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Secondary education

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Original poster

GCSEs 2018 (9) Will we get to half term, for never was a story of more woe than this of Juliet and who is Banquo

999 replies

Stickerrocks · 22/05/2018 21:53

Thread 8

OP posts:
Oratory1 · 25/05/2018 13:34

Why do you say everyone needs a friend Nettle. Doesnt happen for everyone including DD1 (a whole other story I won’t go there).

Nettleskeins · 25/05/2018 13:34

lulu ds1 asked someone in Year 9 to the cinema and he didn't turn up although he said he was going!!! very disappointing. But he has asked [boys] since and it has worked out. The best thing is to want to go to something yourself, and then if someone doesn't accompany you, well it is not the worst thing. Ds2 started out going to football matches by himself, and then found people wanted to come too, or join him (admittedly his father came for the first five years!)

Nettleskeins · 25/05/2018 13:39

oratory well, I think we are programmed biologically to need company and share with others, even if it is in small amounts. We are not like cats or polar bears. I think they [meaning researchers) found that online friendships/communication doesn't create serotonin in the brain in the same way as being in physical contact/presence with someone or hearing their voice, just being in the same room does the trick or the sound of a voice.

Sostenueto · 25/05/2018 13:42

Dgd won't have a friend moving into 6th form. But she will know some of them. But lots of new children coming in from other schools. But tbh most of her previous friends live either in the city or other side if it and it was always difficult socialising outside school, in fact, a transport nightmare! It dies not phase dgd if she doesn't have lots of friends but I think she would like one on her wavelength.

Oratory1 · 25/05/2018 13:42

Mmzz being supported and appreciated at home for who he is will make a huge difference while he finds his way.

Try not to make too much of it with him or push too much or show your disappointment (I speak from experience). With DD1 I think we made her feel something was wrong when she didn’t have friends and possibly knocked her confidence more - I wish we had been more accepting of how she was more appreciative of the person she is rather than worrying openly about what she wasn’t

mmzz · 25/05/2018 13:44

Oratory No, he's not happy, but we stay off the subject, mostly, because talking about it just makes him feel worse. So, he tries not to think about it. There is a group of boys that he hangs around on the edges of at school, and as long as he had that, then he could pretend to himself that he has friends. They all see each other socially -usually in sub-groups of 3 or 4, have 16th parties etc. DS hasn't been invited to a single one, but sometimes they ask him to play 5-a-side with them.

Its been a long term worry. He was bullied at first which really started the problem, as part of the bullying was calling him names that meant that other children were having fun making it clear they didn't want to touch him etc.Since the bullying was stopped, we've done everything we can to help and encourage over the years. But its as though DS is invisible. He just needs a fresh start and, hopefully, to begin to believe that things will get better.

I saw the bully this morning, walking to school, looking at some revision cards. He has done massive damage to DS that DS has never recovered from. I hope he fails! (Sorry if that sounds harsh talking about a child, but I really hope he gets his comeuppance).

mmzz · 25/05/2018 13:46

DS is going to the prom. His decision / his choice. I'm glad he's willing to try. However, i'm privately dreading it.

Teenmum60 · 25/05/2018 13:48

mmzz Flowers sometimes as parents we feel these things more than our DC. I know your DS is moving school and I am so sure that he will find himself with a like-minded bunch of students who he will really enjoy socialising with because they will have a common interest. In terms of Eng Lit - your DS is exceedingly bright and I am sure he has done really well even though he may not think this following the exam.

farangatang · 25/05/2018 13:54

mmzz I don't understand how kids can be so cruel (both unintentionally and deliberately!)
Hope your DS's 6th Form puts him in touch with some 'kindred spirits' and he finds friends who will genuinely be sociable.

^He seems ok with own company, but he was really happy the few times he had invitations to something over the years. He's shy and won't initiate conversation. Worse, he doesn't meet new people halfway when they try to talk to him.
He's his own worst enemy on that.^ This could describe my DD, excpet she isn't really shy, just clueless as to how to initiate conversation or join in with one! I imagine our DC would get on well together (unless he mentioned how 'easy' maths was, in which case she would be triggered! Grin)

hmcAsWas · 25/05/2018 13:55

Shyness is very difficult to overcome - I feel for him. Tbh going to a new sixth form might be the best thing all round - a fresh start, and there will be other new people with an openness and receptiveness to making new friends, rather than an established friendship group which can be tricky to break into

In terms of not meeting people halfway when they talk to him - he's very smart and receptive to learning. Can you get him to approach it like a task that he needs to master? As I am sure that you know - but he might not realise - there are certain tried and tested routes to winning friends (like asking questions, being a good listener and showing interest in others) which can be learnt and employed almost consciously as a technique (yes I did deliberately do that when I joined a new sixth form Blush)….… I do realise it isn't as simple as that. I have shy dc too - ds used to sit alone on the friendship bench silently weeping when he was at primary school (it was awfully worrying). Luckily things improved when he became good at football and developed other attributes that the other boys admired. Dd is still very shy but is growing in social confidence - slow process though

EllenJanethickerknickers · 25/05/2018 13:56

That's sad, mmzz. I think a fresh start at sixth form is a really good idea. My DS1 struggled socially at his school, he was geeky rather than 'bright,' good at maths but not sport and not an all rounder. He went to a grammar school sixth form and thrived there. There were lots of new 'externals' from whom he made his friends plus a few of the marginalised 'internals.' I worried about him leaving his friends and having to make new ones, and was very dubious about the move, but it worked out for him. I hope it does for your DS as well. The new classes of students who have chosen to take the same subjects as him will hopefully include some like minded potential friends. Flowers

TheSecondOfHerName · 25/05/2018 13:56

DS2 did Power & Conflict, but his school didn't use the specimen paper for the mock, and he hadn't ever seen the specimen paper, so he didn't have had any advantage over the Love & Relationships candidates.

EllenJanethickerknickers · 25/05/2018 13:58

Re Oxymandius, I fear DS3 didn't bother revising it as it was in the mock. And he did badly in the mock. So not ideal for all those who have done Power and Conflict.

EllenJanethickerknickers · 25/05/2018 13:59

*Ozymandius!

Teenmum60 · 25/05/2018 14:01

Oratory1 - such wise words I wish we had been more accepting of how she was more appreciative of the person she is rather than worrying openly about what she wasn’t

Sometimes DC;s don't think ...there is one girl at DD's school who is on the Autistic spectrum and for most of the last two years she has sat on her own for lunch. DD got to know the girl via DT (she is really lovely) and has integrated the girl into her friendship group of late. I can't believe that this girl did a presentation about Autism to the whole of her peer group about how she struggled with friendship yet not one girl extended a hand to welcome her to sit with them for lunch etc.

LARLARLAND · 25/05/2018 14:01

I really feel for you mmzz. When I see DS’s bullies it brings out emotions in my I rather not experience. Is your DS doing NCS this Summer?

Original poster
Stickerrocks · 25/05/2018 14:02

DD is looking forward to moving on & reinventing herself to a certain degree. She's had shaky spells, especially 3 months ago and I simply don't trust a few so called friends not to let her down again. I feel for you mmzz. I'm pleased DD's school had a BBQ and rounders match just now to avoid similar issues. Now I'm taking her shopping, as she broke her racket on Tuesday and (very excitingly) has been called into the Club's team for a match next week.

OP posts:
hmcAsWas · 25/05/2018 14:13

Just seen your subsequent post mmzz that he was bullied initially. I would be wishing GCSE failure on his bully too in your position.

Sostenueto · 25/05/2018 14:18

When we approached subject of friends and rarely seeing them in holidays to dgd she just said she doesn't mind as her famy us all she needs. She is an introvert and as long as she is happy and feels loved we don't worry. In year 5 at primary her very best friend left to go to another school so she could go up to high school with some other friends. She never informed dgd till 2 days before she left. Dgd was heartbroken and from that day to this it still preys on her mind so maybe that's why friends not her priority. Who knows! ( shrugs)

farangatang · 25/05/2018 14:36

Teenmum I can't believe that this girl did a presentation about Autism to the whole of her peer group about how she struggled with friendship yet not one girl extended a hand to welcome her to sit with them for lunch etc.

I'm afraid that I can. In Y9, my DD did similar and although some children did stop mocking and excluding her, many others stepped up their efforts. Thankfully, a change of school helped a great deal and she has since presented an excellent (if I do say so) TedX talk on AS (I'd post the YouTube link but it would be totally identifying!).

superdoodle · 25/05/2018 14:57

So DS had an unexpected experience today with the CIE Eng Lit Paper.

He was rather surprised to open the paper to find no questions whatsoever on the play they had been studying for 2 years! Cue frantic calls between school and exam board. It looks as though the school didn't pick up on the fact that the play had been removed from the syllabus....

The children were all told to attempt another play as if it were "unseen" (which in fact it was!)....DS decided to have a stab at Macbeth. I've no idea what will happen now.....does anyone have any experience of what the exam board will do with regards to marking?

DS remarkably pragmatic but may children were distraught.

JugglingMummyof2 · 25/05/2018 15:01

OMG as DD1 would say.
How superdoodle? Just how can the school not have known.
Your poor DS and his peers.

sonnyboo · 25/05/2018 15:02

It looks as though the school didn't pick up on the fact that the play had been removed from the syllabus....

That's really shocking Shock. The poor kids!

KittiesInsane · 25/05/2018 15:04

Whaaaat? Your poor DS!

mmzz · 25/05/2018 15:08

superdoodle I fear that the exam board will classify the exam papers for your school the way they classify exam papers from DC who go to all the truly terrible schools i.e. do nothing different in the treatment of exam entries from the Harrow, Winchester and Eton entries.
The Head of English deserves to be shot for that though! None of the teachers noticed either?!