Have we got a starting Secondary School Support thread?

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

I’ve just just asked DD what the sandwich box and bottle are for in the fridge. It turns out she’s made her first packed lunch ready for school. She doesn’t start till next Tuesday

Hope you're ok spiderlight. It's a tough year for everyone I think!

Still plodding along ok here. Getting the homework done on time and doing ok in general. We've got parents evening in Dec so I'll be interested to hear how the teachers think he is getting on. They do have their first set of exams after half term which may be a struggle for him with the memory problems. I'm going to help him with revision this time to see if I can help. Maybe something visual will work for him.

Inset day tomorrow and I have taken the day off work so we're all heading into London for a nice lunch and wander - yay! So nice the DC are back at the same school again so the inset days are all the same :)

Ive been reading the thread as DD started year7 this year and I just feel SO low about her experience of it all. I feel like they have taken my happy keen to learn child and slowly crushing her into unhappy doesn’t want to go to school child I feel your pain spider I cried couple nights ago at the helpless I feel as a mum to protect her from a very much “sink or swim” attitude I’m feeling from her school I’m more scared than ever now about where we send her younger sister as there are next to no other options without moving house. My younger daughter has a lot of classic ASD traits but being intelligent is masking massively at school we get the fall out at home. (My nephew has full support plan for ASD so have some background experience of the issues) i have 3yrs to get a plan in place but I’m not in a positive place about secondary at the moment.

I massively feel for those of you struggling with children who don’t fit the NT profile it feels like the conveyor belt education we have just doesn’t allow them to thrive yet the teachers I know do their best with the ever decreasing resources they had.

Sorry to hear that Spider hope it gets sorted soon.

Thanks for telling me what your DS has Frayed My DS would benefit from something like that.

Have a lovely day in London Titsy

DD is being much better. DS got to school. Then apparently stood outside for an hour so they called for me to collect him. Then they called back to say he had gone into lessons and no need to come. Now I have an e-mail from senco asking if we can apply as parents for an EHCP and can we meet next week.

School are also saying we need an Early Help Assessment form to get any help, doesn't sound right to me, last school just got Ed Psych in. I signed permission. Get the impression they are implying problem is at home. Or it could be where resources are. But he needs help at school not at home.

FrayedHem I'm glad that some problems can be solved simply by placing an Amazon order

Here the usual scenario is school will buy a certain amount of Ed Psych time to come in and assess pupils, so it may be that as your DS is new they can't get him seen by the Ed Psych. I think they should be able to access phone/email Ed Psych support. Our EP service has a parent telephone helpline. It's only available one afternoon a week, but it's possible your area does something similar.

Is getting a private assessment a possibility? I wouldn't usually suggest it but I'm at the point of doing the same for my DS3, as he'll be retirement age before he's a school priority.

Penguins we're being referred to Early Help as an alternative to CAMHS - - who refused to see dd--

Oh this buggering stupid new phone won't do the hyphens for strike out.

SkiGirl sorry to hear your DD isn't happy at school. Have you spoken to the school about it?

Yes, if Amazon could just start delivering school meals that would solve DS2's gripe of the day. Long wait and then no hot food left. I've said he can take a packed lunch in but he'd rather complain to me take a chance on the school dinners.

Thanks very much. We could go private for an assessment though would want to be sure if would help first, finding school response not great and wonder if we would be better looking at alternatives or keep going. Can't afford private school though MIL has made offers in past of funding it but not sure if that's just talk. He is bright sats 118, 115, 108 so state specialist seem to be out. Mainstream with ASD base might work but not sure if there are any here. We also still have our old house so moving back is possible though that would unsettle everything but I think one school there has an ASD base. Just phoned council's inclusion manager so will see what they say, that's how he got TA at primary though caused few ruffled feathers as I reported unofficial exclusions.

I do know what you mean, I am not sure DS3's school will actually do anything once I get the private Ed Psych assessment done and I have no alternative school for him, due to logistics. But I'm thinking it will either help with requesting an EHC needs assessment, or if I end up home Ed, hopefully give me some insight of how to approach some of his difficulties.

Thanks penguins. It really does sound like an assessment would help. We went private and it cost about £1200 but was worth it even though the school and Ed psych didn't think he needed an EHCP. Chances are if the school are suggesting it he will get one (even if you have to appeal once as most do).

Thanks both. We also have logistics issues as I don't drive and we are now rural, this is the only school within walking distance and next one is 6 miles away. DH could potentially drive DS there and back but back isn't that easy due to time. Plus if we are being called out its difficult. Trouble is old house none of secondaries are that close by and that's 50 mins from DH's work. Primary was really close.

DS1 has Aspergers and only got EHCP at end of Y5. Primary school were very good at accommodating him but from about Y3 onwards were saying ‘you need to get a diagnosis so you can get an EHCP for social needs’. He’s now at a mainstream with a general base. The senco has been great so far in tweaking the support he needs as they get to know him better. There are a couple of secondaries with autism bases in the county but both would involve getting transport and him being able to walk to school was very important to me.
If you get an EHCP and decide another school is the right one you name it on the form and then they have to provide transport.
But it is only for a standard school day so no good if needs to go home early or stay late for a club for example.

Thanks very much. That's good you get transport. He doesn't like clubs. Detentions could be an issue as could ad hoc meetings but that would be a lot easier than all the transport. No idea if there are schools with autism bases though, people said some schools were better which are around 30 minutes drive but don't know how much better. Some of staff at this school seem to really want to help but senco seems useless and they seem out of budget.

He came home cheerful and I told him well done for going to school and eating roast dinner and he laughed and said Mummy I am not 5. I said you are being like a 5 year old at school but that's OK. He then asked if he could go out as he wanted to buy me chocolate so he went out and came back with some. First lesson he avoided was English so was scared about homework.

Penguins my experience is that schools can only get ed psych in for a small number of pupils at a time due to expense and also there aren't enough. Which basically means that only the worst can access it. I suspect that a year 7 at this stage won't be near enough the top of the waiting list.
It's rubbish really.

On the upside we've had an apology from school, and an acknowledgement that they acted wrongly and have caused issues for the future. Bit late really, but better than nothing.

Thanks Witchend He's doing his best to get top of the list 😂. Primary said something like they only had funding for 1 child each year for whole school, it was dreadful. Glad you got an apology at least.

I wouldn’t assume somewhere with an autism base is necessarily better. It is terrible that they are saying they can’t afford it but I would start the EHCP request process yourself (I think IPSEA do template letters) and then the LA pays to get assessments done.

I remember a friend having to fight for her dd. Initially the county refused to send one out, then suggested something like "giving child a buggy". School pushed and the ed psych lasted 5 minutes before they said "this child needs a 1-2-1 full time.

It sounds to me like they're trying to push him into line, whereas they'd be better to back off.
However maybe he'll explode and they can then put him at the top so he gets help? I doubt they're aiming for that, but it might be good in the long run, if very stressful in the meantime. Can't be nice for him.

"Mummy I'm not 5" made me laugh as ds would have said exactly the same.

Buddy not buggy!

The LA don't have to provide transport if there is a nearer school they deem suitable. We had our preference named for DS1's 1st primary but we had to provide transport (was 5 miles away and not our nearest). You do have to have a good look around and see what you think, speak to SENCos etc. I knew within 5 mins DS1 wouldn't cope with our local mainstream secondary which DS2 is now at. It's a good school, but not for DS1. Fortunately the LA agreed and he got a place at the ASD base and they also agreed transport. The journey is long and it is a definite downside, but it's the only option for him.

Glad the school have apologised witchend. How is DS feeling?

Ds doesn't know (did to us, not to him), and I don't know how much to tell him.

I'd quite like them to apologise to him in front of his form but that's not going to happen. He's already done the (much reduced but still admitted to be way OTT punishment) so not really much they can do to really make it better.
I'm not sure whether telling him will make much difference. He still is then very aware that the school labelled him a liar and didn't protect him when he was assaulted, with basically no evidence, and that's not going to change even if they apologise. He won't see any reason why it won't happen again.
I think he'll feel "fat lot of use an apology is after what he's been through." and that might actually be worse in the long run.

The more I look at what they said the more ridiculous the whole thing was, with so many inconsistencies.
So there were a number of children that testified that he pushed others (when they were surrounding him). So he was punished because naturally they all blamed him entirely rather than admitting they were involved. However now they've admitted the children around him were acting first, they apparently can't identify any of them...
That's just one bit.

We are now downing in homework - 11 lots this week (and one lesson to go) so am praying nothing comes in from history.

DD being calm at the moment and plodding through it, but as quick as some gets done , more comes in.

We haven't had too much homework yet, although we have had a massive panic when DS's friend called for him ten minutes before they had to leave and reminded him about some history that had to be in for first lesson yesterday. He got something down - only three boxes to fill with evidence from a short text -, but by God it was a mess, and then the teacher didn't collect it in. Glad I bought Frixxion pens now because he can tidy it up over the weekend.

Council called me back, head of SEND for our area, and said school does have access to resources and shouldn't be sending him home, they are speaking to school next week and getting back to me.

Apparently DS ran out when fire alarm went off to near the main road, still on school site, but there's nothing to stop a child getting onto road. He is very sensible with roads. He then went back to class later. They are letting him off all homework punishments so he can either do or not do. They also said we have to go to another two meetings with them.

Looked into other schools and there's one mainstream 15 mins drive goes through to 18 rather than 16 he's at now geared to ASD with cabins for ASD kids and 3 types of special hiding places on site plus says they have access to Ed Psych, OT etc, its full but sounds much more suitable. Will try and work things out with current school first.