School's approach to UCAS - is this typical?

[GrumpyOldBag]

DS is in his last term at a well regarded independent school. We have generally been very happy with it, and he is happy there too.

However, the whole University Application process has been a bit of a mess and I am interested to know if this is typical.

Last year we were given no info by the school about Uni Open Days until the start of the Autumn term, so missed most of them last summer and had to catch up over half-term in October. I only became aware of the process through friends with kids at other schools talking about the visit they'd booked. (I've noticed they've now become more proactive about this though, so that's good)

The school was very slow to "sign-off" DS's UCAS form (review & check personal statement, that his choices were appropriate , etc) which culminated in my having to phone the teacher responsible on the last day of the deadline to chase it up - this after having sent several chaser emails in the preceding days/weeks. It was submitted it on the very last day of the deadline, although DS had done his personal statement & made his choices weeks before.

Going through the same process now to get DS to submit his offer acceptance & the deadline is next week! He made his decisions ages ago, but hasn't done it yet, and the school does not seem to be putting any pressure on him. Again, I am the one who is having to do all the chasing.

Now I accept that DS is 18 and an adult and needs to take responsibility himself. However, I also expect the school to have a process for ensuring these important things get done in a timely manner too. And DS has some special needs which mean he is not good at organising and managing himself like this - so I would expect some extra support from the school. Especially as we're paying a lot of money.

But maybe I have unrealistic expectations about this, and am prepared to be told I am?

I can't see anything unusual in the school's approach. No deadlines were missed.

I can't see that school should take responsibility for notifying parents of open days for all courses at all unis, there are heaps of them.

I have always assumed that one of them things you pay for when you use private education is not having to chase round finding things out for yourself. It's certainly been the experience in my circle of friends and family.

Well, obviously the child concerned has to book their own open day visits, but I would expect to have the process fully explained to me and the child by the school.

He's 18 they can't.

Of course they could send us general information about the process and deadlines if they wanted to, as it seems some other schools do.

Is he really ready Should he have a gap year

We've discussed this at length, he is doing a 4-year course (with a year studying abroad) so we felt a gap year would be too much -he would not graduate until he was 23. He will be spending the summer doing a gap-year like activity which will help him develop more independence.

I've confused some people re the deadline for submitting the UCAS form. Didn't know it was mid-January - but DS was going on a trip to a very remote part of the world (the school knew all about this) & it needed to be looked at before the end of term as there wouldn't have been time to amend it if there was anything wrong. And I'm pretty sure the level of checking wasn't as intense as one poster seems to think should be. It certainly hasn't been communicated to me. It felt perfunctory and was done quickly.

you have to view this lad as being two or three years lower than his chronological age in some aspects of his life

This is exactly it.

A lot of people have posted really helpful and practical things on this thread - thanks for that.

Last night DS finally pressed SEND on his acceptances, and we had a chat about not ignoring important emails, and all he needs to does forward them to me and I'll help him deal with them. And we've made a checklist of things to do this long weekend, as well as his revision.

I just think the school providing a checklist at the start of the process would have been helpful. I am interested to see that some schools do this and I'm going to suggest it (in a non-confrontational way!)

Thank you again for everyone who posted helpful comments.

"I have always assumed that one of the things you pay for when you use private educate is not having to chase around finding things out for yourself."
"would expect to have the process fully explained to me and my child by the school".
IME experience careers staff are readily available at parent teacher meetings, even open days, usually this is stated in correspondents about these events, ours was open during office hours every day and parents were very welcome to drop in for advise, they're also very happy to talk to parents on the phone or by email. HMs are equally happy to talk to parents and offer advise. The school termly diary listed closing dates dates for Oxbridge, medicine etc. I can't really see that much more can be done. There is also little point in inviting all parents yr 12 to a talk on the university application process if for example you've already sent two children to university then your probably pretty au fait with how it works. So I suspect most private schools and I guess state schools are expecting parents to use their initiative, work out what they would like know come forward for advise.

DD1 attends an independent school and I do expect a high level of support and information. That is part of what I am paying the fees for. However, obviously we have a role as well and I don't expect DD to be spoon feed either, a large part of the process is independent.

We had several meetings in the Lower Sixth to discuss, open days and the whole application process, as well as alternatives to Uni and Gap year initiatives.

The girls received lots of support and in house deadlines for their applications to ensure plenty of time. The school took them on a trip to a local Uni open day and a careers festival.

The school also helped prepare my DD for her interview, mock interviews with her Head of Year and Form Tutor. I would expect these things to be part of her pastoral care.

In all we were very happy with the support she received and more importantly DD felt supported and encouraged. Now she just needs to get those Grades!

I don't know if this is typical but at DC's (independent) school, the pupils got lots of advice and help with the application process.

There was an evening event for parents to explain it all. And emails setting out the process and deadlines. Open days were mentioned because school granted a certain number of excused days to attend. But we had to book them obviously.

The actual application was overseen by a tutor. And frankly the school wanted them all sewn up quickly. No one wanted it hanging over.

OP my DS has taken a gap year and his course is five years with a year abroad, he was only saying last night he won't graduate till 24.
I cannot over emphasise how good this gap year has been for him. My DH wasn't keen on the idea but even he's been converted. The chance to work in his case in four totally different settings including abroad, earn a bit of money, get four excellent references which I hope will help him get a job when at university, juggle his working life, (48 hours a week) social life, home life and the bit of voluntary studying he's doing, meet a broad cross section of people from lots of different backgrounds, just chill out, and have fun, has been brilliant, he's matured so much. On leaving school he dreamed of gaming doing nothing within three weeks he discovered it's not all it's cracked up to be, last night he completed his accommodation application form and his enthusiasm and excitement at the prospect of going to university was palpable, this time last year he wasn't interested.
I personally don't see graduating at 24 as a problem.

You might find this long running thread in higher education helpful OP

Lots of people in similar situations, some with super organised offspring and others pulling their hair out

Most importantly, we share our collective knowledge of the whole process.

Sorting open days is the responsibility kf parents and students.

If someone wants to go to uni, they talk with friends and 6th formers talk lots about uni and open days.
If you have a child who wants to go to uni about 5 mins of go ogling tells you about open days.

At my 6th form, students get ucas info and personal statement hell during tutor sessions. There are some visits from local unis in and sometimes we do a trip if there's lots wanting on open day we book a coach if it fits into teaching commitments.

We don't do a parent pack or evening because at 17/18 years old we expect the students to actually talk to their parents about it and parents to talk to their children about such a big decision.

I think you're being unreasonable expecting school to tell you when open days are etc. That's part of parenting.

Op your ds doesn't need a statement to apply for DDA. It can cover things like the price of an en suite for a student with asd.

When someone tells me they are too busy to do something important I say "if I give you £1000 would you find the time to do it? Yes? Well then pretend I'm giving you £1000 to sort your student finance/applications/accommodation out."

It's not about time, it's about priorities.

happygardening , newpup, and GetAHaircutCarl

Your schools all seem to have offered far more guidance and info than has been available from my ds's school.

MaisyPops we expect the students to actually talk to their parents about it and parents to talk to their children about such a big decision.

If you read my posts you will see that one of the issues has been my son not communicating everything to us that the school told him because he has communication difficulties due to having Special Needs. We have opened the discussions ourselves plenty of times but not got much back.

DisappearingFish DS's only priority at the moment is his revision.

In the nicest way, is your son ready for university if he cannot take control of this process himself?

I did all my UCAS stuff myself, researched my universities, organised open days, did my finance. I bought books and looked up how to do my personal statement. My college didn't help at all. I proof-read my dyslexic classmates' personal statements and helped them with the forms.

It was all very straight-forward.

My ex has ADHD and we were at uni together. I helped him with his application and, later on, his degree. I was helping him wake up for lectures (we lived together), drawing out revision plans and writing notes for him, keeping track of his deadlines. Ultimately, we broke up, and he dropped out surely after. He already had to repeat a year. He never finished his degree.

The best case scenario is that you have to helicopter-parent your son through the degree, contacting uni lecturers (which they hate) and so on. The worst is he loses confidence and doesn't complete.

If he's a few chronological years behind (as my ex was) isn't it better to give him time to grow into himself and develop those skills? University is expensive and "false starts" dent self-esteem in a lot of cases.

I just think it's worth thinking about. Graduating at 23 is not the end of the world. I went back to uni to study medicine and I will graduate at 31.

peripericardium Thank you. I honestly do think DS will cope fine at University. He really wants to go, and is excited about both his firm and insurance choices. He's driving the decision on this and very much knows his own mind.

And while I've no intention of helicopter parenting, both his choices are within 2 hours of home if he needs/wants to come home for a weekend.

After he gets his results he knows he can defer if he wants to.

I have other friends whose kids have had to drop out for different reasons, and I do know the implications of it. But I can only guide him and offer him support in his decisions. It's really up to him.

Grumpy I'm sure you know your DS well enough to make the right choice with him.

I've not got a great memory of the thread, so sorry if I repeat other posters here, but it's worth flagging!

He will be entitled to help from the disability support service at his university. This is paid for by Disabled Students Allowance. He can have specialist mentoring for a few sessions a week. It's worth getting in the system now, and he can have an appointment with Disability Services before he starts.

I did this with my ex and they were quite supportive, for example they helped him to challenge lecturers who didn't understand ADHD. Ultimately it wasn't enough for him, but there was support there.

A lot of students access disability services for mental health and things like dyslexia, so it shouldn't be stigmatising to attend the service.

My old university even had a student-led Asperger's and ADHD support group where aspies and people with ADHD could meet up to chat. There was talk of aspies voluntarily flat-sharing, because some had problems with their flatmates being loud or inconsiderate.

Whether he discloses to lecturers is up to him. He can choose to have all lecturers informed of his AS, or to disclose on a need-to-know basis. He will also have an academic personal tutor, who I would recommend disclosing AS to.

There are also lots of services at university, like study support and student welfare, which are worth exploring. It's good to have a list of support services prior to going away, as a safety net.

I think that it is parents' responsibility to sort out Open Day visits.

I think its the propective student's responsibility, the school should alert them to timelines to do this. Mine sorted their own out, my role was in reimbursing costs for them to attend.
I did drive one to an open day which was near a client I needed to see anyway. I dropped him at the entrance and went to work in the cafe for a couple of hours. I was amazed to see trains of prospective students with parents in tow. Offspring said parents dominated the Q&A slots so he sloped off and spoke to some of the students.

I'd have died rather than go to an open day with my parents at that age but it seemed silly to allow parents to dominate what should be an opportunity for the prospective student.

C8H10N4O2
When I say parents responsibility I mean as in they know when they are. Know when their child is going etc. Rather than it being school's responsibility to organise the students and tell parents.

I sorted all of mine out and my mam just bought my train tickets for me because I didn't drive.

I'm leaning (maybe unsympathetically) towards what other posters have suggested which is being a little worried how someone who can't sort their open days and let home know will manage the demands of university.

being a little worried how someone who can't sort their open days and let home know will manage the demands of university.

Yes for me this was a big thing. I was happy to pay for tickets and did drive to one but it honestly never occurred to me that parents were even invited to these things. "In my day" I don't recall any parents joining these days and I was wondering when it changed.

MaisyPops I haven't seen anyone on here say it is the school's responsibility to organise the students and tell parents re Open Days.

That's not what I said - I said a little general guidance at the start of the process would have been helpful.

C8 I think the real sea change took place when the cost of a university education became akin to buying a flat.

GetAHaircutCarl

Possibly but mine predated the current ridiculous level of fees (3k per year I think through their slot, eldest would have been 2008) and it was definitely in full swing then.

Even then, I can see parent and child discussing the financial aspects of how they would manage but why do they need to go on the open days and thereby limit the value of them to the prospective students?

It just made no sense to me - what would they be asking that isn't available on the Uni website these days?

My dd found open days difficult and stressful but has coped fine at university and done very well. I think the school should have explained the process to you, OP.

GrumpyOldBag
It may have been helpful, but I don't think it's reasonable to be annoyed that if a school doesnt do it.

That's my point. Instructing parents about university and open days and applications etc isn't really school's responsibility.