Are the girls in girls' schools very bitchy?

[PhilomenaButterfly]

DD's 1st choice for secondary's a girls' school, but my friend tells me that the girls can be really bitchy, and it might be better if she went to a mixed school.

What are your experiences?

[EmpressoftheMundane]

The girls in an all girls school are the same as girls in a coed school. They merely are in different environments. How much difference does having boys in the classroom make to the dynamic one way or the other?

[PhilomenaButterfly]

That was really my question. From the sounds of it though, DD'll be fine. 😀

[PettsWoodParadise]

The girls in an all girls school are the same as girls in a coed school. They merely are in different environments. How much difference does having boys in the classroom make to the dynamic one way or the other?

The boys can pick off the girls. Some are wise enough to see what is going on, others want the boys’ favour and end up making other girls lives a misery. Girls seem wiser and more aware of this than in my day when it made my co-ed school days a misery. Sadly A friend of mines found it had not changed and her DD is only recently ‘a happy and beautifully changed young lady’ in her words having moved from co-Ed to all girls.

[BubblesBuddy]

I think the idea of girls in girls schools being more desperate to be attractive to boys because boys are a rarity really doesn’t stack up. In my co-Ed, several boys were firmly on the radar of some of the girls. They saw them every day, they had opportunities and they certainly didn’t want the spotty gangly lad in the corner. Captain of the rugby team was a different proposition altogether!

My DDs were at girls schools. I have talked to my elder DD about what inspired her career choice. It was actually her male friends at a school they were twinned with. They had much better networking opportunities, careers lined up and were ambitious. It’s easy to see the ambition when girls do STEM, but when it’s arts subjects it’s good to have a career to aim at because it’s sometimes not obvious what to do. Too many of the bright girls at DDs school went into PR, event management and acting (no work) and similar roles. They went to good universities but they were not very career driven and some didn’t need to be. They were rich. I was happy for DD to mix with ambitious boys and strive to emulate them but not to be taught with them.

[cakeisalwaystheanswer]

And what happens when the girl goes to uni and has to deal with boys there? That was me. I feel like I have spent most of my life with a "girls school" tatoo across my forehead. DS's boys school had a big intake of girls at 6th form and he said he could always spot the girls who joined from an all girls school. The next DCs went co-ed.

Single sex ed is popular with religious communities but modern countries like Sweden have only mixed schools. OPs certainly shouldn't give up a place at such a good school, but educating children separately by sex just seems so backward. In an ideal world OP should have access to an equally good co-ed to give her a choice. But then in an ideal world everyone would have access to a good school and sadly that isn't the case.

[RiverTam]

Single sex is popular with plenty more than just religious communities. The evidence repeatedly shows that girls do better in single sex environments so plenty of non-religious parents will select those schools on that basis.

And some girls choose them for themselves.

[FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast]

" he said he could always spot the girls who joined from an all girls school. "

but why is that necessarily a bad thing? Did he mean they weren't used to being sexually harassed?

[Floottoot]

Errol, something like that. In truth, I think DS sees the girls as competition and is slightly irritated by their visible efforts to please the teachers and do well - he's nearly 13 and still at the stage of wanting to appear cool and popular with his mates, whilst still wanting to do well. The issue is definitely his, as we have told him repeatedly.

[PhilomenaButterfly]

DD's 2nd choice is a recently (3 years ago) academised co-ed, part of the same trust as her primary school. We see kids from there near our house every school day, there's a bus stop there. Their behaviour has definitely improved since it was academised, results have improved dramatically.

[GoodHeavensNoImAChicken]

I went to an all girls school because the co-ed school was too bitchy. It changed my life and was not at all bitchy, it was wonderful. So don’t be put off by that. I think some girls I know have had issues and finding relationships when they have not experienced boys outside of school through extra curricular activities, siblings friends etc, so I would recommend you make a little extra effort with that/consider a co ed sixth form if there’s one around

[madeyemoodysmum]

It depends on the child and luck and the ethos of the school however.

I'd make extra effort to mix with boys out of school though in a club situation.

A friend of mine has 3 girls and Apart from a few days out with myself and my boys they NEVER mix with boys now the are in a girls school. I feel this is bad for them in the long run.

I also feel that single sex of both genders are a backwards step in teaching equality. How can we expect kids to respect each other equally if we teach them they need to be separated to learn. That does not sit right with me. All school should be teaching respect of each other. Wishful I know.

[chickedychicked]

I get on way better with boys always have but I went to a an all girls schools and made friends no problem, there were bitchy cliques definitly but I'm still very close to my 3 best girl friends from school even though all 3 of us are different and on different paths in life. I feel like a lot of the girls bonded so well in school.
no worries about boys either which to me was refreshing.

[PhilomenaButterfly]

We would have to change for 6th form, as this school doesn't have one. She's adamant she won't go to the other girls' school as it's very Christian, and she doesn't want to "listen to that rubbish every morning."

[BertrandRussell]

Do people ever stop and think before using hideous misogynist language?

[MrsMarigold]

I went to an all girls school, my mother went to an all girls school and DD goes to an all girls school, I loved it, not bitchy, great friendships that have lasted for over 35 years.

I had no idea men were so puerile and was amazed when I went to university.

[DiveBombingSeagull]

DD is at an all girls school, there are bitchy girls and there are non-bitchy girls, same as sporty and non-sporty, academic and non-academic.

Her best friend is at a co-ed and feels under massive pressure to do hair and make up before school and there is a great deal of emphasis on acting / looking a certain way to attract attention from boys (Y10 so hormones are rife). DDs friend feels uncomfortable contributing in class as boys mock the girls for it, and there is a certain amount of bra strap snapping etc that the school do their best to stamp out but still goes on.

[ErrolTheDragon]

And what happens when the girl goes to uni and has to deal with boys there?
DD seems to be able to deal with them as equals as far as I can see. Why would there be a problem?

Is it possible be that a girl who doesn't deal well with boys after going to a girls school mightn't have been great at dealing with them in a coed school either?

[April2020mom]

I attended a local girls secondary school. Hardly any bullying in class or online either. I had a great time. It was completely different from my mixed primary school for sure. Nevertheless it is always a good idea to visit the school with your child in tow beforehand. That way you can get a sense of whether or not the school is appropriate. If you can, observe a actual lesson taking place too.

[cakeisalwaystheanswer]

My other big reason for being anti single sex schools is boys schools. Living nearby our house was constantly full of boys from DS's school. The way they speak about girls "yats" is appalling. The local girls schools are derided and the schools names amended to Slutney/SLAGS, The Whore House etc and entire schools of girls are dismissed as being slags etc. These are the girls who think the boys are their friends, they want to meet up and invite the boys to all of their parties etc. For myself I always noticed that the most arrogant, self-opinionated arseholes I ever studied with or worked with came from boys schools and now I can see how it starts.

I appreciate that there are lots of champions of single sex schools on MN but I'll never be convinced. Sorry OP completely off topic and I still think you should send your DD to the extremely good girls school because it's your best option.

[FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast]

" The way they speak about girls "yats" is appalling. The local girls schools are derided and the schools names amended to Slutney/SLAGS, The Whore House etc and entire schools of girls are dismissed as being slags etc "

right , so it would be better for the girls to have to put up with that all day as well , would it?

[PhilomenaButterfly]

Well, I've made my decision, thanks all, I'll just let the debate run on, it's fascinating. 😀

[Deadringer]

I hate that people are always assuming that girls are bitchy, it's horrible. I have 4 girls and none of them are bitches. They go to all girls schools but go to scouts and other mixed activities so manage not to get an attack of the vapors when they see a real life boy.

[cakeisalwaystheanswer]

Fourfried - The relationships are different at a coed. If the girls hear the boys say something mean they confront them in a way that I could never imagine doing. The girls are actually fairly sparky and don't take crap and the boys know not to give it.

I am giving up with this thread because on MN people are too entrenched. Most of the world only has co-ed schools and for me the laid back, liberal, equal opportunity attitudes and societies of the Nordic countries is to be admired, amd I think that starts at school.

I am sure your DD will do very well OP and I hope she is very happy.

[FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast]

right , so, you think that girls should be a civilising influence on boys?

Girls have to 'take crap' from boys at a 'co-ed' they get used to it at a young age.

[NothingOnTellyAgain]

"Fourfried - The relationships are different at a coed. If the girls hear the boys say something mean they confront them in a way that I could never imagine doing. The girls are actually fairly sparky and don't take crap and the boys know not to give it."

But you said the boys are awful about the girls behind their backs, and nive to their faces, so the girls think that they are their friends?