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Secondary education

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Original poster

All the country seems to be celebrating GCSE results, I am not!

205 replies

reasonableme · 27/08/2018 11:42

Dear Mums,

Please help me see light at the end of what seems to be a dark tunnel.

Everyone on Mumsnet is celebrating their children's GCSEs - most posts I read were talking about their DC's 8s and 9s with the least grade I read about being a 6. Clearly all those super accomplished children's parents are all on Mumsnet or vice versa which is why I think this is the right forum for my question.

My DD was predicted 6s and 7s in most subjects but she ended up with 4s and 5s in most with just one 6. She cleared the entrance exam for a private school for 6th form earlier but now lost out on that seat as she couldn't clear the entry requirements. No school in the vicinity wants to take her. She prepared very well for GCSEs spending several hours every day. I personally helped her with several hours of revisions, free science lessons on YouTube , flash cards, practice etc. She was in top sets in her school for almost all the subjects. I am really struggling to understand what happened that her marks were so bad across the board. University path as we know is literally over for her and her a levels are a big question mark.

The school (state school, ofsted good) hasn't bothered to get in touch with me after the results and surprisingly they didn't express any surprise at her results. I emailed them requesting them for a remarking and I asked DD to resit maths and English GCSEs in November. I am trying to get private tutors while trying to get her admitted to 'some' 6th form college. I suspect she has mild ADD as she is highly fidgety and is into mindless dancing with music blasted into her ears. I am planning to take her to an educational psychologist for help. Other than that no major distractions (as if that was not major)!

Both DH and I had high academic backgrounds and her disastrous results are depressing to all of us. I have not become normal 4 days since and have been crying for days now that all my dreams for her have been shattered. Most universities want consistent track record so GCSEs matter more than we wish they did. The results are poor in all the subjects so there is definitely a major disconnect somewhere. How do I see light and how do I move on?

OP posts:
campingchairheaven · 27/08/2018 15:35

It's the same round here, a lot of the state sixth forms, even those attached to the secondaries won't take students on for A levels without the top top grades. Which can really limit options, it all depends on where you live unfortunately.

An aside option, have you looked at other private sixth forms. There are some very good ones who help students re-sit and refocus. Somewhere like MPW or CCSS?

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 27/08/2018 15:37

Part of the issue, in my opinion and in general, is focusing so exclusively on an A level course, followed by university, as though there are no other options available.

As previous posters have said though, there are other options available, that may be more useful to the OP’s DD. university is not the be all and end all. There are alternatives- and good ones too.

Pumpkintopf · 27/08/2018 15:38

Surely the school should have been surprised that her grades were so off target/predicted when she was well prepared? Think you need a conversation with the headteacher op.

Original poster
reasonableme · 27/08/2018 15:40

@Nerdykitkat123 , I did congratulate her on passing her GCSEs and gave her a kiss on her cheek. I told her I can request for a remarking as she wanted it and will support her with resits.

I know her dreams and made them my own for her so there's no force here. Yes they have been shattered as they are for her but I am putting up a brave front. But privately I came to MN for support and advice.

Now since you said it, I have congratulated her again

OP posts:
SoftSheen · 27/08/2018 15:46

You may just need to accept that your daughter is not particularly academic. This does not mean that she won't be successful in life, but it it is likely that she will take a different route to her parents. Be positive and supportive.

LIZS · 27/08/2018 15:50

She would not need to resit unless she needs a specific grade for entry to a particular uni course, but the majority would be happy that she passed all of them and just look at her level 3/A level ucas points.

Original poster
reasonableme · 27/08/2018 15:50

And to all the people who are telling me off for saying "my dreams for her have been shattered", where are you on the other post where someone's DD got a 6 in just one subject and the mum says she didn't know that the subject was 'at risk'?

Nothing succeeds like success and that's the bitter truth of life

OP posts:
campingchairheaven · 27/08/2018 15:52

"Soft". I don't think that is particularly fair. Many things go wrong in exams, stress, brain freeze....I have known lots of people who didn't do that well first time round - and did very well on resits. Some went onto University, others into work, others into apprenticeships.

OP it will get better, breathe & look into all the options. Ps please don't rely on remarks, the reality is that all it might do is bump up a grade up one - and only if a student is very close to a boundary. (I used to work for an exam board).

Moominmammacat · 27/08/2018 15:56

My DS got relatively rubbish GCSEs ... and AAA at A2. It's not over yet.

NerrSnerr · 27/08/2018 16:00

Nothing succeeds like success and that's the bitter truth of life
There are different ways of measuring success. Maybe your daughter isn't as academic as you? If she finds a course and then a job that she enjoys, is fulfilling and she's good at then surely she'll be successful whatever the wage or status.

The pressure must be huge if everything boils down to academic achievement.

buttybuttybutthole · 27/08/2018 16:00

Nothing succeeds like success and that's the bitter truth of life

Many children go on to great success with succeeding in written memory tests.

Nerdykitkat123 · 27/08/2018 16:05

There are many diffrent ways of succes in life. Just because to you she didnt succeed this time doesnt mean that shes a failure and her life is ruined. She will succeed in life but it wont be the academic succes you hoped for.

Original poster
reasonableme · 27/08/2018 16:13

I agree success is very subjective. How do you define success at GCSEs? It could vary from a pass for some to all 9s for some others.

I was surprised to see shock from some of you when I said 'my dreams for my daughter have been shattered 'while on the other threads on MN, everyone is talking about getting a remark from an 8 to a 9 or treating a 6 as a low grade and none of you said anything there . I am not judging them anyways but Is it because it's success in their case that you are not judging them?

OP posts:
Oneteen · 27/08/2018 16:15

I can really understand how you feel but at the same time there will be lots of doors still open especially in your DD's chosen field (some amazing advice on this thread). I would not tend to look at the GCSE other thread and compare your DD (The families/ DC's on the thread are not a true reflection of overall GCSE results -they are all lovely parents though with exceptional DC). I was on the thread for a very long time but realised very recently that whilst a supportive thread it can also be demoralizing if your DC is not so high performing (My DD achieved higher than predicted grades and even turned two subjects completely around from a D to an A and an E to a B (in fact just one mark off an A), I had to pull myself together and realise what an exceptional performance DD had done because when I compared it to straight 9's it looked fairly average and I was really annoyed at myself for feeling like that! So just concentrate on your DD dont compare...all DC's also peak and mature at different times and a little blip is not always a bad thing...also do have a look at the exam papers - there were a few DC's floating around with performances that did not reach predictions and all seemed to be exam technique.

NerrSnerr · 27/08/2018 16:18

Of course getting all 9s is an achievement but not everyone is that academic and getting 4s and 5s is also an achievement. Success is different though, it's more than just some exam results.

If your daughter has grown up in house where success is measured in exam grades, degree courses and prestigious jobs (like I did) then I really feel sorry for her.

Piggywaspushed · 27/08/2018 16:21

I didn't say anything on those threads because I ignore them! I even sometimes hide them. They are too stressful!

LooseAtTheSeams · 27/08/2018 16:33

Yes, I have to say it can be demoralising if you start thinking everyone else did better or your dc missed predictions - although teachers know predictions are often just guesses when an exam spec changes and a lot of people get caught out.
I know you're waiting to hear back from colleges - they should all start getting touch very soon and will be delighted to meet dd who, unlike many students, knows what she wants to do!

buttybuttybutthole · 27/08/2018 17:00

I think most people with average kids will probably ignore the other threads😅

buttybuttybutthole · 27/08/2018 17:00

I think most people with average kids will probably ignore the other threads😅

Oneteen · 27/08/2018 17:16

piggywaspushed - I have just hidden thread - thank you I didnt realise that was possible but I'm so nosy I would always peep and today I am am finding gritting my teeth a little more difficult! (sorry Op)

Sunnystars · 27/08/2018 17:17

@Nerdykitkat I can only begin to imagine how demoralising it must have been to be predicted no GCSE passes. Congratulations on your hard work and success and for proving that there is always hope!

My own dd has struggled all the way through school. No matter how hard she has tried, nothing has ever come easily to her and from the Year 6 Sats she was predicted E's and F's. When the new, harder GCSE's were announced with a 5 as a pass, it felt like the already seemingly impossible 'C' pass had become absolutely impossible.
The announcement that a 4 would be a pass came as a relief but I honestly wasn't sure it would be any more attainable.

During the course of Year 11 and after the second set of PPE's my dd and I sat and talked for hours about the best way forward for her and came to the conclusion that she would drop any revision in four of her subjects and concentrate on maths, English, science and ICT. We knew it was a massive gamble but the gamble paid off and she pulled off four 4's, a 5 and a B and I am absolutely ecstatic for her. She has enrolled on a BTEC Level 3 course and is actually showing a little bit of self belief now...

Some of my dd's fellow students have scored 1's and 2's or less across the board.
Now their options really are limited.

Piggywaspushed · 27/08/2018 17:18

Watch out for the A Level support threads oneteen. They are in another league!

Alibaba87 · 27/08/2018 17:31

She can always retake some GCSEs next year if she needs to. She doesn’t need to stick to the standard ‘ages’ of going to university/or whatever either. She could take the next year to do a one year BTEC and add in retakes. Then do her AS/A levels the two years following. Also not sure if anyone has put this, but generally schools will only request remarking if there is 1 or 2 points between the next grade up. Not necessarily if the grade was different to the predicted.

rogueelement · 27/08/2018 17:40

@reasonableme

I feel for you. I think it's perfectly fair to be sad and tearful when things don't work out like this - it is a massively stressful (and very short) period of time between GCSE results and the start of term, and everything is shut down for the Bank Holiday. No-one wants to be chasing down places and having to make so many decisions. If there's a much-hoped for sixth form place then of course it's upsetting. I think there's a bit of grieving too, for the way that you all wanted and expected things to turn out.

I think you need some good advice from people who know her and know the system. But it is perfectly possible for her to do well at the next stage and go to university.

Round our way, there are various 6th forms and colleges - the ultra selective which wants 6s, the all-rounder which wants Cs and runs both A levels and BTECs, and the FE college. There are selective private schools and the somewhat hidden non-selective private school 6th forms (we're not doing too well finding those). Where we live, all the noise is about the super-selective, but the non-selective seems to get on quietly educating 6th formers in a big range of A levels and BTECs. And they do very well. I hope there is something like that round your way.

If it's any consolation, my DD was predicted Cs and Ds and has actually passed just 1 GCSE. We do exist, and I've not always been at my best this last few days. We're in a bit of a whirlwind trying to locate options, but I think it will OK.

Your DD has a solid set of passes and that is really all she needs. Sounds like she has some strong interests too.

Go and send your daughter to watch the Youtuber Ibz Mo talking about bad GCSE grades and what they mean - he's got a wonderful pep talk for people who are upset about grades. (it's a bit street, but it's absolutely on point).

i have also found chocolate quite useful these past few days.

rogueelement · 27/08/2018 17:52

PS I really wouldn't get her to resit the English or Maths unless there's a very strong reason to. She doesn't need to do them (she's passed), and may just be very disheartening.

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