All the country seems to be celebrating GCSE results, I am not!

[reasonableme]

Dear Mums,

Please help me see light at the end of what seems to be a dark tunnel.

Everyone on Mumsnet is celebrating their children's GCSEs - most posts I read were talking about their DC's 8s and 9s with the least grade I read about being a 6. Clearly all those super accomplished children's parents are all on Mumsnet or vice versa which is why I think this is the right forum for my question.

My DD was predicted 6s and 7s in most subjects but she ended up with 4s and 5s in most with just one 6. She cleared the entrance exam for a private school for 6th form earlier but now lost out on that seat as she couldn't clear the entry requirements. No school in the vicinity wants to take her. She prepared very well for GCSEs spending several hours every day. I personally helped her with several hours of revisions, free science lessons on YouTube , flash cards, practice etc. She was in top sets in her school for almost all the subjects. I am really struggling to understand what happened that her marks were so bad across the board. University path as we know is literally over for her and her a levels are a big question mark.

The school (state school, ofsted good) hasn't bothered to get in touch with me after the results and surprisingly they didn't express any surprise at her results. I emailed them requesting them for a remarking and I asked DD to resit maths and English GCSEs in November. I am trying to get private tutors while trying to get her admitted to 'some' 6th form college. I suspect she has mild ADD as she is highly fidgety and is into mindless dancing with music blasted into her ears. I am planning to take her to an educational psychologist for help. Other than that no major distractions (as if that was not major)!

Both DH and I had high academic backgrounds and her disastrous results are depressing to all of us. I have not become normal 4 days since and have been crying for days now that all my dreams for her have been shattered. Most universities want consistent track record so GCSEs matter more than we wish they did. The results are poor in all the subjects so there is definitely a major disconnect somewhere. How do I see light and how do I move on?

She can still do a comp science degree. However if she goes down the A level route she might struggle with Maths from a 4/5 . Perhaps look at level 3 btec in IT or a related field or even an apprenticeship. However you really need to find out enrolment details for your nearest college offering it asap as these courses are popular.

My DS2 has just completed a level 3 BTEC in computing. It's the equivalent to 3 A levels. Computing is actually a really good subject choice for BTEC.

@NerrSnerr I have contacted all the local colleges and I am waiting for them to respond. Dd has been applying to several colleges herself. The problem is she was really expecting 7 in math and 6 in computers which were the entry criteria for the private school. She is shattered at her results and so am I. But reading through all these comments, it looks like not all is lost for university. Thanks for your support

Has she spoken to a careers adviser?

She needs to do this - see what collegues or courses will take her and what course with spaces she is interested in.

university path as we know is literally over for her and her a levels are a big question mark.

Well A-level might not be best fit - but there are btecs and when she is slightly older access courses.

www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/gcse-results-2017-fail-help-11791709
www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-18883541

These articles have suggestions:
Where can I go for more advice?

You can call the national Exam Results Helpline on 0808 100 8000.

The government website Directgov might also help you make decisions.

If you need help with career choices, you can email or telephone an adviser at the National Careers Service.

Mumsnet is not reflective of the country in general. It's very self selecting as to who posts grades, obviously.

In real life most children do not have a string of 8s/9s. Most have 4-6 grades. It's just you don't hear about the 'average' kids. Infact 4-6 is above average if you look at the averages. It's more 3-5 grades that are average across the country.

Have a look at the analytics of the GCSE breakdowns - there's a thread on it in Education. It will put some of these grades into a better perspective.

It's essential that you are your child's cheerleader with this. They're not your grades. They're your DD's grades and it's her future, her dreams. Not yours. You can be her cheerleader, her supporter and her guider. But you're not her. Don't put that level of pressure on her.

Round here her grades would get her into school sixth forms to do A levels, including the good schools. Some ask for certain grades in certain subjects but not all, and even then we are talking about a grade 5/6 at most apart from Maths and Sciences.

For example in several schools here including two high achieving private schools, the general entry requirement is 6 GCSEs at grade 4/C and above. Some subjects ask for a 5 in one English subject. Some recommend a 5 in Maths in there is a mathematical element such as Economics. Some ask for a 5 in the subject being studied but not all. Maths asks for a 6 or 7 depending on the school.

Just like MN children's grades aren't representative of the country as a whole, neither are their schools and sixth forms. Please look at the actual schools in your area instead, and sixth form colleges etc. and their actual requirements.

I understand feeling disappointed and anxious for her. What mum wouldn't. It's also your job as a mum, though, to help her to work out what her realistic options are, from now on and, basically, to hold it together and be a rock for her. Even her predicted grades aren't going to translate well into the A and A* she'd need to study law. On the other hand, there are vocational pathways into "computing" which is a vast field that is less reliant on the traditional academic degree route as the knowledge and skills required are rapidly updating and, particularly with coding, there is no substitute for raw skill and experience.

And of course university is still open to her. Some subjects may be no longer an option but there are literally thousands of courses she could access in the future.

Please please help her see that whilst the grades weren't what she hoped for that they are still solid grades and all are pass grades, and that she can achieve her dreams just maybe a different route. And she can always resist key ones such as Maths and English if she needs them.

@reasonable she really needs to speak to a careers adviser. They will be able to talk to her in an impartial way without the emotion you are (understandably) feeling.
They will have information on colleges, courses, university and jobs which will be recent and relevant. They will be able to offer advice on getting into her chosen career.

My advice is to show your dd that you have faith in her and believe that she will go on to great things

If she wants to go to uni she probably still could, but that doesn't mean she should.

DH had to resist math's and English, and took 3 year's to get through college with mediocre results. He still got into uni (applied because that's what everyone else was doing) but it was a struggle and he never enjoyed it. Afterwards his middle of the road degree was near useless. A few years later he retrained as an electrification and loves it.

Of our school friends, most went to uni, but barely any are doing professional jobs, and DH is probably doing as well career wise as any of them (including those with all A's and B's at school).

Might be worth finding a route she can excel at rather then forcing her onto a path she doesn't seem suited for.

And this is why we have FE college because sometimes people need a second chance or to travel a different route.

There are loads of Btec options out their Business with Law or IT. When life doesn't go the way you want you have to dig in a forge a different path. It is at times like this when you find out who you really are. Sit down and cry or stand up and look for another course.

In years to come your DD may well look back on this a formative moment in her life, the point where she learnt to fight and win. She will talk about this in interviews and with colleagues and use it to prove she can always move forward.

Sit and cry for a bit and then stand up and fight back.

That is more or less the talk I give to a number of students every year. The ones who listen invariably go on to do very well in one way or another.

Ok - was her 6 in an ICT related subject? My advice would be to do a level 3 extended diploma in ICT alongside re-sitting maths to a 6. A set of distinctions or distinction grades would get her in to many top universities...A dist is equivalent to an A in ucas points.

Kings college https://digital.ucas.com/courses/details?coursePrimaryId=8c81bed8-70bc-a5db-6b38-0c26564aee1b&academicYearId=2019

London City https://digital.ucas.com/courses/details?coursePrimaryId=13cd76f4-ca09-5096-5e63-fe50928014c6&academicYearId=2019

Goldsmiths https://digital.ucas.com/courses/details?CoursePrimaryId=9782b3b0-9644-ef6d-7ad9-cf20fe5cd9f6&CourseOptionId=e6838079-530e-4c4a-9f68-b0aa10b893fb

Search through the ucas courses pages & reassure her & yourself. An extended diploma is a v well respected qualification & is accepted by most universities. They're also coursework heavy which, if her results are as surprising as you indicate, will be far better for her.

Random bold on there - sorry!

OP, I'm sorry that things didn't work out as anticipated for your dd, but try to be positive for her sake. There are lots of very successful people who have gone on to achieve great things despite mediocre exam results, so this little setback really doesn't have to limit her. It's how she deals with it and what she does next that will really matter.

Dd got terrible gcse results in 2015, which was expected as she crumbles in tests. She went on and did level 2 computing, and re did her maths and English and passed in her first year at college, then she went on and did the two years level 3 for computing, gaining distinction in everything and leaving with triple distinction star and is now of to university next month. She also got 5 out of 5 offers from the university’s she applied to, all through sheer hard work in her course, only GCSE’s that mattered for her getting a place was maths and English as well as her level 2 grade and her first year level 3 grade.

My dd thought it was the end of the world when she received her results but I feel that it was a blessing as she found an excellent support system with her lectures, gained new friends and got more independent being at college.

Going through the college route is a great way to get in to a good uni!

Tell her she’s done fine and get her in to the local FE college to do something. It’ll come right. It’s not disastrous.

"This has to be a joke. Your dd PASSED all her exams."

But she didn't pass at the level she hoped for or expected, and didn't get in to the sixth form she wanted. You're saying she and OP are taking the piss for being disappointed?! Come off it. A pass at GCSE for a child who is in top sets and wants to go to a good university is not a huge cause for huge celebration and it's ridiculous inverted snobbery to pretend that it is.

Having said that, she does clearly have many good options open to her and it'll be a good lesson in resilience to see that you can get where you want to be in life even if the route is more circuitous than you might have hoped for.

Stop righting your dd's future off fgs and support her to decide where to go from here.
My DCs GCSE results years ago weren't good; both got 1st Class BSc(Hons) and MSc First Class with distinction.
Poor girl.

I am torn here op as I understand you are upset but for every one of those dc who got the 8's and 9's, there are many thousands who got 1's and 2's.

Your dd still has an element of choice.
She has very respectable results and I secretly think that this may be more about the private sixth form for you... maybe I'm wrong.

My ds got a 4 in English lit ( he's year 10) and I was thrilled for him because he passed it.
He is predicted to do very well next year but I've drummed it into him that I want him to do his best. Whatever that may be.

All is not lost. There is way to much pressure on young people these days. I could not imagine crying for 4 days over this, even if ds failed the bloody lot.
This does seem more about you.

Absolutely second frogs post. Ignore the “my child got 1’s/is in special school /Starving children in Africa brigade that always appear to tell you how lucky you are in comparison to whatever. Of course, she’s disappointed and worried and feeeling down - that’s ok! It’s good that she cares. But this really is an opportunity to teach her about resilience, flexibility and of how to turn a disappointment around.
Firstly she really does need, with your help, to try to work out what went wrong because if it’s fixable (nerves, wrong revision strategies etc) then finding a sixth form place needs to be your key focus and plenty of reassurance and maybe some additional support if you can afford it so that she can achieve a levels. But if she really did prepare to the best of her ability then maybe exam based A levels are not for her and Btech is the way to go.
A quick google shows (pp has put some links and there are loads more) that loads of university’s offer undergrad cyber security with btech level 3 as one of the possible entry requirements and all the ones I saw only want maths/English GCSE at 4. Most courses seem to be heavily course work based rather than exam so Btech looks like better prep to me.
Do the research together and she will benefit from feeling like she’s being proactive and co-constructing a plan B that she can get motivated & excited about.
Good luck

I don't get how your dd was in all the top sets, when you were doing so much additional tutoring.

Your dd needs to speak to someone either at school or sixth form college and see where she can go from here.

*University’s offer = universities offer. Rouge apostrophe:(

Cyber security is definitely something one can get into following the apprenticeship route. Even in my backwater area of country, there are relevant apprenticeships. University not the only path, maybe not the best path, even. I have seen too many posts on MN about high achievers, but also a few about kids who just got 4-6s.

In the nicest possible way OP and I don’t want to kick you when you’re down, you need to get a grip of yourself. You’re no use to your daughter weeping and crying all over the bloody place. It’s a few exam results, no one died. Being a high achiever yourself counts for jack shit. So am I and my son is autistic, expectations need to be revised.

Dry your eyes, dust yourself down and start looking at colleges. Uni is by no means a closed door but even if she doesn’t get in, it hardly means she’s going to end up on the scrapheap. And maybe take a step back. My kids aren’t at this stage yet but I find it staggering on here how much actual work parents seem to do for their kids. My parents were committed to mine and my sister’s schooling but I had no practical help from them after about p4 as they had no qualifications. I know it’s been with the best of intentions but things like flash cards and finding you tube tutorials I would expect parents to do with primary school kids, not almost adults who can formulate their own means of studying.

I’m sure it’ll all come good for her