Have we got a starting Secondary School Support thread?

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

I’ve just just asked DD what the sandwich box and bottle are for in the fridge. It turns out she’s made her first packed lunch ready for school. She doesn’t start till next Tuesday

DS1 was dx with ASD in 2008, there was a 12 week wait once he'd been accepted on to the assessment pathway which was through the community paediatrician. I remember being picky about the appointment times as the first one they suggested meant he might be a bit sleepy as it was the afternoon . DS3 was dx in 2017 and there was a 9 month wait from the same point. Seems my area isn't too bad compared to others, though the SEN provision is pretty dire. The Community paediatrican takes up to 12 weeks, but I've never had to wait that long.

How incredible are this girl's drawings?! She's autistic and has drawn how starting secondary feels to her.

First maths homework 90% complete. Meltdown over the last two questions so we're waiting for DH to get home to have a look with him because I have no clue about the method he's been taught

(Apologies for using the word 'meltdown' because I realise it's probably nothing like what those of you with kids with ASD experience)

Hope the maths homework got finished o.k. spiderlight

DS2 has lost his French homework. Argh. He knew his planner would only hold one bit properly, but still kept 2 bits in there and has lost the French one. It's not due until Weds but it has various photos and stuff on it, so he needs the bit of paper. I've told him he will have to try and sort it out tomorrow, otherwise he'll just have to accept whatever the punishment is.

That's such a long wait Lougle. Hope your DS can sort out French homework Frayed, my DD often gets them from others but DS doubt would be capable of that. Hope maths has been sorted now Spider and using meltdown is fine, mine just tends to hide, a bit like a cat would in the smallest space possible.

Just had a quiet weekend and took children to zoo today. DS wanted to feed the giant tortoise so booked for him and DH to do that as for some reason requires an adult. They had fun and we saw a quoll talk and the lemur was going crazy chasing its tail.

A tip we were given by seasoned parents at our school, was to get a folder for homework. I got DD this expanding folder that she carries in her bag. She can put any books or homework in it, and keep the subjects separated. It seems to help her stay organised.

We had homework hell at the weekend. DD2 had 2 very simple pieces of homework but was quite furious that she had them, because she had been told that she wouldn't be given homework during the first 2 weeks.

Maths homework was sorted - DH is far, far better at explaining maths than I will ever be, and DS actually had a bit of a breakthrough and asked for more questions at the end of it!! :o

I got a plastic folder for DS to bring homework home in but it's not as nice as @Lougle's - I have stationery envy now!

DS went off happily today but without PE kit insisting he didn't need it despite having PE He seems to think the one he lost last week will magically turn up today and think he's worried about losing a second kit. Have told school.

I hope you can get to the bottom of what is going on with ds, Penguins

I agree with lougle - get the ball rolling ASAP if you feel it warranted, as wait times are ridiculously long.

I was told similar to loigle about my dd2 - that if I really wanted a dx I could chase one (implication, dd2 not that affected, wouldn’t necessarily benefit from a dx). I was able to go private for dd2’s dx, and would otherwise probably be in the same position lougle is now. Dd2 has, up to now, been able to paper over all but the most significant cracks, and keep a mask of normality firmly in place when in public.

She is still falling apart now, even with a dx, even with huge concessions from her old school and now from her new school. They really are trying very hard, and still dd2 is struggling.

Last week was a very difficult week. Signs of PDA are popping up again (she was extremely demand avoidant as a toddler/young child, but we have had it mostly under control for years now) - eg, as a music scholar she is ‘expected’ to join choir, orchestra etc. All well and good, and dd2 loves these things - they give a structure to her day, organised activity where she can join in without too many personal demands, etc. She has been missing going. Until she was told she ‘should’ go. Then it was all too much, too much pressure, too much expectation, not sure if she even wants to do them
Anymore anyway, etc. Hours of weeping and wailing. All because it is more ‘new’.

I managed to hire a new instrument for her, but that too is ‘wrong’ (ie not her old, slightly more familiar (she only had that one 9 months or so, having moved up a size from her starter instrument she’d had for more than 5 years!) one), so she spent most of the weekend ignoring it and refusing to pick it up. I did get her to do a bit of practice yesterday, and despite her protests she was calmer once she was playing, so that will come good in the end thankfully.

She nearly made it into school ok today - went into the classroom seemingly readily enough, but just as I was walking back with her form teacher, and in the middle of me saying ‘she’s not as settled as she may have appeared’, she came hurtling back out of the building in tears, and it took another 20 minutes calming to get her to contemplate going in (and even then it only happened as I had to leave her to get back to dd1 waiting in the car). I have a feeling this one will be rumbling along for a while...

had to help a y7 boy find his way this morning.
he got onto the wrong train and got stranded at random and busy london station. poor lad, he was distraught. I hope he made it to school not much too late.

Well after a excellent start we have been hit down to earth by my son having his pants pulled down by 3 boys on the way home after school. He doesn't know them at all and he was walking on his own minding his own business but they came from behind .

They told him they had a picture and they were sharing it and then started pushing him and asking him to fight.
My son tried to push them away but it ended in a wrestling match on the floor . Luckily he isn't hurt but it's now carried on in school time with one of the boys threatening him, telling him he will get someone to batter him and trying to change the story of what happened.

I'm so angry that they don't even know him but they have started on him and this will knock his confidence massively. He does have additional needs and he will not want to be independent after this.

School have been great so far and informed their parents etc, discussing sanctions etc but I'm hoping the fallout when inevitably they get home and tell their parents they didn't do it and what they will take out on my son next .

Why are some kids so horrible and start things for no reason?

nologic that's awful - and very probably assault. If the school don't fix it then you could take it further. So sorry for your son.

DD is still doing OK, enjoying most days but has gone down with a bug of some sort!

It's all so hard..... That seems to be all I can say. DD2 seems to be doing ok, but I'm holding my breath for when it all builds up.

Oh god logic your poor poor ds.

That's horrific

That's awful Nologic. What is wrong with some kids? I hope the school sorts the boys out and your ds gets left in peace

Nologic, your poor ds. That is horrendous. I hope it is dealt with effectively, and that there are no repercussions.

And I hope your ds recovers ok from a horrible assault.

Your poor son NoLogic. I hope those responsible are dealt with properly and they leave your DS alone.

I didn't even see there was a thread before now.

DD has moved into 1st year (equivalent of Y7) but it's a small school with small classes and a lot of sport (our bank balance is loving us just now....) as we thought it would suit her best (ASD/Aspergers, ADHD and sports-mad).

SENCO seems on board, and willing to support but only newly appointed just before school started (previous one retired) so starting from scratch.

DD's old psych assessment is too old to be useful (6 years), so we are having to organize a new one (privately - we'd be waiting years for a NEPS one).

But she is enjoying it mostly so far. Very tired from the workload and additional afternoon sports ("almost" mandatory). But willing and engaged on doing the academic work - which is a big jump after a less than useless teacher last year (the WHOLE class said this, not just the SN's DC parents). But we have had to tread carefully on certain things - apparently I am ok for maths (despite DH being an engineer!), he is better for geography, I am all languages, and then it depends on who she sees first for other stuff (DH has been the one to do a music project as that involved YouTube and creating a poster on the computer!).

Sleep is definitely the top priority, and ensuring calm at home. So we've had to sacrifice working on our work stuff or housework in the evenings for this month - hopefully it will settle down in the next few weeks and she won't need quite so much hand-holding.

Oh, and organizational skills are definitely something we're working on.

We colour coded the books and copies and time table according to subject, and got zipped pouches for each subject. But she's still leaving things in the wrong place, or else bringing home EVERYTHING (bag weighs a tonne). And losing timetables (I made about 6 copies!), and forgetting keys, and she's smashed her phone screen.

But we are slowly getting there.

And we're very happy that she's accepted wearing a uniform as there was none in her primary and its' very strict in the secondary she's going to (lots of her friends went to a far less strict uniform and schoolwork school locally).

Oh God, NoLogic, your poor son! That's horrible. Why are some kids just so bloody mean? Does he know anyone he could arrange to walk home with so he's not on his own?

Hope your DD does settle soon Permanent, I suspect mine is going to be a while too.

Red That was lovely of you, its so hard for the children with new schools nevermind the journeys.

NoLogic So sorry that happened to your DS, hope the school comes down hard of them. I always put things in writing so you record it all. DS had an issue with a boy attacking him everyday last year and one day came home saying he had been hitting him with a stick. Thankfully boy disappeared permanently shortly after.

Welcome Biddy I am normally the go to person for homework though DD tries to get me to do hers. 😂 Last year she was always asking me German questions and my German is a bit rusty but this school doesn't do German.

Well DS seems to have survived whole day at least.

NoLogic that is awful. I'm so sorry. This has happened today?? There are no words, really. What on earth gets into the brains of children to behave like that? I guess they don't see consequences as we do. They don't see the effects of their behaviour. Your poor DS. I hope they are able to be brought to a place of understanding about the impact of their behaviour on your DS, so that they don't ever behave like that again. And I sincerely hope that your DS is supported so that he can be independent again.

Oh hello! I didn't see this thread, DD1 just started, its also her very first time in school as she was Home educated for primary, mainly due to health issues.

She has had an ok start thus far, some health issues raised their head at the start of last week which caused a problem between exH and I as he totally panicked, which was unhelpful! She is fine now, just has to really be on it with managing her sleep, poor thing is dead to the world by 8.30pm every night.

I'm a super organised human, which is helping with the homework thus far, she is enjoying using the label maker to label a million folders! Has anyone got a recommendation for a good homework planner? School don't give them out and only about two thirds of the homework seems to make it on to Show My Homework...which annoys me!

So sorry that happened to your DS Nologic - how awful. I hope it doesn't knock his confidence too badly. My DS said his trousers were pulled down 3 times in the changing room today but it appears to be some kind of game which he thought was quite funny. Either way I told him it wasn't ok for people to do that to him.

DS missed out handing in homework today as he hadn't written it down in his planner (for some reason he thought I got emails about all homework so expected I would remind him). He came out and said he had to hand it in tomorrow or he will get a detention so I asked what the homework was - "erm I can't remember", "did you write it down?" "No". Arghh! Luckily after a while he figured it out (well he thinks he did! I got him to type it up and emailed it to his teacher with a note explaining his SEN/organisation/memory issues and that I have explained it to him and hopefully it won't happen again. With any luck she will take that for what it is and not see it as a helicopter mother making excuses for her child!

Something has gone wrong with the timetable and both my children ended up taking the wrong PE kit to school (after I had emailed the PE teacher about DS not being sure what he needed when - so apparently he gave me the wrong information!). Piss up in brewery comes to mind!

I think this may be the hardest bit - the organisation. It feels like I'll have to be his secretary/PA this year (and maybe beyond) or it'll all go wrong but I do need to let him make mistakes and learn from them. Just got to figure out where the line between those is!

That’s terrible about your son nologic .

Well DS got his first detention today, for perfectly reasonable reasons. When he went to afternoon form, everyone already knew.

We have 5 magazine folders on a bookshelf for keeping books / completed homework for each day of the week. And am currently packing his bag with him after tea each evening. But I really hope I won’t have to all year Titsy .