Have we got a starting Secondary School Support thread?

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

I’ve just just asked DD what the sandwich box and bottle are for in the fridge. It turns out she’s made her first packed lunch ready for school. She doesn’t start till next Tuesday

Mine usually comes straight home, although he and his friends occasionally pop to the shop or call into their old primary school (which they pass on their way home) to say hi to their old teachers. His friend knocks for him more evenings than not and they go out to play in the park or in the cul-de-sac just behind his friend's house - he's currently out there with a Nerf gun dealing with a zombie apocalypse. I don't mind him making the most of what light we have left in the evenings.

Homework angst currently in motion. DS2 wrote some homework in an exercise book but was supposed to write it on a piece of paper. So he needs to get on and copy out what he wrote as it has to be in tomorrow. Instead there is dramatic sighing and flouncing about.

Straight home here too, either I pick her up or she get the special school bus (not a public service one) home. No chance to get off and on again!

Thanks. Your answers have helped me figure that probably local park with known friends for a bit can be occasionally ok. Randomly walking around the streets aimlessly in a big group of unknown kids who seem to do little else- not Ok!! Seems pretty obvious now I think about It!!

Got a phone call last night from school saying he was banned from making fruit salad today as they use knives and could I explain to him. I explained but today we have school refusal, argh. He screamed and got very distressed and they've said we aren't allowed to touch him but we also have to get him in.

Oh dear penguins. What were they planning on him doing if he couldn't participate?

Thanks Frayed He was supposed to go to the support room and do the theory of making a fruit salad with the Head of House - she's fairly senior and then she was going to take him early to canteen to see if could persuade him to eat something other than plain pasta there. He's only eaten on 5 days there so far, 1 roast dinner and 4 plain pastas though he eats as soon as he gets home and before but ate school dinners fine at primary. He said no to packed lunch - when upset he won't eat, that happened at primary.

I don't know what solutions are available if he won't go. I've just offered to home ed part-time but doubt that's acceptable and would need to learn quickly, whether he would learn here don't know either. He only refused about 2 days for whole of primary so no big issue there. This is the third day since September here plus they sent him home on two. I suspect he's thinking by banning him from the lesson they don't want him but don't think that's true, its more they don't know how to help. Trouble is he has no EHCP and no diagnosis. Last school did full time TA at one point but through own budget and budgets are very tight atm. Yr 5 and 6 he managed with nothing though.

You don't need a diagnosis for an EHCP as it's needs based. It can help, and I'd always recommend getting a referral for a diagnosis, as it offers some protection with the Equality Act etc. EHCP's take a while, the school may have access to other funding but it sounds like they could do with some outside guidance.

It's unsurprising that a child that's had trouble attending would react how your DS has at being banned from a lesson. I can understand why the school has said no to him participating, but I can't help but feel it could have been handled a bit more delicately. Not that helps now!

The problem with flexi-schooling is that the school has to take a hit on the attendance as it's no longer permitted to be put down as educated on another site, as was previously with part school/part Home Ed. Which makes them unlikely to agree.

I'd ask the school if they're able to access any input from Ed Psych or Behavioural support etc from the LA.

Thanks very much Frayed Got a message from the school saying no to flexi schooling as premature which is fine - would prefer that as a last resort.

They are also saying they cannot access any support without a diagnosis and we need to get a diagnosis before they can help him more. I am trying to get hold of someone in the LEA and struggling but that can't be right - in old area could access everything without a diagnosis. We can go for a diagnosis but told them it can be very slow and you should be able to access support without. Have called Parent Partnership to see if they can advice. LEA would only tell me how to apply for EHCP but says on EHCP form school have to have exhausted all their own support first. School do seem to want to help but don't seem to have a clue. Trouble is in y5 and y6 he had no support so they need to put support in place before trying for EHCP.

Penguin, have you spoken to the SENCO there?

The school may not be able to access specific support, such as Autism Outreach, without a diagnosis, but I'd be very surprised if there were no other services available. E.g. the Ed Psych service and there's usually a general behaviour support. Dig around your LA website/local offer. The schol may be charged for some services though and likely to be a waiting list.

I'd try ringing IPSEA or SOS!SEN - they are impartial. www.ipsea.org.uk/ sossen.org.uk/ I've always found it easier to get through to SOS!SEN. They'll be able to give you advice on the EHCP process - both websites have information. I wouldn't worry too much about what the LA EHCP form says. DS is currently really struggling to attend school at all and it sounds like his needs are complex and beyond what the school are able to manage themselves.

Thanks, we have spoken to the senco a few times - very nice but not much use. School have just replied to say they have no budget for any help.

"Penguin* dd's primary school were happy to support her as if diagnosed before she had her diagnosis and do IEPs. So no diagnosis, no support is a cop out. However getting the support at secondary seems very dependent on school. Getting an EHCP is a battle. We can't even get them to assess. Although I'm fighting that as we speak.

If you emailed school senco about possibly having quick chat/meeting with them about a few things how long would you wait before either leaving a phone message at reception or emailing them again if they haven't been in touch?

It's been 9 days and I'm wondering would you phone tomorrow or am I being unrealistic in expecting some contact within a week?
Just had 5 years of the worst senco at primary who never ever got back to you and can't face 5 more years of chasing people

Thanks Aornis Hope you can get them to assess. We had support from primary fine, a bit clueless at times, but always something.

NoLogic I always get replies same day at primary and secondary. Definitely phone / chase.

Logic I got told off by the advisory team at the council for being too nice and patient so chase them up as much and as often as you can bear!

Got a phone call last night from school saying he was banned from making fruit salad today as they use knives and could I explain to him.

I had that with dd2 because she's missing her hand and so couldn't hold the item/knife in the "correct" way. I got my revenge. I got her a prosthetic with a knife attached. Much bigger health and safety issues there for them to sort out and they couldn't say anything.

I held the view that it was preventing her from accessing the curriculum. Why weren't they offering him to do the fruit salad with the support? Surely that would be the entire idea of support? Doing the "theory" is really mean, which was what I said. Either let them have effectively a free, where they can choose something to do, or let them do the subject properly.

I wouldn't worry too much about what he's eating unless it's stressing him out. I used to get really stressed about eating at school and all I'd eat was one digestive biscuit, so plain pasta sounds quite good to me.

I've got ds in tears over homework. He's had 3 hours since coming home from school and he's written about a sentence. He needs 300 words... :(

Good luck with the getting the LA to agree AornisHades.

generally I'd be chasing up on the 3rd day NoLogic. If urgent, then the next day.

Sorry DS is struggling with his homework witchend.

DS2 has returned home quite chipper tonight and got on with homework with no dramas. I mean he looks and sounds like DS2, but maybe it's a very good replica??

Penguins it's a complete cop out to expect you to explain why your DS can't participate in a Home EC class about making fruit salad because it had a knife. It's bringing a school problem into your home, IMO, and it's unacceptable. Secondly, it's a travesty to expect a child to accept that the "theory of making a fruit salad" would be a substitute for "making a fruit salad". There are so many alternatives they could have chosen. They could have had him make cookies which would have been completely safe and no knives needed, no shame in being excluded from fruit salad making.

Thanks very much. Hope your DS is feeling better now Witchend though you are doing better than me - don't think DS has even started his big English project due in tomorrow. I have been asking him every night for 2 weeks, argh. I don't even have details of what it is.

I'm impressed Frayed

I don't totally understand the fruit salad situation but the lady that was going to be with him is very senior so that maybe why she's not going into the lesson. I think she meant well by phoning but whole thing seems to have thrown him. He's happy with receipes - he said he thought it should be just receipes and tips such as "blowtorch your bowl to make a cake in 20 minutes" and not practical work. I think he may have been scared by it not being a TA and being a senior lady though think that's just no spare staff. They have at least backed down a bit on the no support and say they are thinking about it but there's no money for a TA. Just hope can get him to school tomorrow. I did find an old ed psych report I forwarded on and they seemed happy with that but its 2.5 years old now.

DS1 benefits way more from his work being broken down and a bit of planning beforehand, rather than having a TA supporting him in lesson. He had a TA all through primary (statemented from starting school) and by the end it was more of hindrance than a help. He just ended up being told off at close range. Constantly. He is now in an ASD base, so it is different, but when he goes into mainstream he doesn't have a TA there but the teachers know what to expect (or not!) from him.

I've had enough. I want him to go back to Reception at our lovely primary and start again :(

Oh no spiderlight. What's happened? But don't feel you have to answer.

Just lots of little things. Nowhere near what some of you guys are dealing with, but it's all got on top of me today. Nothing that won't get sorted though - ignore me!

Hope it's easily sorted. I pretty much exclusive rattle on about nothing of significance.

Which reminds me - thanks Lougle for the expanding file suggestion. DS2's work now comes home neatly rather than a crumpled up scrap of paper.