to know boys!!! They meet the brothers of their class mates. They go to outside activities and sports groups where there might be boys. They might know boys who are the DS of Family friends. Of course they meet boys! I’ve never read so much rubbish about only knowing girls when you are only with them 7 hours a day and 38 weeks of the year. What about the rest of the time?

In girls schools you won’t be one of two doing technology. There will be plenty of girls doing it. It’s normal. You don’t have to be unfazed because you are a lonely voice amongst boys. This is the advantage of girls schools.

Having cricket is neither here nor there. Girls don’t have to play traditional boys sports to make a point. Why not do women’s sport? What’s wrong with that? No comparisons with boys in a netball team. You can be yourself! I would think they would do athletics too for sports day? What about swimming? I never understand why women have to play the same sports as men and be continually compared, unfavourably, by many. Leave the men to it!

Some girls will be unpleasant wherever they are educated. The school doesn’t change them for the worse. Boys don’t change the way girls are either. Actually girls inspire boys to do better.

Both my DDs went to girls schools and they seem to have friends of both sexes. I do think, op, you went in looking for those pink rucksacks. I really do think that won’t be an issue if she goes there. Shame they don’t have a school rucksack - then a pink rucksack would never darken the doors of the school again. You have to allow everyone to develop their own preferences and not think pink is wrong. It isn’t. Be a bit more tolerant.

ErrolTheDragon · 07/09/2018 15:07
  • gender stereotypes are not necessarily down to the school. As long as the school isn’t presenting one option for girls over another for boys.*

The statistics indicate that the type of school is likely to matter. The coeds don't (usually, nowadays) present options as being for girls or boys, yet that is still how some are perceived. The personal choices each girl makes are influenced by the environment and whether there's peer pressure or not.

In an all girls school, the comp sci class, the robotics club etc are obviously meant for the pupils... who happen to be girls. And they don't find themselves pushed to the back of the room, talked over etc which unfortunately does tend to happen in mixed groups.