All the country seems to be celebrating GCSE results, I am not!

[reasonableme]

Dear Mums,

Please help me see light at the end of what seems to be a dark tunnel.

Everyone on Mumsnet is celebrating their children's GCSEs - most posts I read were talking about their DC's 8s and 9s with the least grade I read about being a 6. Clearly all those super accomplished children's parents are all on Mumsnet or vice versa which is why I think this is the right forum for my question.

My DD was predicted 6s and 7s in most subjects but she ended up with 4s and 5s in most with just one 6. She cleared the entrance exam for a private school for 6th form earlier but now lost out on that seat as she couldn't clear the entry requirements. No school in the vicinity wants to take her. She prepared very well for GCSEs spending several hours every day. I personally helped her with several hours of revisions, free science lessons on YouTube , flash cards, practice etc. She was in top sets in her school for almost all the subjects. I am really struggling to understand what happened that her marks were so bad across the board. University path as we know is literally over for her and her a levels are a big question mark.

The school (state school, ofsted good) hasn't bothered to get in touch with me after the results and surprisingly they didn't express any surprise at her results. I emailed them requesting them for a remarking and I asked DD to resit maths and English GCSEs in November. I am trying to get private tutors while trying to get her admitted to 'some' 6th form college. I suspect she has mild ADD as she is highly fidgety and is into mindless dancing with music blasted into her ears. I am planning to take her to an educational psychologist for help. Other than that no major distractions (as if that was not major)!

Both DH and I had high academic backgrounds and her disastrous results are depressing to all of us. I have not become normal 4 days since and have been crying for days now that all my dreams for her have been shattered. Most universities want consistent track record so GCSEs matter more than we wish they did. The results are poor in all the subjects so there is definitely a major disconnect somewhere. How do I see light and how do I move on?

YOUR dreams are shattered. How’s your dd doing in all this?

You need to realise that you are in danger of damaging your dad's mental health with your comments and actions.
This phrase stood out " all my dreams for her have been shattered".
It isn't your life, it is hers. What are her dreams ( aside from pleasing her mother).
I would in all honesty you try some counselling to see what is behind your rather extreme reaction.

Surely you jest?

If she potentially has add have you spoken to the Senco during her time there. Is staying at her current school an option? What does she want to do next? Most colleges only require passes ie. 4/5 to go onto a level 3 course, so she would not need to resit.

Her dreams were mine too

Ok, what was the last tracking point/assessments sent home?
Easter, February? What did they say she was on track for?

What is your DD interested in? Is there a college near you that do btecs, or other vocational courses that she would enjoy and could do well on? Is university the be all and end all?

Lots of children have had short hard shocks last Thursday- of course their parents aren't the ones crowing about results in social media.
Don't worry about anyone else, just help your DD now. I know it's been a huge disappointment, but she needs to know you're there for her, and can help her shift gear and move on successfully from this. She will take her attitude from you- teach her that setbacks can be overcome, that one set of assessments aren't the only test she'll meet in life, and that success comes in many different forms- she just needs to find what it is she will be successful at.

Do keep contacting school about remarks. However, they're unlikely to accept her for resits if she isn't a member of their sixth form (my school doesn't, for example).

The sooner you investigate realistic alternatives, the sooner she'll get something lined up for September, and the sooner she'll move on from this, once she's confident and secure about her new direction. Good luck!

What was her 6 in?

With 4s and 5s she’ll get into sixth form college if there’s one near you, but not necessarily on an A-level course. However vocational courses like BTEC can be combined with A level and are just as good for university entrance - especially courses more aimed at a student with gcse grades like that. All is not lost, but be realistic.

I just don't understand really. She passed her exams?

There are many colleges who would take your DD with 5 passes. Vocational qualifications, the are so many opportunities which will probably suit your DD better.

Hope she is OK. My DS got 9 X 5s. I am beyond delighted with him. He is going to 6th form, doing a BTEC with one A LEVEL. he has a good future being who he is.

I note this OP gets no support or sympathy, yet all the recent posters saying their child only got 8s instead of predicted 9s, or only got Bs for their A levels got pages of supportive comments commiserating with them. Interesting.
OP is there anyone at school who would be willing to give you and dd a debrief meeting where you all try and work out what might have gone wrong? What does your dd think? Did she find the exams much harder than she expected?

@picklepost , why do you think so?

Hi. Sorry that you are so upset, and sorry for your daughter too. I hope that she doesn't feel guilty.
What is it that your daughter wants to study, what are her long term goals?

How's DD doing? What does she think is the best course of action now?

If parents boast about their children's great performance, it's beyond ok. If parents write about their children's unexpected results and are depressed about it because their children themselves are depressed, it's not ok? I don't know why it works one way but not another?

If it helps, my dh had average gcse results. He went on to get good A levels, degree and good job. They are important, but they are not everything.
The most important thing is how your dd is doing. Her state of mind wont be helped by you getting upset.
Honestly, nothing that happens now wrt grades is going to ruin her life or be unfixable.

Your dreams are shattered ! What about hers ?
Ok so she did her best ( as did you trying to help with revision and stuff ) so she needs to be congratulated in passing / perhaps near passing for the 4's amongst those 5's and 6's .
First what does she think of and how does she feel about her grades . We know how you feel and by the way i do sympathise .
What did she want to do at a level ? Was going to uni even part of her plan or say eg did she herself in a job that requires a skill not a degree ( that's most jobs by the way ) .
What you do next depends on her answers . Get a grip and help her with the next steps ( cry and have 🍸🍸🍸in private )

What were her dreams? Course/job?

So she passed them all? Its not the end of the world, tell her it will all be fine and get sorted out and keep contacting all the sixth forms and colleges near you, one will have her. I bet shes a lot more devastated than you especially if this is the way you reacted.
My DD1 did her GCSE's 7 years ago so I dont how its changed but she got all C's with a few B's, managed to get into a local sixth form to do A levels where she got AABB and then a place at uni, GCSEs did nothing for her except damaging her mental health.

Has she looked into doing something at college? What subjects interest her? Does she have an idea about what jobs she wants.

I was an average student (got Cs at GCSE) and I am from a really clever family. It took me many years to realise I'm not thick and my grades weren't a failure. Please don't make her feel shit, maybe she doesn't go down the traditional academia route. Would that be such a disaster?

I really feel for you OP. The vibe I picked up on secondary school threads on here was 8 and 9’s are the norm. That is far from the truth. It’s only natural will feel disappointed with her grades if they are so different from the predictions.
However, I would be hesistant to ask her to re-sit both maths and English in November as she will have the pressure of starting college/sixth form and she has a 4 or 5 which colleges and six forms accept as a pass.

Do consider a level 3 BTEC, maybe combined with an A level. My friend's DS got DDD in his BTEC and is off to study engineering at uni. He had similar GCSEs. If your DD has got 4 or 5 in English and maths she doesn't need to resit but can possibly resit just to try to increase her grades. Colleges are set up for resits, many sixth forms are not.

@Saltycinnamon , she wanted to do computers and/or cyber law in a London university

Classic MN this. Many many schools take students for A levels with 4s and 5s . All grades 1 - 9 are passes, technically. A 4 is not a 'near pass'. In old money , it is a mid to low C. OK, so not what you, school or DD expected. But something to build on. I am confused as to why you think the school would contact you following under par results! This would be very unusual.

My DS's GCSE results last year were very meh, too. He doesn't work as hard as your DD and has variable focus. I do know how you feel. Howvere, as a teacher, I have taught students with excellent GCSE results who have bombed at A Level and students who have done really well at A level with humble GCSEs. (My DS is due to get a C at best in Spanish A Level with full marks at GCSE, for example). A lot of it is attitude.

University is certainly not over for your daughter! What a strange thing to think. Is she at a selective school? They tend to create rather skewed expectations and mindsets in children and parents.

Has she spoken to a careers adviser?

Have you tried a sixth form college (as in stand alone, not attached to a school). They'll be able to advise what courses she'd get on/ have space and she can then look into what she'd like to do.