Have we got a starting Secondary School Support thread?

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

I’ve just just asked DD what the sandwich box and bottle are for in the fridge. It turns out she’s made her first packed lunch ready for school. She doesn’t start till next Tuesday

Oh poor cat, penguins. I hope she feels better. Frustrating about the third sets, I imagine. Will there be any changes?

I'm glad your DS is improving, Dobbins. DD1 was sent home from school with a bashed head yesterday, after falling off a bench backwards and hitting her forehead (some sort of dynamic twisting involved there!!!), so she had a duvet day today, as she was still a bit under the weather. Back to school tomorrow!

Poor DD Lougle I hope she's feeling better now. Sounds like something one of mine would manage to do!

DS2 managed a whole day at school. In fact all the DC were in their settings which is the first time in weeks.
Vets trip went as expected. Cat going senile. Stuff to try but will just have to see if she responds.

Cat is very sleepy, cuddly and eating all meat in sight as usual, just spent the day lying on bed with me whilst I worked an has eaten more of my lunch than me. Awaiting results from vets, how did your cat get on Frayed? Hoping ours will stagger on as she's so happy and think if she was in pain she wouldn't be purring 24/7.

Not sure what is happening with DDs sets - the three she's in middle set for as top are full are science and French and PE. PE I don't care about but science and French are really silly - she has a French Dad and came top of year in French at her grammar and science she was also above average at the grammar and the average grade there is an 8. Science have said they think they will move her after Christmas so that's not too bad, the Head of Languages is saying she is refusing to move her to top set as has 36 in already or Spanish for all of this year. PE say they may move her shortly. But also worried as they sent a report for her and had graded her low on a number of subjects she should be much higher and am trying to find out why, they are refusing to count her SATS or her year at grammar so are just assessing on work so far. It could be they have just shoved everyone in the average category but don't want her put in any more middle sets as they can't be bothered to type in last year's results. English is graded one and a half years below what old school graded her, for example, so something is wrong somewhere and primary results were in line with grammar ones. Her SATS were 120/120/114. Teacher was supposed to call me yesterday but went off sick with bad back so don't know when it will be, not majorly urgent but DD is also quite lazy. She's told me she wants to go to Cambridge Uni but doesn't want to work hard and says she wants to get any grades then says I can phone and argue it for her as I'm good at arguing and winning. I think that's beyond me though!

Hope your DD is better now Lougle and your cat gets less senile Frayed, mine seems very happy being senile. She's just got me to move food to by the bed.

Do the tips for senile cats work for senile adults Frayed. Can feel myself going senile at a similar rate to the cat. I'm not going on dried food though.

That does sound like a bizarre approach from the school Penguins. I hope they get back to you soon. LOL at you negotiating her way into Cambridge for her, I like her style.

Mine is alas miserable in her senility. She's going to start on some supplements but I'm not convinced tbh. She's also taken to using the upstairs bathroom floor as her litter tray. Not great. I'm hoping you don't need help with that .

Hope your cat improves Frayed

Just been messaged by one former Head of primary (there's 4 Heads that left!) as the primary school is now in the papers. At least we know what happened now. Looks like ousted Chair went to press.

Penguins sounds very dramatic!

Got the thing through to book DS2's paediatrician appt. First date available is 17th Jan. I was hoping for sooner but there's not much I can do.

Hope the cat's getting better. :(

17th Jan is ridiculous for paed appointment. When ds was ill my GP was unimpressed with 10 days. Can you ask your GP if there's any chance of a cancellation?

It's a choose and book system so there's 4 hospitals and the 17th Jan was the earliest appointment available. I rang to double check and they said they only had the same ones showing available. I'm going to keep checking. Think I'm going to look at paying privately.

17 Jan is very slow but sadly state NHS is in, at least was similar when I needed lots of tests last year, only time was better was when you got choice of local private hospital on NHS. I ended up going private via work but you shouldn't have to.

The primary school is getting like Jeremy Kyle online with newspaper article about problems and parents criticising things or denying any issues underneath

DS now says schools OK which is as good as he says schools get. Not happy with what's happening with DD though. Phoned school they said your son is very bright quite exceptional and implied daughter isn't. She outperforms him on almost every test and came top of year in 3 subjects at her grammar last year where 34% of results are 9s. I wonder if its as she speaks with an accent (current one sounds like she's a farmer!) which changes with school and speaks slang a lot in this one and primary but not grammar but who knows. They said they always put new kids in random sets where there is space and ignore previous reports, great. Said DD has forgotten a few homeworks and will soon get a reputation as a bad child but she's not.

DD also said a child had told her to kill herself quickly on way to school and another kid said it previous night, reported it and school said they would do nothing. Lady said to me they don't deal with things out of school hours and kids use that phrase very lightly. DD has got it in writing from first girl though she was really stupid herself and DD got her friend to text this girl first saying she thought DD should kill herself so girl was basically agreeing with DDs friend. DD said the first girl put a survey on the internet asking if she could kill herself and got 83% no, 17% yes. School said they wanted to put all girls together and make them work out differences and DD said to me no, so have said no. DD wants to ignore them which seems more sensible. Told DD not to ask for drama but think all those girls are addicted to it.

Poor DD, Penguins it sounds like it is going to take the school a while to get to know her.

Dobbins, I think January is about normal for a paed appointment. The NHS waiting time limit is 18 weeks, so it's not too bad. I know it's frustrating, though.

Glad DS is more settled penguins. Doesn't sound good with DD. DS2's school was in the news for reasons the lady at your school thinks won't happen . Glad DD feels able to ignore them, and she knows she's got you in her corner when she needs you.

I understand about appointment wait times and I'd not complain or anything, which is why I'm looking at private. Although anything very serious has been ruled out, he really isn't right and I'm at a loss with it tbh. He's so down and listless at the weekends. DH wanted to take him out for dinner, just the two of them, but DS2 was crying as he felt too rough to go out.

School have sent a general email about illness and attendance and as it stands I have no medical evidence to give them. His attendance is currently 89% and really he shouldn't have gone it today. Email says minor illness will be marked as unauthorised, and as it stands, that's what he's been off with. And I do see their POV, but what can I do?

That's so sad Frayed It does worry me that school think others telling each other to kill themselves isn't that big an issue. I think DD started this drama but I would expect serious consequences the other way round and agree with it. Another thread on here recently where child excluded for 3 days for using phrase so some schools must take tough line. The girl in her class has avoided school last 2 days.

That's bad about the school marking minor illness as unauthorised, I would be complaining about that. DS had similar attendance to start with and we didn't get letter, they are at Head's discretion in primary not automatic. I assumed they were automatic but Head told me not. Having said that secondaries are bigger so maybe automatic. I wondered if he needed say a week off to rest. Other thing is did antibiotics help? I spent a year last year feeling terrible getting nowhere with doctors in uk, lots of cancer tests and one op, noticed only time I got better was on 14 days double antibiotics and then remember I had a bite on holiday which matched Lyme. UK doctor still wouldn't help but US one said in US would treat for Lyme with these antibiotics, took them for a month and been much better since. DH had similar with ears, months ill in UK then French doctor gave him antibiotics and better in a week or two.

The trouble is that stress can manifest itself physically, too. I have no idea whether that is contributing here, but DD2 was clearly physically ill in year 1, but also not coping emotionally. Her attendance was down to 79% before I removed her and changed schools. She managed 100% attendance at the next school, but only because once she fell apart, they withdrew her from afternoon classes for nurture group, and when that stopped, I withdrew her altogether and HE'd.

When she went to school 3, she managed pretty much 100% attendance, because it was a tiny school, so they could nurture her within the class. Now, at secondary, she gets through by having 2 sessions a day with the dog.

It's interesting, she said that she goes to the SN block to spend time there (she isn't classified as having SN, as she's too academically able, so doesn't get taught there) as she feels like she is more like the people who are taught there, and she fits in there. She feels like she should be there and should be taught there, so when she goes there, she feels like she's arrived 'home'.

They've authorised his absences so far, but I'm just a bit concerned about what to do until he is either better, or he's been seen by a paediatrician for the evidence they may start asking for. He didn't respond to antibiotics, it was a 10 day course.

Asides from the fatigue, he does consistently present with an inflamed throat and enlarged glands. He's been examined 4 times, roughly 2 weeks between appointments. So it does present that there is something physically going on. Probably just a virus that will hopefully go of its own accord, but in the meantime the minor things, like the cold he currently has, are totally wiping him out. He's always gone down hard with things, toddlers years until about 9 it was viral-induced wheeze every winter. Inhalers and nebuilisers etc

It's so hard, isn't it? When DD2 was ill, I actually asked the GP if she was 'malingering', but he said that her glands were up and she was genuinely ill. But it was all quite low-level, non-specific, non-diagnosable stuff that couldn't be pinned on any one disease. 'Viral'.

Sounds like not bacterial then. Has he been tested for asthma? Zero medical background here though but wheezing every winter isn't typical. DD used to wheeze and a friend who is a doctor suggested asthma though doctor told me they couldn't test but other people said doctors can. I do find sometimes your immune system just goes and you get hit by everything going for a month or so. It might be worth trying a week's rest avoiding germs at school I would guess doctor would write something if needed though may charge. Seems very harsh to put it as unauthorised, implies he's skiving, though anxiety also goes as unauthorised.

It is hard to get the balance right. I don't want to dismiss him when he's not well, but I don't want to "feed" the idea he's too ill either, IYKWIM.

He's currently griping about history homework. They don't need to fill the full page but will get in trouble if they only do a couple of lines. So try for 3/4 suggest I. Oh the hurrumphing!

Attendance does seem to be very high priority at secondary. Ds’s Half term illness dragged on and he was sick again a week later so I kept him off for another 2 days, but he got a lot of grief so although it took nearly 3 weeks for him to be back to normal I sent him in anyway.

GP said he doesn't have asthma, "just" viral-induced wheeze penguins. But he also suffers with hayfever and gets wheezy then. Also allergic to the cat.To be fair, he's been a lot better the last couple of years with wheeziness. He had awful reflux and the worst eczema on his face as a baby. He has normally manages to have the worst illness in school holidays so he's attendance has never been an issue, until now.

Poor DS cheminotte, hope he's all better now. It doesn't help that attendance percentages are so skewed by days off early in the term, and this time of year is quite typical for all the sickness bugs. There's a few upset parents on the FB tonight about the latest attendance/illness email. Looks like a row is developing now

That’s a very good point Dobbin , I hadn’t thought about it being skewed like that.
He’s all better now and back to buying junk food in the canteen and not eating his packed lunch (he was off cheese and fatty foods for over 2 weeks).

That sounds tough for your DS too.

Nothing like a school row Dobbins, our primary was an endless source of them.

DD said one of the girls who told her to kill herself is now back at school after having skived two days last week and is trying to be DDs best friend. Hope that doesn't materialise as DDs current best friend is a drama queen so is DD and the prospect of a third one Ordered a Christmas tree for our new - well 500 year old house - DD begged me to get fake "as real ones come with insects" but our ceilings are quite low so its only a small one. DD rushed out to buy tinsel as we apparently need new tinsel and has got red and white which looks beautiful not and got super excited putting it up. DS has been singing lots of Xmas songs and tells me the tree is the size of one and a bit large pandas. Cat had eyes tested and awaiting results, has mild diabetes, heart problems but no kidney issues according to tests. Still purring away and stuffing herself silly. Went swimming at weekend for first time in ages and got a chainsaw to do back garden of old house, its past point of shears.

Glad DS is feeling better now cheminotte. DS2's canteen choices are similar. Apparently the queues for healthy stuff are always too long!

Eek at the girl wanted to be DD's best friend penguins, I hope it all settles down. I have no idea where we're going to put a tree this year! Glad the cat is content.

I sent an email the various people at DS2's school about his illness and referral to paediatrician and PE etc. He was excused from PE assistant duties, but the PE teacher told him that the school is very good with health, and the Achievement Director is very good at finding out what is wrong with ill children . She will be pulling him out of a lesson to talk to him. DS2 also said he felt the PE teacher was trying to catch him out about being ill.

I am of course delighted that a teacher thinks she can solve what 4 HCP's at the GP surgery and 2 blood tests haven't been able to, and DS2 may be able to fake an inflamed throat and swollen glands. I always knew he was a clever clogs, but this makes me very proud! I may ask her to fix my back problem! DH is ringing the school tomorrow as he is not amused.

That is annoying Dobbins, wouldn't be happier either, horrible to be feeling ill and accused of faking it, like the workplace already.