Boarding sixth form for anorexic DD?

[julieah]

I've homeschooled my DD for a few years as we pulled her out of school due to anxiety/anorexia. She's been following the english curriculum and wants to go back to school for sixth form to prepare for university etc. But we live in Scotland and none of the few english curriculum schools are near enough us. So I'm looking at boarding but every school seems to offer the same thing, i would feel better sending her away if the school had good pastoral care and is more structured than a college as i don't want her relapsing as soon as she gets away from home! She's fairly bright and will probably get As in her GCSEs but isn't especially sporty. My other DD went all through the state school system so i'm completely lost here. I'd also prefer if it didn't leave me bankrupt but that's flexible! Thank you!

Are you saying that there are no high schools within an hours drive of your home?

And You work in a school but don’t understand the age of pupils ?

I’m finding this a bit confusing.

You do not have to leave at 18! And you must have only just stayed teaching her the gcse course if no exam till 2019? Why not just switch over? Would also be easier if you need to get any outside tutors to use the system of the country you are in. I can understand you losing faith in the local school (all state schools are comprehensive btw except for faith schools) and obviously many people want to go private, but you will have more options in the local system even with private. If you are tied into paying for private school you will limit your options in terms of living alone too. OP you haven’t said your dh is very ill or unpleasant - you’ve said he scares your dd. You need to hear what you are saying.

There are high schools but only state and we only get a place in the nearest 4, all of which have children who previously bullied her so i don't really want to send her back there. I have her down for a place at the school but for the last year nothing's come up so i'm not hopeful that she'd even get a place atm.
She is 15 and 2 months now, and putting her in third year could work but again schools are far away and i was hoping her health would improve in the 2 years of homeschool enough for her to be able to cope at school for the last 2 years.
Her health is definitely the priority, but if we were going to apply for boarding schools the deadlines aren't too far and i'd have to persuade Dh and start saving money now for fees. I was just wondering if it was option and thinking ahead.
I work as a psychologist in schools so i don't know much about the ages, and mostly in special needs schools so the age limits are different.

As for switching over, I looked for homeschool curriculums with the scottish curriculum and couldn't find any. As i work full time she uses an online school, so it's not really viable to use the scottish curriculum. She is taking maths and english as national 5s, to stay linked in with the council so we are still on the waiting list for the local school

You don’t only get a place in the nearest 4. You can apply for a placement request anywhere .

And there are children who have bullied her in 4 different high schools?

And your local schools are all full at 3rd year ? That’s very usual. Especially in Edinburgh .

3rd year would be fine. She’d be

15 in 3rd year
16 in 4th year
17 in 5th year
18 in 6th year

And you work full time so she’s home alone for 40 hours a week ? That doesn’t sound ideal for any child , let alone a 15yo who is unwell . Why do you think this will improve her health ?

I’m struggling to see why HE was the best option for her TBH. Why don’t you move house to a better area for schools and you can commute for work? Or check out the private day schools you have mentioned.

I’m still struggling to understand how you can be a educational psychologist and be suggesting boarding school for your seriously ill child .

Why doesn’t you husband stay in his own flat and you visiting him there rather than him come to your home and scare your DD? If she can cope with 40 hours home alone she can cope with you going to Glasgow or Edinburgh for the day .

Julieah - ah OP this all sounds like a right headfuck. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. However, I seriously don’t see how your dd going to boarding school will help her. I only know 4 kids who have gone and they have all gone to gordonstoun as it’s the closest (still 3hrs drive) and 3of them had to leave for various MH issues including an ed. I’m not in any way saying the boarding schools were to blame but I do believe there is an environment there that is far far too accommodating for ed to develop.

S6 and Scottish system. Kids from England move into the Scottish system all the time. Your dd may well be able to start S5 after she sits her GCSEs. This would then give her 2years for highers etc. In a local school there have been several pupils who have just completed “S7” for want of a better description. I’m told it’s becoming far more common and something being actively encouraged for those pupils who have perhaps missed some school or are in need of continued guidance through the education system.

But - although it’s a good idea to look to the future, this is some way off. I know it helps to visualise the future as you can then feel you have some semblance of control as at the minute you must completely helpless.

I was considering trying to get a job in a boarding school as a psychologist and be able to monitor DD from closer but it seemed very invasive and i don't know what the view on that would be from the schools standpoint?
WTF? Really OP? If nothing else this thread has shown how little you know of boarding life. Any school employing you would not be a good school

As our local school is oversubscribed we can get free taxis to and from the next nearest school and the two nearest faith schools, which is helpful.
I don't live in Edinburgh but our nearest school is very popular and gets good results so I don't expect a place to pop up soon as we have been on the waiting list for a long time.
I felt I had to pull her out of school as she was being bullied and really affected by it, she started self harming and the school was doing nothing, so I felt i had to take her out. And if i move to part time there is no way to pay for private fees so we're really stuck then.
I'm not completely set on it, I just thought it might be good for her. I'm obviously biased when it comes to my DD so maybe didn't think it through properly.

brightlightsofblah - that really doesn't sound great, i think gordonstoun was possibly recommended for proximity not its amazing pastoral care as i was told!
I only want the best for DD and i just don't know how i could send her to the local schools without risking same kids bullying her again, and with her history of leaving school im not sure how many would want her as a placing request. And then there's travel, i could take but not bring back so there's an issue there too.
I just don't know what to do atm, but clearly i've misjudged the boarding idea! No idea where to go from here other than day private school, and they have problems too.

Drudge I don’t think that’s either fair or helpful. I know that I’m far more impartial and a better teacher with pupils than I am with my own DC. I struggle with what’s best for him even while I know a lot about the education system professionally. I think the OP is trying to balance a lot of varying needs in many different areas.

She's left alone all day? Is that right? Sorry OP but this thread is beginning to sound really odd. The bit about getting a job in a school is actually nuts.

I’m even more confused.

1. You live near Gordonstoun but can attend day school in Edinburgh

1. You can’t afford to reduce your work hours but you have £70k to pay for fees for 6th form

1. You think the local state school will refuse a placing request because she was bullied and is unwell

1. But you think Gordonstoun MES or Loretto will take her as a boarder without a problem

1. You work in education but don’t understand school catchments, ages or placing requests

1. You HE but your DD stays home alone all day and studies online while you work Ft and your husband lives elsewhere.

1. Your child has been bullied by children from 4 different high schools.

You situation is indeed complicated and unusual.

I have been following this tread and have commented already but now I'm completely baffled. So your anorexic dd is home schooled but you are working full time. How does that even work? And you seem to think she is just going to rock up and win a place at a top English boarding school. Sorry these places are actually competitive to get. And there is no obligation on the part of the school to take anyone. They can pick and choose so why on earth would they go for someone who will need lots of pastoral care from the get go. What does your GP or CAMHS say? Wouldn't it be best to follow their guidance. And as for you getting a job in the school at the same time as seeking a boarding school place for your dd? I don't honestly think the school would go for that either. If you want to monitor her the most straight forward route is to keep her at home. Is anyone helping you with these decisions in real life?

Kr1st1na, I think the OP has become exhausted by her daughter's illness and that of her DH, maybe lacks support and isn't thinking straight at the moment.

OP, someone earlier up this thread suggested you get some support for yourself in rl and I think this is good advice.

So you DD is 15 and 2 months this if she was in England she’d be yr 10 sitting her GCSEs in 2019?
If I’m correct wait OP you’ve plenty of time. See how she is next summer, you never know a place may come up at the school your on the waiting list for. Most boarding schools interview/test for 6th form places in the autumn term of yr 11 you haven’t got decide this week, just chill out and concentrate on helping her recover from her ED. Secondlt boarding schools (including ones who are less selective at yr 9 entry) want top grades from pupils starting in the 6th form, often higher than those they want from their existing pupils, because it boosts their results position in league tables and quite a few children come from outside of the UK so they can often afford to be fairly choosy. Offered places will be dependent on grades will this Increase her anxiety? As I said this is not my real area of expertise but knowing how much pressure many of those with EDs put themselves under normally to get good grades I would be concerned that having a school place totally dependent on top grades could significantly increase her anxiety and to have a negative affect on her eating/self harming.

Is she an August or September birthday? Earlier you said she was taking Maths And English highers next summer, but if national 5 that is gcse equivalent. Sept 2018 entries for 6th form are being made now so you need to realise time is short and for private schools there are registration fees and deposits payable on accepting a potential place, subject to level 2 resukts

I find it sad that when faced with the option of getting rid of your ill daughter or your rude DH, your decision is to send away your daughter.

And now I’ve just read you’re an Educational Psychologist.

Errrr 🤔

Yy to OP being exhausted I wondered whether the boarding idea was a welcome relief CD-ROM current stress.
Op could you not ask a guidance teacher at the school you work at for half an hour to chat through options for your dd, they will know all the stuff about age and stage for exams and could make things a lot clearer. You have access to school staff why not use that?

CD-ROM = from

So ignoring glaring discrepancies

The OP, a psychologist who works in schools asks if the very best situation for her recovering dd is a boarding school where:

• the dd who has a history of being bullied will be surrounded 24 hours a day by teenage girls in an intensely pressurised social setting with no respite
• the dd who is recovering from an eating disorder and insists on knowing calories in anything she eats will be in an environment where she has no control on what she is given to eat
• the dd who was able to hide her ED relapse during a week's music trip when surrounded by adults will be in an environment where pastoral care may consist of a weekly chat with a house mistress or supervision from 'matron' who is caring for 50+ other (possibly homesick or sometimes troubled) young people
• that a still very vulnerable child with a history of self harm and ED and who still needs close supervision and support will be accepted in loco parentis with open arms by a prestigious selective school

OP as a psychologist with a mentally ill child of your own I would have expected you to have researched the needs of children recovering from EDs more thoroughly.

I think that your DH is the main problem here. (That and all the other oddities about the thread). DD is priority, find a local 6th form college where you can keep an eye on her. Boarding school? Really? What a bizarre thing to do.

Oh OP boarding school is a disaster for kids suscepitable to EDs.

There is NO oversight of what they are eating. The food is usually stodgy and even if there is a teacher on her table the oversight of the amount she eats will be minimal.

If she chooses to make herself sick after eating no one would know.

I've had question mark EDs turn up in school and truly we don't monitor them AT ALL. We can't. I can't follow a 16 year old around all day to check that they are eating or not being sick.

The only clue is when they start dropping lots of weight and by then they are usually already in the grip of it.

If she needs close attention, sixth form boarding is the last place she should be

I'm in Scotland. I know one main difference is that schools and Local Authorities appear to have more flexibility than in other parts of the UK. We have known children repeat years due to illness, be accepted into the "wrong" year age wise because of a move from overseas and numerous other situations. In your situation many schools would be more than happy to take a 17 year old into 5th year, and do her Highers.

You're also misunderstanding the Scottish qualifications system - children do their Nat 5s at the end of 4th year when most of them are 16ish, then the following years sit Highers. Universities will make offers based on those results, gained at the end of 5th year. Yes for some very competitive courses or for Oxbridge it may be a conditional offer based on further more advanced qualifications in 6th year, but for many kids 6th year is a "fun" time.

Doing her Highers at a local school and coming home every night is by far the better option in my experience.

Quite apart from any qualifications - having gone to a girls boarding school (one that was overall very supportive and lovely) I want to echo other posters that it is the WORST environment for a child with ED. They can't ever be monitored to the degree they can at home, and there are guaranteed to be other girls with similar issues, it can get competitive and awful.